Fuck it. Not much of a last thought, but nonetheless… It was Ryan’s.
A shotgun. That was his weapon of choice. He stuck the barrel in his mouth, pulled the trigger, and died. There was no music playing in the backround, nothing magical about it. It was just clicK bam Dead.
His spirit was standing over his body now. It was a disgusting sight, but realizing that was him lying there brought some strange comfort. A faceless white spirit descended from the ceiling. Ryan should have been confused, but the definition of that word was lost to him. He felt… good. It was like a burden that he had been carrying for the 17 years of his life was lifted. He found himself staring back at his body.
“Ya know, now that I look back, I wish I went out more… poetically.” he said to the faceless white figure as he loomed over his body. “Don’t get me wrong,” he said as he looked up at the figure, which appeared to be staring at him. " Nothing screams “Fuck it” like half your brains strewn across your bedroom." He paused for a second and noticed what was next to his dead body, sitting in a puddle of blood. “FUCK! NOT THE WII!”
The scene changed to his highschool. A memorial service was being held. People he barely knew were up at the podium spewing off lies about how they knew him and how they were his friend. Truth was, Ryan Polaski never had any friends, he made sure of it. He couldn’t help but laugh when the principal called him an “Honest to God student.” Ryan was in his office almost twice a week, and it wasn’t to bring him cookies.
''I don’t get it." The white figure had spoken for the first time. It’s voice was that of a male. It was rather dull. The principals voice grew distant.
“What don’t you get?” Ryan replied.
“What do you mean by more poetically?”
“I mean: maybe I should have left a note, or a letter. Now that I think about it, I don’t even have a will.” He stopped talking. His sister was up at the podium now. The one girl who actually gave a damn about him. She didn’t say much. Just how she was going to miss him. She couldn’t talk long enough, the tears couldn’t be held back. It was that moment, it sank into Ryan’s mind. I’m dead.
He didn’t really feel any remorse about being dead. In fact, he was quite relieved. It wasn’t like his life was GOING anywhere. He had thought long and hard about killing himself. He weighed his options and saw himself better off dead. It was simple as that. Nobody really knew him, and those that did only knew him in passing. His parents hadn’t even spoken to him in a few years nor had the cared to. His sister was all they cared about. She didn’t like it though. She put on a smile for them and continued on with her life.
“She’ll get over it.” Ryan said as the scene changed to a past memory. One with his sister. It was actually a few months ago. They were sitting in The Spot. It was this flat area inside a thick area of Reeds. There were some rocks and a tree, and a single path leading to the field adjacent to it. His sister passed him the joint in her hand after taking a large hit. “You know, lil bro” She said as she slowly let the smoke leave her lungs, "You should do something about your life. "
Ryan took a hit and smile “Like what? Should i run for SCA president or something? Oh! Maybe I should become a firefighter!” he said, drenching his words in sarcasm. “Sis you know me, I can’t live without a little chaos in the world. Who’s going to want to accept ME as one of their own. Hell, you barely claim me as your own kin?”
His sister gasped playfully “Me?! Disown you?! I would NEVER!!” They both laughed hysterically. She took another hit. “I mean it though, do something about your life”
“What do you suggest?” Ryan asked as he picked up a stick off the ground and started swinging it at the tree.
“I don’t know.” she replied. She started to cough. It was a harsh fit of coughs. In between a few coughs, she managed to get out the words “Surprise me.”
“I think you surprised her,” the figure said with some humor. He turned his blank face to Ryan, “You DID do something about it.”
Ryan chuckled. “You know, if you hadn’t shown me that, I would never have known what happened that day.”
The scene shot forward a few hours. Ryan watched himself in the kitchen munching on a box of Cheez-its, his iPod playing music in his ears. Then his father walked in. He walked past Ryan and went to the sink to do dishes. A whole ten minutes past. Nothing but the faint sounds of music , cheez-it consumption, and dish-doing filled the room. His father turned off the faucet, dried his hands, and walked off, not even acknowledging his son’s existence. This was how it was for most of his life. He was ignored at home. His parents gave up on him after countless nights of waking up to the police knocking on the door. The last thing his father said to him was “Do what you want, I give up” His mother was non existant. She spent most of her days sleeping and most of her nights out at bars.
Ryan smirked. “Never have to see those fuckers again.” he said.
He really didn’t care about his parents. He was certain they returned the favor.
Suddenly, there was darkness.
It was black for miles,it seemed. The white figure was more defined with darkness surrounding it. It looked down at him. “Do you think if things went differently and you had a better life, you’d still be in this position?”
Ryan pondered the question. The answer was obvious but he thought a little longer, just in case it was a trick question. “You know, someone once asked me ‘How’s life?’ Do you know what I said to them? I told them to ask me in a lifetime.”
In response the figure asked “So how’s life?”