Get With It
I pull my old, beat up, eighty seven Toyota into park and kill the engine. Another hard day at work, another soul destroying shift, another piece of my sanity gone. I open the rusty door with a shove and groan as I gingerly hop out of the car. One too many football injuries have left me prematurely aged. My knees shake slightly as I try to find my balance, at twenty four getting out of a car should be no hassle, unless your me. I sigh to my self as I think what could have been if it wasn’t for this body that I was cursed, gifted with. At six three, having shot knees and back is a cruel twist. I mentally picture myself, just a few years ago. Riding tall, having the world at my feet. Football scholarship to one of the top college’s in the country. A great education awaiting me, and the very real possibility of turning pro. I had it all, well I didn’t have it yet but I was well on my way to obtaining it. But sweet lady football had other plans for me. My first season was sensational, touchdowns, intercepts, sacks I did it all. There was no where on the field that I couldn’t get to. I was built like a tank, six three, three hundred lean pounds, and I was quick too, real quick. I was a shoe in to go pro.
Two compressed disks, a torn cruciet, a ripped ACL and a quad that completely separated from my bone and here I am, captain factory worker at your service. It’s funny how a degree was supposed to be the thing you fall back on, once your foot ball days were over. Unless your foot ball days end in college, then they don’t want to know you. No ball, no scholarship. Thanks a bunch for that one.
I look up to the front door of my tiny one bed bungalow and all my worries melt away. There she is, standing in the threshold of my keep, my queen, my muse, my everything. Her slight frame silhouetted by the light emanating from the hall. Michelle my saviour. I jog happily to her, ignoring the pain shooting through my legs, not so much ignore as just plain not realizing its there. I reach her, greeted by her seductive gaze and her comforting smile, I pick her up in a tight embrace, twirling her, planting a kiss on her beautiful red lips before setting her down. Everyday without fail, since I started at the factory, she has greeted me at the door. The smell of dinner hitting my nostrils, what a woman.
“Hey babe, how was your day” I greet as we walk inside, towards our mediocre kitchen come dinning room.
“Ohh you know, full of sex, drugs and rock n roll” She teases with a twinkle in her eye. I kiss her passionately on the lips and pat her playfully on her butt, ushering her into the kitchen.
“Sure sure” I smile.
We sit down and enjoy the fresh cooked meal she has prepared. Despite not being able to afford decent ingredients, Michelle can whip up mouth watering feasts. I am completely astounded by everything she does.
I look at her lovingly between bites. She is amazing, she looks as beautiful as the day I met her. Although I have been noticing how stressed and anguished she looks. Our situation is definitely taking a toll on her, I wonder how she could be happy with me.
After dinner I plonk myself in my chair in the sitting room and flick on espn hopping for some football. No such luck. I channel surf before settling on the news, to wait patently for the sports headlines. Michelle brings me a beer and hops up onto my lap. I cuddle her close to me while she runs her fingers through my blonde goatee. Its not really a goatee, its too long, but its not a beard, think goatee shaped but beard length and you have what I have.
“Randy I need to talk to you about something” Michelle almost whispers to me as I cradle her. I look down into her oval emerald eyes and can see a sadness there that I have never seen before. I mute the tv and give her my full attention.
“Sure what’s up?” I reply, the anxiety sneaking into my voice. What ever she is about to say I am sure its not going to be good.
“Well ok, can we speak in the kitchen?”
Now I know something is definitely up, it’s an absolute rarity that Michelle would volunteer to get off my lap. Snuggles are her crack cocaine. I simply nod, and as she hops up off of me and leads me to the kitchen. With a grunt I get out of my chair, my knees really hating me for it, and follow her to the kitchen. She is already sat at the table, I sit opposite her. She takes my big bear claw of a hand in her small cat paw.
“Randy I want to talk about us.”
I stare at her blankly, trying to fight back tears. She is going to end it with me, I can just tell, she wants nothing to do with me. After all this time she has had enough of putting up with a has been. A very unsuccessful has been. I just nod an acknowledgment.
“Well Randy” She starts slowly, taking time over her words. I have seen her like this before, its how she gets when she has to broach a sensitive subject. “We have been going out for a while now and well there is…”
“Don’t break up with me, please don’t break up with me, I cant be without you Michelle, I love you, please don’t leave me” I pleadingly interrupt her, not able to control my emotions, tears are flowing down my cheek. She squeezes my hand and almost looks hurt.
“Randy, I don’t want to leave you, your getting the completely wrong idea, I want to spend the rest of my life with you Randy.” Tears are now flowing down her cheek
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you Michelle.” As quick as lightning she was hugging me and sobbing into my shoulder, as I sobbed with her. We held each other, comforted each other. I kissed the top of her head “Don’t scare me like that again Michelle.”
“Sorry but I still have something I want to talk to you about” She looked up at me with her tear filled eyes.
“As long as you still want to be with me that’s all that matters, we can talk about anything you want my love.”
“Ok well I have something to tell you, a secret about me which you really need to know if you really mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with me.”
“Baby you can tell me anything, I will always want to be with you.” As I speak I start to imagine what this could be about. Did she use to be a man? Was she born with a penis, does she murder puppies?
“Baby” She laughs, not so much of a laugh more a disapproving snigger. “You have no idea”
“Ok” I just stare at her blankly completely confused as to what is going on.
“Randy, I’m an adult baby”
“What” I meekly respond
“Well I like to act like a baby”
“What are you talking about Michelle, you are the most responsible, mature person I know”
“No Randy, this is like a kink, I like to wear diapers and get treated like a baby” she blurted out rather quickly
“Diapers?” I mumble. This is so weird, adult baby, that seems like a double negative to me.
“Yes Randy, diapers” I look into Michelle’s eyes and tears are streaming out of them once more. I want to hold her and comfort her, but I don’t. I am completely stumped about what she has just told me.
“So it like turns you on?” I ask quietly.
“Yes, it does, but its not just a sex thing, it a coping mechanism as well like a stress reliever”
“Does that mean actual babies turn you on as well?”
“I can believe you would think that” her face contorts like what I just asked caused her physical pain. I have never seen her so upset “It doesn’t involve children at all, I only like adults, I’m not a bloody pedo”
“I’m sorry Michelle, I’m just trying to figure this out.” I reply as I wipe a tear from my eye. She just sits there crying.
“Do you want me to treat you like a baby?” I stammer. She just nods in reply, her face is burning crimson.
“Like put a diaper on you and stuff?”
“Yeah and you could wear one” She nearly whispers, its clear she is completely mortified with this conversation.
“So am I not pleasing you in bed?”
“You are Randy, its just introducing diapers would just make it incredible”
“Look I need to think about this” is all I say as I get up and make for my car, the mix of emotions from thinking I was about to be dumped to the relief of not, to the utter confusion I was feeling was to much for me I had to get out of their. I don’t look back I just close the door start the engine and drive.
I drive around not going anywhere in particular. I start to think about it, its so weird for an adult wanting to be a baby again, like we are thought pretty much straight away that growing up and acting older is the thing to do. And to get turned on by it as well, like I have heard of some crazy shit, this just seems morally wrong though. Like I saw this one show on discovery a while ago, I think it was during the off season, so It was this or some other crap, anyway it was about a twenty one year old who was still mentally and physically a two year old. And I really felt for the family, it put my problems somewhat in perspective. One thing that really stuck with me was all the things that poor little girl couldn’t do, things that I had done, experiences that I had experienced and that I would someday be able to experience. Despite all my problems I didn’t have it as bad as her. And here Michelle is wanting to be like her. It makes me feel a bit sick.
I pull my car into the parking lot of my local watering hole. I hadn’t planned on going there, it just kind of happened. I yank the brake and get out of the car, I’m too lost in my thoughts to feel the pain of my many injuries. I briskly enter the bar and sit down in front of the taps, and signal to the bar tender for a beer. He promptly places a bottle of miller in front of me. I put my hand around the bottle and stare at it. I don’t know why I ordered it, I really don’t want to drink, force of habit I guess.
As I look at the bottle of beer I wonder would Michelle want to drink this out of a babies bottle, or what? How can someone like diapers, does this make her some sort of deviant? Can I get past this fact, more importantly do I want to?
“Rough day?” someone says in my direction. I look up at the bar man is looking at me. He is a short stubby man, with thinning, greying brown hair. He is probably in his late forties, and is clean shaven. He has a kind, caring round face, somewhat paternal. I’m not too familiar with him as I normally only drink in the bar on weekends when they have the temp staff in.
“Yeah you could say that buddy?” I retort and then look back to my beer.
“Want to talk about? Us barmen have a hypocritical oath to pry into peoples business” He chuckles. I look up at him, about to tell him to mind his own business, but there is something about his face, or perhaps its just the situation I’m in, that makes me want to open up to him.
“Lady problems” is all I can muster.
“Ahh that’s a shame, I see you in here a lot with that pretty brunette number, you guys always seem happy” he replies with remorse. I look at him and I’m stumped, I cant think I have ever seen him in the bar, but I guess that’s beside the point.
“Yeah that’s her”
“Oh so what happened, she run off on you or something?” He asks
“Nope nothing like that, she revealed something about herself that I don’t know how to handle”
“She didn’t use to be a man did she?” he asks with concern
“No its not like that, its bedroom stuff”
“Ohh your not pleasing her down there?”
“Well I think I am, she always seems to enjoy it, but I don’t know she has this quirk”
“Oh what type of quirk” the barman asks eagerly. I think about telling him, but as I reflect on it I cant betray Michelle’s trust in me.
“I cant say, I cant betray her like that”
“Well sounds like you still care for her”
“Yeah I do, of coarse I do, I just don’t know if I can get my head around it”
“Ohh and have you tried it?”
“No its weird, and I just found out about it” I reply meekly
“Oh I see” he mumbles quietly to himself and goes about cleaning a glass “Would she try something for you?”
“Well yeah she is really open to sex stuff, like she has never turned me down, but this is different this is weird”
“I see, well you will have to break up with her then” he announces non chalantly.
“What” I reply a bit too loudly, my blood starting to boil at the idea of breaking up with Michelle.
“Yeah, if she has something weird that she likes in bed then that’s a reason to end things. Its not like she has been there for you through thick and thin, or is the reason you get up in the morning. So dump her and move on to some other broad”
I sit there stunned. She has always been there for me, and is pretty much my reason for living. I sit there and look straight at the bar man, not knowing whether to punch him or kiss him.
“Like good sex is the only thing in a relationship, who wants a woman who will be there for you, and make you feel good about yourself when you can have lots of meaningless sex?”
Strangely that’s exactly what I needed to hear, I look up at him and there is a huge smile across his face.
“Why don’t you go back to her and try and work things out rather than waste your time here” He advises me warmly. I nod my head and make for my car , leaving the bottle of beer at the table, probably the first time I haven’t drank a beer I ordered. I hop into my car and drive around for a while, trying to make up my mind what to do. I see an all night drug store and begin to feel thirsty.
I pull up outside it and walk in. I start to browse the isles for no reason at all other than to delay returning home. I feel so ashamed of how I treated Michelle, hopefully I can make it up to her. I look at my cell phone and another missed call from Michelle. I think that’s twenty five so far. I put my phone back in my pocket, making sure its still on vibrate only and then get back to wondering around the drug store.
As I’m going up an isles something catches my attention, a bright green package. I go over to it and pick it up. Written in big white letters is Depends, depends on what I think to myself. Here I am stood in a drugs store holding a package of adult diapers in my hand, I feel foolish. After what feels like an eternity I move on and pick up a bottle of pop, head to the cashier, he give me a brown paper bag with my purchase in it, I pay then leave. Mentally I have made up my mind what I’m going to do. I start the car and head for home.
When I get back to my house, all the lights are out. I hope Michelle is still home. I take my brown paper bag with me and head inside. My first instinct is to go to the bed room and I hope that Michelle hasn’t gone to her mothers or something. I open the door to our room and see her sleeping under the covers of our modest double bed. I smile to myself, and hope that she will forgive me for bailing on her. I toss the paper bag on the bed and wake Michelle up, I figure now is a good time to sort things out. She looks up at me groggily as I turn on the light. Her eyes are still red from her tears. That hurts me more than anything, thinking of how I selfishly hurt her.
“Hey baby” I smile warmly at her.
“Rand your back” she states rather than asks
“Yes, I am, I’m so sorry how I reacted, can you forgive me” I apologise lovingly, sincerely. She just hugs me tightly in response. I hug her back and kiss her on the forehead.
“I was so worried, I thought we were over” Michelle confides
“No baby, it would take a lot more than that to get rid of me.” I smile warmly at her “I got you a present” I point to the brown paper bag and notice the smile spread across her face. She takes the bag and opens it to reveal a pack of depends.
“Randy does this mean”
“Yes I want to explore this with you” I interrupt before she can finish her thought. She smiles and hugs me, tears begin to streak down her cheeks.
“I thought I lost you, and I thought if you did come back you would think I’m a freak or something” Michelle sobbed
“No baby I love you, I’m sorry I reacted how I did, I don’t know why I left, but it wont happen again, I’m here for you, I’m in love with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you”
“I want that too Randy”
Now its my turn to cry. We sit there hugging and crying for quiet some time.
“Now how about we put that diaper on you” I finally break the silence. Michelle’s faces beams with joy at this suggestion.
I tear open the package of diapers, pulling one out. I hold the diaper in m hands for a moment, not really believing that I am about to put it on the person I love. I look up at Michelle, sitting on the bed clad in one of my old football jerseys, there is a mix of trepidation and bliss radiating from her. She looks at me eagerly, yet with a hint of shame. I push the weird thoughts out of my head and open the diaper up, pulling her panties off and placing the diaper under her lovely bum. As the diaper touches off her skin, she smiles happily and I can see so much tension wash out of her. As I tape the diaper closed, securely, yet amateurishly around her hips she closes her eyes and seems to be at peace, perhaps for the first time since I met her. I don’t think I have ever seen her so happy and content. I smile to myself, looking at my Michelle, clad in a diaper and my old jersey, I know she is the one for me, the one I will grow old with.
“Where are you going?” She asks nervously as I get off the bed and move to my dresser.
“I just need to get something from my drawer” I reply happily as I route around in my drawer. I find what I’m looking for quickly, in the same spot its always been, un touched, un moved.
“Michelle” I begin as I turn to face her “You are the most wonderful person I know, and when I put that diaper on you I figured it out”
“Figured what out Randy?” She asks with curious enthusiasm.
“That you’re the one I want to figure life out with” I smile sheepishly and get down on one knee
“Michelle will you marry me?” I ask as I open the small box, I just fished from my dresser, containing my Grandmothers engagement ring.