It’s been a long time coming…but I finaly had some inspiration. I’m very very rusty so please be kind.
A Dream Of 1982
Sleep had taken me…I walked on a lovely beach path through low morning fog…and found myself back in a place I knew from my childhood…I was walking in a dream, seeing my body from outside myself, and then inside myself…together, apart, unable to control my movements. I was only a witness to the events that would unfold.
I walked towards the grey house with white trim. I climbed the steps to the porch and made my way to the front door…it was open; I entered without knocking or ringing the bell. I knew this place. Everything seemed so natural, as if I belonged there. I looked down at myself; I was no longer my adult self. I appeared to be about nine years old. I entered the front hallway; to my right was a small landing and then a staircase leading to the second floor. Sitting about mid way up on the staircase was a girl of about seven with strawberry blond hair. She wore a pink pajama top…and…a diaper, nothing more. She was playing with a Barbie doll, she looked up at me and said “We’ve been waiting for you” and then she smiled.
I stood there frozen for what seemed like an eternity, just staring at the girl as she smiled back at me. I took in the scene, her smile, the pink pajama top with purple flowers, and the diaper. It was the kind of diaper I remembered from my own childhood, thick, plastic backed, solid white tapes…the kind that could not be refastened once attached. When a diaper like this went on…it stayed on. It stayed on until it was used and changed, or removed by an adult. Even though I was easily 8 feet away from the girl, I could smell the wonderful fresh talcum scent of the disposable diaper… “Pampers!” I thought. I’d know that smell anywhere.
“Come on” the girl said, and she beckoned for me to follow her up the stairs.
I followed. I had no choice; my body seemed to float along as if on some pre-programmed route. I made my way up the stairs and into the upstairs hallway. The girl was there, she stood in front of an open door on the right side of the hallway.
“Don’t worry, we knew you were coming” she said with a smile and giggle.
She entered the doorway and motioned for me to come inside. I followed and found myself inside a bathroom. To my left was a tub, to my right, a closet, then a vanity with two sinks, at the far end on the left, beyond the tub, was a toilet. Standing before me, was a beautiful woman, the girl stood just behind the woman, hugging the woman’s leg and smiling at me.
“Nanny knew you were coming too!” the girl said, and giggled again.
“Hi there little one” the woman said with a smile.
She was tall…taller than me at least, but this should not have surprised me as I was now in the body of a child. Dreams can be funny that way, they change your expectations; distort your view of reality. The woman had the same strawberry blond hair as the girl; she appeared to be in her late teens or early twenties. She was beautiful; motherly…she inspired safety and warmth. I immediately felt loved. I smiled shyly.
“Awww…don’t be nervous sweetie” the woman said.
The girl seemed to be hiding behind the woman. She peeked out from behind the woman’s leg and smiled at me.
“Where…where am I?” I asked. Thinking to myself how strange it felt to hear myself speak inside a dream.
“You’re here…with us…and you’re free. You’re here to play, play the game that you wanted me to play with you, the game you always loved” The woman replied with a smile.
The closet to my right was open, inside; on the floor I saw the large purple and white box with the Pampers logo. I looked up at the woman, in her hand she held a fresh pamper. She held it up so I could see it clearly.
“You know what this is, don’t you?” she asked.
I nodded nervously.
“It’s ok, you can say it” the woman said.
“It’s a…a diaper” I said nervously.
“That’s right…you can see that little Shelly is wearing one” the woman looked down at the girl who was still hugging her leg.
“She’s…older” I said. “She’s…not a baby girl” I added quizzically.
"No, she’s not a baby girl, but Shelly wear’s diapers at night time because she wets her bed…but you knew that already didn’t you? She asked.
“I…yes, I did know that” I said, not really understanding why, but she was right, I did know it. “but…it’s not night time now?” I replied.
“No it’s not is it?” the woman replied. “Shelly has been having some accidents recently, and this morning…well this morning she’ll be having accidents for certain. I thought she should wear a diaper today…she likes to do that sometimes. You know that too don’t you”. She asked.
I stood there with a confused look on my face, staring at the diaper in the woman’s hand. This all seemed so strange…and yet so familiar at the same time. I did know that the girl liked to wear diapers from time to time.
I nodded in response.
“Are you going to change her?” I asked.
“Oh, she’s fine now…this diaper is for you.” The woman replied with a smile.
The girl giggled and hid herself behind the woman again.
“For me?” I asked.
“Yes, for you sweetie” The woman answered.
“But…but I don’t need diapers anymore!” I said, raising my voice slightly in a concerned tone.
“Well, here you do.” The woman answered. “Here…I have taken back your potty training…” She added with a giggle.
The girl giggled as well. “My potty training is gone too” she said and giggled harder.
“That’s right” the woman said. “I’ve taken away both yours and Shelly’s potty training.”
“But…but I don’t want to wear diapers again!” I said.
“Don’t be upset…you’re safe here with us, and no one will know…this will be our secret, yours, mine, and Shelly’s”. The woman said.
I felt a slight chill. Looking down I realized I was now naked. I blushed and tried to cover myself with my arms and hands.
“Don’t be shy sweetie” the woman said. “Let’s get you diapered and dressed, you can’t stand around naked…especially with no potty training…we don’t want you to have an accident on the floor now do we?” she said.
I felt myself complying…I had no control; my body was back on autopilot. I sat myself down on the floor than lay down…assuming the diapering position. Again, I felt a strange sense of familiarity, a déjà vu if I’d ever felt one.
“That’s a good girl…you’re excited now aren’t you?” The woman asked as she knelt down before me and began unfolding the bottom half of the Pamper.
I was excited, she was right. I didn’t realize it but I felt my adult sense of arousal, I was burning up with anticipation…suddenly I wanted to be diapered, I needed to be diapered.
The woman leaned over me and whispered in my ear. “Here you may look like a child, but you will have your adult desires and feelings…don’t be afraid, here you can live in the dream and do whatever you desire”.
Behind her the girl bounced up and down excitedly, she giggled and shouted “diaper, diaper, diaper, Yaaaaaaaaaay!”
I felt myself lifting my bottom off the floor. The woman slid the bottom of the diaper under me and gently patted my thigh. I sat my bottom down on the diaper and let out a slight moan.
“That feels nice doesn’t it?” the woman asked.
“Yes” I said.
“You like that don’t you?” she asked.
“Yes” I said again.
My womanhood was dripping, I knew it, and the woman could see my excited state. She smiled at me.
“Nanny she’s happy!” the girl giggled.
“Yes she is honey” the woman replied.
I blushed deeply. I was seeing myself from outside of my body again as I lay on the floor with my legs spread, waiting for the diaper to be brought up between my legs and fastened in place. I was burning with a desire that was beyond explanation…the diaper would make me safe, the diaper would take away all fear, all worry…and the diaper would give me intense pleasure. I knew this.
The woman seemed to reach into the closet…it was out of her reach but as if by magic she seemed to be able to reach the shelf without moving away from me. The dream distorts reality…or does reality distort the dream? I wondered. Her arm came back, and in her hand she now held a bottle of baby powder. I smiled at her.
“Oh you like this don’t you?” she asked and giggled.
I nodded and blushed as she twisted open the top of the bottle and began to sprinkle the fragrant cool powder onto my diaper area. She set the bottle aside and then began to gently rub the powder around my diaper area. This drove me mad as she gently circled my private spot.
“mmmmmmmmm” I moaned.
“Is she going to wet wet nanny?” the girl asked with a giggle.
“Yes she is sweetie…but not yet” the woman said.
She lifted the front half of the Pamper between my legs, opened it and brought it down over my groin. I was clearly frustrated.
“Don’t worry sweetie…you’re going to have a whole day of fun” the woman said as she secured the diaper tapes.
I was helped to my feet; standing there I could feel the thickness of the diaper between my legs. I wiggled my hips and bounced up and down gently on my feet hearing the diaper crinkle. I closed my eyes and smiled. Suddenly I was outside my body again watching myself; the sense of déjà vu returned…this all seemed like something I knew once. I was aching with pleasure, a sense of urgency from my groin. I felt like there was someplace else that I needed to be, something that I needed to do…but what was it? I couldn’t remember.
“Awwww…you look so cute now” The woman said with a smile. The girl giggled and clapped her hands.
“Lift your arms up sweetie” the woman told me.
I watched myself raise my arms. The woman pulled a pajama top over my head and down onto my upper body. I saw that it was the same pink top with purple flowers that the girl wore.
“Now she’s just like me!” the girl said with excitement.
“That’s right she is honey” the woman said. “And you two are going to have so much fun playing together.” She added with a grin.
“What…what do we do now?” I asked. I was frustrated, my desire was still present…I wanted relief but at the same time I felt pure comfort, happiness and safety.
“Now you play” the woman said. “And you’ll each need to be changed in a while I’m sure, there’s going to be plenty of wet and poopy diapers today” she added with a giggle.
I blushed and looked at her. “Poopy diapers?” I asked nervously.
“Yes sweetie, remember, I’ve taken away your potty training.” The woman said. “You may feel like you need to go potty…and you’ll try to hold it, but you won’t be able too, you’ll just go in your diaper without any control.” She giggled.
“I don’t want to go poo poo in a diaper” I said. “I’m a big girl!” I insisted.
“Don’t worry sweetie, that’s what diapers are for, making pee pees and poo poos, and I’ll be here to change you when it’s time” She smiled. “Now you two run off and play!”
The girl came forward and took me by the hand, I was back in my body again…which now seemed smaller…I looked like the girl…maybe seven years old now. She led me out of the bathroom and back into the hallway. We went right and then turned right again into the next doorway. We were in a child’s bedroom, the girls bedroom…the name “Shelly” carved in pink and green lettering hung on the wall above a twin sized bed. Toys and books were scattered here and there.
“Let’s play with my dolls” the girl said, leading me into her room and handing me a doll.
I was outside of my body again, watching myself play on the floor. The two of us, my seven year old self and the girl looked like twins. I seemed to be floating above the room, watching myself play for what seemed like hours…until suddenly I felt a strong urge.
I was back in my body…and I felt the pressure in my bottom building, I knew what was coming. Then I was floating again, watching myself. I heard myself moan, and watched as the girl looked up at me from the doll whose hair she was brushing.
“Uh oh…are you going poo poo?” the girl asked.
“I…oh…I can’t…oh noooooo!” I whined as I felt the poop filling the seat of my diaper.
From outside my body I watched the seat of my diaper expand…a large lump appearing right in the lower center of my bottom…and even as I was outside my body I could feel the sensation. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, naughty, and excited all at the same time…and in an instant I was back in my body.
“Hee hee…you poopied!” the girl said with a giggle.
I blushed, and before I knew it I felt another sensation…warm wetness between my legs…I was wetting my diaper now.
“Now you’re going pee pee!” the girl said…laughing and pointing at me.
I cried, I had lost all control…or I had never had it to begin with…but something was lingering in my mind…and I still felt a sense of urgency from my groin. I had forgotten something important, something I knew a long time ago, in an older life. My body was back on autopilot again, and I was moving myself into a seated position, squishing the poo poo back against my bottom. My excitement returned, I was burning up again I felt like I could explode into my diaper at any moment…but there was no relief, only frustration. Through my haze I noticed that the girl had stopped laughing. I looked at her to see a blank stare on her face. Somehow I knew…she was filling her diaper as well.
“Oh no…I went poo poo and pee pee too!” the girl whined.
We both cried, and I felt strange…in my mind…I didn’t feel like crying was right. I felt safe, and warm, and happy. The sensation of the wet and poopy diaper was amazing, but I couldn’t control my dream body, and crying was all it would do.
The woman entered the room; she sniffed the air and giggled. “Smell’s like we have some poopy diapers in here” she said with a smile. “Let’s get you two changed” she said.
The room changed, out of nowhere a large changing table had appeared…and I was on it. The woman was changing my diaper…it seemed to happen in an instant. The girl was changed next and when we were both secured in fresh clean diapers the woman told us it was bed time. I looked out the window and sure enough it was dark…but it had just been morning…dream time messing with my head again.
“Into bed sweeties” the woman said as she pulled the covers back on the twin bed. The girl jumped in and my autopilot forced me to climb in beside her. We were each given a kiss on the forehead and told to have sweet dreams. The woman turned out the light and closed the door.
“I love you Shelly” the girl told me as we snuggled close together and closed our eyes.
She had called me “Shelly”…but wasn’t that her name? Then I was alone in the bed, I was snuggling a large pink teddy bear. The sense of urgency in my groin had returned, I felt a pressure and a slight ache…I had to do something…what was it? I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do…I was in a fog…and I heard a voice…my own voice…calling my name.
The dream had ended.
I was awake…just barely awake. The dream was fading, and in that instant before it was gone, in a moment of clarity I remembered it for what it was. I was the girl, I was me, Lizzy, not Shelly, and the woman was my nanny from when I was young, the nanny who had cared for me. She was the nanny who diapered me at night because of my bedwetting…the nanny who loved me and played the game, and kept my secrets.
Then the dream was gone and I was awake. Things were real again…I was an adult again. Something felt different, yet familiar…I moved in bed and felt it…the wetness. I pulled back my covers and gasped. I had wet the bed…how long had it been? twenty years…maybe twenty-five since my last accident? The dream…did it bring my night time problem back?
Only time would tell.