Chapter 1: A Loving Mother and Her Bouncing Baby Boy
“Jack, 5 more minutes honey!” The voice was kind but loud and strong enough to be heard throughout the entire duplex. Even with all the chattering and clinking noise of toys smashing against each other, Sara knew Jack heard her. She also knew about the advanced form of selective hearing her little man had and decided to make sure he heard her.
“Jack, did you hear me?!” This time she said her words with a bit of an edge to her voice. It was still that sing song loving maternal tone she always used when speaking to him but it was still stern enough to let him know he needed to answer her back.
“Yes Mommy!” Jack yelled back to her hardly taking his focus away from the cool looking action figures sitting in front of him. As the clumsy noise of play started again Sara smiled to herself and went back to getting dinner ready. She double checked the oven temperature once more before putting the dish of lasagna in it. She looked back at the table to make sure that everything was perfect. Candles? Check. Fancy Wine? Check. Bottle of Wine? Check. Horror movie picked out on Netflix? Check. Was there anything she was forgetting?" Sara thought to herself as she busied herself with cleaning up her mess and double checking everything she could. Tonight was a very special night for the young mother and everything had to be just right.
Sara checked the clock again practically shaking with excitement. It was almost a quarter past 7 in the evening. Only 45 more minutes until her guest arrived. Just the thought of being able to finally spend a whole night together with her new “friend” was almost to much to handle. Sure, it wasnt the first time they had hung out by any means. They had met at the gym and started out as workout buddies. As time went on they became closer and closer until one fateful day when Amy had turned around while running on the treadmill to catch Sara checking out her ass. Amy simply smiled and winked at the other woman. “You know, you should really buy me a drink if your going to stare like that Cutie.” Sara practically died of embarrasment.
As she poured herself a shot of liquid courage she couldnt help but smile as the memory of that encounter played back in her head. “God I love that ass.” She thought to herself before raising the shotglass to her lips and tilting her head back. The whiskey found its way down her throat leaving behind an all to familiar burning sensation she had become accustomed to long ago before settling in her tummy replacing the butterflies that had been there only moments ago. She still felt them fluttering around, but in a different way. Her nervousness now replaced by a confident giddiness left her with a warm glow that seemed to radiate from her.
“I’m ready for this.” She told herself with her eyes closed pressing her palms against the kitchen counter trying to center herself. First dates were always scary she told herself. Just first time jitters. But she knew this was just an excuse. Sara and Amy had done practically everything besides have a “normal” date night together. Ever since the incident off ass goggling at the gym the two young women found themselves hanging out more and more. First it was getting coffee, then the occassional lunch meetings on there work breaks, and finally moving to spending evenings at a local tavern on the nights where Sara could actually find a sitter. Sara awoke every morning with that schoolgirl excitement over the thought of wether or not Amy had texted her yet, and usually she had. Other than Jack’s company Sara had felt completely alone up until meeting Amy. Perhaps thats why she was so scared, she didnt want to lose the only friend she had found in the last year or so. But she was lying to herself.
As she looked about the kitchen for anything else she may have forgotten to clean up she saw Jack’s purple sippy cup sitting in the drying rack. She stood there staring at it fora few seconds before letting out a sigh and putting it away in Jack’s “special” cupboard. She let out a sigh before leaning against the counter again with her eyes closed looking down. She knew why she was so nervouse, and she knew it had nothing to do with the possibility of her screwing tonight up. She was nervous about Jack.
The oven timer suddenly went off causing her to jump a bit. She walked over clicking the button stopping the annoying ding signaling that it was time for the moment she dreaded. She thought about it for a second before shrugging and going to the fridge grabbing a beer and taking it to the kitchen table setting it down. “I can wait a bit longer, after all he was really good today.” This excuse ran through Sara’s head as she went to her purse and grabbed her smokes and lighter. She satdown and cracked open the beer, lit her smoke and found herself getting lost in memories.
The last 2 years had been, well…different. If she hadn’t lived it she would never believe that such a series of events could unfold. She had been a groupie turned girlfriend to the small town rock god that was currently sitting upstairs in his rooms playing with his toys. He hadn’t always been this easy to manage though, in fact until all of this crazy stuff began happening she had seriously contemplated breaking up with the man of her dreams. She loved him back then, she loved everything about him. His charm, his voice, his laugh, that dreamy look he’d get in his eyes whenever they were alone together. He was perfect for her, a punk rocker from his head to his toes. Although the persona that he hid behind could be a real asshole at times, when it mattered the true Jack would emerge and help anyone with anything. A true ‘would give you the shirt on his back’ sort of guy. And he always acted like a gentleman when he was with her. Sure, in public he still acted like a tough and goofy rockstar but he never disrespected her and would drop whatever he was doing whenever just to give her a kiss. In fact one time he even did that exact thing. She had shown up late to one of his shows once and as soon as there eyes met he stopped the entire band midset, got off the stage and walked up and kissed her in front of everyone before getting back on stage, giving her a wink and that sweet smile of his, and finishing the rest of the gig. She was literally the center of his entire world, or atleast she had been.
After high school Jack started getting rowdier than he had ever been. Of course Jack had been like any other teenager through out high school; starting fights, smoking in the parking lot, cutting class, going to parties. Luckily for him he had the brains to balance out the two lives. He spent his weeks playing at clubs and boozing it up with his friends before popping a bit of speed on Thursday nights and getting caught up on all his school work. For a kid who was hardly ever at school it was amazing he actually maintained a B average. He was even accepted to the same local University that Sara was planning on going too. But of course college wasn’t exactly very punk and he refused to go, he loved playing his music and he loved the life. He always planned on making it big and Sara, being the silly lovestruck girl she was back then, actually believed him. In her mind he was a shimmering rock god who was going to grab the world by the short and curlies and he was going to take her along for the ride. It tooks two years before the image she had in her head of her hero began to crack.
At twenty years old Sara found herself with a drunk who could barely perform anymore and was draining her savings and every other thing of worth she had. She finally came to the conclusion after one night of seeing Jack passed out backstage at a show on a couch drenched in his own urine that he was never going to be the dreamy musician she had pictured in her brain for so long. She made the decision that night that she wasn’t going to let him drag her down anymore and so instead of taking her boyfriend home she left him there and went back to her apartment and began planning out her new life without Jack. She had no idea that night was already the beginning of her new life. And it wouldn’t be without Jack.
“Shit.” Sara mumbled as she snuffed out her cigarette and walked to the stove. She quickly turned off the time and cursed more as she realized she was behind schedule. It was 7:37 and she hadn’t even got Jack changed or in his pyjamas yet. She took the pan out of the oven and put it down below in the warmer to sit until it was time to eat.
She took a deep breath looking at the clock again. She this was not about to be an easy task. Jack never liked going to bed anyways and he always had to put up a fuss, especially if it was earlier than he was used too. Sara decided one more shot to calm her nerves would help.
“Here’s to us.” she whispered before downing the liqour and slamming the glass back down. She didn’t know if she was toasting to her and Jack or her new love interest.
“I’ve got you now Buu!! BOOM!!! KA-CHAH!! BRRRRRMMMM!!!” As the epic space battle waged on between the two painted plastic figures being waved around in the air Sara made her way upstairs for the usual night time routine of putting Jack to bed. The sight she saw as she walked down the hall towards Jack’s room made her stop and stare as she saw her “boyfriend” lost once again in some story he had concocted for his toys. Her heart fluttered a bit and her body began to warm again as she stood there smiling enjoying the moment. This was one of the many perks of being a “Mommy” she had gotten attached too. If she didn’t already have a phto album filled with photos just like this she would have her camera out snapping away. She shook her head a bit coming out of her daze. As she came back to reality she remembered that she still had way to much to do and couldn’t spend the whole night day dreaming.
“Well it looks like somebodys having fun, huh?”
Jack practically jumped out of his onesie as he spun around to see Sara’s soft smile staring back at him. He hadn’t even realized she had been there. If Jack was being honest with himself he wasn’t even sure how long he had been playing, his days seemed to be like that. More and more it felt like he was losing his grip on time and many other things that most adults fretted about constantly. It used to bother him a lot but he quickly learned how to just let go and enjoy himself. It also used to bother him when Sara would catch him playing. He would always be so embarrassed and would try to act like he was doing something else like cleaning up or anything else more manly than playing with toys. These days such silly things didnt shake him anymore. He may have been startled at the surprise of Sara watching him but as soon as he saw her gorgeous face his body instantly relaxed and that glossy far away look returned to his eyes.
“Hehe! Yes Mommy.” Jack said with a bit of a giggle and went back to punishing the evil space invader with his other toy who today was playing the hero. He continued on with his made up dialouge and special effect noises as Sara kneeled down on the floor next to him placing a hand on his back rubbing it slightly.
“So who’s winning sweety?” She said sweetly as she moved her hand to the bottom of his back patting it gently.
“Pickle is, he’s beating Buu up and saving the world.” Jack was as enthusiastic as any little kid as he described the battle to his Mommy thinking she actually had any interest in it. In a way Sara did, she always loved hearing the stories Jack had for his playtime and although the toys and the battles didn’t intrigue her his happiness did.
Sara simply smiled again and kissed the top of his head. She moved around behind him with her legs spread so that he was sitting between them with his back to her front. “Well doesn’t that sound exciting!!” She said with mock enthusiasm as she held him close to her, her chin resting on his shoulder as she watched him. She loved these special moments they got to spend together, it was part of the reason she hardly ever dated. How could she find the time for someone else when she had this cute bundle of joy at home.
“Are you wet Sweety?” Completely distracted and lost in his own little world, Jack didn’t even notice Sara’s hand moving from his side and down to crotch. Her fingers gingerly worked the fabric that encased his bulging package before feeling the plastic covering of Jack’s diaper. She didn’t have to check any further. He was soaked.
“Oh Wow! Looks like I got a wet little boy on my hands!” Sara spoke with the most sing song voice she could muster, hoping it would help Jack be at ease. Even after almost 2 years of daily diaper changes Jack could still be pretty difficult when he wanted to be. She thought that after this long it wouldn’t be such a challenge with him. Some days he would be the poster child for a good boy, getting his diaper changed even in public with little to no fuss. But somedays it was like the world was ending and she would find herself trying to prevent him from flailing on the ground, kicking and screaming like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. It used to be quite the challenge for her, but after plenty of months at the gym and Jack’s muscles getting weaker she found herself easily able to manhandle the giant baby until he calmed down. She eventually came to the conclusion it was just a part of how things were, after all he wouldn’t be much of a baby without the occasional tantrum.
“Come on Honey, lets get you changed and into your comfy PJ’s before bed. Doesn’t that sound nice?” Of course this question was more for her benefit than anything. Sara would say things like this just like she was talking to a real child, it didn’t matter what the child thought, Mommy was always right.
Jack’s brain struggled sometimes with reacting to what was going on around him. He hadn’t even realized what Sara had said until he found himself being led by the hand towards the long wide dresser that sat in the corner of the room. He instantly began dragging his feet and tried to take his hand back whining now as he tried to escape his fate.
“No Mommy!! Please!!! Im not tired and…and and its not even my bedtime yet!!”
Sara simply shrugged his complaints to the side as she released her grasp on his wrist and lowered the makeshift rail that ran along the top of the dresser. She knew she was purposefully ignoring him and felt bad about it but if she actually responded to every single protest that came out of Jack everyday she would’ve lost her mind. A long time ago she had learned to pick her battles and her words carefully. Besides, normally Jack would simply whine for a bit before pouting and eventually succumbing to Sara’s will. Unless of course he was feeling cranky and Sara desperately hoped this wasn’t one of those nights.
“MMMM THIS ISNT FAIR SARA!” Jack said this while squirming around next to her and lightly stomping one of his feet. It could’ve been a worse reaction but Jack knew how far he could push his Mommy and as soon as the words had left his mouth he knew he had messed up.
Sara stopped abruptly in the middle of getting out Jack’s changing supplies and stared down at him with an icey stare. The woman was only about two inches taller than him but when she gave him that look size didn’t matter. It seemed to always put him in his place and made him feel like he was incredibly small compared to his beautiful and dominearing girlfriend. His body stiffened and he quickly looked down to his feet not brave enough to meet her gaze.
He felt her step away from him just slightly and raised his head just a bit to see her standing in front of him with her hands on her hips and her head cocked a bit as if trying to comprehend what he had just said.
“What…did you just call me?”
The words were barely audible but Sara knew Jack heard what she said. He was to scared to say anything and instead returned to staring at his shoes. He felt Sara’s hand grabbing his chin and raising it so that his eyes couldn’t escape hers.
“Jack I’m going to ask you this one more time. What did you just call me?”
“I…I called you Sara.” The boy managed to mumble out as the much more powerful woman held his gaze in place.
“Thats what I thought you said.” She let go of his chin and took him by the hand once more leading him this time towards the giant mirror that hung on the back of the door. jack walked with her, keeping his eyes to the floor to ashamed to look up as Sara stopped him and made him stand in front of the large pane of glass. She hated doing this to him, but if tonight was going to go without a hitch she had to make sure to get him in line now instead of dealing with it later. She couldnt let him see how much doing this bothered her so she stuck with her tough mommy image and stood behind him, her arms folded over her chest.
“Jack…I want you to look up.” The command was quite and stern but nice enough so that she didn’t scare the boy any further. She was grateful when he finally raised his head.
“Now I want you to tell me what you see.”
Jack stood there, his brain fighting a losing battle between being an adult and being what he was. As the thoughts swirled through his head he stared at the reflection staring back at him and quickly looked away again. Everytime Sara did this it always had the same effect on Jack, and she knew it.
The impatient tapping of her right foot seemed to intensify his situation, his mind turning more and more into moosh as tears began to well in his eyes.
“Well, what do you see Jack? Hmm? Go ahead, tell me. What do you see?”
“I…I see me.” Jack whispered knowing the answer wasn’t good enough but not being strong enough to say the right words.
“Is that all?” Sara raised an eyebrow looking down at him.
Jack could only nod as he tried his best to focus on scrunching his toes in the carpet to keep himself from crying.
Sara let out a sigh staring down at him. “Hmm well if thats all you can see maybe you just need a little help.” She reached her arm around him and grabbed the pacifier that was dangling from his shirt and held it up.
“Ok so lets start small. What is this? What am I holding Jack?” She deliberately talked down to him in order to keep him in his vulnerable state. She knew what she was doing, break him down and then build him back up. “I’m waiting Jack…”
He knew it was pointless to resist at this point, he wasn’t sure if he could if he wanted too. Slowly he raised his head sniffling staring at the object Sara held out in front of him.
“It’s…it’s a binkey.”
Sara almost gave up right then. She may have done this countless times before but she was always caught off guard by just how cute he sounded when he was like this. His voice would get quite and soft as he turned to putty in her hands. She had to keep going though.
"Mhm, and who’s binkey is it?
“It’s…its…its mine.” She could hear the slight stutter in his speech and knew he would crumble shortly.
“Thats Right! It’s YOUR binkey! Your so smart sweety!” He winced a bit at her patronizing words and let out a sniffle.
“Okay sweety, lets try another. What’s that?” She pointed behind her at the object in the opposite corner of the dresser. Jack could see it in the background of the reflection and felt a tear begin to slip away as he stared at the gigantic wooden cage.
“My crib…” he sniffled a few more times trying so hard to keep it together.
Jack couldn’t see Sara’s face light up with a fake excitement and a huge smile that was obviously meant to belittle him. Sara clapped her hands and congratulated Jack in the same fashion she would if she was doing flashcards with a kindergartner.
“Oh MY GOD HONEY, YOU GOT ANOTHER!! GOOD JOB! SUCH A GOOD BOY!!! Now I bet you can get the last one huh? I bet you can! I bet you can!” As she continued her fake motherly excitement she maneuvered her hands between his legs unsnapping the buttons of his onesie. Immediatelly the bulking garment that encased Jack’s privates began to sag heavily with its new freedom, the onesie being the only thing keeping the whole it from practically sliding down his legs.
“Now Jack what is that giant white thing dangling between your legs? Can you tell me?” She smiled at him in the reflection as he continued his futile staring contest with his feet. He didn’t even have to look to know what she was talking about.
“my diapers…” As he said the words the tears began streaming down his cheeks. He hadn’t started full on crying yet, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before he gave in.
“Correct.” Sara said crossing her arms once more with a smug smile of satisfaction plastered on her face. “Now for the final question. What kind of people wear diapers and suck on binkeys and sleep in cribs?”
“…babies…” the words came from Jack like some kind of automated message. He was past being broken, at this point he was just trying to hold himself together. His whole body shook and his lip trembled.
Sara moved to his side and kneeled down placing her hand on the back of his head, gently playing with his long hair trying to keep him calm for just a bit longer.
“That’s right honey, BABIES do those things. Now sweety can you look in the mirror for me one last time. Come on Jack, you can do it.” Instead of forcing him to look she gently used her hand that was consoling him and put just enough pressure to the side of his face to help him look. As soon as his eyes connected with his own in the reflection she felt his shaking finally stop. “Thats it sweety. Now tell me, what do you see?”
The image staring back at him was one that Jack had seen many times before but it always had the same effect on him. Only a few minutes ago he had been off in his own little world, playing with his toys. Giggling having fun, completely oblivious to his situation. Now that playtime was over and the distractions were gone he was forced to confront his reality. Everytime before he looked he’d focus hard on an image he had in his head of what he should see. He’d imagine being back in his worn out denim jeans with the small tare over the knee, a black shirt with some ridiculous image on it and the red letters across the front with the name of some random band he worshipped. He’d have his keyes on a carabeener at his side like all the other cool kids, his greasy untamed hair would be tied up in some messy way. He could even see his old piercings back in his ears and practically taste the cancerous smoke of his favorite cigarette entering his lungs. He always hoped that when he looked up he would see that glorious image staring back at him, but he was always left dissapointed.
As he stood there looking at his reflection he tried to maintain control of his mind. His emotions were already betraying him and he could feel his brain slipping farther away from, his thoughts becoming almost foggy. The whole thing was to much for him and he could barely register what was going on. He didn’t look anything like the 22 year old he should be. Instead of denim jeans and a kickass band shirt he found himself wearing a light blue onesie that stretched over his small frame and was now dangling, buttons undone beneath him. Instead of his cool van sneakers that he had been so proud of were nowhere to be seen. Instead he saw the knee high blue and white striped socks that ran up legs keeping his feet warm. The greasy mane that once grew freely from his scalp had been tamed. Sure it was still long, but it was no longer the giant mess it had been. Sara had even put it up in a nice ponytail so that it wouldn’t get in his eyes while he played.
He continued to stare at the image until his eyes moved down to his torso. He wasn’t even sure why he looked anymore, the thick padding that was constantly wrapped around him was hard to ignore. All he had to do was move just a bit and he’d hear that crinkling noise, constantly reminding him of what he was wearing…and what he was.
“So, what do you see?” Sara asked patiently. She knew she was short on time but rushing this would do no good and could even hurt Jack’s psyche. She could always hold his hand and help him along the way but some things he had to come to terms with himself.
Jack was now looking back at the floor. The shaking had started again and he knew he was close to losing it all. He squeezed his eyes closed tight trying to stop the tears but it was no use. The harder he fought the more he felt like crying. He couldn’t hold on any longer.
And with that thought a wave of contentment seemed to wash over his thoughts. He was still sad and upset but the thought of letting go was so inviting and relaxing that he couldn’t push it away. He needed its comfort. He needed to be himself.
“That’s it Jack…It’s okay. Everythings Okay.” Sara whispered to her little one and began rubbing his back to help along the rest of the way. “Let it out Sweety, Im right here.”
With all the comotion going on in his head its amazing that he was even able to understand her words, but they cut right through the chaos and with them came that same feeling of pleasure, but in a much larger wave this time. He looked up and suddenly opened his eyes looking once more at himself.
“What do you see Jack?”
He stared wide eyed at the mirror unable to look away this time, seeing in the reflection the reality he tried so hard to deny but there was no denying it now. He saw his room for what it was and he saw his bed for what it was. His room was a nursery and his bed was nothing more than an oversized baby crib. Even the dresser in the corner was no more that a large changing table stocked full of diapers, powders, lotions and anything else his bottom might need. The wooden box sitting next to the wall which he used to use to store his microphone and guitar pedals in was now used to as nothing more than a giant toybox. His closet which had been left open was filled with fifty or so outfits that Sara dressed him in everyday and a few pairs of velcro shoes in his size. He let out a gasp before find Sara’s hand and squeezing it tight, the tears spilling out.
“A…I…I see…I see a baby. A baby. I’m just a baby!”
Jack’s words came out as a frantic cry as he began to fall apart. His breathing turned to heavy sobs and he found that he couldn’t stop. He was losing control. And thats what Sara needed.
As soon as she heard his broken confession she quickly pulled him to her arms and sat on the floor rocking back and forth with him. Jack simply sat there in her lap bawling his eyes out with his head resting on her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her trying to get as close to her as possible. He couldn’t stop the shakes, or the thoughts. His breathing picked up even more as a small panic attack was beginning to take form but even through this Jack found himself still saying the words over and over again. A strange mantra to accompany his cries.
“Just a -Sob- Baby! Im Just a Baby! Just a Baby! I’-…I’m just -Sob- I’m…”
The first time this had happened had been terrified. She thought she had broke the poor boy. The more it happened though and the more research she did she came to discover that this was a necessary step towards Jack being okay. Moments like these were decades of pent up stress and emotions that couldnt be held in any more. All she had to do was be there for him, and then guide him home.
“I know sweety, I know. Your Just a baby. Just a little helpless Baby. Shhh…Shhh…Its alrite. Its okay honey, its okay to be a baby.” Although at first her words seem to have no affect she knew it would only take a minute or so before hegan to calm down enough to listen to her. She could already sense his body relaxing and continued to coo sweet words to him as she rubbed his back and held him closer than she would every hold anyone else.
Although it took a little longer than usual, Sara’s soft maternal voice found its way into Jacks muddled mind and he began to calm down. His shaking had subsided and his breathing had even began to slow. The cries that had just filled the house were now replaced by a sniffling and few whimpers. Jack knew he still wasn’t completely okay, but he wasn’t able to focus on that right now. In fact he didn’t seem to able to focus on anything other than the gentle words being whispered in his ear and the loving hand moving up and down his back. He did all he could to concentrate on these things and try to regain his composure.
Once she felt like he had cried himself out enough Sara sat him up so that they were face to face now. Jack let out another sniffle looking down like he had been doing in front of the mirror. Sara couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or just staring at her breast. She didn’t let it show but the thought made her laugh on the inside. He was her little titty boy after all.
“Honey, I need you to look at me. Okay?” As her words worked there magic Jack felt her hand brushing the hair from his eyes. He looked up into her eyes quickly before looking away again. He wasn’t looking down, but he wasn’t able to look this woman that he loved in the eyes. It didn’t help that he was still trying hard to pull himself back together from the mind fuck she had just delivered to him.
She knew he wasn’t looking at her but that was okay. He didn’t need to for this part, he just needed to hear her.
“Jack, I have to tell you something. You dont have to say anything, I just want you to nod or shake your head. Can you do that sweety?”
Jack seemed to think about the simple request for a bit before finally giving a small nod to her.
Sara smiled down at him knowing how hard this was for him and leaned forward kissing his forehead. She went back to rubbing his back knowing that they werent completely out of the woods.
“Sweety, everynight you sleep in a crib right?”
Jack nodded still not looking up.
“And, everyday you wake up in a wet diaper. Correct?”
Jack cringed hearing the D word but still nodded in agreement.
"Okay, so that makes you a baby doesn’t it? After all, adults may wear diapers sometimes but I dont know any that sleep in cribs.
Jakc let out a tiny whimper and his body began trembling again every so slightly.
The boy finally gave in nodding his head and then laid his head on her chest trying to focus again on the hand patting his back. He didn’t want to fall apart again. He couldn’t.
“And everynight who’s the person that gets you ready for bed and puts you in your crib? Who changes you every morning and wakes you up with a kiss? Use your words sweety.”
Jack’s eyes seemed to focus as he began toying with the question in his head. He knew the answer, but couldnt figure out why she would be asking him this. He racked his brain trying to remember a moment from his past that seemed very similiar to this but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t. He couldn’t figure out how long it had been since that memory. It could’ve been a few weeks or a few months for all he knew. Nothing seemed to exist to him other than the moment he was in.
“You do” he said it hesitatntly still cautious of what was happening.
“Thats right, honey. Now, if your a baby who needs all this help and im the one helping you what does that make me sweetheart?”
The answer burst from his lips faster than his brain could even process the thought. It was automatic at this point, she had him trained well.
Sara’s heart gushed hearing the words and hugged him tighter, she couldn’t help it. Nothing could describe just how amazing him calling her that felt. She looked down to see that glossy doofy kind of look in Jack’s eyes that always got her. Jack stared up at her with a needing look. She could tell she had his mind zoned in now. His mommy was his world, nothing else mattered. And nothing else should. However, Sara knew how fast that feeling of love he felt right now could be replaced with anxious thoughts doubts and lonliness. She had to stop that from happening. She had to help her little boy.
“That’s right honey! I’m Mommy! And your my baby!!” Her finger lightly poked the tip of his nose and a joyful giggle exploded from Jack as he squirmed happily in her arms before blushing and burying his head into her chest.
“Why are you hiding baby boy? You dont have to hide from Mommy. What’s wrong? You can tell Mommy.”
A few moments passed without a sound, and then suddenly the little man was sitting up again. His eyes were darting, they’d occassionally look at her own which would always cause her to smile. And he of course would shyly look away again. With his eyes still avoiding hers he began mumbling out the same thing that was always on his mind when he was like this. If anyone else heard they would simply write it off as babbling nonsense but through the sniffling, stuttering, and mumbling Sara was able to understand everything.
“I…Im so sorry Mommy. I…Iwasnt a good boyfriend…I couldnt even be a good adult…” Jack sat there staring off into space, the last words floating around in his head still. “I couldnt do anything right. Everyt time I tried I failed, and I…Im sorry I just couldnt do it Mommy. I’m so sorry.”
This apology had been said time and time before and everytime Sara simply recited her usual forgiveness and hoped it would be enough. But most of the time it did very little to console him. What did it matter if she forgave him when he couldn’t forgive himself.
“Honey, I know and it-” She was abruptly interrupted by Jack who she could tell was starting to get quite worked up again."
“No Mommy, its not okay. Its not. I couldnt do it. My job, the bills, my friends, everything. It was to much Mommy. And it always hurt my head. It always does. except when I’m your little boy. Then I’m happy, it all goes away.” He sniffled a couple more times before continuing his rant, “but your going to leave me one day. youll leave and ill be alone and ill have to be a big boy again and i cant. I just cant mommy. I cant do it, I JUST C-.” Jack found himself cut off by Sara’s lips pressing against his. It was enough to cause the entire meltdown.
“Come on Sweety, Mommies going to make all the bad thoughts go away.”
And just like before Jack was to distracted to realize what was happening, only this time is brain was to weak to fight back. As he stood next to the side of his crib he felt Sara’s soft hand on his hip gesturing him to climb up into nice comfy bed. He laid down and simply stared up above unable to do anything else.
Sara knew she should hurry things up, she shouldve been done right now but she couldn’t help herself. She knew she had to make sure her little boy was okay. She reached up winding the knob of the mobile of Jack’s head and smiled down at him as the soft plinking notes of the device began to fill the nursery giving the room its final touch. Although the mobile was great for getting Jack to sleep it also worked as a sort of hypnosis device, helping him slip into the toddler mind state he needed to be in. As the trance fully set it and the nursery tunes hummed above him Sara took the opportunity and brought the nipple of Jacks binkey to his lips. Without hesitation Jack took the large teat into his mouth and began sucking on it. This made sense to him, this is where he belonged.
He was so lost in the feelings of bliss that surrounded him he didnt even notice the warm feeling spreading around his genitals as he wet his diaper uncontrollably just like a real baby. But his Mommy didn’t fail to notice. She could always tell if her little boy was going potty, one of the many special gifts she attained with her Mommy persona. She reached down patting the front of his diaper. “That’s my boy. Now you just relax for a bit and listen to Mommy. Just listen to Mommy and think about how great it feels to be in your crib, all safe and snug next to Mommy. Thats my good boy.”
Jack’s eyes were struggling to keep open, even his sucking seem to be getting weaker. He was giving in, he was finally relaxing. Sara stood over him with the most loving genuine smile and simply ran her fingers up and down the boys chest as she hummed along to the mobile thinking of her next words very carefully.
As Jack began drifting off she took the oppurtunity to begin her little speech. He was dangling from adulthood by a string over the ocean of good feelings known as little space. It was time for her to cut that last string.
“That it sweetheart, just close those beautiful blue eyes of yours. Just drift off to sleep baby, I know you can. Be a good boy and just close your eyes. Thats it. Close your eyes and listen to Mommy. Listen to Mommy little one.”
Sara moved her hand up to Jacks face brushing his hair to the side once more. She knew to anyone else watching she probobaly looked like the biggest idiot smiling as much as she was. But the truth was she couldn’t help it, she loved this. and she loved her little man even more.
“Mmmm I bet you feel so good right now honey. I bet your dreaming happy dreams, huh? I bet your at the park playing, and I bet your in one of your cute little outfits. Oh I just know my baby is so happy! So happy playing just like a good boy for his Mommy. You make Mommy so happy baby, you make Mommy so proud. Mommy will always love you, always! Mommies always going to be here, and guess what. Your always going to be Mommies baby. Always.”
As she continued her usual hypnotic speech, she hummed for a bit watching as he squirmed. Jack’s eyes were barely open but she knew he could hear her. He may not realize what she was saying now, but somewhere deep down she knew he understood.
“Your always going to be my baby honey, no matter what. I know sometimes you think your a big boy, you try to act like a big strong man. You try to be what you think an adult should be, but thats just silly. After all, your just a baby. A little silly baby who needs his Mommy. No more playing pretend, your not an adult sweetheart. Your just a cute helpless baby and your all mine. Forever. I know your scared honey but you dont want to be an adult honey. Its yucky. Let Mommy worry about the bills and the home. Mommy will take care of anything, including you sweetums. And besides its boring being an adult, wouldnt you rather just play all day. You can just play with your toys and watch cartoons all day, you dont even have to worry about the potty anymore. Your just a baby. No more worrying about wetbeds either, you can sleep through the whole night without getting up. You can just use your diaper, itll make you happy honey. And Mommy will be happy too sweetheart, Mommies so happy when you use your diapers like a good boy. Can you do that for me sweetheart, can you go potty for Mommy? I bet you can! Oh, I know my little boy can. Go on sweety, its okay. Mommies rig-” and before she could even finish her sentence she saw the talltell signs that Jack was letting go. She reached down cupping his thickly padded genitals in her hand feeling them warm up again as her little boy let go, completely soaking his diaper.
“Thats my boy…” as she coo’ed those final words she gave his diaper a few more loving pats before turning around to grab a fresh thick nighttime diaper and stuffer to change her little guy. As she grabbed the supplies she glanced up at the Adventure Time clock on the wall and saw that she only had 5 more minutes. She let out a sigh before returning to her sleepy boy, she knew she should be moving more quickly but she wanted to savor every moment she could. This was as close to heaven as she could possibly get.
Or so she thought…