A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Mary took Sarah off her lap, put Sarah back on her feet on the nursery room floor, got up from the rocking chair, and she grabbed Sarah’s left hand with her right hand.

They went downstairs for breakfast.

They were met at the dinning by Mrs. Anne Marie Jones. She’s Mary’s mother and Sarah’s grandmother.

“Granny you’re here for my birthday party next weekend!” Sarah said.

“Yes, I’m here for your sweet sixteen birthday party but your really are two years old and I’ve brought you a beautiful dress for your birthday party next weekend but you’ll see it after church.” Anne said

“Okay Granny.” Sarah said.

“When did you get here Mom?” Mary asked.

“Just a few minutes ago.” Anne said.

Sally Anne Jones anf Thomas Alexander Smith came to the dinning room doorway.

“Mom, What are you doing here?” Sally said.

“I’m here for your daughter’s sweet sixteen bithday party next weekend but it’s theme is Disney’s Princesses.” She said.

“Yes, Mom the birthday party is Disney’s Princesses because our brat wanted that way.” Sally said.

Sarah started to scream and cry because her mom called her a brat.

Mary picked Sarah up and started to rock her gently.

“Shh Princess, your not a brat…you’re a princess. Auntie got you…Auntie’s right here.” with a thick voice, patting her bottom while silently thanking god that she was Ok.

“Sally, How can you say something like that to your daughter?” Anne asked.

“Because she’s a brat and Thomas and I are tired of babying her for the last two years.” Sally said.

That why your sister live with you for she can take care Sarah for you." Anne said.

It took ten minutes for Sarah stop screaming and crying.

Anne took Sarah from Mary’s arms.

“Are you fine now Baby?” Anne asked.

Sarah noded her head and "Granny, yes, I fine now. Sarah said.

“Good Babygirl, Let’s go eat breakfast so we can go to church and then I can show you your new dress.” She said.

“Okay Granny.” Sarah said.

They all went into the dinningroom. Thomas sat at the head of the table, Sally sat at the foot of the table, on one side of the table sat Anne, and on the other side sat Mary and Sarah. Sarah in a highchair.

They all ate a hearty breakfast of scrambled or fried eggs, grits, hash brown, ham or bacon, and coffee or milk.

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

You didn’t pay any attention to the critiques of your first chapter, did you?

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

Ok More Bluntly this time

1 How old is Sara?
2 Why does she need diapers?
3 What is the Point of this story
4 Who are the characters
5 Where is this taking place, aka wat time/ Year…

Answer these Questions and use them to complete your story ALSO get a character description, Give them a life not just a name and the slim details you have

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

ok to be blunt i would call this crap, but I’m nice so I’m going to say its not good. there is such a thing as being to descriptive, like saying for instance,

Mary walked ten feet to the fridge from the table opened the tall silver door of the electric marvel and looked inside. on the third shelf of the six shelf interior she spied a pack of dairy farm butter that was already open and there were traces of toast to be found on the butter. she picked up the package with her left hand closed the fridge door with her right hand and walked fifteen feet to the counter where her toaster was furiously working to burn her toast. she pushed the eject button on her medium sized black toaster and grabbed the toast with her right hand. she placed the toast on a china plate that had been strategicly placed beside the toaster for her purpose. the plate was white with blue cartoons on the rim. she removed a knife from its respective drawer which happened to be located right underneath the toaster and proceeded to butter her toast.

where as a simple Mary made toast would have surficed. now i know your not that bad, im just using an extreme example to illustrate my point. you need to know whre to be decriptive and where not to be. by all means go into as much description with importan stuff such as diapering and characte description but you dont need to be as descriptive with the mundane things.

also you dont need to develop plot with speech for instance,

"“Yes, I’m here for your sweet sixteen birthday party but your really are two years old and I’ve brought you a beautiful dress for your birthday party next weekend but you’ll see it after church.” Anne said "

a good way to have put that would be like so
“Yes sweaty, I’m here for your sweet sixteen party, i even brought my disney princess costume” Anne said.
Anne had long since become accustomed to her grand daughters special needs and was thrilled to have such a cute baby instead of a rebellious teen.

Now that tells us how old she is and it gives a slight bit of background which can be built upon. I think you should re write this whole thing and take into account our advice, i think you could have a great story here just you ned to improve your writing skills

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

stupid spell checker, it said that sweety was wrong:(

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

Following checking it in the dictionary, it actually gives the definition of ‘sweetie’ as ‘generally used as a term of endearment’. It is also a childish term for a sweet though (as sweet being a piece of candy, for those of you who are ethnically challenged).

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

ethnically challenged, i love it. so we are agreed then the term is sweetie and not sweaty although in some circles i hear they only eat vomit, im sure they would like to be called sweaty

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 2

Olga- I am going to give you some advice. It is 11 things you should know and have in writing before you start your story and as you write it so you can look back on it. It will definitely help effectively in writing a story.

1.) Have a plot… basically the contrivance of the author. It helps readers see, feel, and sense the authors at work. Although many stories do not have a plot… but most of those stories are by authors who can actually swing it. Do you know what a Freytag Graph is? It is something I learned back in middle school. It’s basically a triangle. At the left hand side you have your exposition and going up the left slant you have your rising action. The top point would be your climax or climatic action, then falling action to your resolution or ending. All this surrounds your plot or your conflict.

2.) Setting.
Some settings can be directly in one place, some symbolic. But make sure the setting is known so that the readers can envision the room or area your characters are in and where.

3.) Time.
You should try and have an idea of the time period of your story. Is it covering the span of a day? Or two years? etc.

4.) Point Of View.
Basically your narration. Is it 3rd person, Omniscient, 2nd Person, Attached or Unattached, Naive or not naive narration, or limited omniscient? That kind of thing.

5.)Focus.
What do you want your readers to see? Your theme will evolve from focus.

6.)Dialogue.
Basically self explanatory… what your characters say.

7.)Theme.
The meaning. Is it satirical, sci-fi, black humor, etc.

8.) Characters.
Make sure you plan out your characters first. Age, descriptions and so on. You want to envision them first before writing your story. Why are they important to the story?

9.)Conflict.
Again, pretty self explanatory. If you have conflict, what is it? Man vs. man, Man vs. world, Man vs. Technology?

10.) Tone.
Examples being humorous, dark, whimsical etc. Basically is this a funny story? Sad story? Scary story?

11.)Symbols.
If any, it’s the things in your story that have more than one meaning. It can be characters, items, death, abstract etc.

Please take people’s advice. Slow down a little and take your time writing. Proofread, revise… find someone else willing to proofread and revise. It will really help!