Another World: Part 1

(Please feel free to critique; I always like suggestions and am not offended easily)

Shivering, she blew on her hands as she paced up and down the sidewalk. It was no night to be out wearing fishnet stockings, a leather mini skirt, and lacy tank top, but she needed enough money for another fix. The trouble was, not many other people felt like being outside either, and she hadn’t had any customers tonight. She watched a van idle by, noticing that it was one of the weird new ones with the really high roof that were apparently intended for handicapped people in wheelchairs. With nothing better to do, she watched it drive to the end of the street; and then it turned around, cruising back toward her. She could see two men in the front, and as the van got closer she could suddenly see why the men had a van like that. They were huge! Their heads almost touched the top of the van. The van pulled over to the curb and stopped, and the man in the passenger seat rolled down the window. “Hey, baby,” he called. She might have run, but she was dizzy from withdrawals and desperate for money, so she found herself sauntering toward the car, training taking over her subconscious mind. “Want a good time?” she asked, smiling flirtatiously. The men looked very much alike, she noticed. “I always wanted to do it with twins,” she drawled. The man in the passenger seat got out, and she almost gasped. He had to be seven feet tall. “Ride in front, next to the heater,” he told her. “I’ll sit in back.” Hesitantly she climbed in, sat down, and put the seatbelt around her. The heater was warm, and she found herself feeling slightly drowsy. “Where are we going?” the driver asked. “Your place?” “Yeah,” she replied. “Got a room at the Crown Hotel on Fifth…know it?” The driver nodded, and they started off.

The man sitting on the seat behind her casually put a hand on her arm, and she didn’t object until she felt a sudden sharp sting. “What the hell was that? Let me out!” She demanded, reaching for the seatbelt release. Fear tore through her…she was sure they were kidnapping her, and she could only imagine the horrors of what they might do to her. When her tongue grew thick and she could only make small sounds, she grew more panicked, but she also discovered she was paralized. A sudden thought struck her. Maybe her father was behind this.

Memories flooded unbidden through her mind. She had spent most of her life trapped in a sprawling mansion. Her mother had died when she was a baby, and her father, a casino tycoon, dominated every aspect of her life. She didn’t attend school or social functions; she was kept in a suite of rooms where her father brought tutors for her schooling. They were mousy men and women, and knew that they would be fired if they attempted to stand up for her. Her father carefully selected them, and had made very clear to them that crossing him would ruin their lives. Every evening he would review that day’s school work, and beat her for the slightest mistake. The year she turned thirteen she began developing a more womanly figure, and her father began using her for sexual favors. She lasted a week with that treatment before she made a daring escape, sneaking out of her rooms in the middle of the night. She knew that opening an outside door or window would trip security alarms and she would be caught, so she had headed down several flights of stairs to the room where the guard dogs were kept. They were large, and she was not, and therefore able to slip through their door-flap and outside, where she climbed a high chain link fence, cutting her hands on the barbed wire roll at the top. She was probably being videotaped, but since her father didn’t believe in keeping guards to monitor the live feed from the motion sensor cameras, there was no one to witness her flight. She ran and ran, not even paying attention to where she was going, until she found herself in Vegas’s sleezy ‘red light’ district and found that the only thing she knew how to do was turn tricks. Prostitution is legal in Vegas, consequently the police didn’t scrutinize the hookers too closely, and weeks of dirt and starvation and then heavy makeup disguised her enough that no one knew where she had come from. Several years passed, and now she had just turned sixteen, celebrating it with a fix and a stolen donut a couple days earlier.

None of these memories were pleasant, and she blinked and tried to look around her, hoping to focus on where they were going so she could make her escape once whatever drug she’d been given wore off. To her surprise, the man sitting in the back picked up a blanket and tucked it around her. She hardly felt the next shot he gave her, and barely heard him murmur, “Sleep, little one, no one will ever hurt you again.”

Silenius met his brother Malchus’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Wish I could do something to her father,” he muttered angrily. “I know, I feel the same way,” Malchus replied, “but that would blow our disguise. We’re conspicuous enough driving around in this van without getting out and launching an assault. We’re doing well enough retrieving her.” He smiled. “Taura herself might take this child. She has no husband to cause this one fear.” Malchus’s smile became a soft chuckle. “The child thinks WE’RE big! Wait until she finds out that our home world considers us all but midgets.” He grinned. The brothers, not much given to lots of talking, fell silent as the van ate up the miles on their long drive. After a couple hours, they wound through some foothills, then departed the highway on a dirt track. The journey ended at the top of a hill, which had been graded flat and was mostly covered in heavy concrete, which was barren except for a smallish building and a gleaming rocket, kept secret from the world because of an anti-matter drive, advanced technology beyond a human’s wildest dreams, causing no explosions and leaving no smoke and exhaust trail when it took off. Silenius moved the van close to the open hatch at one end of the rocket, and slowed to a stop. He remained behind the wheel as Malchus carefully got out, opened the front door, and unbuckled the girl from her seat. He carried the blanket-wrapped form to the full-sized pilot waiting in the doorway. “Give my respects to Taura,” Malchus said softly, handing his bundle over to the pilot.

She was dreaming, differently than usual, vague, childlike thoughts about soft fuzzy stuffed animals and treehouses and building blocks. There was no pain and fear in this dream, no re-hashing of terrible memories. There were voices whispering soothingly, and she was lying in a soft warm bed. She didn’t want to wake up; she felt like a child, safe and cared for. After awhile, a persistent feeling began to intrude on her dream. She began to realize that her bottom was cold and wet, and suddenly she sat bolt upright. She had wet the bed, and her father would come in any minute and spank her. Opening her eyes, she panicked even more. She found herself in a cage with white bars, and the biggest person she had ever seen was leaning over the bars looking down at her. She cowered in fear, feeling wet and terrified and miserable. She put her hands over her eyes, to block out the sights so she could pretend she was still dreaming, but huge, gentle hands pulled her own hands down away from her eyes. “Look at me,” a gentle, but no- nonsense voice said, in a strange and musical accent, and she felt compelled to look up. What caught her attention first were the eyes; they were lavender(!), and seemed kind and full of compassion, as alien as they looked. The mouth was full and firm, curved in a gentle smile, and as her eyes traveled down the being’s figure, she saw that the person, if that’s what the being was, was a woman. “My name is Taura,” she said; and you are Michelle. I very likely know much more about you than you do about me. Let us talk for a moment." Taura reached out and lifted Michelle into her arms; Taura had to be twice Michelle’s size, and had no difficulty carrying her over to a rocking chair. Michelle felt her wet bottom and suddenly opened her mouth. She must tell Taura about it, as shameful as it was, before Taura became contaminated. “I…I’m wet! I wet the bed!” she said frantically, and flushed red. “No, child, you didn’t,” Taura said softly. “Look at what you are wearing.” Michelle looked down. She was wearing a pastel pink tee-shirt, and…and diapers?" She was too shocked to pay much attention when Taura carried her over to a white rocking chair and settled down in it, with Michelle on her lap. Michelle glanced back toward her ‘cage’ and realized that it was actually a giant crib. This was all too much for her to take in. If she had been given another beating by her father, she could have borne it without any tears, but being taken out of her element and placed somewhere she would never have dreamed of overcame her emotions. “Why?” she blurted, then burst into tears. Taura said nothing for the moment, but pulled her close. Wracked by sobs, Michelle allowed herself to be pulled against Taura’s chest and patted gently on the back.

Hours or minutes later, Michelle wasn’t sure which, she found that she was calm again. “Let us change your diaper,” Taura said. “I’m afraid the drugs you were given have made you incontinent for awhile.” Michelle was too worn out from crying to protest, and she couldn’t even manage the energy to be surprised when she found herself on a changing table. Taura was gentle and comforting, and Michelle found her thumb creeping toward her mouth. Shocked, she jerked her hand down. It was an old habit that had caused her many beatings when she was younger, and she didn’t understand its return now. She felt oddly safe and secure in her fresh diaper, and allowed Taura to lift her up again as they made their way back to the rocking chair. “I know all about the beatings, and the sexual abuse, and the, ah, hooking, I believe you call it,” she said quietly. Michelle opened her mouth to exclaim in shock, but Taura touched her finger to Michelle’s lips, and Michelle obediently stayed quiet. “I sent Malchus and Silenius to rescue you. I’m sorry we couldn’t do it much earlier, but there are only so many humans we can take at a time;” she paused. “Surely you can see that I would be very conspicuous if I walked around on your planet.” Michelle nodded; that was definitely the truth. She even managed a small smile at the thought of it.

“You are wondering what will happen to you now,” Taura stated, and Michelle looked up at her, questioningly. “You are being given a second childhood,” Taura said. “You don’t look or act like a child now, and we must correct that, or people here on this planet will not understand, and give you a hard time. You see, not everyone on this planet knows that we rescue and rehabilitate humans. We will achieve your new identity through a series of potions and procedures, and of course some hypnosis to make sure you feel comfortable in your new life.” She saw the look of protest appear on Michelle’s face. “You don’t have a choice; but you have my assurance that it will be painless, and I think that as time goes on you will find that your life will be much more special and worthwhile. This time around you will be surrounded by people who care for you very much. Now, you need to rest. Tomorrow we begin everything.” From a table next to the rocking chair, Taura produced a small, flat pill. “Open your mouth,” she told Michelle, and Michelle complied, nervously. The pill had a strange yet pleasant fruit flavor, and she sucked on it as Taura began to rock slowly, humming an alien tune. By the time the losenge was gone, Michelle was fast asleep.

Taura gently tucked the human in, adding another blanket to keep her warm. Something was special about this girl; she had known it from the first reports of her condition. Taura ran the rehabilitation institute, and could have adopted any child she wanted, but none so far had tugged at her heart as this one was doing, even now. For awhile, Taura watched her sleep, smiling faintly; then she instructed the main computer to report to her of any changes in the girl’s condition, and left for her quarters. Usually she would entrust her staff to watch over a person while she went home, but she decided that for the duration of this one’s treatment she would remain in her living quarters at the facility.

Another World: Part 1

FYI prostitution is not legal in Las Vegas, at least not on this Earth. Also if her father is a casino tycoon, he’d have the connections to find her anywhere in Vegas. Finally, having guard dogs and motion sensor cameras and no live guards to monitor them makes no sense whatsoever. (Not to mention the dogs should have raised an alarm when she got left the house.)

Another World: Part 1

Other than the deyails shown by tommy, a very good start. Not enough to critique yet., other than to say the character development is fair to good and the story will come together with more work.
Bring us more , soon, please

Another World: Part 1

Street prostitution is definitely illegal in Las Vegas. However, organized prostitution (i.e. brothels or cathouses) is legal.

Another World: Part 1

Not in the city of Las Vegas itself. In the surrounding county, yes. Just not in the city limits.

Another World: Part 1

I like story plzs go on.

Another World: Part 1

Tommy, while your details are correct, its FICTION. You gonna point out the obvious rocket ship flaws too? Sorry, just being snippy, but good start, I like your fictitious imagination.

Thanks

You guys had some good points…the reason I thought prostitution was legal in Vegas was that when I was there there were little cards strewn everywhere with pics of naked girls offering a “good time”. Let me know if you want me to edit the beginning or leave it as it is and just call it fiction. Again, thanks for the critiques.

Another World: Part 1

Please leave it as it is. You have a good start there and I am interested in seeing what you are going to do nex

Another World: Part 1

please make more paragraphs. Every time there is a new piece of dialogue there should be a new paragraph. It makes it much easier to read.

Another World: Part 1

I think I might really like reading this story :slight_smile: Definitely continue on writing!^^

Another World: Part 1

I believe it’s important to get your details correct, especially if you’re including SF/fantasy elements in your story. If you can’t get the easily verifiable parts of the “real world” right, why should I trust your made up stuff? Just because it’s fiction doesn’t mean you should be careless about details. In fact proper attention to detail can only enhance one’s writing.

And yes, I could have pointed out the “rocket ship flaws” and other aspects; I just chose not to, and to concentrate on the others.