Claire got a secret

Prolog: This is a story about a high school girl who has a secret that only one other person can know.

Chapter 1 Part A

In a little town called Bumpass lived a girl by the name of Claire. She was raised by her mother after her father died when she was little. But she still had everything going for here she was the all American girl. Her mother Deb was a nice woman who had a very nice income as an accountant for a major company. So she had everything and more. Now Claire is only 4’ 11’’ and 3 quarters at least that’s what her doctor told her. So she isn’t the tallest girl but she has the body of angel with golden blonde hair, a nice dairy end, and also from her mother’s side of the family she got her nice rack a size 38 D. So let’s start off with Claire’s last day of her junior year.

“Claire get up breakfast is ready.” Her mother yelled from downstairs

“Coming.” said Claire as she rubbed her eyes

“So what did you make for breakfast mom?”

“Some pancakes and bacon since I know how much you love your bacon”

“Okay mom.” as Claire sat down

“So what you and your friends doing after school”

“Nothing really probably going to go shopping though”

“Sounds fun have a fun last day baby”

“Will do mom”

So Claire opened the garage and jumped into her new Volkswagen Jetta ‘she got for getting her license’ and headed off to school.
As she arrived she noticed all the cars that normally should be in the junior lot then remembered that most kids just skipped the last day after having finals all week and plus it was only a half a day. So for once she got a good parking spot.

“Hey.” Yelled Sam her BFF

“What is up Sam!?”

"Nothing much just excited to be out of this hell hole after today "

“That’s good. I can’t wait either because I’m so sick of all the girls and their drama.”

“Yeah, it can get pretty ridiculous. So we still on for shopping?”

"Yeah it will be fun just you, Er… Eric! I missed you so much I’m surprised you actually came today though."As she jumped in his arms.

Eric is Claire’s boyfriend. He is the captain of the boy’s basketball team as a junior. And he also is training in MMA wrestling in his spare time. So he’s a very strong and toned man. And as for school hes an average student maybe in the top 25% of his class

“Well of course I came baby. Who else would carry your books and hold your hand?” as Sam begins to raised her hand.

“Okay you got me their but she can’t kiss and love you as much as I do baby”

“Well…” Sam says jokingly

“You two are messed up. So anyway what’s the plan for today babe?”

“Well were going to the mall like we talked about last night and then me and you can go to your house and watch a movie if you like.”

“Sounds good to me”

So the three when their separate ways and headed off to their classes for the day seeing each other here and there.

It was after school and they are all getting ready for a fun day out.

Now at the mall the two girls were all excited to get new clothes. Eric on the other hand just wanted this to be over so he can have alone time with his girl friend.

“Claire look at these awesome shoes they are just absolutely gorgeous!” Said Sam with maybe a tad bit too much excitement

“Wow! They are pretty nice but I don’t know if I like that style they don’t seem that comfortable.”

“Yeah you’re probably right”

As the girls looked at shoes Eric was in the store next store looking at some hats.

After some shopping the three friends headed to the food court

“Man this salad is good.”

“How can salad be that good Claire it’s the same vegetables everywhere you go.”

“Just let her go Sam it’s what she likes me and you can stick to our meats and let veggie girl have a ball with her salad.”

"Well I’m going to the restrooms before we head out. Do you need to go Sam?

“Why do girls always travel in packs? I swear I don’t know if I ever seen girls go to the bathroom alone.”

“Well you can now then Eric. You go on ahead I when while you tried on clothes in Gap.”

“Okay I’ll be right back wait for me here please”

"Of course we will baby."Eric said right before he kissed her.

While in the bathroom though Claire noticed something very weird. There was a mother changing the diaper of what looked like to be a 5 year old. She was amazed by the fact that this little girl was not potty trained at all it seemed. So Claire finished up and headed back to Sam and Eric in the food court still wondering about the girl she saw.

"So you two ready to head out?"Asked Eric anxiously

“Sure.” The two girls responded at the same time

So while Eric dropped off Sam at her house she still wondered about this little girl. She knew she was potty trained at two and a half and to see this girl getting a poop filled diaper changed in the mall just amazed her.

Re: Claire got a secret

This is my first story I will be writng and hopefully be finishing i just wana see some feedback on the first part before i post more. So let me know what is on your mind as you read this the following chapter should have so unexpected twists if i do what i want with them to keep everyone on a nice fun guessing game.

Re: Claire got a secret

If she is 4’ 11" and has a 38D bra size she would tip over. It is good she has a boyfriend, because who else would give her the constant back rubs she will need because those big of boobs on that small of body would be painful. I am not trying to be mean. Maybe you haven’t addressed that issue in the story yet.

Re: Claire got a secret

^ I agree with what W&L said. Sometimes you can’t have everything in your characters, it’s often advantageous to have a small character for some situations in an ABDL story, and you may want to have a well endowed woman, but they don’t really mix. Having believable characters is one of the first steps to making a story as a whole more believable.

For a first story though this is actually pretty good. You’ve shown restraint and are starting to develop your characters a bit before throwing them into the diaper content, which is good, often a first story is just a series of disjointed wettings. That said more character development never hurts, even if you have to put it in late.

However there are also some issues, grammar and spelling is a big one. Running a spell check may help. The ones I really noticed though were words used in the wrong place, which only proof reading will check. For example Sam said. “Well you can now then Eric. You go on ahead I when while you tried on clothes in Gap.”

That should have been “Well now you can Eric. You go ahead Claire, I went while you tried on the clothes in Gap.” You’ll notice a few small changes there that make it more readable. “you can now then” was redundant, so I rephrased that. I added in “Claire,” That shows that Sam is changing who she’s talking to, and the comma breaks the last sentence into its two parts. Then I changed when to went, a simple typo there that a spell checker won’t catch.

These things may seem minor at first, but when a person is reading your story for the first time they have to pause at each of these errors and think about what you were trying to say. They throw them out of the story and make it much harder to enjoy. Take the time to search for little things like those, it is one of the easiest ways to make yourself a better writer.

Re: Claire got a secret

The problem with spell check is it doesn’t correct the wrong words. ie " Dairy end". Stories need to be proof read as well as
spell checked.
But keep up with the story.

Re: Claire got a secret

I am thinking “Diary end.” I would still never end an entry like that. I hate diary formatted stories. Spell check won’t tell you if you mix up dairy and diary.

Re: Claire got a secret

not bad a bit less tlking and a bit more narrating would make it better, also when you have a conversation write “claire said” or “was eric’s response” would make it easier expecially in the beggining b4 u no the charecters.

Re: Claire got a secret

Yeah, derriere sounds like what he meant in this context. It doesn’t fit with the rest of the sentence though. I would use “nice ass”, since later in the sentence he says, “and a nice rack.” If he wanted to keep derriere he should change “and a nice rack” to a large bust." I didn’t know the dairy end quote was from this story. I thought you were giving an example from a different story. I still don’t like diary formatted stories. This is not one though.

Re: Claire got a secret

At 38D she’s chubby.

Re: Claire got a secret

Remember, she loves her bacon.