Could I have some advice?

I’m writing a story, but it’s moving too quickly and it’s already hit diapers before the end of the first chapter, but I’m not sure how to change it to:
A. Remove the diaper element from chapter 1
B. Make it longer as it is quite short
Any advice on how to do this? I’ll post what I have already.

The Last Straw

Hello there.
Before we start, I should introduce myself. My name is Kerry Anderson and I’m 15. Over the last year a lot has happened and it’s about time I got it written down. I’m going to tell you about the time I pushed my mother too far. The time she finally snapped. The last straw.

It all started not long after my fourteenth birthday. I was always a spoilt child, and I was used to getting everything I wanted from my mother, taking advantage of the fact she was trying to compensate for a stressful divorce with my dad by showering me with gifts and spending every spare penny on me. We would go round the local shops, and I would point out what I wanted, with the almost unfaltering response being ‘Of Course’. Forty-Four inch TV? Of course. Eight hundred dollar laptop? Of course. An iPhone? Of course. It was almost as if her sole purpose was to cater to my every need, until it all started to change. She decided it was time to ‘Tighten our Belts’, and suddenly gifts were few and far between, and she started intervening in my life far more, suddenly wanting to know where I was going, when I would get back, who I’m going to be with, what are we going to be doing, and being incredibly overprotective. I never heeded the warnings: her frustrated demands to help with the cooking or clear up my room, or her attempts to stop me going out. It all ended one Friday night.

I remember it, absolutely crystal clear. I got completely smashed that night; spending six hours smoking weed and drinking. It was half three in the morning by the time I stumbled through the front door, high, drunk and half naked, with a joint still in my hand, to see mum sitting on the chair in the hall, her mouth an O-shaped chasm of utter shock. I don’t blame her: I don’t remember ever being that drunk before, I had at least six pints of beer… That I can remember - it was a miracle I didn’t get alcohol poisoning. I remember her ripping the joint out of my hand and flushing it down the toilet, and ushering me hurriedly into bed. I may have been utterly smashed but I knew I was deep in it this time. I fell asleep quickly, though - alcohol seems to tire me out. I had no idea how bad it would get then.

I woke up at half one the next afternoon. Stumbling down the stairs, with a burning headache, I enter the kitchen to find mum sitting at the table, reading the paper. She twitched her neck slightly to the left as she saw me, before returning to her paper without a word - that was the first sign I picked up I had crossed the line this time. She abruptly stopped reading her paper just a few minutes later and was clearly restraining herself from belting it out at me. ‘Well, it’s clear that you just haven’t got a clue how to respect me. All of your life I’ve been giving you everything you ever asked for, and got nothing in return. Well, that ends here. We’re just going to have to start over, right from the very start. I’m going out shopping for some things. If I were you I wouldn’t do anything - you do NOT want to make things worse then they already are.’ She said with a forced calmness, her words cutting into me like swords into a scarecrow. I simply sat there in a scared daze as she drove out of the drive and in the direction of the store. A deep chill ran down my spine in worry and I retreated to my room for a lie down, to try and counter my headache. Eventually I built up the energy to go downstairs once again and get myself some food. I just about managed to get myself some toast and a glass of orange juice, leave a trail of destruction across the kitchen and spilling orange juice everywhere attempting to drink the orange juice while still recovering from last night’s binge. I got at least half of if down my top. I wandered into the living room and threw myself down onto the couch, before flicking on the TV. I hate daytime TV, but to be honest I was so exhausted it didn’t occur to me that I was watching Jerry Springer. I soon drifted off on the couch, and slept straight through mum’s return.

When I awoke I looked around the room, trying to remember where I had fallen asleep. I quickly realized I was on the couch, and also that the hangover had cleared somewhat. Mum was sitting at the end of the couch with a plastic bag resting on the carpet between her feet. As soon as she saw I was fully awake, she began to speak in an angry, but serious tone. ‘You have no respect, and no common sense - two things I should have taught you a long time ago. I have done a poor job bringing you up - which is why we’re going to start again, and this time I’m going to do things properly.’ Looking into the bag, with an almost scaring straight face, pulled out a 32-Pack of Little Princesses: Teen Size Small diapers. They had only just been launched by the baby diaper company Little Primcesses, aiming to expand their market up to girls up to eighteen as a product for those who were resistant to potty training. Needless to say, I was stunned and panicked by this: As my mum pulled my trousers and panties off, I struggled for all I was worth, however the fact that she was going to the gym four times a week, and had been for the last twelve years, made a difference. I eventually was resigned to having my dignity taken from me. I burst into tears as I sat up and looked at the thick, pink diaper taped around my waist. It even had the babyish prints on it of Cinderella and Snow White. Mum started to speak to me about ‘New Rules’ - it was almost as if she was reading my rights in the back of a police car. ‘You are now banned from using the toilet. You will use your diaper for pee and poop, and you will wear it at all times: Including school. Only I will change you, unless you are at school - then you must change yourself. Beware - this is not the only thing changing. More is on the way.’

I was led by my trembling hand to my room. My cupboard was open, and all my panties were gone, removed while I slept on then couch. Mum took the pack of diapers and placed them on the empty shelf that was left behind and arranged my toys from when I was little out on the floor. I was then left to contemplate what I had done. Mum had snapped, and I was feeling the full force of the consequences.

Re: Could I have some advice?

Diapers in the first chapter isn’t a bad thing. You can add some length though if you’re worried about things going to fast. Add a bit more description; what do the characters look like? What was the reason behind the divorse? What clothes are each of the characters wearing in each scene? Little things like that will help you add length. Just a bit of advice.

That said, not a bad story content wise, but at the same time it’s kind of a common theme. You’ll have to do something to make it stand out.

Re: Could I have some advice?

I do not know why I should like or hate this character I am not even sure if the character is male or female. Not sure if the author is male or female ( I know I can look) think more about explaining your character. How many fifteen yr olds stay out till three drinking beer and smoking pot? I know they drink and smoke pot but is not half the fun hiding it from the rents.

Just think about it. Also remember the I am going to start over has been beat to death I know I helped. If your going to do it your going to need some real twist.

Hope this helped

Re: Could I have some advice?

I read this story countless times. Wonder when her worse enemy in school is going to come over to babysit her.

Re: Could I have some advice?

more more!!!

Re: Could I have some advice?

i think the princess diapers are a big clue to say the character is female oh and her names is kerry, i personally dont know many boys named kerry lol
do you??

Re: Could I have some advice?

one of my buds is a guy named Kerry
I probably missed the Princess diapers but excuse me it was you that asked for help

Re: Could I have some advice?

A male can wear Princess diapers, and yes, I do know a male named kerry. Maybe they were the only ones at the store her/his mother could find.

It’s not bad to start with diapers from even chapter one, but I would prefer to see more characterization than the age and name, like describing the character’s body to make it easier to tell the gender. Also, if you really wanted to make the chapter longer, I would suggest using more vivid language. For example, describing how he/she (not sure, I think Kerry can be male or female) felt with the hangover, or felt by having to wear diapers.

A lot of stories I read are just 1) do something bad. 2) get in trouble with a parent. 3) have to go to school with diapers. 4) have the bully pick on you/almost find you out. 5) finally decide you enjoy diapers.

I hope you find a direction to go with this,
-GenerallySpecific

Re: Could I have some advice?

Another hint to the fact it’s a girl is that she was wearing panties and her mother didn’t say anything. While it is possible the person is transgender, however at that age it’s unlikely that a person would be so obvious with it, having only panties and no boxers would definitely indicate a female.

I do agree that this story has been done to death, I suggest making it stand out soon; otherwise quite a few people will decide it’s not worth reading.

Re: Could I have some advice?

Sorry, I missed the panties.

I hope you can find a direction to move the story!
-Generally Specific

Re: Could I have some advice?

I also have a friend with the name Kerry whom happens to be a boy. So I guess its not so funny after all.

Re: Could I have some advice?

That said, if you had to search for tiny little clues, the writing probably wasn’t helping bring the character to life for you, huh?