diapered again

This is a true story with some embellishments. I was playing at my friend Brad’s house one Saturday afternoon a long time ago. We both had bedwetting issues at night. His mother made him wear Pampers, while mine did not. He asked me if I wanted to sleep over. I said yes. His mom them called my mom to ask if it was OK. I heard her talking in the kitchen on the phone. Evidently my mother informed her that I still occasionally wet the bed, but did not wear diapers, because I could here his mom say that Brad did and that she would take care of everything.

That night, after dinner, Brad’s mom said that it was time for a bath. We both went upstairs and his mother followed. After the bath, his mother left the bathroom and came back with two Pampers diapers and some baby powder. Brad asked why she had two diapers. She looked at me and said that my mom told her about my problem and that wouldn’t it be better if I was diapered instead of waking up wet and cold.

Brad started to laugh, calling me a baby until his mom scolded him. I protested, saying that I wasn’t a baby and that my mom would be mad if she made me wear a diaper. She said that my mom said it was OK and that she had long thought about putting me back in diapers at night. This is true since she would always tell me if I wet one more time, she would buy me Pampers.

Anyway, Brad’s mother got me out of the tub first. After drying me off with a big fluffy towel, she asked me to lay down on the ground. This I did, while looking up at Brad, who was smirking down at me. She asked me to lift my legs as she slid the Pamper under me. I smelled the sweet scent of the diaper and heard the loud crinkling (this was the 1970’s). I put my legs back down and spread them wide. She sprinkled a healthy amount of baby powder on me. Then she pulled the diaper up snug between my legs and fastened the tapes tightly. I was now hopelessly diapered for the first time since I was a baby. She headed me on with my PJ tops and shooed me into the bedroom so that she could diaper Brad for bed.

She helped my into bed, pulled the covers up and read us a bedtime story. She kissed us both on the forehead and left the room. I fell asleep. Later that night, I was awoken by Brad’s mother. She had come into the room to check on us. She pulled back the covers and felt my diaper. Noticing I was wet (and not the bed), she changed my diaper. I went back to sleep. When I got home, my mother and I went to the store. On the way there, she said that she spoke with Brad’s mom and asked how I liked wearing a diaper to bed. Somewhat ashamed, but secretly excited, I said that it was better than waking up in a wet bed. She asked if it would be OK if I continued wearing diapers for a while. It didn’t mean I was a baby, just that I had a small issue. I said I thought it would be OK, as long as nobody knew (except for Brad, of course). Once we got to the store, we went directly to the diaper aisle and she bought the largest package of Pampers there were and some baby powder. And that is the story of how I got diapered again.

Re: diapered again

Where should I start? For one thing, at 621 words this is barely long enough to qualify as a short vignette. Second, you’ve described the dialog, and run multiple speakers into a paragraph. Separating them out and adding quotation marks will help a lot. Third, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this before, quite a while back, and it doesn’t get better on another reading. I’m not minded to try looking up the other right now to check ownership, but beware that plagiarism isn’t welcome here.

Re: diapered again

This story is so far from being complete. Spelling of words could be a lot better.

You could have started the story: that you’ve just got dropped of at your friends house.
Was it morning you got dropped off? What in the world did you do in the time while you waited for it to be the afternoon before Brad asked, “Hey listen, want to sleep over tonight?”
How was the weather that Saturday afternoon?
What did you play?
What did you wear? What did Brad wear?

How did the phone call between your Mom, and his Mom go?
How did you feel when your Mom suddenly told Brad Mom’s that you wet the bed? How did Brad feel?

I’m done here… I could go on and on.

Re: diapered again

I’m not quite sure if I can follow the structure. You tend to not introduce elements until the moment they’re needed (e.g. the year it takes place). I’m not sure why Brad’s making fun of the main character when he wears diapers too.

Re: diapered again

So I had a day or so and thought about it, it might be hard to understand why I choose to give the critique I gave as just questions the way I did. That’s honestly what I sat left with from reading the first paragraph. I’ll go into why here.

This is a true story with some embellishments. I was playing at my friend Brad’s house one Saturday afternoon a long time ago

So I start with the first line in the story, with the question. When did you get there? how did you get there?
A better start would be even if this is a true story to fill out some things. I’d probably would have started this kind of story more like this:

I sat in my recliner chair drinking a glass of juice with ice cubes that seemed to play a symphony in the glass, letting memories from distance past encase my mind.
Today’s memory seemed to be of the day I visited my friend Brad back in Xxxx.

My mom drove me over to him that morning right after I had woken up, In her car. I was excited to play with Brad again it had been a while since I’ve been there. I swiftly ran out of the car almost before Mom parked up by the road in my blue overalls, and green shirt.

“Bye Mom” I yelled, my hand waving.

Mom hurried to roll down the window, “Be good!” Mom yelled back towards me.

I just stopped at the porch and waved her off as she drove off.

He asked me if I wanted to sleep over. I said yes.

Here you could use more dialogue. I’m pretty sure Brad would have to ask IF it was okay If you could stay over, same I’m sure it would be a argument about his bed wetting.

His mom them called my mom to ask if it was OK. I heard her talking in the kitchen on the phone. Evidently my mother informed her that I still occasionally wet the bed, but did not wear diapers, because I could here his mom say that Brad did and that she would take care of everything.

Hear and here, is two different words. Also I’m pretty sure that Your Mom would ask to talk to you. And would tell her what she was going to say to Brad’s mom. What would your feelings be? Would you fuss about it?

This is literally how far I bothered with the deconstruction of this. And it’s easy to see why I’m just asking questions.