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You know that dream, the one where your fantasies come true? The one where the girl, Lexi lets call her, the girl who you have had a crush on since the 4th grade but who was always in a relationship with some other guy, is finally available. The one where this girl Lexi looks at you with her soul-piercing emerald green eyes and says, “Hey Nathan, how would you feel about going on a date tonight?” Of course, there is ample context for this gesture, years as a loyal best friend, confidante, and partner in pranks, plus running a valuable errand on her behalf that very morning, but in this dream of yours no context is really necessary. This is the dream where Lexi has donned a strapless silver dress because she knows it is your favorite, where Lexi has arranged her hair into an elegant side-braid because she wants to clearly indicate that she is ready to be more than friends, where Lexi has enveloped herself in a rich perfume of raspberry and jasmine notes so that she should occupy your every thought. Sounds familiar, right? But this is also that dream, you know the one, where everything suddenly morphs into a horrifying nightmare, the emerald eyes transforming before your eyes into a haunting look of pure disdain, the sweet scent of her perfume replaced by the overwhelming foul odor of your own body. And then you look down, and the blood drains from your face as you realize that you are not wearing any pants, and the entire restaurant is laughing at you, and worst of all, Lexi is laughing at you.
Well this is that dream, only worse, because while I did remember to wear pants, beneath those pants are a twice-soaked disposable diaper. Only this is a nightmare that won’t evaporate at the first sign of consciousness; this is the nightmare that I got myself into, and it is up to me to get myself out.
Chapter 1: “Stick With Me Kid”
It all started—well, the most pertinent parts anyway—with a frantic knocking on my apartment door at 7 am. I am NOT a morning person, and opened the door in a groggy haze intent on chewing out the rude individual who had decided to wake me up. But, as I opened the door and saw Lexi standing there, my anger was immediately replaced by concern and affection. Before I could say anything though, she launched into a long rambling explanation, muttering that she was sorry for waking me because she knows I like to sleep in, but she had to be at work in an hour and her phone had suddenly just died this morning and wouldn’t turn back on. She thought she remembered that I had an extra phone and wanted to borrow it.
I placed my index finger over her lips, as is my normal habit when Lexi rambles, and said, “Lexi, calm down. I actually don’t have that phone anymore, but it is no big deal. If you give me your account information, I will go to the store and see if they can fix your phone. We can meet for lunch at noon, and by then everything will be fixed. Sound good?”
“Wow. Thank you so much Nathan!” Lexi replied as she hurriedly scribbled down her account information before sprinting towards the door. “You are an amazing friend! Okay, I will meet you at the Pizza store down the street from the nursery school.”
That word “friend” no longer really fazed me. Sure, I was in love with her since the 9th grade, watched her date selfish asshole after selfish asshole. Maybe that wasn’t fair; they were not all really assholes. But I knew that none of them would care for her like I would. Still, I had accepted my place as her close friend. I had even dated a couple of girls myself, though nothing had ever become serious. But deep down, I knew that I could never really be satisfied with anyone other than Lexi.
I remember the exact moment that I fell in love with Lexi. We had already been friends for several years, but I hadn’t thought of her romantically until 9th grade chemistry class. Maybe I was emotionally or hormonally stunted, or maybe I just didn’t recognize my feelings until then. To be honest, when we entered High School, I think I half expected Lexi to find a new group of friends, ones who could match her energy and wit. I had decided that I wasn’t going to stand in her way. It might have even been beneficial for me to reinvent myself as my own individual, not just the loyal mutt that followed at Lexi’s heel.
But Lexi kept our friendship alive. Mrs. Burnow assigned lab partners for the year and I was supposed to be with Cassidy Andrews, a pretty brunette who was simply awful at chemistry. I had to basically hold her hands in order to teach her how to properly turn on a Bunsen burner. The next day, Lexi approached me to tell me, “I fixed everything.” She had apparently snuck into Mrs. Burnow’s office and altered her list of assigned lab partners. Mrs. Burnow was famous for her poor memory; she relied heavily on her lists and she would never have suspected that her list could be wrong. I expressed concern that Cassidy or Lexi’s lab partner might say something, but she assured me that she bullied them into keeping quiet. She had also added an extra surprise for the next class. She had altered a few of the names on the attendance list, which Mrs. Burnow dutifully read aloud to the delight of all of the students.
“Mr. Glass-cock,” she bellowed over and over until Martin Glasco sheepishly mumbled “here.” I glanced at Lexi knowingly, as she practically rolled with laughter. She looked straight into my eyes, offering a delightful “who me?” sort of look that left me completely enthralled. How could I not love someone who moved through the world with both grace and good humor the way that Lexi did?
Lexi approached me after class. “Stick with me, kid and you will go far,” she offered with a wink, “Cross me though and you may end up the next Glass-cock!” I chuckled, but from then on, I knew I would always be by her side.
Her present anxieties dispatched with, Lexi made ready to leave, but stopped herself. She turned to face me, considering for a moment. She licked her index finger and reached for my face, scrubbing at some apparent mark on my cheek. Seemingly satisfied, she appraised me once more. Classic Lexi, I thought; she comes to me to sort out her problems and then acts like the entire time she was just there for my benefit. “You could use a hair cut Nathan,” she finally concluded. “I don’t know if you are trying to grow an Afro or something, but well… you shouldn’t. Your abnormally thick hair keeps covering your nice blue eyes. You look like a demon possessed hair-blob.” And with that, Lexi was out the door.
Chapter 2: Impulse Buy
I was taking the summer off before starting business school in Chicago, so I wasn’t too busy anyways. Always eager to please, I made appointments at the Verizon store and the barbershop. I finished up at the Verizon store rather early. They were unable to fix the phone, but had replaced it with an identical new one, and uploaded the information from the last phone to the new one. I placed the bag with the new phone in my knapsack, imagining the smile on Lexi’s face when I handed her the new phone.
As I was walking towards the restaurant after my haircut appointment, I passed a sex-toy shop. I don’t usually wander into such places, but it was only 11:40, so I still had 20 minutes to kill before I had to meet Lexi. I entered the store and glanced around me. The shelves were lined with whips and black leather items, evidently the most popular items since the release of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” There were also some more disturbing accouterments like ball gags and even a cage.
I did not see the storeowner. My business classes didn’t really cover this material… but I imagined that in this line of business, it was best to leave customers to themselves. I also did not see any items for my particular kink- diapers, but I wasn’t really all that disappointed. I already had a large stack of diapers hidden away in my closet, a mix of Pampers size 7 and a larger but still babyish looking brand.
I was therefore about to exit the store when I noticed a chain and thick leather belt of sorts next to the ball gags. It was probably a male chastity belt, I surmised, though the penis encasement apparatus was evidently missing. What remained were a wide metal reinforced leather waistband and two thinner metal reinforced loops for the legs.
While the idea of a chastity belt repulsed me, I couldn’t help but marvel at the idea of being locked into one of my diapers. The locking mechanism would serve as a visual reminder that I was helpless, and mitigate my impulse to simply remove the diaper when I needed to use the bathroom.
Before I could give myself time to rethink, I grabbed the item and made my way to the counter to pay for it. I must have been a little nervous, because I found myself making some comment to the store clerk about the crazy weather we were having. The clerk was dressed in jeans and a graphic t-shirt which read, “There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.” It seemed as appropriate a uniform for the location as I could imagine. He also had a name tag that indicated that his name was Freddy." Freddy just rolled his eyes, placed my purchase in a plastic bag and stated simply, “that will be $11.”
I glanced at my watch, realizing that if I didn’t hurry I would be late for my lunch with Lexi. I must have spent quite a while staring at the chastity belt before deciding to buy it. I quickly paid the man, tossed the bag in my knapsack, and headed for the door. I was halfway out when I heard the store clerk yelling “Buddy, buddy wait, you forgot the keys.”
Wow, that would have been pretty stupid, not that I would have locked the belt without the keys, but still. He holds up two sets of keys. I muttered an embarrassed thank you, placed one set of keys in my pocket and dropped the other set into the bag in my knapsack, and hurried out the door to the restaurant.
When I arrived at the restaurant, Lexi was already sitting down, and waved me over to a table where she had apparently already ordered food for both of us. “Sorry,” she said, “I have to be back at the nursery in 10 minutes, so I decided to just order for you. I got you a regular personal size pizza. The waitress wanted to know what kind of salad you wanted with it, but don’t worry, I explained to her that you’re just a little child who thinks vegetables are icky.”
Lexi just loved to tease me about my picky food tastes, but she knew exactly what I would have ordered. For herself, she had of course ordered a kale salad with pomegranate seeds, her favorite.
I reached into my knapsack and handed her the bag with her phone. I explained that they had to replace the phone, but that I had switched over all her contacts. She squealed with delight, and got up from her chair to give me a huge hug.
“Thank you so so so much, Nathan,” she said. Having gone the entire morning without a phone, she dropped the bag and box into her purse, and immediately turned the phone on to check for missed messages. “Fuck,” exclaimed Lexi, “I think Mark drunk texted me last night. Jesus, why did I ever go out with that guy?!”
Mark was Lexi’s most recent boyfriend, so I of course hated him. He had made the cardinal error of passing up a date night to watch a basketball game with his bros, and with Lexi, one mistake was all you got.
Lexi was never without a boyfriend for long, however, and it had been nearly two weeks since she broke up with Mark. She would probably be introducing some new guy to him within the week, which is why what happened next was so surprising.
“You, on the other hand, are incredible Nathan,” she began, reaching across the table and placing her hands on top of his with a light squeeze. “Hey, how would you feel about going on a date tonight?”
“With me?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes with you, silly. I mean but only if you want to?”
I couldn’t believe what was happening. “Like a real date? At like a nice romantic restaurant?”
Lexi chuckled. “Yes, a nice restaurant,” she said. “And I expect you to dress up nicely.”
“Absolutely,” I said, or rather stuttered, still reeling from the shock of her proposal.
Lexi rose from the table. “Excellent,” she said, “I have to get back to work. I usually end at 3:00 but I have a staff meeting until 4:30 today, so why don’t we say 6:30 at the Millani stake house? Oh, and don’t be late. You were two minutes late for lunch today, and I don’t date guys that come late.”
“Understood. 6:30 it is. I look forward to it,” I concluded. Lexi smiled, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and darted out the door.
Chapter 3: What is Cowardice, anyways?
Before you get the wrong idea, I’m not a coward. I know it probably seems like I’m that frightened little kid who couldn’t work up the courage to ask out my crush, and so I stood in a corner sulking for the next ten years while real men wooed the girl I loved. I asked her out, multiple times!
The first time I asked her out was halfway through Sophomore year of High School. Okay, so maybe I’m a bit of a coward. I spent most of ninth grade fretting about what it would do to our friendship if our romantic relationship didn’t work out. It had honestly never occurred to me that she might actually say no. I was more worried about what happens next.
We were shopping together in Urban Outfitters. We had both picked out some clothing items to try on. I didn’t really want to buy anything, and had mostly gone to keep Lexi company, but Lexi had insisted on picking out a couple of items for me. While Lexi moved to the women’s section, I started feeling mischievous and picked out a pair of bright yellow shorts to model as a surprise for Lexi. Lexi soon rejoined me and we moved to the changing rooms. The clerk gave us adjoining changing rooms, and then left to go help another customer.
“Last time I was here, Ryan bought me the sluttiest dress, and I had to pretend like I liked it,” she began, addressing me through the walls of the dressing room. “It had two slits over my stomach and a plunging neckline; I much prefer a dress that leaves a little something to the imagination, you know?”
“You could have told him that, then,” I protested, as “you’re a modern sophisticated woman, and you shouldn’t wear something just because some jerk tells you to.”
Lexi chuckled, and repeated “Yes. Yes, I’m a modern sophisticated woman. I like that.”
I began fumbling with the button on the yellow shorts. I hadn’t even really glanced at the size, and had clearly picked a pair that was far too small. They looked ludicrous, but I didn’t care. With the safety of the dressing stall walls between us, I finally found the courage to express my feelings. “Don’t forget beautiful,” I said. After a pause, I added, “Or smart, or just fucking awesome.”
“You’re sweet,” was the only response. “But watch your language.”
“I’m only stating the facts,” I managed, anxiety curdling the blood in my veins. “Here’s another fact: I really like you, and think we should go out.” I exhaled deeply, relieved that I had at last been brave enough to ask, even if it was through the medium of a dressing stall wall.
My dressing stall door opened. Lexi stood there with smile. There was no condescension, or pity. It was just matter of fact. “Sorry,” she said, I’m going to a concert with Lyle this week. You know Lyle right? I just don’t think I can date two people at the same time."
Then she looked at me, rolled her eyes and laughed. I had forgotten what I must have looked like with those bright yellow shorts, three sizes too small. “Besides, until you learn to dress yourself Nathan, I don’t think you are ready to be dating anyone.”
Bad timing. That was her answer. It would be her answer the next two times I asked as well. The last time I asked was a whole different story.
Chapter 4: Timing is everything
I arrived back at my apartment at 1:00, still grinning from ear to ear. “I’m going on a date with Lexi,” I whispered to myself over and over, as if verbalizing it to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. “I definitely won’t be late,” was the next mantra I started repeating.
I quickly did some calculations to determine how much time I would need. It should take about a half hour to get to the restaurant, so to be safe, I would leave the apartment at 5:45. I would also give myself 40 minutes to shower before I go, dry off, and pick out a suitable attire. That meant that I had about 4 hours to spare, and I knew exactly what I was going to do during that time.
I grabbed the quasi chastity belt I had purchased from my knapsack, locked my bedroom door and lowered the blinds. Next, I went to my closet and pulled out the box labeled Ancient Philosophy Notes where I kept my diapers, baby wipes, and baby powder, assured that no one would ever choose to open such a box. I lay a towel over my bed, and began to strip naked.
Pausing, diaper in hand, I ultimately decided that it would probably be best for me to pick out my clothes for the date in advance. I riffled through my entire wardrobe for well over 20 minutes looking for something suitable but nothing felt worthy of a date with the love of my life. Finally, I settled on a gray blazer over a gray-blue collared shirt with a darker blue tie, and my only nice pair of skinny white slacks, to accentuate my ass of course. Perfect, I thought. Thank God I found something to match those slacks, because it seemed like every other pair of pants in my closet was wrinkled.
I finished stripping, and returned to my bed. I unfolded an adult diaper, and lay down on top. The baby wipes were really only for diaper changes, but I decided to go for the most authentic experience I could. I also applied a more than liberal amount of baby powder across my groin, thighs, and even over my stomach area. Then I pulled the front of the diaper up, and secured the tapes for a snug fit.
I then reached for the new addition to my collection. I grabbed the pair of keys from my pants and stepped into the chastity device. The device came loose, making it easy to get on. I checked the mechanism though and saw how turning the key would simultaneously tighten the grip of the device on my thighs and midsection, locking it in place. Just for good measure, I grabbed a pair of scissors from my desk to see if I could cut through the material at all. The material held strong. The only way that this device was coming off was if someone used the key. Perfect.
I immediately decided that I was going to pee in the diaper. That was exactly the reason I had purchased the chastity belt, to simulate the feeling of being trapped in a wet diaper until someone decided to change me.
Unfortunately, I had not had enough to drink that morning, and did not feel any urge to use the bathroom. I walked to the sink and filled up a 20-ounce water glass to the very top, and began chugging down the liquid. I decided that I would consume 7 cups of water, and I forced myself to do just that. Then I sat down on my bed with my laptop to wait for nature’s call.
At around 2:45, I felt the first urge to pee. I realized though that I still had the key to unlock the device by my bedside. I didn’t want the temptation to let myself out so close by. I therefore rushed to my bedroom door, closed my eyes and chucked the key out the door.
I had no idea where it might have landed. I had lost plenty of items in my apartment before, and I knew it might be awhile before I found it. It didn’t really matter though, because I knew I had the other key in the plastic bag from the shop in my backpack. Chucking the key out the door was really more of a symbolic gesture than anything else.
Finally, I lay back down on the bed, and managed to relax my bladder muscles enough to allow a strong stream of urine to flow into my diaper. The feeling was pure ecstasy, warm urine trailing a path over my groin towards my anus.
My revelry was interrupted though by the sound of my phone buzzing. I went over to my desk, feeling the noticeable sag of the now wet diaper, in order to check my phone. I had a message from Lexi.
“Yay! No more toddlers for the day! About to head into the meeting. Just wanted to say that I’m really looking forward to tonight.” The irony did dawn on me that Lexi was texting that she was done dealing with toddlers, and yet the person that she was texting was, at the moment, looking very much like a toddler.
I texted back a quick “Awww. Me too!” Then, I turned on no less than 6 alarms, decided to chug another two glasses of water, and snuggled into my bed for a little nap.
I woke up to the third alarm, feeling very groggy. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 4:30, getting late, though I still had plenty of time. I also felt the urge to pee again.
I considered carefully. I had wet my diapers more than once before, but the results weren’t always so consistent. Sometimes, I had managed three wettings before the diaper leaked, but other times, it couldn’t hold more than one wetting. It may have been pure laziness, but I just decided to wet the diaper again. Once again, I felt the urine flow into the empty pockets of space in the diaper, and though it didn’t leak, I was pretty sure that it was at its capacity.
Then I looked at my phone and spotted the text from Lexi: “Finished the meeting really early. I’m actually pretty hungry already (maybe I should have had more than than salad haha. Well I knoooww that you aren’t busy with anything, so let’s meet at 6:00 instead. I already made a reservation!”
“Fuck,” I mouthed under my breath, quickly scrambling to recalculate my timing. Leaving 45 minutes before means I need to leave my apartment by 5:15 and its 4:40 now, so I have 35 minutes to shower and get dressed. “Okay, that’s fine,” I reassured myself. Thank God for my foresight in picking out my clothes earlier.
I needed to get out of this wet diaper quickly though. I ran to the living room, grabbing my knapsack, found the bag from the sex-toy shop, reached inside for the key and…. “Fuck,” I said. It wasn’t there. I turned my knapsack upside down, inside out, but couldn’t find it. “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck” I intoned as if chanting to some ancient gods.
I didn’t have time to think about what might have happened. I immediately began searching through my apartment for the other key that I had thrown. I calculated the angle that I must have thrown it, getting down on my hands in knees, crawling through the apartment, (at the time, the irony did actually escape me) but to no avail. My place was a mess. I had loose clothing articles scattered all over the place, and a tiny key like that simply did not want to be found. I could search for several days, and I may never find it.
I panicked. I tried picking the lock with a needle. Nothing. I grabbed the pair of scissors, desperately hoping that if I could apply enough pressure, I could cut the belt off. Nope. “Fuck,” I said once more.
I went back to my knapsack, and turned out every single item, but there was no key. I glanced at the clock: 5:10. “Shit, I can’t be late for Lexi,” I told myself. I would have to cancel. Thinking about Lexi, it suddenly dawned on me what happened to the other key. When I dropped the key to the chastity belt in my knapsack, I must have put it in the bag with Lexi’s phone, the bag that she then put in her purse. That meant that my only way out of this diaper was to go meet Lexi.
Now sweating profusely, I ran into the bathroom, sticking my hair under the sink faucet. I then doused myself in cologne, particularly applying it around my diaper, hoping to mask the smell of the urine. I rushed back to my bedroom to get dressed, only to find that, of course, my nice white pants couldn’t close with a puffy diaper underneath. Neither could any of my other pairs of nice slacks.
“Fuck!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.