Chapter 1 & 2
“Now remember honey I said no parties…” Fearne’s mum said kissing her on the cheek.
“Aww mum” Fearne said cringing away from her mother’s lips. The fourteen-year-old girl shucked her shoulders trying to avoid the kiss.
“Yes and if you do remember to keep some friends overnight so they can help with the clean up. I’ll be back to see you again soon Princess.” Her uncle said ruffling her long blonde hair.
“No, sweetie, please no parties. Your sister will be back tomorrow morning and she will tell us anyway.” Her dad said with a warning stare. He was right too. Claire, her younger sister, would try anything to get a one-up on her big sister.
“Okay so the poker games are cancelled.” Fearne smiled as her parents shot each other panicking stares. “I was told to say that.” Fearne said holding her hands up as her uncle tried to stifle a guffaw.
45 year-old Simon turned to his 26-year-old younger brother and swung a light slap at his head. Joseph nimbly ducked under it.
“Your still to slow old man.” He said with a huge grin. He and Fearne both loved winding Simon up and the nickname “Old Man” was too good to resist. “Bye Fearne and remember be good and don’t get caught.” Joseph said ducking into the back of the SUV.
Fearne’s mother gave her one last hug. As her father slapped his forehead in a sign of exasperation.
Turning to her husband Mrs Cotton said.
“It’s the first time we have left them for any length of time.” She said, turning back to face her eldest daughter. “Mrs Davenport is across the street she will come and help you if you need anything. The dinners are on the menu on the fridge you know how to work the oven…”
“No mum I forgot already…”
“And there is fifty bucks each for you if you decided to order out.” Her mum finished. She kissed her daughter on the forehead again then turned to her husband. “Okay we can go now.”
Simon stood holding the door to the car open. He was in two minds. On the one hand he agree totally with his wife. They shouldn’t be leaving their girls alone all weekend but on the other he wanted to be able to say at least he was trusting them. Caught up between wanting to hug his daughter goodbye and not the problem was settle for him when Fearne ran up hugged him and started to push him into the car.
“Go already.” Fearne said holding her long hair behind her back with her right hand. “You will miss the flight if you take all night leaving. I’ll be fine.” She said pulling her thin arms out of the car and closing the door. Almost instantly the window wound down with a strained hum. “No I don’t want to hear it. I know the phone numbers. I will lock the door if I am in myself so go.” Fearne turned and began to walk into the house.
“BYE” The adults shouted in unison but the door to the house was already closed.
The exhaust was still hanging in the frigid air when Fearne returned to her room. She had locked the door and was now trying to stifle her breathing. She had waited this long a few more minutes weren’t going to be that hard. Opening her cupboard to her reflection she moved past the door and grabbed her school locker keys.
There was a running joke at school that Fearne couldn’t use a padlock because she had both sets of keys for one padlock on her locker.
What they don’t know they won’t find out. Thought Fearne. Sliding the single key with the white Tip-Ex mark on it off of the key chain.
She had searched the entire house from top to bottom to find the perfect hiding place and had eventually found it underneath the floorboards. The house had been built before they had moved in and it appeared that the people who had lived in here before them had added another room to ground floor to create what the Cotton’s used as a utility room. You could get beneath the house at the front door by lifting up the front door mat and opening the hatch underneath. But Fearne had discovered that the hatch in the utility room opened to a completely different area which could not be seen when you opened the other hatch. And as much as she loved her dad Fearne knew that he couldn’t squeeze through the hatch in the utility room. Her slender body could and that was where Fearne was heading now.
As she pulled up the mat Fearne was very careful to make a note of where everything was. She hadn’t gotten all of this stuff so that she could blow by her mum or her sister poking around. Opening the hatch Fearne pulled up the grey refuse sack she had taken from the pile in the garage. Checking the tape she had put around the edge Fearne made sure it hadn’t been opened and that no mice or other creepies had been eating it. Finding it okay Fearne gently ran her finger along the edge of the tape until she found the part she had folded over. Pulling it up slightly, but not pulling the tape apart she saw that the thick black dot was still only half covered, in case someone had opened it and tried to seal it back up the way they found it. Opening the sack quickly Fearne grabbed the green duffel bag inside and put it behind her. Closing the sack she placed it back underneath the floor and replaced the mat. Checking to see that nothing had been disturbed she moved, with the duffle bag clutched at her wrist, to the kitchen.
Her fingers shaking slightly with excitement Fearne unlocked the padlock on the zipper of the bag. Slowly unfastening the zipper to prolong her enjoyment Fearne opened the bag and looked down at the wondrous contents inside.
Gently, tentatively she pulled out the pastel packaging inside. The soft green and yellow colours were mimicked in the soft plastic. This was for it to be safe with little ones. Pulling the packaging apart Fearne grabbed the pink pacifier and stuffed it into her mouth.
Spitting it back out Fearne rushed to the facet to wash the taste out of her mouth. Moving warily back to the packaging the teen began to read the sterilizing instructions. Filling the kettle she switched it on.
Apart from the green light there was nothing that showed the silver machine was even working. Knowing it would take at least a couple of minutes didn’t help Fearne so to ease her frustration she went back to the bag.
Sitting in a neat plastic set were four terry towels. Fearne had saved her pocket money for an age only to find these in the January sales. They still had the pink Christmas bow around them but when Fearne had bought them she had explained it was for her mum’s new bathroom.
Although they had fallen down the back of the bag Fearne reached down and pulled out the four extra large safety pins. They were styled as crayons and had a coloured top that could be pushed down over the point of the pin, almost locking the pin, or removed completely so that it didn’t push against skin and irritate it. Fearne mentally selected the orange and red pins to keep their tops. The blue one could be taken off, as could the green.
The kettle clicked off with a whisper and Fearne dropped the pins back on top of the towels. Taking a clear glass bowl Fearne put it gently beside the pacifier. She then took out the food wrap, placing the paci in the bowl with the boiling water and covered the bowl.
Re-reading the packaging Fearne realised she would have to wait a while so she took the bag and headed upstairs.
The cupboard door was still open in her bedroom when Fearne arrived and her reflection looked so excited. Possibly it wouldn’t look so smug when she was back in diapers but she would never know. Smiling a toddler-like playful smile at her reflection Fearne pulled her laptop from under her bed.
Starting up the machine Fearne searched in her chest of drawers for a less grown up top. Her uncle had taken her and her sister shopping before he left and he had bought Fearne this top, only after much promising that she would be good, but it was far too grown up for someone in diapers. Slipping out of it and her training bra Fearne grabbed the top she had set aside. It was white with a small tartan heart on the centre. She had got it on a trip to Edinburgh a couple of years ago. It had since become too short but Fearne had held onto it because it did make her look very babyish. Slipping on the top she turned to her computer and made some practised moves with her finger.
Moving the pointer to Control Panel she moved quickly into Folder Options. Checking the option to view hidden files her desktop was suddenly alive with transparent files. Clicking on one of her most recent downloads she promptly entered the password and Fearne clicked on the file she wanted.
The jpeg opened up and Fearne maximised the instructions for folding a cloth diaper. Selecting a triangular fold because it meant that she could place a single safety pin across the front of her diaper like in all of her dreams unwrapped the ribbon and took out the first towel.
She had used the sizes recommended for the teen diapers on this picture to buy the towels and coupled with the fact that she had looked down her jeans to see what size she would need Fearne knew the diaper would fit it was just a case of folding it properly.
Fearne’s first attempt was laughable the diaper didn’t even fold into the triangle properly. Shaking her head she started again and this time manage to get it better. Sitting on the diaper like the instructions said Fearne tried to pull the diaper between her legs. It was only then that she discovered that she had folded the entire thing backwards. On her third try Fearne sat on the diaper shape and was proud of her achievement not only did it look like a diaper but also sitting on it Fearne could say with almost certainty that it felt like a diaper.
She moved quickly to the bathroom. Darting like a girl possessed Fearne grabbed the talc and returned to her room. Putting a gentle coating on the diaper Fearne then sat back down on the towel and pulled the final protruding part up between her legs. Pulling and holding the diaper Fearne realised to get the diaper as tight around her toushie as she would like she would need another pair of hands. Pausing for a moment she reached into the bag and drew out two safety pins. She then fastened them at the join where the protruding part of the diaper first met the rest of the towel at her hips. Doing the same at the other side Fearne adjusted the diaper so it was as tight as suggested on the screen before pulling all three folds together and fastening the pin.
Standing Fearne moved to the mirror to consult her reflection. She looked and saw a face that looked as anticlimactic as she felt. She felt like she had wrapped a towel around her waist, something that she did everyday when she came out of the shower. Although she liked the look. Fearne took the tip of her thumb and gently bit down upon it lowering her head in a playful and cute way.
Moving back a couple of steps revealed that Fearne had now developed a slight baby waddle but it still wasn’t enough for her. When Fearne went into the bag for the last time to bring out the rest of the baby equipment she had got she wanted the centrepiece to be properly framed.
Moving back to the bed and plumping down onto the thick duvet gave Fearne a bolt of inspiration taking another towel from the packet she began to fold it like she had done for her first diaper. This time she managed a decent fold on her second attempt and as she began to pin on the second diaper she pulled the tops off of the first pins and replaced them on the second. This still left the final flap of diaper hanging between her legs. Fearne thought about this for a second and tucked it into the first diaper. The thickness this time brought her the startled glee the first time she had been reintroduced to diapers at hospital.
Fearne had been taken in complaining of stomach pains when the doctor had identified a kidney infection. When she was taken into hospital Fearne had been placed in one of the available beds near the supply closet in the self-contained children’s ward. It was there that she had discovered that some of the older kids were in diapers but also plastic pants as well. That night all Fearne could dream of was being put back into diapers and being allowed to play like a baby again.
Placing both hands inside her diaper Fearne unpinned the first flap and threaded the safety pin through the first and second flaps before refastening the pin. Standing Fearne had to waddle to her mirror where she saw her reflection was standing as happy as she was.
Fearne stood at the mirror and moved her hands over the diaper. Turning around she gazed at her expanded rear and giggled. Moving around she moved her body into silly poses accentuating the ridiculousness of her attire. The smile on her lips was completely massive when she turned to waddle back to the bag. Looking back over her shoulder Fearne remembered.
‘Babies can’t always walk’ She thought to herself.
“Me hafta cwawl.” She said in her best baby voice. Sliding down onto all fours Fearne crawled to the bag.
Moving up to the bag Fearne looked at the contents. The centrepiece was still hidden behind the bib and bottle she had bought. Taking the bib she fastened it around her neck making sure that the yellow border and yellow teddy bears where facing the world. Waddling back over to the mirror she looked at her almost complete reflection. Moving back to the bag Fearne started to move the bottle when she heard a whir-click from her door. Twirling around she saw her sister standing there with her Polaroid camera.
“Get out!” Fearne screamed. “What are you doing back?” Her voice squeaked with shame and embarrassment.
Claire moved the camera to her eye and snapped again and again and again. The photos were coming out of the camera so fast that Claire didn’t have to pull them from the machine they were falling by themselves. Grabbing a hand full of photos Claire waved them at her dumbstruck sister’s face.
“Coochy coo!” She giggled.
Fearne was immediately heading forward. She charged her sister in an attempt to grab the photos. Her diaper worked against her, her slightly taller and less stocky build meant that she was normally faster than her sister but, the large bulk between her legs prevent her from reaching her top speed. Her sister was out of the door and locking the bathroom door, across the hall, before Fearne had even reached the pile of photos on the floor.
Claire sat on the toilet laughing. She couldn’t believe it. Her perfect big sister a big baby! There was no way she could deny it. Claire had been watching her trying on her baby clothes. She even had stuff on her laptop about it. She had even spoken in baby talk. Giggling uncontrollably Claire looked at the rapidly developing photographs she had. She held in her hand three absolutely perfect shots. Fearne standing in front of the mirror, Fearne on all fours and Fearne holding the baby bottle. And the one where Fearne turned around to see Claire well her face was a picture and it was crystal clear who it was. The rest of the photos were fair and Claire began to photograph the clearest pictures so she had multiple copies. The camera might have been running out of film but fortunately her kind uncle had bought a pouch that was fitted to the bottom of the camera containing three extra films.
Fearne heard the camera snapping away again on the other side of the door. Pressing her ear against the door all she could hear was her little sister giggling and taking pictures.
Knocking gently on the door Fearne took a deep breath before beginning negotiations.
“Claire…? Can we talk about those pictures?”
Claire felt her stomach leap with delight. She had her sister on the ropes with any luck she would be grovelling before much longer.
“Why? Do you want them for your baby book?” She said with a stifled laugh.
“No. I mean I want them. Could you unlock the door?” Fearne said she had expected her sister to react but not like this.
“I don’t think so. Its not like you need to get in here!” Claire said this time she allowed herself a guffaw.
“I need those pictures.” Fearne said her voice raising an octave with the stress.
“Well then you had better ask nicely BIG sister.” Claire mocked.
“Please Claire, I’m begging you give me those pictures.” Fearne said. She was an emotional girl but she hadn’t cried in an age so she was fighting back the tears.
“I will give you them back but you will have to do something for me first.” Claire said her voice emanating power.
“Anything!” Fearne said her voice straining with emotion.
“Anything?” Claire asked toying with her sister.
“Yes ANYTHING!” Fearne wailed.
“Good. Crawl back to your room and get out your baby things. I will go and get your pacifiers.” Claire said matter-of-factly.
“No way.” Fearne said. This was getting far too freaky.
“Sure thing sis. But I will warn you now. I have here three sets of photographs. A very incriminating set, a very incriminating set and a copy of an incriminating set and you don’t know how many photos are in each set. So if you don’t go into your room I will hide some photos in the bathroom and throw the others out of the window. With your diaper on you will be too slow to stop me and if you try I will still be able to go back and get the photos in the bathroom. Or you can do what I say and I will give you all the pictures.”
Fearne stood with her mouth open staring straight at the door. Her little sister had always been a schemer but this was, well, nasty. Fearne looked down at her diapered waist. She didn’t have a choice. Claire was only pretending she did. Moving onto her hands and knees Fearne turned and crawled across the carpet.
Claire slid open the door a crack. Fearne was actually doing it. She was on her hands and knees crawling back to her room. Sliding through the open door she skipped down the stairs giving Fearne’s diaper a tweak as she went past.
Fearne moved into her room and pulled the duffel bag onto the floor beside her. She pulled out her mum’s old exercise mat and laid it open on the floor. The plastic backed mat was heavily padded to prevent injury to the back during exercise but to Fearne the bright pink insides looked exactly like a changing mat. She had taken it out of the stuff to be sold at the yard sale and hidden it in her room until she could put it with the rest of her baby things. Fearne then pulled out the packaging for the diaper pins. Although she had used the all of the pins on her diapers there were still the two extra crayon heads rolling around in the transparent plastic. Next she pulled out her baby bottle. Looking at the painted Pocahontas picture on the side it was hard to believe that it was this that had really got her into trouble. If she hadn’t been clattering it around she would have heard her sister come in. Next came the brown paper bag.
When she had been in hospital Fearne had questioned one of the candy stripers on duty about the diaper supplies for big kids. The older girl had believed that Fearne was just scared so had humoured her by answering all of her questions. She had explained how there were certain pharmacists who sold special products to hospitals. These products could be bought over the counter for those who knew what to ask for and that all they really needed was a candy striper badge for identification. She explained that the girls usually went across in twos and in their uniforms so that the pharmacist didn’t think that the supplies were for them and that generally the price was almost exactly the same for baby products as for youth products. Even as she finished explaining to Fearne she had had an idea.
Three months later Fearne had helped out as a candy striper for a couple of days to say thank you for to all of those people who had looked after her in hospital. She had kept the ID, the uniform and a shopping list of supplies to buy from the pharmacist. Fearne had carefully added the brand of the most babyish of the youth diapers to the list and was trying to build her confidence enough to buy some disposables. She had however on her way home on the second day of helping walked into the pharmacist and purchased her centrepiece to her baby clothes, a pair of crystal clear plastic pants, in full view of other members of the public without getting embarrassed.
And now here she was waiting for her little sister come back up the stairs and tell her what she had to do to get the photos back so that she could keep her love of diapers her little secret. Delving back into the duffel bag she removed the pink ribbons for her long hair, she gazed at her bedroom door knowing that she would be in diapers until her sister left to baby-sit so any hope of hiding them would be out of the question.
She heard her sister clomp up the stairs. She didn’t need to make that noise but Fearne guessed it was to make her return more ominous. As Claire pulled swung open the door she still had the camera around her neck as some other things in her hands.
“Right then baby sister I think its time you showed me all of your baby things.” Claire smiled placing the thick pink “Hello Kitty” pillow down onto the floor at the door. “But I think you should do it quietly…” Claire held up the pink paci that Fearne had tasted before. “Bring over some of that ribbon so I can tie it around your neck, don’t want you loosing it do we?” She mocked.
Fearne had no choice she stood up and waddled over to Claire.
“No, no, no.” Claire tutted. “That will not do. Babies can’t walk. You said that yourself. What will you have to do?” Claire leaned in close to Fearne.
Fearne looked into her little sister’s eyes. She was enjoying seeing Fearne squirm and she knew that Fearne was helpless to stop it.
“Me hafta cwawl.” Fearne repeated in a deflated voice. Fearne then turned and mooched back to beside her bed. Plopping down onto all fours she then crawled over to Claire who held her hand out expectantly for the ribbon.
Claire then knotted the ribbon and threaded it around the paci. Placing the ribbon over Fearne’s neck she held the teat expectantly at Fearne’s lips. Seeing no other alternative Fearne began to suck on the paci.
‘At least it tastes better now that it is sterilised.’ Fearne thought as she began to nurse the paci.
“Now baby sister you are going to show me all of your wonderful baby things.” Claire said.
“Big sister.” Fearne said in a small voice.
“Now big baby sister you are going to show me all of you wonderfully stinky baby things.” Claire said her voice suggesting that Fearne had better get on with it.
Fearne crawled over to the pile of clothes she loved to have. They were her biggest secret her biggest desires and here she was parading around in them in front of her little sister.
“I bought these terry towels to use as diapers.” Fearne said her voice cracking. “I was planning on using the exercise mat as a changing mat. I have the two heads for my diaper pins so that I could remove them easily…”
“Hold it there.” Claire grinned. “You could remove your diapers easily. Were you planning on wetting them?”
“No.” Fearne said her voice rising in exclamation.
“Well I suppose you wouldn’t. No baby plans on wetting their diapers now do they? Bring me those and lets make sure you stay in diapers.”
Fearne crawled over to Claire who took the pinheads and stuck her hand down the sides of the folds of the diapers. After a couple of seconds Fearne heard the muffled click of success as Claire snapped the pinhead over the top of the pin.
“Its not like I can’t remove them you know.” Fearne said trying not to sound disheartened by being locked in her diapers.
“I know but you won’t.” Claire said menacingly. She didn’t need to elaborate the threat.
Fearne moved back to the bag and pulled out the baby bottles, wipes and then started to move to the computer.
“Wait.” Claire said raising an eyebrow.
“What is it?” Fearne asked around the paci.
“What’s in the bag?”
“I’ve shown you everything…”
“Not the duffel bag Poopy the paper bag.”
“I want to see it.”
Fearne knew that she might as well show it. After-all Claire would likely just go and look for herself if she refused anyway. Pulling out the plastic pants Fearne held them up for Claire to see.
“Wow!” Claire exclaimed genuinely shocked. “Well there is no doubt in my mind you’re a baby.”
Fearne felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment. She would have fantasised about being told she was a baby. But now her sister was saying it she felt almost diminished by the diapers.
“Why are you back anyway?” Fearne wined.
“Mum and Dad told me I had to start baby-sitting at 5. But when I went over to Mrs Davenport she told me that her plans had changed. She is now going out a nine by the way…but I guess Mum and Dad were right. Its only ten past 5 and here is the baby I have to look after.”
Fearne looked to the ground. She had been caught by being unlucky that would burn her up inside later on.
“But enough about me. I have a responsibility to make sure that your diapers don’t leak all over the floor. The best way is obvious being as you’re holding them.” Claire smiled.
“You don’t mean?” Fearne asked her face puckering at the thought.
“I think that I should put them on you. Big baby sister.”
Fearne stood staring at her sister. The tension in the room seamed to sweep in around them as they stared at each other. Every power struggle, every argument was being played out in their minds. But here Fearne was at a total disadvantage. She could do nothing but she should not be seen to give up with no resistance.
But deep down in Fearne’s mind there was a little voice. A tiny part of her, the part that made her buy the plastic pants. The part that made her ask all those questions. And it was loving this.
Fearne bowed her head to her sister in a motion of defeat and Claire strode toward her sister. Taking her by the hand she pulled her toward the changing mat.
“Lie down baby sister.” Claire laughed. Fearne complied. Claire then took the plastic pants from Fearne’s grip and pulled her big sister’s legs into the air. Sliding the pants down Fearne’s legs Claire then pushed her sister’s legs over further lifting her onto the small of her back so that she could push her shoulder between Fearne’s legs and the changing mat and pull the pants over the diaper. “Stand up BIG sis.” Claire mocked. Fearne stood up and Claire busily, and none too gently, tucked all of the stray pieces of diaper into the plastic pants.
“Now show me everything you have on your babified computer.”
Fearne crawled to the computer and Claire walked behind her, admiring her handiwork, Fearne’s rear was completely babyish the plastic pants now gave her movements a slight crinkle.
Fearne began to explain that her uncle had uploaded a free ISP onto her laptop when she came back from hospital so that she could use the Internet without leaving the couch. She had then used the time spent at home to gather as many resources as possible on every aspect of a baby’s life.
“You know everything…” Claire said impressed. Freaked out but impressed.
“I don’t know why…I just kept searching…” Fearne stuttered around the paci. It felt like Claire was extracting her innermost hopes and fears.
Claire then began pointing to the different files forcing Fearne to open them and reveal her desires. There was the picture Fearne had assembled from different websites of a nursery; it even said Fearne on the headboard of the crib. There were the pictures of other kids in diapers, from age 3 to 18 all of them looking so happy…
“What’s in that file?” Claire asked pointing her index finger at the file marked Xp.
“Its nothing…it’s the windows file…” Fearne said, a little too quickly.
“Open it.” Claire said.
“Alright but it doesn’t have any baby files in it.” Fearne said. She knew that by patronising her little sister she could wind her up and hopefully make her leave this file alone.
“Well…go on then.” Claire said tapping her foot against the back of Fearne’s diapers.
Fearne knew that she wasn’t going to convince her sister about this so she opened the file.
The window that opened was full of files and applications that look possible enough to be a windows file but Claire knew her sister was hiding something. Ever since she had caught Fearne on the hop Claire had felt one step ahead. She knew there was something in here but she couldn’t figure out what it was.