Gracie

Hello everyone … I hope I’m putting this in the right spot this website is so much more confusing then Wattpad. Hope it’s enjoyed

Ding ding … “Order up”

I hear the sound of the cook bell go off as I buss the once full tables. I try and concentrate on getting the tables cleaned so I can go back to hiding in the kitchen where I can just listen to music and stop getting the usual stares of curiosity or the look of shock as if I was doing something wrong. I try to ignore all the different conversation happening around me. Some about farming. hunting or sports … or the usual comments about my short stature.

You see I was born with something called GHD or Growth Hormone Deficiency. For those who don’t know about it well in short … I’m super short. I was born with it and unfortunately just because im so lucky with everything in life I was never treated so it continued to get worse and worse. With my form I’m basically an 18 year old trapped in a 5 year olds body. With my form of GHD it basically caused childhood growth failure, facial appearance, delayed bone age. So I literally stopped growing. I guess it’s just my luck tho. But enough of that let me finally introduce myself. I’m Grace Hendrix … I’m 18 years old… freshly 18 actually. I just started working at Lou’s Diner about three months ago after I aged out. I guess you could say nobody wanted a girl like me.
I got super lucky when I got hired because with my looks I’m usually take for a heck of a lot younger but after showing that I was actually 18 I was luckily given a chance to show I could work and do the job.

Welp I better get back to work … " Hey Grace ! Get back work you don’t get paid to just stand there" I hear my boss Robert the restaurant manger yell towards me.

“Sorry” I whisper as I carry the heavy dishes to the sink.

I double check the diner to see if there was anything else to do and once I seen that I got them all I set off to do my other job… dishwasher girl. I roll up my sleeves and get to it. After getting a quarter of the way through I’m suddenly pulled out of my thoughts by my co worker Benson. Hey shortie how’s the dishes going. I flip around instantly and splash water his way catching him in the face and chest. “Aw man, I just got this shirt Grace !” I hear him groan.

I chuckle. “Well you know not to call me that name you dork”

I see him stick his tongue out at me and then feel him nudge me a little. “Hey I brought some of my mom’s chocolate cake for lunch. We will get some good eats on for lunch if you want to join me today… but I have no problem eating it all on my own if you decide not to .” He gives a sly grin.

You’re not that lucky Benny. You know I’m always hungry for cake. I say quickly.

“Dammit” i hear him say as he walks towards the back of the kitchen where the storage room was. I hear him toss his stuff in it and then walk back to me.

I liked Benson he was a nice guy and we have become almost the best of friends since I started working at Lou’s. Kinda like a big brother … even tho I was older then him by 2 years and he was just lucky to have the height.

I continued to wash my dishes and hummed to myself .

At the corner of my eye I see him pulling up a stool and sitting down next to me I went back to my dishes as I knew he was trying to distract me. “Stay focused grace … don’t give in to his antics…” I kept repeating in my head.

So what are you doing after your shift ? Benson grinned and asked.

I ignored him again … dammit Ben. I thought to myself.

“Oh come on Gracie” … I glared at him,

He knows I don’t like that version of my name. It makes me sound younger the what I am and my height already does that to me enough.

"Why? What do you want."I said in an unenthusiastic tone.

Well my parents want to meet you, you dork so they invited you for dinner. I don’t know why… to be honest your kinda a jerk. Ben says with a dramatic eye roll.

I punch him in the arm with my overly bubbled hands.

Awe that was the cutest punch ever. He said laughing as he wipes the bubbles off his arm.

Hey you two get back to work! What the hell am I paying you to idiots for. Robert grumbled. As he walked off towards the office in the back.

"Yea yea … jerk."Ben mumbled under his breath. As he pretended to walk away from me once he seen Robert out of sight he came right back to bug me.

So will you ?

Will I what . I ignored the question and continued my mountain of dishes.

Argh will you come for dinner.

“Hmm no… I can’t Ben.”

“Why ? Got a hot date or something?”

I glared at him and ignored

“Come on all kidding aside why don’t you wanna come.”

“Umm I’m washing my hair”

“You’ve used that excuse every time I’ve asked … you cant be washing your hair everyday. Come on grace pleaseeeee!!!”

I sigh… Fine.

Really?

“If it will make you go away then YES I will come over to your parents house for dinner you dork”

Yes!! Ok cool I’ll text my mom. You like spaghetti right ?

I nod and roll my eyes as he saunters off to actually do work.

I think about it and the thought of a hot meal doesn’t sound to bad. I’m basically surviving off of peanut butter sandwiches and vending machine snacks. I don’t make much at the diner and am jut surviving in an old motel room I was able to rent. It’s not much but it eats a lot of my pay check. The room took a bit to get but thankfully I was able to convince the manager that I wasn’t a child.

I push dinner to the back of my mind and finish off my dishes then go on to my next task…

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Nice opening, Smurfette. The “growth-impaired protagonist” trope is often silly, but you seem to be taking Grace’s character and situation seriously. One thing though: I get the impression that she is rather cute, so why then could she not find someone to adopt her? I mean…her height is only a small (pun intended) issue in the long run.

I guess I’ll wait a bit to see where the next chapter or so takes this, before I comment on the plot itself. If I had to say anything at the moment, it would only be that this doesn’t establish all that much other than the fact that she’s really small. It’s an interesting premise in that you have her functioning as an adult in the -ahem- normal world. Depending on where it goes, this could be quite fresh.

Other than that, I’d say give it a good once or twice over again. There’s a few spots where quotation marks appear to be missing from dialogue.

Also something like this:

I would give it a line break and make it into two lines. Actions immediately following dialogue would generally be performed by the speaker unless stated otherwise. In this case, it’s not stated, so it reads like either Gracie said it, even though Ben said it and Gracie glared.

It reads more smoothly, plus you can combine the next two paragraphs as it’s Gracie acting and speaking in both. (also, there ought to be a question mark at the end of that last sentence. Point is, some general clean up will certainly make this a lot nicer to read.

I shall await future chapters.

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The worst that would happen if it wasn’t is that it would be moved to the correct place. :slight_smile:

Also, I find the comparison to Wattpad very amusing because the forums side of their site actually uses the same software. :slight_smile:

I haven’t had a chance to proof read anything since I started writing . Hoping to get a chance eventually to fix all my errors and horrible grammar and punctuation. :sweat_smile:

OK. Just reacting as I go along, but I’m not sure about the multiple POVs here. It’s not easy to make them work, and you get so awkwardly experimental here (phone transcript, etc.) plus telegraphing some secret offer his parents will make: it may have been better just to keep it in her POV and allow her character to develop more.

Thank you for the advice on that! I have a few chapters already finished in the multiple POV but I think I’ll slowly start to transition more into her POV

Chapter 3

“Come in come in.” The blonde woman said enthusiastically.

I could feel two hands on my back guiding me into the houses. I felt a little nervous but tried not to think about it.

“Grace this is my mom Elizabeth… mom well you know grace. Ben said awkwardly”. I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. He talks about me ? Why ? I looked confused at him and he just looked away and shrugged.

"It’s great to finally meet you sweetheart. I have heard a lot about you."Mrs. Carpenter said as she bent down a little. and took my hand in hers.

I look at Ben and all I got was a shrug. I shook the woman’s hand feeling very put on the spot. “Um it is nice to meet you to Mrs. Carpenter. I um like your cakes. I said awkwardly.” Dumb ass cake ??? Really that’s all I got … I thought to myself.

She smiles

Oh sweetie please call me Elizabeth! She said enthusiastically … gosh she was such a happy person… definitely not what I was use to.

Um ok Elizabeth. I looked at Ben and waited for him to say something.

“Soo ok we are going to go watch tv until dinner is ready” he said while pushing me in the direction of what I could only assume was the living room.

Ok Tanny sweetie I’ll call you when it’s ready oh and Gracie honey please let me know if you need anything! Elizabeth called out from the kitchen as I was pushed down the hall.

Living room

We got into the nicely furnished living room. It had this really comfy feeling to it. I watched as Ben flopped down onto one of the couches and grabbed remote off the table to turn on the tv that was in the room.

I sat down on the other couch and looked at him and grinned.
So Tanny ??? I questioned

He looked up at me and glared. He gave be the finger and told me to shut.

Aw come on I think it’s cute Tanny. I said to bug him like he usually did to me.

shut up Gracie! he said while tossing a pillow towards my head, luckily I was able to move before I got hit.

I giggled and got comfy on the couch as Ben found something to watch. We ended up watching the Simpsons. About 20 minutes had passed and I could feel my stomach growling for food. I could smell all the spaghetti goodness coming from the kitchen and to say I wasn’t excited would be an understatement. I tried to ignore my hunger and just focused on the show. A few minutes later I started hearing clicking on the floor and looked up to see a golden retriever pounding into the room excitedly. He ran up to Ben searching for loving.

Hey rocket! He said while scratching the medium sized got all over.

Rocket seemed to take notice of the new person in the room and took off towards me for pets. I gave him what he wanted… he totally made me his ear scratching bitch.

“He is totally going to be your best friend now.” Ben said with a laugh.

“Dad must be home he usually takes rocket to work with him.” Ben got up from the couch. “Come on I’ll introduce you to him.” He walking towards the hallway and waited for me to get up and follow him.

“So what do your parents do ?” I whispered while we walked towards the kitchen.

He shrugs. Mom works from home usually she’s Medical Writer . And Dad’s a Lawyer. I have an older brother Luke but he’s away at school.

Kitchen

We walk into he kitchen and see Mr and Mrs Carpenter talking near the stove.

"Oh here she is !"Elizabeth said in an excited tone. Man she is really happy.

“Gracie sweetie I want to introduce you to my husband Nicolas.” I looked up to to the very tall man and felt super nervous. I mean sure Ben was tall and it took me a while to get use to him but his dad was over 6 foot 3 at least.

“Um hi Mr Carpenter.” i nervously stuck my hand out to shake his and felt my eyes bulge a little at the size of his when he shook mine.

“It’s very nice to meet you grace. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He said in a very happy tone.

I gave a tight smile and looked away awkwardly.

Ben broke the awkward silence and pulled his fathers attention away from me.

“Hey dad I had a question about the some future projects on the stang …” he pulled Nicolas out of the kitchen and out side to where the garage was.

I was glad the awkwardness was over but Ben left me alone with Elizabeth and heck if I knew what to talk about. I looked up to her and could see the happiness on her face.

“Would you like to keep me company while I cook ?” I nodded my head and smiled .

She guided me towards a metal stool that was at the island.

I climbed onto the stool and sat there looking around.

Would you like some water sweetie ? Or maybe some apple juice ?

Um juice would be great thank you. She smiled and went to the fridge to get me some.

A few seconds later she brought me a cup full of apple juice and left me to go stir the pot of spaghetti sauce that was boiling on the stove.

I picked up the glass of juice and took note of the heavy glass making sure to hold with both hands not to spill.

“So Gracie, Ben has told me your new to the area.”

" Oh um yes Ma’am I moved here about 3 months ago after I got hired on at the restaurant." I was starting to feel more comfortable and the small wasn’t to scary with her.

“That’s good, I bet your family misses you like crazy. I know I would!” She says before she sips at her wine.

“Um actually I don’t really have any family. I was put into foster care at a young age so I basically aged out and ended up finding Lou’s diner.” I sipped my drink again.

“Oh sweetie.” She took my hand and patted it a little

“It’s fine. I mean it wasn’t the greatest especially with my height impediment but I survived.” I said with a shrug

“Well I’m so glad you did and that you are here! I was so excited when Ben told me you agreed to come over for dinner. It’s nice to have another girl in the house for once.”

I smiled and thanked her for having me. We talked a bit more the topics ranging from movies to books and even some stuff about gardening I felt super comfortable and was really getting out of my shell.

When she turned her back to get the pasta started and the garlic bread in the oven I decided to look around the kitchen again to take everything in. I noticed a couple of odd things around but kinda brushed it off because I really didn’t know them. But decided why not ask.

So do you guys have a small baby in the family. I asked with a half smile as I looked between Elizabeth and a high chair that look very new.

Oh no… not yet anyways. Elizabeth response was quick as she went back to doing her cooking tasks. A few seconds later Nicolas and Ben came in from outside looking like they were excited about something.

I tried to brush off what she said … maybe she was expecting ? I sat there in silence

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Chapter 4

Elizabeth’s POV

Oh no… not yet anyways… I feel my eyes go wide. Omg why did I say that. I pretend to go back to stirring the sauce.

I look back to see the boys walking in with big smiles on their faces. Then look to see little Gracie sitting there with confusion on her face. Goodness she’s so cute ! When Tanner told me about her I was a little skeptical at first but when he showed me her pictures and told me a bit about her life I just felt an instant connection. Nick and I have waited for this moment for ages. We always wanted a daughter after the boys we tried and tried but never conceived and adoption just took way to long. I looked to Gracie and smiled at her and went back to cooking. Phase one of getting her here was complete! Now on to Phase two.

Gracie dear would you mind helping me set the table. I ask with a smile as i open the cupboard that held the plates then went back to the stove.

I hear a mumbled response. What was that sweetie?

Oh I said sure.

Graces POV

I get up from my seat and walk towards the open cupboard. I gulp when I see the height of the cupboard to where I’m standing. Hmm how am i gonna do this with out climbing. I look towards Ben or “tanner” as I now know. I see a knowing look cross his face and watch him stand up from his chair and walk towards me. He grabs 4 plates and 4 bowls for what I assumed was for the salad and stacks them into my open arms. Then leaves me to go grab cups. What a jerk! Come on man.

God why are these plates so damn heavy? I thought to my self. I could feel my hands starting to sweat and my arms start to shake. Come on grace you can bring four heavy ass plates across the room to the table come on. I started to walk and tried to make my struggles unnoticeable. I was half way there when it happened my luck ran out. I tripped over my own two feet and Smash in an instant I found my self on my stomach on the floor with white glass everywhere I tried getting up only to hear a gentle voice telling me not to move. I could feel strong hands pick me up. I instantly felt the waterworks start everything became blurry. Whyyy me whyyy I thought. They invited me for a nice meal and I just smashed all their plates and bowl like a damn child.

Shhh shhh it’s ok shh shh Gracie it’s okay. I could hear the whispers in my ears but I couldn’t. No this wasn’t okay why didn’t I ask for help.

I could feel someone brushing off my back and checking me over for any broken glass. I was passed over into a set of smaller arms which I could only assume was Elizabeth and could feel small pats to my back which slowly turned to bum pats … wait a minute bum pats… not those I mentally groaned knowing that those are what you do to calm down babies jeez the way I’m crying that’s probably what they think I am. I jolt a little as the bum pats continued to show how uncomfortable I was and I could feel her hand move to my back again. I need to compose my self. Come on grace ! I push my self a way from Elizabeth hoping she would get the hint to put me down… she didn’t.

Ahh sweetie there is way to much glass down there she says while wiping the tears that have fallen. I turn to see Ben and Nicolas sweeping up the glass. And instantly start crying again while apologizing.

I-I-Immm so-so-sorry. I said I ss-should ha-have … I’m ss-soorry. I suddenly felt arms pull me into a tight hug. Shhhh calm down it’s fine. Was all I heard. I could feel my body start to calm down a bit after who knows how long. I could feel a hand rubbing my back and movement going on in the background. I just stayed in this hugging position being consoled by the unknown person. I decided maybe now to pull away and see that it was Elizabeth. I looked up at her and I she gave me a sad smile and I could feel her fingers brush the tears of of my cheeks. It’s ok sweetie, I’m just glad you didn’t get a booboo. She said in a motherly tone that I really wasn’t used too, I could feel a flutter in my stomach when she used it. And it made me feel I dunno safe. I was pulled into another warm hug and I could hear her heart beat and then her chest rise more as she spoke.

I pulled away and then took noticed of my surroundings I could see that the pasta was on the table and another set of plates filled the once empty spots. I watched as Ben put the salad on the table he looked up and gave me a tight lipped smile and a nod as to kind tell me everything would be ok. I suddenly felt my self being guided towards the table and to a chair next to ben’s. I sat down and tried to gain my control back of the situation. I mentally chastised my self for acting like a child. I need to look grown up I need to show them that I’m an adult. I looked at the table and and could see all the delicious food. I could feel my tummy rumble at the sight. Nicolas and Elizabeth sat down across from us and that’s when I knew it was time to feast. I watched and waited my turn as Elizabeth filled her plate… or what I thought was her plate. I was just about to get my hand on the salad when I suddenly noticed my once empty plate was filled with spaghetti and garlic bread… pre cut spaghetti … I looked up in confusion and tried to question but I seen Elizabeth filling what I assume was my old plate with her own meal as the boys had already started eating. I lost my nerve of questioning why my spaghetti was cut up like a parent would do for a child. I decided to just eat I was already embarrassed enough and the last thing I wanted to do was offend anyone… I mean spaghetti is spaghetti right?

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The punctuation here is making this very hard to read. Compare and contrast:

I think I’ll probably stop posting until I can get the proofreading done to make it easier for everyone to read. Thanks for letting me know what needs the be fixed.

This is an interesting start and I am enjoying it. I like how you have begun to flesh Grace out and this looks like it could be an interesting story.

As far as the proof reading goes, I don’t think it’s all that bad, sure there are a few mistakes but it didn’t make things hard to understand. It is very readable, and I wouldn’t be too nervous about posting another chapter. We are not professional writers here and posting to the stories in progress board can help with the editing process, does that make sense?

That’s just me, as long as I can read a story I don’t notice or mind the odd spelling mistake or formatting error. The advice you have gotten is really solid though, so what I’m trying to say is keep posting and editing as you go.

One thing I would like to bring to the discussion is the POV change. If you want to change POV thats cool, it can be your style however I would say is when you changed to Elizabeth’s POV you kind of gave away too much of the plot. Like at the begining of the story I was thinking that Ben was going to be Grace’s Daddy and then when she got to the house and you dropped little hints it was getting more interesting on where the story would go, especially at the end of the chapter when Grace notices the baby stuff and asks the question just to have it avoided by Elizabeth. I was looking forward to seeing how that would progress. But then you switch to Elizabeth’s POV and pretty much reveal that she is going to regress Gracie. Personally I think this could have been done a bit later in the story. I think you could have teased us a bit more with this, like there were questions about the high chair, maybe it was for Ben, maybe he’s a little and thought he had found a little friend, maybe they were planning on adopting, maybe it was for a relation with a baby. But with the switch to Elizabeth’s POV we know exactly what the plan is. Regress Gracie. I would suggest that when switching POV’s do it for character development rather than plot reveal. Like you could have explored Elizabeth’s emotional reaction to Grace, then the heart break of trying to have a daughter and failing to the pains of trying to adopt. Granted that would have given us a huge clue to what was about to happen, but without explicitly telling us. I would keep plot reveal for the main character POV.

Don’t be afraid to tease us, that is a big part of story telling. Keeping people hooked and on the edge of their seat, by hinting where the story is going then revealing at the appropriate time. So I think the reveal of the plan would have been more impactful at the end of the beginning section of the story. So once the main players are introduced and given a bit of background and character development. Then have it revealed to us through Gracie’s eyes. Does that make sense?

Anyway all this is just a suggestion, and this is your story. There is no one correct way to write a story, even when it comes to punctuation and grammar. There are successful authors out there who use giant run on sentences in their stories and it is part of the style that they have crafted. Write how you want to write and look at the critique that makes sense to you and that you want to learn more about.

Thank you for writing this and I look forward to seeing how the story progresses

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I only found this story today.
I agree with Ubba on most things.

Oh yeah, I quickly realized what chapter 2 was getting at.
(I mean Chapter 3 Where is Chapter 2?)

English is not my mother tongue!
It is german and german grammar is tough. Especially when translating from english to german or vice versa.
I am currently translating my darkest story into english and I am hoping for the help of a friend on the DD site, but he haven’t answered for over 1 month.

Your story is sometimes hard to read, because sometimes you’re just too quick in the action.
I would not have just described, how her back is stroked and her butt patted.
No, I would have in same time rocked her gently in her arms, while she become her back stroked and her butt patted.

But then how she wiped her tears away … wonderful moment from your!

All in all, I’m fine. Your pace is the only thing that I would really complain about, but that would be a complaint on a high level.

Believe me, I’ve read much more worse gramar and spelling in english and german, from native speakers than what you’ve written.
Some even want to work as a patron with this bad gramar and spelling. LOL

I liked Elisabeth and Grace’s point of view.
I would only have regressed Grace more slowly and consistently.
You hold all options in your hand. You must only do what you like too. Sweet or dark … I don´t care (smile … no not really … Iam a fan of darkness)

Please go on, because I can read and understand it, even if I have already rewritten a lot for myself. so that it becomes slower and tougher (darker).

Which way want you go? I would be glad, if I can read it too.

Please come on again

Ps.
If you can read my grammar, so understand you why you are not so bad for me.
I like your story

greets Nicole