Kira & co chapter 2

Chapter 2
“Come on baby, we are going shopping today remember” Kerrie said as she walked into her daughters room.
“5 moor minuets please mommy” Kira said.
“You said that ten minuets ago” Kerrie said walking over to Kira and beginning to tickle her.
“Ok mummy, I’m getting up” Kira said through laughter.
“Ok let’s get you dressed and then breakfast” Kerrie said walking over to her daughter draws to pick out some cloths.
“Isn’t there school today” Kira asked, making Kerrie laugh.
“School has finished for the summer remember” Kerrie said.
“Oh yeah” Kira said “I forgot”, which just made Kerrie laugh again.
“Right, I think that this t-shirt and this skirt will do fine” Kerrie said
As it was summer it was rather warm, so she did not need anything thick.
After breakfast they went and got in the car and headed to the mall.
“Are we not going to the local mall” Kira asked.
“No baby, we are going to a mall a few miles out of town, you don’t want anyone recognising you and realising the items that we are buying are for you do you” Kerrie said
“No defiantly not” Kira said
An hour later they pulled into the mall car parking, they parked up and walked in to the mall.
“Oh look strollers” Kira said
“Yeah, do you want me to rent one” Kerrie asked.
Kira gave her mum a look that said yes I would like one but I am too embarrassed to ask.
“Come on then” she said, Kerrie walked over to the strollers paid the girl on the counter the 5 dollars to rent the stroller for the day and then strapped Kira in

“Ok I think the first place we need to go is in here” Kerrie said, turning in to a shop before Kira could see what it was called. Kerrie pushed the stroller straight to the diaper isle.
“Ok, yes I think these will fit you, and are better get these and this” Kerrie said
Soon the shopping basket was full and they was at the checkout paying
“Cute little girl you have there” the cashier said “How old is she?”
“She’s 3” Kerrie answered
“So what’s you name then” She said turning to Kira.
“Kira” Kira replied.
“Any that will be $45.75 please” The cashier said.
Kerrie paid the bill and then they went and carried on looking round more shops.
Once they got home Kerrie helped Kira take her new stuff upstairs to her room.
“Ok Kira do you want me to put a diaper on you now” Kerrie asked
“Yes please mummy” Kira said very enthusiastically.
“Ok then hop up” Kerrie said patting the bed
Kira got up onto the bed, Kerri then got a diaper and some baby powder out of a bag also a pacifier which she opened, and gave to a delighted Kira, Kerrie then diapered Kira for the first time since she was 3.
“Wow its 5:30 already, let’s go have some dinner, daddy should have finished cooking it by now” Kerrie said.
“Hope so, I’m hungry” Kira said
Kerrie picked up Kira and carried her down to the kitchen; she put Kira in her highchair, placed a bib round her, and then fed her, her dinner which to Kira Delight was spaghetti and meatballs.
“Well let’s give you a bath then its bed time” Kerrie said at 7:30 that night
“Ok mummy” Kerrie said
So Kerrie took Kira up and gave her a bath, then put a fresh diaper on her then took her to her bedroom.
“Wow a crib” Kira said “Thank you mummy” she said giving her a hug, then she went and gave her dad a hug and said “Thank you” because he was the one who had assembled it.
"Ok then, time for baby to go to sleep Kerrie said picking up Kira and putting her in the crib she and Andrew then gave her a kiss goodnight and left the room making sure to leave the door open a crack.

“You know, I’ve got 3 weeks of vacation, coming up, in-fact I can call work tomorrow and book the next 3 off” Andrew said
“Cool, we can go away for a couple of them as-well” Kerrie said
“Yeah, I was thinking, we haven’t seen, Rosie in years since Kira was 1, so I thought that it would be nice to go down to Florida to see them and so Kira can see her cousins” Andrew suggested
“I think that is a wonderful idea” Kerrie said.
“What time is it” Andrew asked
“9:00 o’clock” Kerrie said “Why”
“I may still be able to catch my boss at work, he works very late on a Sunday” Andrew said grabbing the phone
[Ring, Ring]
“Hello” Andrew boss said
“Ah Mr Smith, I’m glad I caught you” Andrew said, " I was wondering if it would be possible to book the next 3 weeks off, if I’m correct I still have that long in holidays due anyway"
“Yeah, Just let me check, ah yes 3 weeks, sure, ok I have you booked off for the next 3 weeks, enjoy you holiday Andrew” Mr smith said.
“Thank you Mr Smith” Andrew said “Night”, and with that he hung up the phone.
“All set” Andrew said “Tell you what why don’t we leave tomorrow, I will call my sister in the morning and we can set off at lunch time” Andrew said.
“Drive down there?” Kerrie asked
“Yeah why not, it will be fun” Andrew said.

Kira & co chapter 2

OK the firs thing I’m going to say is get rid of those said’s. It makes the speech very boring. It reads more like an instruction book rather then a story. mix it up a bit throw some exclaimed, or asked, or yelled or just a good old sobbed in there. Now if you don’t mind me asking, but how old are you? Because i have never heard of a boss being so cool about someone ringing up and asking to go on a three week holiday starting the next day, especially at 9 o clock on a Sunday night. There is a lot of this story that doesn’t make sense, like the fact that the clerk in the shop asked Kira her name and then asked no follow up questions and the fact that Kira’s parents are so understanding about people teasing her, then they decide to visit relatives who they haven’t seen in ten years, the next day. Like if i were 13 or under and my cousins came to visit who i hadn’t seen for ten years and she was in a diaper i would definitely tease the crap out of her, and i was one of the nice ones in my family.
Anyway keep em coming it will help you improve your writing because i think that you could actually make something decent, but you still have a lot to learn and I’m a bit shattered at the mo so i cant really pick up on em all, anyway dont get discouraged and keep on writing

Kira & co chapter 2

I like it keep going

Kira & co chapter 2

he works very late on a Sunday

The most likely situation ever.

That pretty much sums up the events of this story.

Kira & co chapter 2

Ok first of all you are rushing this WAY TOO FAST!! You need to slow down and build your character plot and fine tune this story. Other than that this has wonderful potential keep writing and you will get better. I am interested in seeing the next chapter.

Kira & co chapter 2

the hell with you jerk

Kira & co chapter 2

I agree that a boss working late on Sunday is a bit odd.
The plot needs more work. I can see where it is going.
Other than the spelling errors,the story seems to be off to a fair start
Keep working and I will keep reading

Kira & co chapter 2

Well, it’s got an attempt at punctuation and paragraphing, at least.

Honestly, all else I can say is that it has a pretty typical storyline and plot. Unrealistic, in bad English, stuff like that. Nothing to make it stand out from a sea of otherwise similar dramas.

The story’s plot most likely goes something like this:

  1. P (Protagonist) likes diapers/being babied,
  2. P’s parents find out
  3. P’s parents baby P and buy lots of baby stuff
  4. P gets diapered
  5. P pees him/herself
  6. P poops him/herself (not neccessarily in that order)
  7. P goes to see relatives, people and friends whose children eventually end up in diapers themselves
  8. P becomes more and more babyish on the way
  9. Parents are happy at getting their baby back
  10. Repeat points 3-9 ad infinitum

This, IMHO, is actually a fairly decent bare-bones storyline for this community, but it needs a lot of further exposition to make reading it actually worthwhile.

You might try to work on oneshots before attempting epic stories. They’re much easier to have a plot for, write and learn from.

Kira & co chapter 2

Was there any reason to comment and bring up this story up again? Angle, you should probably be more careful to check the dates and realize that poor writing will be torn apart. Also, Nemo was not as mean as he probably could have been. Finally, the author seems to have long given up on it, so why are you, Angle, worrying about it?

Kira & co chapter 2

It was a perfect example of the ‘wat?’ factor of the whole story. It was as if the author had chosen to add another unlikely element because the story itself was insufficiently ridiculous at that stage.

Kira & co chapter 2

Just keep going and you’ll get it eventually.

Kira & co chapter 2

I know the stoy is a bit dodgy there and it has been a really long time since i posted it but i have been working on the 2nd chapter again and will have that reposted up soon, i know the story seems to be going extremely fast at the moment but i have a lot pre-writen in fact i have roughly 100 A4 pages (both sides) writen for the story. I also see what you mean about the boss working late on a sunday, and i agree that is to far fetched so in the re-work tht bit will be gone. thank you and i hope you enjoy the re-write