Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

It didn’t take all that long before Mei’s father also got a whiff of the fragrant odor coming from Mei’s room and knew he would need to be changing one or even both girls.
He entered the room and jokingly asked “Now I could have sworn I had removed that diaper pail. You girls have any idea where I left it? It sure smells like I missed a dirty diaper.”
Both girls knowing where the smell was coming from giggled and Ai quietly said “it isn’t the diaper pail, it is me. Sorry.” “Oh it was was it said Ais father with a smile you sure do go pee and poopie a lot” "yea says Ai looking down as if expecting to be hit Ai stared to cry Meis dad said "aww sweetie whats wrong "well um my daddy always hits me really hard when I bug him or have accidents and well i like it here and I like diapers because people wont notice my accidents and they feel good and um please don’t hurt me “” "oh honey i wont hurt you Id never hurt you ever now come on lets get you cleaned up he undid the diaper and saw a a surprisingly large bit of poop in the diaper it was really sofr and runny “oh honey are you sick” ai softly said yes my tummy hurts as she said that she moaned and farted really big and long phhhht* Wow hold on there he didnt bother taping the new diaper as he knew what was coming no sooner had meis dad placed a new diaper on Ai did she she fill it again “uhh” she grunted as she filled the diaper owww my tummy hurts I know sweetie said Mei’s father softly just let it out after she was done he said is it ok to put a new diaper on now "yes she said red in the face he cleaned once again gave her some medicine and takes bith girls out to watch TV he decided to take ais pants off seeing as she was sick and it be one less thing to take off during changing he thought he might as well do the same for Mei so both girls where in socks t shirts and diapers they eat some popcorn Ai fell asleep in mes dads arms but Mei was still awake in a while a pale look came over Mei she hoped down from the couch squatted in front of the TV Meis dad knew what was happening as that was meis poop spot “uhhh” “uhh” grunted Mei red in the face as the bulge in her diapers got bigger and bigger just then Meis mom came home saw what her daughter was doing and was outraged “WHY IS SHE IN DIAPERS STILL I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO POTTY TRAIN HER” "SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE AND I WONT FORCE HER! Said her father well said her mother either this diaper thing stops or I’m leaving you
honey i can not and wont force her to use the toilet if shes not ready well maybe your right but still
I’m going to bed said her mother. alight dear said Meis father and picked up both kids and put them to bed

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

This is unbearable. I can’t even read it. I’m surprised this hasn’t caused more of an uproar by the “regulars…”

Format this like a story. Fix the grammar and run-on sentences. Use a damn Word Processing program like MS Word, WordPerfect, or OpenOffice. Something with a spell checker. Fix it and maybe you could have something worth reading. Part 3 was somewhat better. Try to fix up the rest like that.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Put all the parts into one and it still would be short but OK. I can’t read this story as is so fix it and repost it if you want readers.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

This isn’t even worth critiquing.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Let me explain before you are all to harsh I have a medical conditional that doea not allow me to physically write as a result i never learned basic grammar because in the past ive always had someone write what i say I do have a program that types what I speak but i still live at home so using it to write diaper stories is out of the question I really dp want to create good works so if someone would take on the task of proof reading and making plot suggestions id be very grateful

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Holy crap!

This “story” is horrible. You need to fix all of the grammar and spelling errors and actually make it somewhat coherent. As it is, it’s almost impossible to read.

You need to merge all four chapters into one yo make it almost long enough.

That’s all I’m going to say at the moment.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

lol i quote myself

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

If you can type badly, surely you could type well. You’re not even consistent; you flit back and forth between spelling one of the girl’s name ‘Ai’ and ‘Eye’. As for punctuation, try reading and observing.

Fortunately, as far as I’m aware, there’s no more after this.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

well now, how to be constructive about this??? because its just terrible, like really god awfull. First thing first scrap this. have you heard of a spider diagram? use on to sort out your plot. ok i think ill give you some basic pointers. a story needs a begining a middle and an end. so the begining is introducing your main character and making us like them. the middle is for a dillema, or something they have to over come. and the end is well the end how it all works out.
so ill give you an example.

Begining
introduce mei as being in diapers (give a better reason then because she wants to) then introduce Ai and why she wants to.

Middle
Have something happen that they cant be friends or they cant wear diapers, either Ai’s parents freaks about it and wont let her come over again. or Mei’s mom leaves and her dad potty trains her.

End
you can have so many endings. say for the one i suggested about ai not being alowed over. if you want a happy ending then you could have it that her parents see reason and they work things out and all is good. or if you want a sad ending you could have it that Ai moves away and they never see each other again.

Ok so thats basic plot help. now what i do when i right a story i write a rough draft of what i want to happen, then i leave it for a while and come back to it and flesh it out. then i do that again. for instance my last chapter of ceile (shamless self plugging) was 200 words long, then i fleshed it out to 600 then i think the last total was about 1100. so theres some advice. remember if you have a good plot people will be more inclined to help with your grammar then if you have a terrible plot (which you do)
oh and to help with grammar just type out what you say it works the exact same as that programme that types what you say

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

ok since tou all dont like it thr way it is want to help make part 5-6-7 and good

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

sorry to say that, but it’s like somebody who would sing badly and then saying I have a medical condition that prevent me from singing good… they answer is easy don’t sing

so if you can’t write properly just don’t write or keep it to yourself, on this board there is people with very good writing skills, so the readers here expect more than just a random story.

It’s not your fault we got that part, but the story is not good, really no need to complete that… sorry

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

lol im more of a song writer ifeel a pweaonal connection to theae sroriws because the dad reflects me as a person

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Well, I won’t comment on what you might be like as a person, but my advice to make the parts better?

Write them. Read them. Write them again. Read them again. Write them again. And so on and so forth until you find them to be, at the very least, adequate.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

I….will refrain from saying anything too mean, but I’m almost insulted by this writing. That is all I will say.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Try poetry instead?

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Hey suggestion to everyone.
Instead of continuously bashing him for every single detail…. why doesn’t someone help him to learn how to write a story properly? Even a simple Google link…

Something like this:

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Why was my post deleted? I was simply speaking my mind.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

You were being a dick.

It’s good to know though that mine was deleted as well, rather than I was just drunk and didn’t actually leave it.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

Well yes I was being a dick, and I apologize for that. I’d forgotten to follow the rules at these boards after being used to other boards I post more frequently at. I’m very sorry for that.

Mei Ling: the girl who hates the potty part 4

This is one of the most horridly written things I’ve ever read (this is for all four “parts”, not just this one, by the way).

As for the “I have a medical reason my typing sucks”…okay, I got two words for ya.

Stephen Hawking.

That dude has a medical condition too, but it hasn’t stopped him from being one of the greatest minds of our times, if not the greatest of all time. And I think that even Mr. Hawking, who I doubt seriously is an AB/DL, could write a fifty times better AB/DL story. Your medical condition may prevent you from typing coherently (and apparently, diaperdaddy, it does), but it is not an excuse for this pile you call a story.

Sorry, I just can’t find one redeeming quality in this ‘story’ at all.