Now is the time in the collection of these stories where I try to express my appreciation for another author by writing a story with elements typically found in his tomes. Spoiler alert: I think I did a terrible job and fully expect Mr. Rifle to sue me and or release the hounds. Seriously though, I had the idea for this concept a long time ago and it took me forever to write because it never really felt good enough or at all in some regards to me.
For better or worse, here it is. If you don’t know the author I’m referencing then kindly slap yourself in the face and find long_rifle’s deviant art page or something because the man is fap fodder royalty, and I mean that in the absolute best way.
This was supposed to have been an homage or love letter or whatever to the great one, the one and only long_rifle, but as with most attempts to cultivate a product in the style of another person, I feel that it falls flat and is less an homage and more a reminder to myself that I can’t write what or how he writes. For better or worse, mostly worse, here’s what I ended up with.
My, What a Long Rifle You Have
By: Dementia’s Knight
Keith Maxwell sat at his desk doing what he did best, masturbating. I know it’s sad to hear that a bright young man in the prime of his life’s most credible talent is pulling on his junk until he expels his seed into a tube sock, but what’re you gonna do. The important thing about Keith isn’t that he’s nearing climax as he participates in his favorite hobby, it’s what he’s about to say that’s quite a bit more important.
“Oh fuck, I wish the world was like this dude’s stories.” Keith said breathlessly as he finished himself off.
Now as we all know things said in the bedroom during the moment of climax are very often not meant to be taken seriously and in some cases are outright lies. The problem here is that some of the more devious wish granting deities have been known to grant wishes made precisely in that moment if for nothing else than to cause mischief for the wish maker. Keith doesn’t know it right now, but he’s singlehandedly doomed the entire Earth and all because he shot off his mouth.
Keith cleaned himself up and shut off his computer before climbing into bed for the night. He thought he heard sirens at some point before he fell asleep, but he was too tired to care. As he slept the world changed, waiting to greet him as he woke up to see that his wish had come true.
His bedroom door opened the following morning and a soft humming filled the room as a woman entered the room and went to the window nearest the bed to open the curtains to allow the sun to shine in brightly. “Time to wake up sweetheart.” The woman said as she took a seat on the edge of the bed and gently nudged Keith as he slept.
Disoriented and not sure whether he was still asleep or not Keith rolled over to face the woman and immediately began screaming as his eyes opened and he saw her. The woman was his mother, and while that fact wasn’t all that startling, the fact that she’d died several years earlier of breast cancer was.
“What the fuck!?” Keith screamed as he stared at his somehow reincarnated mother.
His mother shook her head. “Such language.” She chided. “Keep it up young man and you’ll get soap for breakfast instead of food.” She warned as she gave him a stern look.
Keith was dumbfounded and quickly pinched his arm as hard as he could to try and wake himself. No matter what he did, his mother still remained seated on the edge of his bed. She looked really good for a woman that’d been dead for years; in fact she looked to Keith like she had before she’d gotten sick.
Despite the fact that she’d died years before and that Keith was in his own apartment several states away from the house that they had lived together she was here now and had risen from her perch on the side of the bed to pull the covers from her son. She piled the blankets at the end of the bed after she pulled them back and reached out toward her son.
Keith panicked and rolled away from her, moving down the bed as fast as he could. “I don’t know who you are, or how you got in my apartment, but I want you out of here now!” he shouted at her.
She smiled at him as if he’d just told her that she was the best mother in the world and stood up from the bed. “I think someone is cranky this morning.” She declared in a sweet tone as she approached her son.
He panicked and bolted for the bedroom door, once he’d passed through the open door he stopped in his tracks. He looked around at what had been his apartment when he’d gone to bed but now looked strangely like his mother’s old house. Rather than being in his apartment hallway he was in the long hallway on the second floor of his mother’s house looking at the long banister that stretched the length of the hall and overlooked the living room below, a place that had been sold when his mother had passed away.
She appeared behind him as he stood just outside the bedroom door. Silently she grabbed the waistband of his pajama pants and pulled them down enough to allow them to drop to the floor once she’d let go of them.
Keith turned in surprise and got his legs caught up in the pants around his ankles causing him to fall to the floor on his side with a thud. “What are you doing?!” he shouted as he looked up at his mother.
She smiled at him. “Well I thought that you might want to get out of your wet diaper before school.” She told him.
He was sure that he’d suffered some sort of brain damage in his sleep when he heard her and looked down at the yellowed disposable diaper taped around his waist. Not only had he never worn diapers past the acceptable age of two or three, but he hadn’t been in school for nearly a decade now since graduating from high school. He’d had enough of this sick game and with the rationalization that there was no way any of this could be real he kicked out at his mother, striking her right in the face and sending her flying backward into the wall behind her.
He watched her for a moment to see if she’d spring back up and attack him, and when he felt comfortable that she was out cold he removed the pants from around his ankles and got up from the floor. He ripped the tapes on the diaper and let it fall to the floor with a heavy plop before running back into his room to get dressed so he could go out and find out what the hell was going on.
Just as the house he was in had changed so to had his room. The various rock posters he’d had were gone and only bare, sky blue walls remained. His desk and computer was now a changing table sized to accommodate him, its various cubby holes and shelves stuffed with diapers and diapering supplies. The bed he’d just been in was now a large crib and the small piles of clothes that he’d left on his bedroom floor were now small piles of soft and colorful baby toys.
“What the fuck?” he said in disbelief as he took in the various sights of his strangely decorated room.
Shaking off his stupor he quickly moved to the white and blue painted dresser in the corner of the room and began rummaging for something to wear. Most of the items were baby clothes sized to fit him, onsies, shortalls, footed sleepers and things like that. He finally found a pair of jeans underneath everything else, and despite the fact that they had snaps running up the inside of the legs he decided that they were better than the nothing he was currently wearing. He found no underwear, so resigned to just wearing the jeans over his naked bottom half.
He scanned the room for his shoes and found a pair near the changing table. They weren’t the simple black skate shoes he’d worn nearly every day for the past two years, rather they were white sneakers with Bob the Builder on the side of each shoe, the laces replaced with Velcro. With a sigh he slipped them on and moved out of the room, passing his groaning mother as he descended the nearby stairs and out the front door.
Keith had expected to leave the house and be on the street he’d grown up on, but he’d walked out the door and onto the street that existed out front of his apartment. He looked back and saw his childhood home and then looked forward to the city street he was accustomed to seeing. The Target that he worked at was still a block and a half up the street, the nearby apartment buildings were still surrounding his place, but his place was now a two story Colonial rather than a four story apartment building.
A loud crash from the street startled him and brought his attention to the road. Several cars had piled into each other on the road and one had even caught fire. He ran to the car as fast as he could and tried to open the driver’s side door. The door had been mangled in the wreck and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get it to open. He looked in through the driver’s side window and saw a woman in her mid-thirties slumped over the wheel motionless, he could hear crying in the back seat and moved to the window back there. Sitting in a large carseat in the back was a Hispanic girl around his age, she was crying and wailing for her mommy as she furiously squirmed in her seat.
Keith tried the back door but found it also stuck shut; he looked around and found a large chunk of metal on the street near the car that he quickly picked up before using it to smash the window open. The girl inside the car screamed louder as the window smashed in and broken glass shot into the car and onto her and her seat. Keith tried to force the door open as he leaned in through the broken window, finding that impossible he climbed through the window onto the backseat where he went to work trying to unbuckle the carseat to free the terrified girl.
His fingers fumbled between the wiggling girl legs as he struggled to undo the three point harness that held her in the carseat. The car began to fill with smoke as he finally got the buckle undone and the padded harness up and over the girl’s head. He tried one last time to kick the door open but quickly abandoned that plan and moved into position to help the girl out the window to the small gathering of people that were waiting to help her out of the car. As the girl moved past him he noticed a distinct bulge under her denim overalls, as well as similar snaps to the ones up the legs of his jeans.
Keith reached up to the woman in the driver’s seat and grabbed her shoulder before pulling her back as gently as possible so that her back was against her seat. He put two fingers to her neck and waited to see if he could feel a pulse, after a few seconds of nothing he pulled his fingers away and saw that they were drenched in blood. With a grimace and a feeling that he was about to vomit he hurried himself through the back window and out into the fresh air where he was helped to his feet and away from the burning car by a group of bystanders.
The group of people helped him over to the sidewalk farthest from the burning vehicle and had helped him down to the ground so he could sit and wait for the paramedics to arrive and check him out. He looked up and saw the car beginning to burn quite well, the deceased woman in the driver’s seat catching on fire as he watched. His stomach churned and he looked away from the ghastly sight just before he threw up on the sidewalk.
Slowly regaining his composure he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked around at the gathering of people around him. Several people were comforting and attending to the still crying girl he’d rescued from the backseat, others were looking at him with quiet admiration of his heroic deed, while others still were watching the scene in shock and sorrow. Keith rose to his feet and steadied himself on his shaky legs before he took off running toward his work.
His mind was still reeling from what he’d just been through, but he pushed that away for the greater goal of finding out what was going on with the world. He needed to get to work, find his sort of girlfriend and make sure she was alright and then he needed to go with her somewhere safe and figure things out. A line of emergency vehicles rushed past him as he made his way to the parking lot of the Target he worked at. He noticed several large pillars of black smoke rising up on the horizon from what had to be several serious fires as he crossed the parking lot to the entrance of the store. He took three steps into the store and was blown away by the sheer insanity of what he was walking into. Everywhere he looked something even crazier was going on than what he’d previously seen since waking up, with the possible exception of his dead mother waking him up.
At the small restaurant to his left a six or seven year old boy was laughing uproariously as he watched his mother messily eat a bowl of ice cream with her hands rather than a spoon. The woman, dressed in an expensive looking business suit, was seated in an impossibly large high chair swinging her legs happily as she mashed handfuls of ice cream into her mouth causing the majority of it to end up on her face and business suit as well as the large tray in front of her. The woman had kicked off her high heels and wiggled her pantyhose encased toes as she swung her legs back and forth. The woman’s once well quaffed hair was now a tangled mess, large strands hanging down in front of her face being slathered with ice cream as she fed herself.
Not far from the restaurant a young mother was seated on the linoleum floor with her two year old daughter as the pair dug through the woman’s purse and pulled out various items to play with and chew on. Beneath the woman was a large yellow puddle that had spread to just short of the daughter, something that Keith somehow felt comforting.
“Keith!” a woman’s voice called out.
Keith turned away from the woman and her daughter and saw his coworker/pseudo girlfriend Sarah running toward him. She didn’t look like she’d been affected by whatever craziness had seemingly spread all over town like wildfire. He barely managed to stay standing when she ran up to him and hugged him tightly. “Are you alright?” he asked her.
She nodded without breaking her hold on him. “I was so worried that something had happened to you.” She told him.
He realized that he wasn’t hugging her back and immediately put his arms around her. “You were?” he asked.
She pulled away from him enough to look up into his eyes. “Of course.” She said. “I know that we’ve never actually said it, but I really like you a lot.” She told him with a slight blush as she smiled.
All the craziness of the day melted away when he heard that. He never knew that the girl he’d worked with and secretly pined for had actual feelings for him aside from just being friends. “I love you.” He blurted out suddenly, unable to stop the words from flying from his mouth.
Sarah leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “You had to outdo me, didn’t you?” she asked with a playful smirk.
Keith stammered for a moment and then quickly snapped back to reality. “Look, some weird shit is going down and we need to go somewhere safe until it blows over.” He told her.
Sarah nodded. “My house isn’t too far from here, I can drive us there.” She told him.
“No, the roads are nuts.” He said as visions of a burning corpse behind the wheel of a car he’d just climbed out of flashed in his brain.
She thought for a second. “What about your place?” she asked.
Keith shook his head vigorously. “No way am I going back there.” He told her.
She looked at him quizzically for a moment and then followed his eyes down to his pants and shoes before stifling a giggle. “Aww, did your Mommy dress you this morning?” she teased as she gave his cheek a playful pinch.
“No, this was all that was in my dresser.” He said with a furious blush. “I woke up this morning with an apparently wet diaper on to my years dead mother trying to get me up for school.” He explained. “Needless to say I didn’t want to stick around.” He added.
Sarah’s playful grin faded and her face turned sympathetic. “I’m sorry about that Mommy crack, I didn’t know that your mom had passed away.” She told him as she gently caressed his arm to show that she was sorry.
Keith nodded. “It’s alright.” He told her. “If it makes you feel any better I kicked her in the face when she tried to change me.” He said.
She thought for a second and then smiled. “Oddly enough that does make me feel better.” She told him.
A deafening explosion outside rocked the store and shattered the front windows. Keith put himself between the windows and Sarah and pulled her down to the floor with him so they were huddled tightly as they squatted and waited for the rumbling outside to stop. Smoke and dust blew in through the shattered windows as they rose to their feet and walked hand in hand outside.
“Oh my God.” Sarah said in disbelief as they stepped out front of the store.
The remains of a large commercial airliner sat too close for comfort out front of the store. The remaining engine was still running filling the air with its loud and labored whirring. A trail of destruction led to and from the plane from the plane crashing and the second engine flying off after the crash. Dozens of destroyed cars sat under the wreckage, and various parts from various different bodies lay strewn across the lot like some sort of disgusting tickertape parade had transpired.
“We need to get out of here.” Keith said before he turned and started running practically dragging Sarah behind him.
Sarah was hysterical at this point and just kept crying and repeating ‘oh my God’ and ‘all those people’. Keith chose to ignore her for the time being as he’d made up his mind that they were going to go back to his house, watch the news to see what the hell was going on in the world, and possibly put his undead mother back in the ground.
[i]Quite a mess Keith has made of things, wouldn’t you say? I know that breaking the story like this is frowned upon by most, but I wanted to take just a moment to clue you in to just what’s going on in the world because let’s face it, the news report that Keith is going to see isn’t going to shed any light on the situation. Come to think of it, would the news even be on in this situation? I mean I know that protocol is for the news to report chaos and disaster, but who’s to say that the effects of Keith’s wish didn’t befall the reporters, or the guy that runs the feed? You know what, I’m getting off track here and I apologize.
When Keith made his wish the Earth changed. Some of the changes were small and others were very large, individually they might have gone unnoticed by the world as a whole but together they brought society to a grinding halt. Everywhere on Earth people were having experiences similar to Keith.
The woman and her daughter that Keith saved from the car wreck weren’t always that way. Rosa Gutierrez had woken up that morning to find her daughter passed out on the couch in the living room after spending the night out drinking with her friends. When Rosa saw that her daughter had wet herself on the couch for the third time in as many weeks she woke the girl up and declared that she must be a baby since she kept wetting herself. Mary Gutierrez changed instantly and became the infantile minded girl that Keith had rescued. Her clothes changed to adult sized baby clothes and all her underwear became diapers. Rosa no longer remembered her daughter ever being an adult and just saw her as the baby she now was and, in her mind at least, had always been.
The mother and son at the restaurant were also completely normal prior to Keith’s wish. Nicholas and his mother Jennifer had stopped at the Target for lunch; something that the always career focused Jennifer didn’t usually make time for. Young Nicholas had a passing thought that his mother would look silly if she were eating ice cream like his baby sister did and Jennifer’s chair became a highchair, her salad became a bowl of ice cream and she gained the mind and eating habits of a toddler.
Marcy had thought it would be great to have the same ability her two year old daughter had to find fun in the most mundane of things. She found herself unable to resist getting down on the floor and playing with the contents of the purse between her and her daughter. She’d been so happy and preoccupied with her fun that she had an accident and wet her pants right there on the floor. She didn’t seem to mind that though once she found the jingling car keys in the bottom of the purse.
Finally, the plane that crashed outside the store was piloted by a man whose wife, who was several hundred miles away at the time, had used a trinket she’d purchased while at an odd store in the mall to wish that her husband would give her a baby. The pilot had disappeared from his chair and appeared in his wife’s womb as her unborn child in the blink of an eye. The co-pilot had thought it would be great if he didn’t have to worry about going to the bathroom as often as his prostate was beginning to act up, and found himself naked on the floor of the airplane bathroom now just a wailing infant. Without anyone to fly the plane it came crashing down in the parking lot of the store killing nearly everyone onboard.
That my friends is what Keith’s wish has wrought, a world where passing thoughts and wishes of youth are granted instantly, where no matter the distance a person can and will be affected by words spoken or thoughts formed provided that those thoughts and wishes involve humiliation, mental or physical regression, or any other manner of infantile behavior. Anyway, let’s get back to Keith[/i].
Keith stood outside his old house with Sarah. He was afraid to go in, afraid of what the woman that looked like his mother would say or try and do to him once she saw him. He was also worried about what would happen to Sarah, would his mother try and do something to her as well? Another series of small explosions far off in the distance forced his hand and he opened the front door before dragging Sarah behind him through it and slamming it shut.
“Oh good you’re home!” his mother’s voice said from the kitchen as she finished what she was doing and came into the living room. “And you brought a little friend from school with you.” She added when she saw Sarah.
“Sarah and I need to watch the news.” He said dismissively as he rushed to the remote and turned on the television.
His mother clicked her tongue at him and snatched the remote from his hand. “Little boys and girls don’t need to watch the news.” She chided as she changed the channel from the empty news desk on the screen to happy colorful cartoons. “You watch this while I go get you two some snacks.” She said before patting Keith on the head and placing the remote in her apron and heading back to the kitchen.
Sarah was still muttering about the plane crash and Keith got up and helped her to a seat on the couch before kneeling in front of her and guiding her to look him in the eyes. “Sarah, it’s over now and there’s nothing we can do for those people. I need you to calm down.” He told her. She continued her rocking and muttering and without thinking Keith slapped her across her cheek enough to shock her back to reality, it was something he’d seen done in movies and thought it might actually work in real life.
“Keith Elliot Maxwell!” his mother shouted from behind him.
He turned to see his mother standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a small tray in her hands and a look of anger on her face. She moved to him and set the tray down on the coffee table before she grabbed his wrist and pulled him to his feet before delivering a hard swat to his behind.
“Apologize to this little girl right this instant.” His mother ordered.
Keith had had enough of this woman that looked like his mother but couldn’t possibly be her. In a fit of rage he punched the woman in the face sending her tumbling backward onto the floor. Sarah screamed and covered her eyes as Keith hoisted the unconscious woman up from the floor and dragged her to the front door before opening it and pushing her outside, slamming and locking the door afterward.
“I’m sorry you had to see that honey.” He said gently as he sat next to Sarah on the couch and pulled her to him so he could hug her. “She’s gone now and everything is alright now.” He told her.
Sarah shoved him off of her. “Everything is not alright Keith!” she screamed. “I saw a plane crash and body parts all over the parking lot, you slapped me and then punched your mother in the face. We’re pretty goddamned far from alright!” she shouted before breaking down into uncontrollable sobs and dropping to her knees.
“Look, I’m sorry I slapped you.” He said. “You were freaking out and I thought it would help. As for that thing, she wasn’t my mother, my mother has been dead for a long time.” He explained.
Sarah looked up at him and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry I screamed at you.” She said. “None of this is your fault and I know that you’re just trying to deal, same as me.” She explained as she got back to her feet and sat back on the couch with him.
Keith took her hand in his and looked into her eyes. “I love you, Sarah.” He told her. “If this is like the end of the world or something I just want you to know that I’ve loved you since the day we met and that you’ve made my shitty life better by being in it.” He said before leaning in and kissing her on the lips.
Their kiss ended and they were both speechless for a moment as their brains buzzed with excitement and passion. Keith opened his eyes and smiled. “That was great.” He said.
Sarah nodded. “Yeah, I’ve never been kissed like that.” She confessed. “You know, if this is the end of the world then I can think of something much better we can do.” She told him with a glimmer in her eyes.
That was all Keith needed to hear to get him to stand up and grab Sarah by the hand before the pair raced upstairs to his room. When they got there they found the accommodations to be less than arousing. Keith’s bed was now a large crib complete with a mobile of pastel animals hanging above it.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Keith said as he took in the sight of the infantile room.
Sarah turned to him and kissed him passionately again. “I don’t care, I want this and I want you.” She said hungrily as she led the way into the room.
The side of the crib was down and Sarah quickly stripped down to her bra and panties before she pulled Keith’s pants down, squatting so that she could pull them off but also give a few teasing kisses and licks to his erect member. The toddler style pants flew across the room and were joined by her undergarments as the two climbed into the crib as they began kissing one another feverishly. The protective bedwetting cover under the sheets of the mattress crinkled loudly with every move they made, and both wondered if they were really going to be able to make sex work under these conditions. Once Keith was inside of her though all doubts were erased and they made the sweetest love that either of them had ever experienced.
During this romp, Keith’s mother had made her way back into the house through the sliding glass door at the back of the house and upon hearing sounds upstairs had climbed the stairs to investigate. When she got to Keith’s room and saw her baby boy engaging in sexual congress with a little home wrecking tart she snapped and crossed the room silently to grab Sarah by the hair and pull her off her son and out of the crib, discarding the nude girl to the floor on her back violently.
Keith was caught with his pants down, both literally and figuratively, and was powerless to stop his mother from scooping him up and placing him across her lap as she sat down on the edge of the crib mattress before raining open palmed smacks down on his naked rear end.
“You’re a very naughty boy Keith, hitting mommy twice and throwing her out of the house. Now I find you touching naughty parts with this,” she struggled for a moment to come up with a word she wanted to use even as she continued spanking her son. “Whore!” she nearly spat as she looked down at Sarah with disgust as the word left her lips.
Keith tried to fight back against his mother, but she was somehow stronger than him now and all he could do was wiggle uselessly and ultimately start to cry out with every smack. Tears began to flow freely down his cheeks as smack after smack connected and his behind began to sting and burn.
Sarah tried to help by rushing at Keith’s mother, but she got a taste of the back of the woman’s hand across her cheek and was sent sprawling across the room as though she’d been shoved by someone ten times bigger than Keith’s mother.
“You’re next you little whore.” Keith’s mother spat as she glared once again at Sarah.
Keith was now a blubbering mess and had completely given up the useless struggle against his mother’s now overwhelming strength. Another struggle that he lost was one with his bladder as he began pissing on the floor and his mother’s leg and shoe as she spanked him.
The spanking stopped when Keith’s mother felt the wetness cascading down her leg and without a word she hoisted her boy up and onto her hip, defying the laws of physics by carrying her grown son like he weighed no more than a baby or toddler. She walked to the changing table and carefully lay him down and buckled him to the table with a strap around his waist before she threw a foot to Sarah’s face as the girl was trying once again to get up.
The force of the blow actually sent Sarah backwards hard enough that she crashed through the railing in the hallway and fell to the first floor of the house where she landed hard but safely on the couch causing the piece of furniture to crack loudly and collapse under the weight of her fall.
“Now that that little problem is taken care of, let’s get my baby boy into a nice diaper.” She said sweetly as she turned her attention back to Keith who was trying desperately to undo the buckle holding him to the table while screaming profanity at his mother and crying for Sarah. Keith’s mother gently put her hand on her son’s forehead and slammed his head back down onto the wooden surface of the table. “Hush little baby.” She said as she looked down at her dazed son.
Keith’s head was throbbing and he was quite out of it as his mother cleaned him up and taped a thick diaper onto him. He tried to resist but his mother kept him in line with little effort and soon he was diapered and a baby blue shirt was slipped onto him before his mother released him from the changing table and hoisted him once again onto her hip before she carried him out of the room and downstairs humming a lullaby to him as they went.
Sarah was regaining consciousness and trying to get up from the destroyed couch as Keith and his mother reached the bottom of the stairs and Keith was put into a playpen that had somehow appeared in the time that they were upstairs. Keith’s mother smiled down at her baby boy and then turned her attention to Sarah.
“You know what I wish?” she asked rhetorically as Sarah finally managed to claw her way off the couch and to her feet on shaky legs. “I wish you were never born.” She said with a sinister smile creeping across her lips.
There wasn’t anything Sarah could do to stop it, the wish had been made and the new rules of the world dictated that the wish be carried out. The changes started slow at first, her head began to ache as knowledge and memories disappeared she began to feel pain in her bones as they shrank and made her shorter. When things started to happen more rapidly she was overcome with pain as her teeth began to recede into her gums and her internal organ shifted around to accommodate her diminished size. She’d gone from a young woman to a preteen to a little girl in nearly the blink of an eye and by the time she reached toddler age her screams of agony were infantile wails and those too degenerated into horrible gurgling noises as her little lungs filled with amniotic fluid and she melted into a puddle of genetic matter where she once stood.
Keith had watched the woman he loved be unborn right before his eyes and something in him snapped and he threw himself out of the playpen and at his mother screaming at her in a feral roar of rage and anguish.
“I wish you would be a good baby.” His mother said as her boy neared her.
Powerless to stop it or understand why, Keith stopped and quieted and dropped to his butt on the living room floor babbling happily as he looked up at his Mommy. He kicked his legs happily as she picked him up and put him back into the playpen. “Mama.” He gurgled with a smile.
“That’s right baby, Mama is here.” She told her son before she went to the kitchen to get something to clean Sarah out of the carpet.
[i]And that’s the story of Keith Maxwell and how he doomed the Earth. I know it might not seem like this is the full story, and you’re right it isn’t. The true end of the story takes place high above the Earth on my private space station, the LR Inc. Global Observation Station, where I sit in my plush leather chair surrounded by gorgeous women whose sole purpose in life is to cater to my every whim and desire. See, I like to watch things play out, mostly I like to watch my machinations and relish the joy that comes with watching someone’s foolish mistakes ruin their lives and leave them in some sort of perpetual state of infancy.
I’ve seen a lot of things from up here, products that I’ve created wreak havoc on foolish teenagers, and magic items of my own design transform people into objects or alter their lives in permanent ways that they thought were what they wanted but didn’t quite know what they were getting themselves into. I watch it all and it gives me great pleasure, but this business with Keith is another beast entirely. Keith has single handedly ruined the game; he’s rendered the Earth completely unusable for my particular brand of villainy. So, it’s with a heavy heart that I turn a key and open a case to reveal my little red button that when pressed will destroy the world and wipe the slate clean. We had a good run Earth, and I’ll miss you.[/i]