Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents
I was dismissed from school right after lunch because we all had to get ready for our game. I went to my locker and got out my uniform and cleats and brought them to the locker room. The other girls were in there getting ready also. I grabbed a new diaper out of my locker and went in a stall to get changed. I took off all my clothes and got changed into a clean diaper. I didn’t really need to be changed but I did it anyway because I wanted to be in a fresh diaper so I wouldn’t have to deal with changing it when I’m gone, I hope. I wouldn’t have to take off my leotard just to change a diaper. No, the leotard isn’t part of my uniform, I just brought it along to keep me warm because it was cold out. It was cloudy again and wet and the game didn’t even get cancelled. I put on my sport bra and then my leotard. I put on my uniform and left the stall. I sat down on the bench and put on the socks. I took out my soccer ball and cleats stuffed my clothes and shoes in the locker and slammed it shut.
I sat down again and put on my cleats. After I was done, I picked up my backpack, er diaper bag if that’s what you want to call it. I left the locker room and went to the front of the school. The school bus hadn’t arrived yet. My school takes school buses to get to sport games while the other schools in the county have charter buses or fancy ones with their mascot and school colors on it and we have these crappy school buses. I wish we had a special bus too for going to games.
I sat and played my Game Boy. I was trying to get to Wario so I can beat him. The rest of the game was easy but the last level was not. I kept dying and I would turn the game off and back on so I wouldn’t run out of lives and have to start all over with the levels. I got ‘game over’ one time and boy I had to do the levels over and I did not like it so I found a new way of having unlimited lives. Restarting it.
I heard more of my team mates come out talking.
“Gosh you and your Game Boy again,” I heard one of them say.
I died again and turned the game off and back on again. I went back to my file and selected it and went back to the level again.
Soon the bus arrived. I paused the game and stood up. I picked up my backpack, and soccer ball. The girls started getting on. I got in line and got on. I sat down in an empty seat and resumed my game.
I heard more girls getting on and then our coach.
“Okay I want everyone to…”
I didn’t remember the rest she said 'cause the words floated from my brain.
“There’s Casey and Jeffery…um also I…okay….everyone off the bus and….warm up, no dilly dallying.”
Mrs. Cleaville was talking alright but I know she said more than that but that is all the words my mind processed so that is the only words I heard while the rest sounded bla bla bla. I wonder if the car wreck did that to my brain?
I get so sick and tired of teachers and subs telling me ‘pay attention’ when I really am. Just because I can’t remember what word is being said doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening.
Then something hard poked my shoulder.
I screamed and jumped. I found myself clawing at Jessi who was sitting behind me with Audrey.
I stopped immediately.
Jessi leaned against Audrey saying “Whoa. Get her away.”
I felt embarrassed. I didn’t mean to attack her, I just automatically did it. I had no control over it. It was like there was a person inside of me controlling all my body movements and it had controlled my hand to come out and get Jessi.
“It’s okay,” I heard Mrs. Cleaville saying. “You just scared her. Natalie’s here.”
I heard her calling other kid’s names. I saw she was doing roll call.
I wonder why Jessi poked my shoulder real hard? It felt like something hard stabbed me in the shoulder by someone and it really scared me.
I felt really bad for clawing at her. I didn’t know why, I just did. But at least I stopped myself right when I saw myself doing it.
I wondered if I was going to get punished for it.
“Okay we’re ready to roll,” I heard Mrs. Cleaville tell the bus driver.
We started to take off. We left the school parking lot. I got tired of trying to beat the game so I turned it off and put my Game Boy in my back pack in the back part.
I sat back. Then I felt myself wetting. I squeezed my legs trying to stop the flow. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop it but I decided to anyway just to be dumb. Then I was done going. I hugged my soccer ball on my lap and sighed.
I wonder why she told the bus driver we were ready to roll. I know she didn’t mean that we were going to roll ourselves to the game, that’d be silly so I know she didn’t mean it. Wait a minute, I think I finally figured out what she meant by ‘we’re ready to roll.’ Wheels roll right because they’re round and round things roll when they move so that’s why she said ‘we’re ready to roll.’ She meant the bus, not the kids and her.
Man, how I figured it out right away after she said it. Maybe I’m not dumb after all.
When we arrived at our game, Mrs. Cleaville told us when we get off the bus, she wants us to warm up. She told us all the warm up drills she wanted us to do.
I decided to leave my back pack on the bus because I didn’t want it to get wet. I was afraid of my diapers getting wet and my Game Boy and the games.
Everyone grabbed their soccer balls, wattle bottles and some grabbed some soccer equipment. Two of the girls picked up the water jug and brought it off the bus. One of the other girls carried the cups off too. I just carried my ball. It wasn’t raining out thank god but the ground was wet.
I heard Jessi telling the other girls about me scratching her. “I tap her on the shoulder…she scratched me…Mrs. Cleaville didn’t do a thing…” was all I heard from her.
Some of the girls were carrying the polls and Nikki was carrying the blue tarp. Mrs. Cleaville mentioned we were going to set up a canopy to keep dry from the rain.
I wonder what a Canopy is. I would find out later.
We walked by the tennis courts to the soccer field. It was very close to the school. It was actually right next to it. I wondered where their football field was and baseball and softball.
There were no stands but there were bleachers. My team mates started to set up the canopy. Then I realized I had seen those things before while camping. It’s a cover thing that keeps you out of the sun. It’s like a tent except it has no sides and I saw them at Saturday Market last month. Dad took Mom, Kelly, Matthew and I down there which was in Portland, only across the river from us even though I couldn’t see the city where we are. All the building and houses and trees were in the way. Dad took us there, his way of spending time with us and Matthew threw a fit most of the time and Mom had a breakdown at the market because it was so crowded. Mom cannot take crowds so she doesn’t go to places that will involve them. If she can’t take it, she leaves. I even have memories of her making Brian, Kelly, Matthew and I leaving places because they were too loud, too busy, crowded and this was when Dad wasn’t with us cause he be at work or away on a trip. With Dad with us, it’s different so she has that breakdown at the market in the crowd and bam, Dad makes us leave the area and I didn’t like it.
After my team was done setting up the canopy, they put the tarp down on the ground. Everyone picked up their bags and water bottles and balls and put them on the tarp. I could have brought my bag along, why didn’t I think of that before? Doh, I was stupid again. That’s what Homer always says when he does something dumb in The Simpsons.
I remember back in elementary school, Mom and Dad would have us all sit together in the family room and watch the show every Sunday. I remember I hated the show but the only way to escape homework was if I watched The Simpsons. Then I have learned how to like it. I loved those prank calls Bart does to Moe’s Tavern and the owner always falls for them. Why doesn’t he just hang up every time he hears a funny name?
Mike Rotch (my crotch)
Homer Sexual (homosexual)
Al Caholic (alcoholic)
Amanda Huginkiss (a man and hug and kiss)
Hugh Jazz (huge ass)
Oliver Closeoff (all of her clothes off)
IP Freely (I pee freely)
One time I tried it by calling some restaurant but the person hung up right after I asked if someone was there but I forget what name I said. Then I tried some random number I think it was someone’s house number and that person yelled at me so I hung up and then the phone rang again and my mother answered it and then she yelled at me telling me the person I had called had just called back and what on earth was I doing. I told her I was just trying to be like Bart and she said it was just a TV show and it’s not real. I never tried the funny name prank call again. But I have tried others I heard like is your toilet running, is your refrigerator running but I got yelled at for that also. Then one day Dad told me I can go to Juvenile hall for it if I kept prank calling because it’s against the law and I didn’t even know it was so I had to stop now that I knew.
All my team mates ran in the field to warm up. I followed after them. We all got in four rows. I was in the last row at the very end. The seniors were in the front row. They’re always are and they are the ringleaders and the rest of us juniors and sophomores do what they do.
“Ready go,” they said.
Everyone started doing jumping jacks counting to ten. I hate warming up. It’s so boring so I just stood there.
Then the next warm up was knee bents. You bend your knee down and have it touch the ground and stand up and you do it to your other knee. The grass was wet. No way I’m getting my uniform all dirty from the wet ground. It has mud in it.
“One two three four one two three four,” everyone was counting as they were doing the warm up.
“Natalie, warm up,” Mrs. Cleaville shouted from the bleachers.
I warmed up doing it very slowly. I’m not so good at it. I can’t do it fast as everyone else. If I try going faster, I lose my balance. Why does it have to be so hard?
Then the next step was doing stretches. I could nearly touch my toes without bending my knees.
Everyone counted to ten and then we spread our legs and stretched to our left toe. Then we stretched to our right. Then we had to stand on one leg holding our right foot behind us. I cannot stand on one leg but I can for a few seconds but not long as everyone else. I lift up my right leg and grabbed my foot but I couldn’t stand on my left leg. I had to keep letting go of my right foot so I can catch my balance and try again. As everyone was counting, I grabbed my right foot again and this time I stayed on my left leg but I was jumping around trying to keep my balance. Then I almost collapsed but I kept my balance. I headed toward Chris and I head butted into her and we both fell down on the wet ground.
“Natalie,” she shrieked.
“Sorry,” I said. "I couldn’t keep my balance.
“God you got my uniform all wet,” she said as I got up.
The girls were still counting and they switched to holding their left foot and standing on their right legs.
Chris saw some mud marks on her uniforms. “You got my uniform all muddy,” she said.
“Sorry,” I said. “It was an accident.”
“Natalie the warm up disaster,” said Nichole. “Ha get it, Natalie the warm up disaster?”
A few other girls laughed.
I had some wet spots on me from the ground but I didn’t see any mud. I guess I was lucky I didn’t get dirty but I will anyway during the game if I fall down.
I didn’t try standing on my right leg. Then we moved onto the next warm up push ups. I could never do push ups but I could when using the wall but doing it on the ground I can’t. I can’t even keep my body up. Everyone was on the ground doing push ups counting. I hate touching the grass with my bare hands and legs. It itches real bad and it hurts and it gives me rashes. I wonder how the girls can stand the pain. Feels like prickly stuff.
Then we had to be on the ground, ugh. Everyone sat down and did their stretches on the ground. I just stood there. I do not like sitting in the grass and I do not like sitting on the wet ground.
After we did all the warm ups, it was time to run. We ran across the field and back. Then we did high knees, another thing I can’t do well as the other kids on my team. I couldn’t bring my knees up to my chest as I ran. I could only bring them up to my tummy.
“Bring them up to your tits and stop being lazy,” Anitra said as she ran by me.
Next warm up we did was bounding. We had to jump as we ran. I couldn’t do that either as well as others.
“Do it right and stop being lazy,” Nikki said as she bounded by me.
Next we did was windmills. You run as you swing your arms. I can’t swing my arms and run at the same time but I did my best anyway.
“Man I can’t believe the couch let you on this team and you refuse to participate,” said Beverly.
“I am participating,” I finally yelled.
“Yeah right, you aren’t doing any of the warm ups right.”
“I’m trying but it’s all hard,” I said back.
I wonder if the car wreck is also responsible for all this.
Next we did was backwards run. I can’t do that either but I can do it by running slow.
The others ran faster than me. I kept being criticized for my warm ups.
Then we did long jumps. We had to do long jumps across to the other side of the field. I was last one to make it back.
Then we did skipping. At least I could do that. Then we did hopping on one leg and on the other on the way back. I didn’t do it. I can’t hop on one leg or else I fall.
“Mrs. Cleaville, Natalie isn’t participating,” Katie tattled.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said as she went back to looking at her clipboard.
After all the warm ups were finished, I was really angry at my team mates for putting me down. I told the coach that.
“Don’t worry about them,” she said.
Mrs. Cleaville told us what to work on. She had us work on passing the ball.
Everyone took turns passing the ball to another person. Anitra was up next in line and she kicked her ball to Jessi. She stopped the ball with her foot and ran back to the back of the line. Anitra stood where Jessi was standing. Kristen was up, then Beverly.
Soon my turn was up. I kicked the ball over to Michelle. She stopped it and ran to the back of the line with the ball. It was my turn to stand. Jessica was up and she kicked the ball over to me hard. It was in the air. It went by me.
“You’re supposed to catch it,” said Jessica.
“You kicked it wrong,” I said. “You’re supposed to pass it over to me, not kick it hard.”
I headed to the back of the line but the girls told me, “Go get the ball you missed.”
I had to run over and get the ball. I went back to the line but no one wouldn’t let me back where I was. They all told me I had to get in the back. I went to the back of the line. I was now behind Chelsie.
For the rest of my turns, the girls kept kicking the balls hard to me while they kicked the ball softly to others. I knew they were deliberately kicking it hard to me.
“Why is everyone kicking the balls hard at me?” I asked.
“You’re supposed to kick it hard,” said Natasha.
“No you’re not,” I said. “You’re supposed to kick it to me like you’re doing to everyone else. You’re not even kicking the ball hard to them but only to me. I want to be treated the same as you guys.”
“Your whining is giving me a headache,” said Natasha.
“I’m not whining,” I said.
“Yes you are,” said Jessica. “You’re always complaining about stuff and you think we’re treating you differently.”
“But you guys are sure kicking the ball hard to me but you aren’t to everyone else.”
“Natalie, I’ll give you two words,” said Michelle. “Shut up!” she yelled.
I jumped. Yelling scares me.
They were denying they were treating me differently.
I fought back my tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of my team mates. I knew they would make fun of me for that.
When my turn came again for the sixth time, the ball was kicked hard to me again. I tried stopping it with my body but it bounced off my shoulder. It hurt bad.
“Ow,” the words came out of my mouth.
The girls laughed.
I ran to get the ball and after a few more girls had a turn, Mrs. Cleaville blew her whistle.
She told us the next warm up was we were going to line up in front and dribble the ball up to the box and kick it in the goal.
I got in line with the rest of the girls. Jessi was first. She dribbled the ball up to the goal box and kicked it in the goal. She got her ball as Cheri dribbled hers up to the goal box. She kicked it in the goal as Jessi got back in line.
Then Beverly told me to not stand so close to her.
“But I’m in line, we all stand close,” I pointed out.
“Not like this,” she said her snotty voice. “Back up now.”
“I can’t, there’s people behind me,” I said.
“Back up now,” she yelled in my face.
It made me jump again and the sound pounded against my ear drums.
I backed up into the girls behind me.
“Ow, Natalie!” Nichole yelled.
“She told me to back up?” I said.
“Everyone back up,” Beverly ordered everyone behind me.
Everyone backed up and so did I. But Beverly still told me to back up.
I backed up and she told me “keep going keep going” then, “that’s good.”
I was like twenty feet away from her and the girls behind me were standing right behind each other.
Man this was ridiculous. I did not need to stand that far behind Beverly but she did it because she doesn’t like me.
Then Kristy was up to kick the ball in the goal. We all scooted up in line. Not too long later, I was standing closer to Beverly but I wasn’t directly behind her.
Then I was a few feet behind her. She told me I was standing close to her again. I backed up when she told me to.
When my turn came, I dribbled my ball up to the goal box and kicked it in the goal. When I grabbed my ball, Nichole kicked the ball before I was out of her way.
I wondered where the other team was. I guess their coach decided not to have his team warm up before the game. Lucky them.
Mrs. Cleaville blew her whistle about twenty minutes later. This time it didn’t hurt my ears because we were outside.
We all ran up to her. My team mates were mean to me the whole way through the drills.
This was going to be my worse game ever.
Mrs. Cleaville told us the junior varsity was going to play first. I’m on the Junior varsity team only because I’m a sophomore and sophomores aren’t on the varsity team.
We usually play the JV (junior varsity) after the varsity one, and sometimes we don’t play both of the games.
Mrs. Cleaville told us who was playing in the game and what positions we were going to be in.
I was going to be in the JV game as left fielder.
Some girls told me to stand still when they saw me walking around them back and forth. I stopped and starting up again without thinking.
“Natalie,” Anitra whispered loudly. “Stop walking around.”
I stopped walking.
Mrs. Cleaville was still talking but I didn’t know what she was saying.
Then I felt my hair being pulled.
“Ow,” I screamed as I spung around and my hands lashed out at Nikki who pulled my hair.
“Nikki,” Mrs. Cleaville yelled.
“All I told her is to stop moving around,” she said
“No you pulled my hair,” I yelled.
“You tried scratching me,” she said.
“I did not,” I yelled.
“All of you, leave Natalie alone,” Mrs. Cleaville said.
“Why do you always have to stand up for her?” Jessica asked. “You treat her like you’re her favorite and the rest of us aren’t.”
“She is not my favorite, I don’t do favorites.”
“You do to her,” Nikki said.
“No I don’t. This is completely different. Now let me finish what I’m saying and not one word from any of you until I’m done speaking.” And she continued talking.
“Nikki, Megan, and Jessi ,you will all play defender, Audrey you will be the goalie…”
I forgot the rest she was saying.
I found myself walking around again in circles.
Then Mrs. Cleaville told me to stand near the bleachers because I was distracting my team mates.
I went near the bleachers. I stood behind them and tapped my finger on the back of them. Then I put my tongue on it and licked it. I liked the feeling so I kept doing it.
“What is she doing?” I thought I heard.
I kicked my foot against the bleachers as I wet my diaper again for the third time, I wet it the second time during the warm ups.
Then I noticed my team mates running out in the field. I saw the other team arriving with their coach and soccer gear.
I saw Mrs. Cleaville coming towards me. I watched her.
“Okay Natalie,” she said when she got to me. “You will play left field and you will be in the whole entire game. Natalie, are you listening?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Look at me.”
I looked at her and away.
I wonder why people want me to look at them.
"What did I say?’
“Look at me,” I repeated.
“You will play left field and you will be in there the whole time,” I repeated.
“Close enough. To your position.”
I ran out in the field to my position.
“Natalie, too far, you’re over here,” I heard Mrs. Cleaville shout behind me.
I turned around and saw where she was standing.
“Right here,” she said.
I ran up to her and she told me where to stand. I sometimes get left and right mixed up.
I saw parents had arrived already. They were on the other side of the field. I wondered where my mother was. There were even some in the bleachers where I stood before. The other team mates were already in their positions. I saw the referees.
Everything had happened so quick. Where did they all come from? It was like they just appeared out of nowhere like I would see in a videogame such as GoldenEye007. The enemies appearing out of nowhere.
Then I noticed there were cars in the parking lock next to the tennis courts.
Why didn’t I hear them pulling in and why didn’t I hear people arriving?
“Natalie,” Mrs. Cleaville shouted.
“What?” I shouted.
I noticed my team mates and the other team were already playing. One of them had the soccer ball.
Just when did we already start? I don’t remember hearing the whistle being blown by a referee.
During first inning, very few girls were mean to me. Chelsie wouldn’t pass the ball to me when I was open, Anitra pushed me aside using her body and I fell down. I got up and kept playing. I watched the ball being dribbled by the other team. Then it was passed onto another team mate. The other team was heading towards the goal on our side of the field but Nikki kicked the ball back to the other side of the field. I ran after it.
“No Natalie no,” I heard some of my team mates shouting.
Yes yes yes, I thought
I got the ball and dribbled it but Anitra stole the ball from me.
“Hey,” I said.
“We told you no,” she said as she dribbled the ball away from me.
I stomped my foot.
This continued throughout the game but I still ran after the ball. I was not going to give up. But as I was trying to get the ball from my opponent, I messed in my diaper. A few of her team mates smelled it cause one of them said “Ew what’s that smell?”
I noticed three other girls held their noses. One of them made a remark about someone farting and it smelled like shit.
This was so embarrassing. Why couldn’t this wait until I got home? I usually poop every other day but the problem is it varies so I don’t poop at the same time every other day. I wish I would so I would know when it will happen so I can head onto the bathroom and take my diaper off and sit on the toilet and wait.
I ran out of the field. I couldn’t take the embarrassment.
“Natalie Natalie are you okay?” Mrs. Cleaville asked.
I flapped my hand angrily as tears came out of my eyes. I walked around in circles.
I felt everyone starring at me. I didn’t even look up because I didn’t want to see that I was right and be even more embarrassed.
“Time!” Mrs. Cleaville shouted.
I heard a whistle blow behind me.
“Natalie what’s wrong? What’s the matter?” I heard Mrs. Cleaville asking. I knew she was coming towards me. I can tell by the sound waves.
I was too embarrassed to say.
I kept flapping my hand hearing a little clapping sound. My right hand makes that clapping sound when I flap it.
“Natalie?” Mrs. Cleaville said again.
I wish Mom were here cause then I would tell her about my messy accident. I wanted to tell Mrs. Cleaville that but the words wouldn’t come out because I was so embarrassed. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
You have something to say but you can’t get them out.
“Are you hurt?” Mrs. Cleaville asked.
I shook my head.
“Are the girls being mean to you?”
“Is that why you ran out of the field?”
I shook my head.
“Natalie, look at me.”
I looked at her and turned away.
“Then what happened?”
Bah, couldn’t she tell I messed in my diaper? Couldn’t she smell the odor?
Then I came up with something I can do, I pointed at my diaper.
“Oh you need a change?”
“Would you like to sit out then for a little while?”
“Sure,” I finally said. Then I added, “My backpack on the bus.”
“Then go and get it, the bus is open and the bathrooms are in the building.”
I ran to the bus as Mrs. Cleaville called “Cheri, left field.”
I guess she was going to take my place.
I ran to our bus and the doors really were open cause they were open a crack.
I pulled them open and found the bus driver sleeping in one of the front seats.
He had a paperback book on his chest. He must have been reading.
He opened his eyes as I got on. I went to my seat and grabbed my back pack.
I got off and went in the school. I looked for the bathrooms. When I saw them, I went in the girl’s bathroom.
I went in an empty stall that was a handicap one. I took off my cleats, shorts, shirt and my leotard. They were on the floor in a pile. I opened my bag and took out the baby wipes and a clean diaper. I took off my used one. I had done a big load in it. I wiped myself clean as I sat on the toilet. I do that just in case I pee.
I have peed on my pants before while cleaning myself up and boy did I hate it. Now I take them off completely, not just have them pulled down. After I was done cleaning up, I stood against the wall putting on my new diaper. After I was done putting it on, I put my leotards and uniform back on, then my cleats.
I put my wipes back in my bag and zipped it. I threw my used diaper and wipes in the trash near the sinks. I buried it under a bunch of used paper towels. I washed my hands and headed outside back to the field. I felt a lot better to be in a fresh diaper.
I walked under the cover and dropped my back pack on the ground and sat down on the tarp.
I fiddled with the zippers on my backpack.
“Natalie, you’re back,” said Mrs. Cleaville when she saw me. “Are you ready to be back in the game?”
I wondered how the other team was going to treat me when I go back out there and my team too? I don’t think I could face the dilemma so I shook my head.
“No? Okay. When you’re ready, just let me know.”
Luckily I was the only person who was sitting under the canopy. The seniors and some of the Juniors (who aren’t playing in the JV game) were sitting on the bleachers cheering our team on.
I kept playing with the zippers on my backpack.
I heard people cheering for the other team and ours too.
I found myself rocking back and forth and unzipping my backpack open and closed.
Soon halftime came. My team gathered around and had a snack. I didn’t join. I looked up and saw them sitting at the bleachers eating as Mrs. Cleaville was talking to them. I looked across the field and saw the other team in a circle. I knew they were doing the same thing.
I looked back at my team and saw Mrs. Cleaville coming towards me. She walked under the canopy.
“Natalie aren’t you going to have some fruit with your team?”
I shook my head. I did not feel like eating. I didn’t even want to be near my team.
“Are you still upset about the incident earlier?”
I assumed she meant my messy accident.
“Yes,” I said looking at my backpack.
“It’s okay, you took care of it didn’t you, now you feel better.”
“I’m afraid of my team mates making fun of me,” I said, “and the other team too. They smelled it when I did it and they said ‘ew who farted’ and they mentioned it smelled like shit.”
“They probably didn’t even know it was you. They still probably think someone farted so I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Then one of the referees blew their whistle.
The teams ran back in the field but this time they switched sides.
“I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go back in the game and see how it goes and if it doesn’t go well, you can come back out,” Mrs. Cleaville said. “Does that sound like a good deal to you?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Yeah, lets do it then.”
I got up leaving my backpack on the ground, er tarp I should say.
Mrs. Cleaville put me back in the game and had Cheri come out.
I got in my position and waited for the game to start again.
The referee blew his whistle.
During the game, not one other team said a word to me about the incident. I guess Mrs. Cleaville was right. They really did think someone farted but my team mates still wouldn’t let me have the ball because they kept stealing it from me and they wouldn’t pass it to me. I still was not going to give up. I kept trying to play good. I stole the ball from one of my team mates to try to show I was good as them but the other team stole the ball from me.
Katie was sure mad at me for taking the ball away from her.
“Gee Natalie what did you do that for?” she said angrily.
“No one isn’t passing the ball to me and everyone is taking the ball away from me so I’m taking action,” I said.
“I haven’t even done those things to you,” she said. “Next time get the facts straight before you get back at everyone, instead of doing it to people who have never done mean things to you.”
I still kept trying to take the ball from my team mates then Mrs. Cleaville blew her whistle. “Time,” she yelled.
“Natalie, come here,” she said.
I ran up to her.
“Natalie you’re supposed to be stealing the ball from your opponents, not from your own team mates.”
“But they’re doing it to me,” I said. “So don’t pick on me.”
“I’m not trying to pick on you. I’m just telling you how the game is played. You only steal the ball from the other team, not from your own team mates.”
“But they’re stealing the ball from me and not even passing it to me so why can’t I do the same to them?” I complained.
“I will talk to them about it. Do you understand how the game is played?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good, you can go back to playing now.”
I ran back to where I was before.
The game started again but Mrs. Cleaville never did talk to the team. She had lied to me. I was mad at her. I don’t like liars. Lying is bad.
My team still refused to pass the ball to me whenever I was open and they wouldn’t even let me have the ball.
I was getting angrier and angrier. I squeezed my hands. They became fists. The inside of me was burning up with anger. In my mind, I felt there was fire in my eyes just like I would see on a cartoon.
I got the ball but Anitra stole it from me again. My eyes turned from flames into red. Then I found my self running after her and grabbing her.
I screamed as I pulled her to the ground. “You bitch, that was my ball, quit treating me like I’m on the other team!” I screamed.
“Get off of me,” Anitra shouted.
The referee blew his whistle.
I grabbed her shirt and hit her and pulled her hair. Anitra pulled mine and pinched me in the arm.
Our team and the other team gathered around us. Our coach and the referees ran over to us.
“Hey hey hey,” one of the referees yelled.
“Girls girls,” Mrs Cleaville shouted. “Natalie.”
The referee and Mrs. Cleaville pulled us apart. My knees were wet from the ground but I didn’t care.
“Get here out of here,” the referee said.
Mrs. Cleaville grabbed me by the arm and by the top of my shirt. “Natalie you will now sit out for the rest of the game,” she said angrily.
“You lied to me, you said you will talk to the girls,” I said.
“I did not lie to you,” she said back.
I did not like her strong grip on me. I walked along with her to reduce the pain. She didn’t let go of me until we got off the field.
“But you said you would talk to them and you never did.”
“I said I would but I didn’t mean now.”
Gee why didn’t she say the word ‘later’ then? I will talk to them later, it should have been.
“God what got into her?” I heard one of my team mates asking from the bleachers.
“Kristen, you’re in,” Mrs. Cleaville said.
Kristen got off the bleachers. She took off her coat and her sweats and ran out in the field.
I sat back under the canopy. I grabbed a bunch of blankets that belonged to the other girls on my team.
Half of my team brought blankets along. Why didn’t I think of that?
I gathered up everyone’s bags too. I put them all together and I put some blankets on the tarp to make the ground soft. I rolled a blanket up in a ball to us as a pillow. I sat down and put the rest of the blankets on top of me. My whole entire body was under them. I felt safe under them. I felt separated from the real world under these blankets. People were still cheering the teams on and I heard Mrs. Cleaville cheering for our team too.
“C’mon Jessi, shake it off,” she said.
I thought about James Bond. Fifteen days of 007 USA has been doing. I love James Bond. His moves and he is so cute. I remember seeing the James Bond movies last year when the USA channel did fifteen days of it but I didn’t watch all of them. Mom and Dad did let me stay up late so I could watch them but they told me I can watch them if I can get out of bed the next morning and not be too tired. I didn’t even know the channel was doing them again this year until last night. I like Peirce Brosnan the best as James Bond. GoldenEye is my favorite James Bond movie because of the game. Kelly, Matthew, and I used to play it all the time when we had the Nintendo 64. Brian owned the game. Even the little kids that would come over to our house to play with me would play the game also. We also played Mario Kart and other games we rented. I remember Matthew renting that Kirby game that came out this summer and we all played the mini games that were on it.
But I do not remember how the songs go in the game because I had only played it once. But I do remember the songs from GoldenEye Mario Kart and Super Mario 64 because I played them a lot.
I played the James Bond theme in my head and I hummed it. I felt the urge to listen to the tape when I get home. I closed my eyes and rested them.
It seemed like I had zoned out because I had not heard anything. No cheering, no screaming, nothing. I don’t remember hearing a thing.
I wiggled my bottom enjoying the feeling of my diaper. It felt soft and cozy and it helped keep me warm. I wonder what it would have felt like if I didn’t have a diaper on and only underwear. Maybe bare down there and no soft feeling. I don’t even remember what its like to wear underwear on my bare bottom. It had been eight years since I last did. I have foggy memories of me knowing when I had to go before I started wearing diapers again. I have forgotten what the feeling’s like when you have to go to the bathroom. I don’t even remember what your bladder feels like when you have to go. I feel nothing then all of a sudden I feel myself going. I can tell by the warmth and the feel of it but for some reason I don’t always know when I’m going until I feel the warmth because I move around.
I stuck my left hand in my shorts and felt the outside of my diaper. I like touching my diaper sometimes but I do it in private and I was in private because I was under the blankets.
Time seemed to go by slowly because it felt like the game was going on forever. I kept my eyes close enjoying the designs I was seeing in my head. I saw people and places I’ve been to or seen, objects such as a star or a moon. I even saw my room.
* * *
The blankets were lift off of me. Luckily I still didn’t have my hand in my shorts. That’d be embarrassing.
My team mates saw me curled up in a ball when they lifted the blankets off of me.
“Cute,” I saw Audrey saying. I wonder if she was saying that about me. What was so cute?
My team mates were surrounded around me. Mrs. Cleaville was talking to them telling the varsity players what positions they’ll be playing.
“Beverly, you will be goalie, Nikki, Megan, and Kristy, you’re all playing defense…”
I stayed on the tarp above the blankets. The backpacks were moved and then I was told to get up. I got up and Beverly grabbed her blanket I was lying on.
I paced around again. I saw some of my team mates leaving. I wish Mom were here, then I would be leaving too. I would be stuck here during the varsity game. I wonder why she didn’t come.
Then I felt the warmth in my diaper when I sat in the bleachers. I had wet my diaper again for the first time.
I saw my team mates warming up in the field. The other team was warming up too. I dug my cleat in the grass making a little hole. I felt bored.
During the game, it began to rain. I went under the canopy. I sat down and curled under the blankets again but I couldn’t put everything back the way it was because the other sophomores were in the way.
I rocked back and forth.
“What are you doing Natalie?” Katie asked.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Then why are you rocking?”
“I don’t know.”
I didn’t know why I was rocking. It was something automatic, like a habit.
“Natalie why do you do this?” Jessi asked.
I looked up and saw her flapping her hand.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Why do you do this?” Katie asked as she moved her lips sideways.
“I don’t know.”
“Hey Natalie, why do you always twirl your hair?” Nichole asked as she twirled one of her bangs.
“I don’t know,” I kept saying.
“What the matter with you? Do you not know why you do those weird things?” Katie asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Why do you keep saying ‘I don’t know.’”
“I don’t know,” I said again.
“God you’re weird,” said Jessi.
I took out my Game Boy and played Super Mario Land 2 again. I tried to get to Wario again.
I found myself rocking again as I was playing.
“Why do you always have your Game Boy with you?” Audrey asked.
“I like playing it.” I said as I was going by all the obstacles. Big moving metal black balls, statues spitting out fire balls, lava below me, moving platforms, this was the hardest boss level ever in this game.
“Don’t you ever get tired of it?”
“Mmm…. no,” I said.
“Don’t you do anything else?”
“Computer, TV, videogames,” I said.
I was talking and playing my game at the same time never looking up.
“So are you and everyone else,” I said. “I’d rather watch James Bond, play on the computer, watch TV and play videogames and I like to chat on the internet.”
Everyone at this age is boring. None of their interests interest me. I don’t have anything in common with them. I’d rather play with younger kids and to talk to people who like to talk about the same things as me.
When it stopped raining, I put my game away and walked around. The ground was very wet from the rain. I walked by the tennis courts and the small building. I didn’t know what it was. Maybe a building with some classrooms in it for classes they couldn’t fit in the high school. We have some classrooms at our school that are separate. As I was walking between the tennis courts and the building, I thought I heard Mrs. Cleaville calling my name but I figured I was imagining it because it wasn’t very loud. It got louder and louder as I kept walking.
I turned around trying to see where the words were coming from and there was Mrs. Cleaville walking.
“Natalie,” she said. “You need to stay at the field,” she said.
“Okay,” I said as I walked back. Then I asked, “How come?”
“Because I don’t want to wandering off.”
“Because you’re supposed to stay with the team.”
“Because I don’t want you to get lost.”
Was Mrs. Cleaville crazy? Why would she think I would get lost? I’m fifteen years old for pete’s sake and I can find my way back by remembering what route I took.
“I wouldn’t get lost, I know where the field is,” I said.
“Natalie, we’re all supposed to stay together, not wander off. If something bad happened to you, we can get in trouble for it. Perhaps get sued by your parents.”
What could possible go wrong? Get kidnapped? Yeah right. I’m a size of an adult, it be hard for someone to take me because I can fight back. Not very many big people get kidnapped by someone but it’s more common when you’re little and I bet it’s more common for an old person too cause they are too weak to fight back.
“Now why would something bad happen to me?”
“You’ll never know. It’s a rule we have for all students,” Mrs. Cleaville said. “We don’t even allow them to drive themselves to games and back because if they got in a car wreck, it be our responsibility and we can get in trouble for it.”
Suing is so out of control, schools have to make dumb rules to protect themselves. There ought to be a law about it. My parents got sued once just because some idiot got hurt in front of our house he wasn’t watching where he was riding so he crashed his bike up against the sidewalk and he flew in the air and landed in the thorn bush that was in our flower garden. But at the time I didn’t even know they got sued until I was thirteen. Mom told me because we were on the topic about people being sued for no reason. But I do remember one night in the fall time when I was in seventh grade, Brian had me, Kelly and Matthew get together and we went to the people’s house that sued us and we vandalized it. We toilet papered their tree and bushes, I threw my Mom’s bloody tampons and pads all over the flower bed, Brian and Kelly did the silly string. They sprayed it on the house and Matthew spat spitballs on the car garage door. Boy was it a mess. Everyone was talking about it and I had left the words, “Don’t mess with the Evans.” I had sprayed paint that on their front door so everyone knew it was us that did it. Mom and Dad were mad at us all which didn’t make any sense because they were stupid people for blaming their son’s incident on us just because he wasn’t watching where he was riding and why was it our fault that he was riding on our block and not looking in front of him? They got what they deserved so they should have been proud of us for getting back at them. Grown ups don’t make any sense. Now kids at this age are starting to not make any sense either. I wonder why that starts happening to us when we reach a certain age. I wonder when I’m going to start not making any sense myself? It must have to do with our brains shrinking because they grow until you’re twelve and then they start to shrink when you’re in your twenties. I read that in a magazine when I was in junior high. Maybe that’s why grownups act stupid because their minds shrink.
I walked back to the field and hung out there instead. I did walk around. I even looked through the windows of the high school. No one bothered me for wandering off.
Soon the game ended. I was so relieved. Now I can go home and do my things. Listen to James Bond music and watch the movies USA will play tonight. I hope Mom and Dad will let me stay up late again this year for it. I bet I will get my way again because last year I threw a temper tantrum and slammed doors and stomped my feet acting all depressed, so they made a negotiation with me. They knew how much I loved James Bond and I wanted to see the older movies I have never seen before.
To get my way, I have to do things like, throw a tantrum, have anxiety, get depressed, bang my head, scratch myself, bite myself, those kinds of things and they work. I have never tried it at other places like at other peoples’ houses and at school because I’m afraid of getting into trouble and I’m also afraid of not being welcome in peoples’ homes again. Perhaps I should try that with getting a Nintendo 64 for me and my brother and sister and they might give in.
I watched my team clap hands to the other team saying ‘good game’ as they walked by each other in the middle of the field.
After they were done, my team ran back and gathered up their things. I grabbed my backpack and my soccer ball. My diaper felt okay so far. It didn’t feel too wet. I peed in it a few more times but I think it would hold more. Plus I didn’t want to take a changing break. I’d rather wait until I get home.