Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 1

Friday was the awfullist (is that a word) day I’ve ever had and because it was Friday the 13th. Kids made sure I had one all right. My stuff kept disappearing, I slipped on some spilled milk during lunch so I fell down and I also spilled my tray so I had to go back in line but luckily the lunch ladies were nice enough to replace the meal. Also, kids played tricks on me all day. Someone tied my shoe laces together, a whoopee cushion was placed under me when I sat down and it made this farting sound. Kids laughed and said I had farted and kids kept making stuff up. In English, I was told we were going to watch a movie because it was TGIF (Thank god it’s Friday) and then the teacher comes in and I find out we weren’t going to watch a movie so I felt disappointed and he said the kids were just teasing and I saw they were laughing. Then I got told Mrs. Sippy, my geography teacher, said our homework wasn’t due until Monday so I left my work in my locker. I go to class and she tells us to take out our papers and pass them up to her so we can correct them and I got all confused because I was told they weren’t due until Monday. I asked Mrs. Sippy about it and she said she never said anything about them being due on Monday. She said clearly it was due the next day, Friday. I told her the kids told me she changed it to Monday and she let me go back to my locker to get my assignment. Worst of all, she made me use one of my passes all thanks to those kids. It was not fair I was tricked. At the beginning of the quarter, we were given three passes and if you use them all up, you can’t leave class until you get new passes until the new quarter begins. In PE I was told we were going to climb on the bleachers and jump onto a huge bean bag and I was shocked because the teacher said we were going to be doing pong until the end of the quarter. Jumping off the bleachers and onto this big marshmallow thing sounded very exciting and fun so I couldn’t wait. But when class started, the teacher told us to take out the pong boards and the paddles. I asked him what about the bleacher thing and he said we weren’t going to do such thing. Of course I told him that’s what the kids told me and he said they were just probably kidding. Of course kids laughed at me and told me they know I’d fell for it because I’m so gullible.
“Do you think the teacher would really have us jump off top of the bleachers?” said Brooke. “We can get hurt and the school can get in trouble for it.”
All day kids kept lying to me and I kept falling for them. When I would try not to fall for them, I would get confused because they kept convincing me they were right. Then I wouldn’t know what to expect in class of what we were going to do. All day I felt very uneasy. All the changes.
But in choir, our choir teacher did play good trick on all of us but it was meant as a joke I believe. I don’t think a teacher would really play a trick to hurt their students or I bet they would get into trouble. We opened our folders and boy it was a mess. Our music was scattered all over in it, some of our music wasn’t even in there, and there was some other music we never had before. I was confused of what of going on and I bet so were the other kids. They were asking each other questions like, “Where’s all of my music?” “Hey who was in my folder?” “Stupid Juniors, I bet they did this,” “Where’s my ‘Come to Me O My Love,’” “What happened to our folders?”
Then Mrs. Hanson came out of her office and asked us if we liked the surprise she did to us. Then she said “Happy Friday the thirteenth.”
Then I laughed. I thought it was funny. That explained the whole thing.
Juniors have been giving us sophomores a hard time. I have been hearing other sophomores talking about it. They said the juniors were trying to sabotage our float for the homecoming after they find out where ours is located. They have been putting us down too like we’re the rejects and we don’t belong here and we are going to get it. I have never noticed it going on but I hear about it from other kids in my class. At least they’re having problems with the juniors. I have problems with kids in my school all the time. I’ll explain later.
Mrs. Hanson had us take out the music we weren’t working on and hand them back to her. She had put them in there as extras for the joke. She had also switched our music to other folders and she had kept some in her office. We handed our music to the correct people and Mrs. Hanson handed the ones she had in her office back to the right student. Each music and folder is numbered so the music has the same numbers on it as does the folder. My folder is number fourteen so therefore all my music is numbered fourteen. I don’t know why Mrs. Hanson does that. She says it makes it easier for her.
She asked us what we thought of her trick and I said it was cool and funny and hope she does it again. The other kids said it was annoying and really stupid.
Mrs. Hanson just chuckled and said it was for that one time only. I was sad but I bet the other kids were real happy about it.
Then at soccer practice I slipped in this pile of mud because it had rained out the day before and practice was cancelled but it left this muddy area in the football field. I walked through it but I slipped and got all muddy and my team mates laughed at me. I had to stay dirty until the end of practice. I had to wash the mud off my skin and change back into my regular clothes. I gathered up my dirty clothes I wear to PE and soccer practice every day. I put my soccer ball in my locker and slammed it shut.
“Natalie, no practice on Monday,” said Anitra.
“What? Why?” I asked.
“Because the coach told us to have the day off, right everyone?”
The other girls looked at each other and then they started nodding heads and saying “Oh yeah right,” as if they didn’t know what Anitra was talking about.
“Wait a minute, just when did Mrs. Cleaville tell us this?” I asked.
I did not remember her telling us this.
“Right after you took off when practice ended Natalie,” Anitra replied. “But we all stayed because the coach had to talk to us and she is giving us the day off.”
Because so many lies have been told to me all day and I kept falling for them, I did not believe Anitra this time because how do I know this isn’t another trick? And I was not going to let myself get confused.
I’d just have to ask the coach myself and find out just in case this wasn’t a trick.
“Is this a trick?” I asked.
All the girls laughed.
“Do you think we would lie about this?” Anitra asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Because it’s Friday the thirteenth and tricks had been played on me all day and bad stuff has happened too so I’m not falling for this one. I would have to ask the coach and see if you are telling me the truth or not.”
“Natalie, get this picture. If we lied about something like this, we can get kicked off the team for it so do you think we would actually sacrifice this sport just to play that trick on you and then we all get kicked off because of you,” Anitra told me.
I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say.
My team mates all laughed.
I looked in the office to see if Mrs. Cleaville was in there but she wasn’t.
“Where’s our coach?” I asked.
“What do you need her for?” Michelle asked. “Don’t you believe us?”
“Not on Friday the thirteenth,” I said. I grabbed my clothes and left the locker room. I kept my eyes out for Mrs. Cleaville as I went to my locker.
I grabbed my back pack and my binder and text books.
Luckily no one had broken into my locker and plant things in it or remove any of my items. This type of thing has happened before. My old best friend, Veronica had managed to figure out what the combination to my locker was so she had opened it to plant her old little brother’s old stuff animal Barney in my locker and I got teased for it for the rest of that day. We also did other things to each other and then at the end of last week, our parents put a stop to it by holding a meeting with our high school principal Ms. Penny and she came up with a contract for both of us to sign and if we break it, we get expelled.
We have not bothered each other since. Instead I get bothered by other kids. It has been happening to me almost my whole life. It has been happening since I entered elementary school. I was teased by some older kids, and younger kids and some my own age. But then it has gotten worse as I have gotten older. High school, I can’t stand it. I get pushed around, spat at, made fun of, called names, and of course they try to take advantage of me but luckily I don’t trust them so I don’t listen to them anymore. They have gotten me into enough trouble in the past and finally, I have decided not to trust anyone. Now I get egged or else.
I closed my locker and walked into a classroom that wasn’t locked. That’s what I meant I have problems with kids in my school all the time.

I called my mother to come and get me but Kelly, my twelve year older sister told me she was already on her way.
Now I was standing outside in the front of my school waiting for my mother.
Some of my team mates came outside.
“Happy Friday the thirteenth,” Natasha told me.
Michelle, Jessica and Kristy told me the same thing. Then they were laughing. I watched them walk in the parking lot and get in Jessica’s car.
Maybe I should introduce myself. Every story that is being told by someone has to do it. Karen Brewer does it and so do all the members of the Baby Sitters Club in the Ann M. Martin book series. Junie B. Jones does it too and what other book series can I think of that does it too.
I thought and thought and I came up with nothing.
I guess that’s it for me then because I can’t think of any others for now.

My name is Natalie Evans. I am fifteen-years-old and I am a sophomore at Saltwater High School in Saltwater, Washington. I have blonde hair and blue eyes, pierced ears and I stand five feet six inches and weigh around one hundred and thirty pounds. I’m always that weight every time I stand on a scale at a doctor’s appointment or at school and at home. Sometimes it’s a little higher. Highest I’ve ever saw myself weigh was one hundred and thirty five. I also have a medical problem. I have incontinence so I can’t control my bladder or bowels so I have to wear yes, you guessed it, diapers. Kids like making fun of me about it. They have been since I was seven years old when I started wearing them again. I was in a car accident so I ended up in the hospital for over a week. I was in coma and then I woke up.
Some drunk driver ran into us and he got arrested and got charged for it but I wonder if he ever got his license taken away? But I do know after New Years day, he did it again but this time he lost his own life because he ran off the road and crashed.

I saw Mom coming to pick me up. I saw her turning into the parking lot and she drove up to the front of the school and picked me up.
I got in and put my stuff on the floor between the seats.
On the way home I asked mother about Friday the 13th. I asked if she believed in it.
“No,” she said. “It’s just a superstitious thing. Just like black cats are bad luck, walking under a ladder is bad luck, break a mirror, seven years of bad luck, step on a crack, you break your mother’s back, being thirteen is bad luck, being born on Friday the thirteenth when it’s full moon, your life will be full of bad luck, being on the thirteenth floor in any building is bad luck so that’s why hotels skip the number thirteen so they go from twelve to fourteen because some people will not stay on the thirteenth floor…”
Mom went on and on about the superstitious thing. If Dad were here, he’d tell her to hush. Dad always hushes Mom when she talks and talks. Then they get into a fight. They had one last night when Dad stopped her talking at the dinner table and she said “Don’t tell me to hush, I can talk whenever I want.”
“You’re going to bore out our kids if you keep going on and on,” he said.
“And just how do you know that? Can you read their minds? I don’t think so there is no way of you knowing.”
Then after a few minutes of them fighting, they both got up in unison and stormed out of the kitchen going separate ways. Dad walked down the hallway and Mom walked in the dining room. Matthew, Kelly and I were alone at the table with our food.
Kelly is a seventh grader at Saltwater Junior High and Matthew is nine years old and he is in forth grade at Saltwater elementary school.
Then Mom finally stopped talking about the superstitious stuff.
I told Mom about what kids did to me at school.
“I’m sorry that happened,” she said.
I wonder why people have to apologize for something that happened to someone else?
Maybe it’s part of being nice.
Then I told her the funny thing my choir teacher did to all of us with our music. Mom found it funny too because she laughed.

When we got home, I brought my dirty clothes in the laundry room and threw them in the laundry basket with the other colors. I took off my shoes and brought my back pack and binder and textbooks up to my room where they belong.

But that was only yesterday when that day happened, now it was Saturday night. The day after Friday the thirteenth. I was on my bed looking through my Teen magazines reading embarrassing moments. I just love that part of those magazines. I also like reading real life stories. I have been reading them since I was fourteen. For some reason they started coming to me in the mail every month. I don’t know how the company got my name and decided to start sending them to me. It’s happened in the past before too. With Humpty Dumpty magazines, Cricket, and Kelly would get those Lady Bug magazines. Then I remember my older brother, Brian getting Nintendo Power issues in the mail when I was seven and eight. He’s twenty-two now and goes to college but he doesn’t live with us anymore. He moved out this summer to live with his girlfriend he ran into at school. She moved out of her parents’ house too so she and Brian found an apartment and moved in. Now they have jobs to help support each other living there. I can’t imagine doing school and work at the same time. Must be very stressful doing it. Brian says he works off and on. He leaves work to go to his classes and then comes back. He takes computer courses in college. He says he wants to work in a game company to help design videogames. He is a videogame fan. But he sure doesn’t look like one or act like one because he only has seven games for his Nintendo 64 and it’s the only system he has but actually he owns a Game Boy too but it’s the old one, the original. He left that behind when he moved out. Oh why couldn’t he pick the Nintendo 64 instead? Matthew Kelly and I loved playing it and then Brian had to go and move out and now we don’t have a Nintendo 64 anymore. It was his anyway because he bought it with his own money, now Kelly, Matthew and I are trying to talk Mom and Dad into getting us one but they keep saying the ‘n’ word.
No, it is. I call that the ‘n’ word. An answer kids don’t like hearing from their parents.
Then I got out of bed to get a drink of water. It was late at night. Everyone was in their rooms sleeping but not me, I’m a night person. I love staying up late until I get sleepy but on school nights, Mom makes us go to bed at ten.
I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I went to the cupboard to take out a glass but I heard something in the family room. Someone was sleeping on the couch again but this time it was Dad. Mom and him have not been sleeping together lately. For the past week, one of them has been sleeping on the couch. Sometimes Mom, then sometimes Dad. But the other thing I have noticed is they have been fighting almost everyday. First Dad starts to work more and then he comes home and what happens, they start to fight. Then yelling and screaming and things being thrown at each other. Then doors slamming, feet stomping, pounding, what’s next? Physical fighting, kicking each other out the house, name calling, and then the last thing had hit me. Something awful that happens in marriages but then can be a wonderful thing depending on what the situation is. DIVORCE.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 2

The next day, I was in my room playing Battletoads and Kelly was on the internet chatting to her friends from school. Only friends I chat with I never met in real life. They are just online buddies with the same problem as me. I wish I could meet people in real life who are incontinent just like me. Not in wheel chairs, not in crutches, and not crippled, just regular people like me. But I do have a tutor who is incontinent though but hers isn’t as severe as mine so she doesn’t need to wear real diapers. She wears under garments or pull ups. But the weird thing online is few of my online buddies have claimed they like to wear them for fun and they aren’t even incontinent. Why would anyone just want to wear them? I certainly don’t like wearing them but I have no choice. Better than wet pants.
Then I felt myself wetting. It soaked my diaper and it felt real squishy. I guess I needed a change because they always leak when I’m this wet. I paused the game and got up. I went in our closet and got out a clean diaper and container of baby wipes. Kelly and I do share a room.
“Your diaper leaked again, that’s the fifth time that’s happened this week,” said Kelly. She didn’t sound happy.
I felt the back of my butt. I felt a wet spot where the edge of my diaper is. I guess I waited too long to get it changed. I have been lazy to take a changing break lately so my diapers have been leaking.
“Sorry,” I said. “What’s the deal? It’s my problem, not yours.”
Kelly got out of her chair and checked her bean bag chair I was sitting in.
“You got this all wet,” she said and she left the room.
Kelly has blonde hair just like me except she’s got brown eyes but she isn’t tall as me. She’s about five feet three inches tall but I don’t know how much she weighs but she is a little heavier than me. Puberty did that to her. Her arms got big, and so did her thighs, legs and butt. I was the same way when I was her age. Got big and then thinned down after my fifteenth birthday. Then a few of my clothes started fitting me again. I remember they got tight on me and then they got loose on me. Good thing I didn’t get rid of them. Mom told me they might fit me again so hold onto them so I did. I remember her telling me I’d thin down and I did.
I changed my diaper and threw the used one away. I put the wipes away and sat back down in the bean bag chair and unpaused the game.
Then Kelly came back with a wet rag.
“Move,” she said.
“Magic word,” I said.
“Please.”
I got up and she wiped it but she wouldn’t let me sit back down again because the back of my pants were wet. I sat on the floor instead. I didn’t care about wet pants. I was too lazy to change them.
Then Matthew ran in our room saying “He’s home he’s home he’s home.”
“Who’s he?” Kelly asked.
“Dad.”
I hope they don’t fight again.
This weekend I had decided to count how many fights they have.
I paused the game to listen. Then I went out in the hall so I can hear better.
“Where did you put them?” I heard him asking.
I counted Thursday night and yesterday’s so that’s two so far.
I went to the staircase so I could hear even better. I didn’t want to miss any words.
“You have been drinking a lot,” I heard Mom say.
“But it’s my beer, who gives you the right to take it?”
“Are they fighting again?” I heard Matthew ask.
I looked up and saw him. He was standing on top of the staircase. I guess he was listening too.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Glen, I think it’s been effecting you because we haven’t been getting along,” said Mom.
“No it’s because you make this marriage difficult,” he said. “Now where did you put them?”
“I dumped it,” she said.
“What?” Dad shouted. “My money has gone wasted, how could you? Anita. Damn it.”
“I don’t want you drinking anymore, it’s bad for you,” Mom shouted back.
Then I heard her ask, “Where are you going?”
“Out to buy more and you better not dump it again this time,” then the laundry room door slammed.
I couldn’t figure out if that was a fight or a discussion.
At least things weren’t being thrown and there wasn’t a lot of yelling and things slamming.
I decided to count that as a fight anyway. That’s three.
I have been thinking more about the divorce today. If they get divorced, what is going to happen to us? Would we move out of this house or stay? Mom doesn’t even go to work, instead she stays home and takes care of us kids. Mom would have to go out and get a job again to support herself. I wonder if Dad would even keep living in this house since he pays all the bills he says. Dad says in order to live by yourself, you have to pay bills. I don’t even know what they are. But I do know it’s these pieces of papers you get in the mail and you read them and then you are signing something and writing stuff and putting them in envelopes and dropping them off in the mail box. I know you have to pay for the electricity also and the cable, but Dad got rid of it this year because he said having satellite would be cheaper. You have to pay for that too. Matthew, Kelly,and I love it because we get more channels and we even get channels we never had on cable. We even get an extra Nickelodeon channel and Disney. They both play the same shows but one of them is a few hours behind so the same shows come on later on the second channel.
You also have to pay for the water too and the sewage and the garbage men, and then there are mortgages you have to pay. I don’t even know what those are either.
If they do get a divorce, would we be happy? I heard kids are unhappy with divorced parents but Karan Brewer, one of the Ann M. Martin characters, Kristy’s little step sister, she has divorced parents but she is very lucky because she has two houses and she has a step mother and grandmother and a step sister and three step brothers and her father lives in the huge mansion. He stayed living there after her parents divorced. If Mom and Dad get divorced, then I’d have two houses too and that means I might get a step family and I hope they’d be nice people. I imagined my step siblings and step mother living in this house while Mom lived in an apartment in town and Kelly, Matthew and I switching back and forth living with them. The more I thought about the divorce the more excited I felt and I almost thought it was going to actually happen. I had to remind myself just because Mom and Dad are fighting often does not mean a divorce would occur. If they do get divorced, it does not mean they will marry someone else or even if they do, it does not mean they will have kids themselves. Also it does not mean they will be living in the same town. Dad could decide to move out of Saltwater, so that means Mom and Dad would be far away from each other. Mom could move out of town also and decide to live near her family in another town but they’re all over the place. Some live here in Washington but not in the same area. Aunt Elizabeth (Mom’s oldest sister) lives in Seattle and Aunt Bridgett (Mom’s twin sister) lives in Spokane. The rest of my aunts and uncles live out of state. Mom could decide to live anywhere near her brothers or sisters or Dad might decide to move back to England where he is originally from. All my aunts and uncles and cousins from my Dad’s side live there, even my grandparents. Then that means, Kelly Matthew and I would have to move too. Brian would be separated from us. But then it would give me a fresh new start. My chance to start over with myself. Ooo this is good. I hope the divorce does happen.
I got up and went back to my room. Matthew was gone. I guess he didn’t want to listen to the fight.
“Did they fight again?” Matthew asked when I was going back to my room. “I heard something slam.”
“I think so,” I said. “Dad is mad at Mom for dumping his beer.”
“Oh. Are they going to keep fighting?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Are they going to hurt each other someday?”
“I don’t know.”
Then he asked me if they were going to divorce.
“Maybe,” I said.
“I hope it doesn’t happen,” he said.
“Why not?” I asked. “It might be great.”
“No it wouldn’t.”
“Yes it would, a new house I bet, getting a step mom or a step father and step brothers and sisters.”
“I don’t want that,” said Matthew.
“Why? It’d be great. Two houses just like Karen in the Baby Sitters Club and the Little Sister series and we might get a step family just like her.”
“I don’t want a new family,” Matthew shouted.
“Natalie, our parents are not going to divorce,” said Kelly. She was listening to our conversation.
“How do you know?” I said. “They’re fighting a lot now just like Karen’s parents started to do when she was little and then they divorced and she got a new family and she has two houses now.”
“Mom and Dad been married since nineteen seventy …nineteen seventy whatever, no way they’re going to divorce, this is just temporary. It’ll go away real soon. Things have always happened and then they go away.”
Man, Kelly forgot what year they got married in. I wonder if she forgot when their birthdays are too?
“Like what?” I asked.
“I don’t know but they have fought before and then it would go away.”
“But this has been happening almost everyday,” I pointed out. “Mom and Dad used to fight sometimes, now it’s all the time.”
“So but it doesn’t mean they’ll divorce?”
“How do you know? They might. You’ll never know.”
“Are they going to divorce?” Matthew asked again.
“Maybe,” I said as Kelly replied, “No.”
Kelly was starting to get on my nerves so I told her, “Quit being a dumb blonde.”
“I’m not being dumb, you are.”
“No I’m not. Haven’t you noticed Mom and Dad haven’t been sleeping together? One of them is always sleeping on the couch in the family room.”
“So, but that doesn’t mean they’ll divorce.”
“I don’t want them to get a divorce,” Matthew cried.
“They’re not,” Kelly yelled.
“How do you know?” I yelled back.
“Fine, how about a bet then,” said Kelly. “I’ll give you all my allowance if you’re right.”
“Cool,” I said.
“How about me?” Matthew cried.
“Now for your bet,” said Kelly.
“I don’t have one,” I said.
“Well you better or my bet is off.”
“How about,” I thought for a moment. “How about,” I was still thinking.
“I’m waiting,” said Kelly.
“I’m thinking,” I said.
“Kay, then let me know when you come up with yours.”
Kelly went back to chatting with her friends.
Matthew was still in our room.
“Are they going to divorce?” he asked again.
Matthew was also starting to annoy me. Him asking the same question over.
“We already answered you that,” I said firmly, “now quit asking.”
“No Matthew they’re not, now quit being a pain in the ass,” Kelly said angrily.
She must have been annoyed too.
Matthew ran out of our room and I heard his door slam.
I went back to playing my game and I thought about what my bet should be.
Then I got a few ideas. Bet Kelly to do my chores for me, no, then I wouldn’t get any allowance. But then Dad has said I won’t be getting any for awhile because I accidentally broke a window at school in Mrs. Sippy’s class. Back when Veronica and I were still doing things to each other, I was taunting her and she got mad at me, so she threw one of her crutches at me and it hit me on the side and left a mark, so I threw it back at her but it hit the window instead. I meant to hit Veronica back with it but I have bad accuracy in throwing. So my parents found out what I did at school and Dad yelled at me and said I wouldn’t be getting any allowance for awhile until the window is paid off. He also said he and Mom would have to waste their money on a broken window.
So that’s why it wouldn’t be a very good bet. Then an idea came to me. Kelly gets paid and I get to take the money and give it back to my parents for the window. Bingo.
“I came up with a deal now,” I said.
Kelly stopped typing to her friends.
“Okay,” she said. “What is it?”
“If I lose, you have to do my chores and I get the money you make,” I said.
“Hey, you can’t do that,” she said.
“Yes I can, a deal is a deal. If you’re right, you get to do my chores for me and I get the money you make and I pay it back to Mom and Dad for the window I broke.”
“No, it has to be what you’re going to do, not me.”
“Yeah and I did,” I said. “I pay Mom and Dad for the window from your money,” I said.
“No, it has to be you only.”
“Me?” I said. “But you involved me in your bet.”
“Nooo,” said Kelly. “It has to be what you’re going to do not what I’m going to give you. If you win, I give you all my allowance. See what I mean?”
“I guess,” I said.
“Okay let me know when you got one,” she said and she went back to chatting with her friends.
I wasn’t sure what Kelly really meant. Why was she making me make my bet different than hers? She got to involve me and she isn’t letting me involve her. Why can she do that to me but I can’t do that to her? No fair.
I was scared of upsetting her by me not understanding so I said, “I guess.”
I played the game some more
When I got Game Over, I told Kelly I couldn’t come up with anything so she helped me.
“You can do my homework,” she said.
“Too hard,” I said.
I remember I had troubles with school work back when I was in seventh grade so I know I’m unable to do it on my own, plus I know Amy wouldn’t let me do someone else’s work, nor Mom and Dad.
I remember Kelly having one of her friend’s do one of her assignments for her back when she was in fifth grade and Mom and Dad found out somehow and boy was she busted. They yelled at her and grounded her and she was also busted with her own fifth grade teacher because Mom called the school and told her. I don’t know what punishment she got. Maybe recess taken away or I bet she had to do the work over. I’ve seen on TV whenever a student cheats or they have someone else do their work for them, the teacher makes them do the work over after they find out.
“How about you walk Skippy for me or you feed my cat or you sleep in Brian’s old room and this will be my room from now on and you move all your things our of here.”
Kelly has been wanting to have her own room lately but Mom and Dad have been saying ‘no’ because they aren’t sure if Brian is going to move back or not. He and Kate could break up and not want to live together anymore.
“Okay, if I lose, I move to the guest room. All my clothes, diapers, garbage can, CD’s, Comic books, books, Game Boy and games, everything that is mine but you can keep the bunk beds but I’m not sure about the computer but I still have every right to come in here and use it just like we have every right to go in Matthew’s room to play with the Sega.”
“Okay, it’s a deal,” said Kelly.
She held out her hand. I took it and shook it.
The deal was on.
In case you’re wondering, Skippy is our yellow Lab. He’s three. We also have two cats; Mittens and Princess. Mittens is black with white fur on her feet and Princess is a grey Tabby cat. She belongs to me and Mittens belongs to Kelly.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 3

On Monday I saw Mrs. Cleaville during lunch period. She was sitting at the teacher’s table talking to the other teachers and staff. I walked up them and tapped Mrs. Cleaville on the shoulder. She turned around.
“Is there really no practice today?” I asked.
“What?” she asked.
“Is there really no practice today?” I asked.
“What? Did someone tell you that?”
“Yeah, the kids on the soccer team,” I replied.
“No there’s practice today,” Mrs. Cleaville replied. “The girls were probably just messing with you but I’m glad you asked because that is what a good responsible player does. Most girls wouldn’t have asked that. They would just assume what they believe and go along with it.”
I felt real good about myself. I’ve done a smart thing. A thing most girls wouldn’t have done. If I were like everyone else, I probably would have not gone to practice thinking there wasn’t one.

I went in the locker room after school got out.
Some of my team mates were already in there getting ready.
“What are you doing here?” Anitra asked.
“Practice,” I said. “And you guys were lying to me on Friday about being no practice today.”
“No we weren’t,” she said. “She really did say that and then today she decides to change her mind so she tells us all there is one today, right everyone?”
“Oh yes,” said the rest of the girls.
“It was so awful I had to cancel my date after school,” said Beverly.
“I was pissed so I’m going to get even with the coach,” said Cheri.
“But I asked Mrs. Cleaville during lunch and she told me you guys were probably just messing with me,” I pointed out.
“Yeah right,” said Anitra.
“Bull,” said Jessica.
“You’re her favorite that’s why,” said Chelsie. “She has something against all of us but you.”
“I am?” I asked.
“Duh,” said Chelsie. “You’re everyone’s favorite you know that.”
I shrugged.
“If I’m everyone’s favorite, then how come I’ve gotten in trouble before with some of my teachers?” I asked.
“Because you aren’t their favorite.”
“But you said I was everyone’s favorite,” I pointed out.
“I didn’t mean it that way, god” said Chelsie.
Now that was strange. She said I was everyone’s favorite and then she tells me she didn’t mean it that way?

During practice we stayed in the gym because it was rainy outside. Mrs. Cleaville had us line up along the black line. She was talking as she jogged across the gym floor holding a clipboard in her arm. On the other side of the gym, the tennis players were practicing hitting the tennis balls to each other.
“…. That’s one,” said Mrs. Cleaville.
She jogged across the floor again and then came back saying “That’s two. Got it?”
“Ready. Go,” and she blew her whistle.
Her whistle is a little loud because it hurts my ears and it startles me sometimes. I ran across the floor and back. I heard kids counting. I didn’t know what that was for?
We ran back and forth. The side of my tummy started to cramp. I slowed down. I hate running but in the game I never get tired from running but in practice I do.
I ran until I saw kids starting to quit. They ran back to where we started and they put their hands on her knees and panted.
I stopped running. I breathed hard. My heart was pounding very fast and I was sweating. My diaper felt funny too because of the sweat.
After everyone stopped running, Mrs. Cleaville told us the drills. She held up soccer ball attached to a thing. It had a rope and arm wrist for you to wrap it around your wrist. Mrs. Cleaville put it on her wrist and swung the ball up in the air and kicked it explaining how to use that drill. Then she took it off and dropped it on the floor. She told us the rest of us would get a partner and kick balls to each other and back.
I watched the boys hit the tennis balls up in the air. Some of them even hit the ceiling and bounced back down. Some even went behind the folded up bleachers. The boys would go behind them to get the ball their partner accidentally hit behind. They were practicing tennis inside too because of the rain so we had to share the gym.
“Natalie?”
It got my attention. “What?” I said.
“Are you paying attention?” said Mrs. Cleaville. “We don’t need you zoning out.”
“Yes,” I said.
She kept on talking. She mentioned a few other drills. Hitting the ball up in the air using your head, working on defense, and trying to steal the ball.
“Okay, two of you over here for this,” Mrs. Cleaville concluded holding up the soccer ball kicking thing.
I picked up my soccer ball. I saw kids getting partners but no one picked me. I knew it. This always happens and the teachers always have to pick a partner for me. I wish this wouldn’t be so hard. The kids make it look so easy. It was easy when I was little before the car accident. Veronica and I were always together when we were in kindergarten and first grade and beginning of second grade until around Thanksgiving. But of course we wouldn’t always be partners, sometimes she would pick another one of her friends to be her partner and I would do the same. Then as I got older, none of my friends would pick me, instead they would pick another one of their friends. Nope not everyone teased me, there were some that never bothered me and they still don’t. I wish every kid in my school were like that.
Megan and Heather were the first ones to use those soccer kicking things.
I counted how many of my team mates were here. All of them were here. None absent. I counted them by twos and I saw they all had partners evenly. If Veronica were still on the team, then it would be one hundred percent even but I was the odd number thanks to no partner. Veronica did used to be on the team but then I accidentally broke her leg at one of our practices and she had to quit because you can’t play with a broken leg.
“Natalie, where’s you partner?” Mrs. Cleaville asked.
“I don’t have one,” I said. “Nobody wants to be with me.”
Mrs. Cleaville looked around and told me to group up with Cheri and Chris.
“Cheri and Chris, Natalie is going to join you two,” she told them.
Cheri walked over to Chris and stood beside her and I walked over to them.
“Stand over there,” said Cheri.
I looked around trying to see where over there was.
“Go over there,” Cheri said again.
I turned around and looked at her.
“Go over there,” she said again pointing this time.
I walked back and then she said ‘stop.’
I stopped and turned around.
“Scoot over a little,” she said.
I stepped aside.
“No a little back,” she said.
I took a step back.
“No step a little left,” said Cheri.
I took a little tiny step left.
“Keep going.”
I took one more step.
“Come a little forward.”
I took a step forward.
“No,” she said. She walked up to me and told me where to stand.
I came to that spot and stood there.
Cheri walked back to her spot.
I put my soccer ball aside since Cheri and Chris had one already. We only needed one ball, not two.
We began to kick the ball to each other.
Soccer balls were going all over the gym floor. Some came over to our area because the kids would kick the balls crooked or they would kick it too hard or they missed catching it with their feet. I even missed too and so did Cheri and Chris.
I kept thinking about the divorce. I was wondering if Kelly was going to win the bet or me.
Then a ball hit me on the side of my face.
A few girls laughed.
“I told you ‘heads up,’” said Kristen.
I felt embarrassed.
Even Cheri and Chris were laughing and criticizing me. They said I had to keep paying attention and I had to watch out.
I had no clue I had tuned out what was going on around me.
The boys were still on the other side of the gym practicing.
Megan and Heather were still practicing kicking the balls attached to the rope thing.
I rubbed my face where the ball hit.
Cheri kicked the ball to me. I stopped it with my foot and kicked it to Chris.
“Heads,” I heard Audrey yelling.
A soccer ball flew by my face.
“I said ‘heads’,” said Audrey. “Pay attention.”
Her partner ran by me and got the ball and ran back.
I had no clue she was talking to me. How am I supposed to know who is talking to me if there is all this noise around me and I have to concentrate on my drill?
Then Mrs. Cleaville called for two more girls to come and use the soccer ball kicking thing.
Heather and Megan grabbed one of their balls and ran to a spot to practice kicking back and forth to each other.
Natasha, Kristy, Nichole all ran to the drill but Mrs. Cleaville sent Natasha back because she could only choose who can practice kicking since there were only two of them.
I felt another ball touching the edge of my head as it flew above my head.
Working in the gym was not easy.
Then Mrs. Cleaville had us stop what we were doing except for Kristy and Nichole.
She told us we were going to know get into a few groups and practice hitting the ball with our heads.
We got into five groups. I was with Cheri, Chris, Kristen, and Nikki.
Cheri tossed the ball up in the air and hit it with her head. It came towards Nikki. She hit it with her head.
Hitting the ball with my head is something I’m never good at. Every time I try, I hit it the wrong way or I don’t hit it far enough and it hurts my head.
Nikki hit the ball and it went in the middle. Kristen and Chris and Cheri all ran after it.
I just stood there. I hate to be bumped into.
Kristen hit the ball with her head and it went towards me.
I tried to hit it with my head but I only got the tip of it. The ball still went the same way where it was heading.
The ball went towards the bleachers and hit the bottom of them and bounced back.
Luckily the girls didn’t say anything to me about missing the ball.
“Go get the ball Natalie, jeez,” said Kristen.
I got the ball and brought it back to them.
I was expecting someone to get it from me but Kristen said, “Hit it already.”
I tossed the ball up in the air and tried to hit it but I missed.
The girls laughed.
I tried again but I missed again.
“Here let me do it,” said Cheri and she grabbed the ball from me.
She went back to her spot and tossed the ball up in the air and she hit it with her head.
Then Mrs. Cleaville called for two more girls again to use the soccer ball kicking thing. This time I marched over to her as quick as possible. I wanted to ditch the warm up of head hitting.
I was the first one to pick up the soccer ball kicking thing. I wanted to get it first before anyone could.
I put the wrist band around my wrist. Mrs. Cleaville showed me again how to use it.
After she was done, she yelled for another girl to come over here since no other girl came for a turn.
I swung the soccer ball and kicked it. It bounced back to me and hit me in the leg.
“Hold it still Natalie and then kick it,” Mrs. Cleaville said. “C’mon I need one of you over there now and work on your kicking skills,” she said again to everyone else.
I kept kicking the ball. I kicked it crooked and forwards.
“Okay then I guess I’m going to have to pick someone,” said Mrs. Cleaville. “Katie, how about you. Get over there.”
“Now,” she said again.
I saw Katie coming towards me. I saw her eyes rolled. She picked up the soccer kicking thing and attached it to her wrist.
She just stood there not kicking the ball.
“Katie, practice,” said Mrs. Cleaville.
“I don’t want to do this,” she said.
“Well I’m sorry but I say you do so do it.”
“Stupid bitch,” I thought I heard Katie say.
I kept kicking the ball and then Mrs. Cleaville called for more girls to come over here to work on their kicking skills. I took off the thing and went back to my group.
Then Mrs. Cleaville said it was time to work on defense and steal the ball.
She split us into two teams.
She put eight on each side.
She told us we would be playing a little scrimmage game and we’re going to be working on defense and stealing the ball from your opponent. She put the soccer ball in the center and blew her whistle.
Anitra passed the ball to Natasha.
I didn’t do so well because there were too many people in one area because we weren’t outside. I hate being bumped into, and stepped on. It’d be nice if the boys didn’t have tennis practice at all because then we have the gym to our whole selves.
I felt I was stuck in the mud because I couldn’t get myself to move quick enough to steal the ball and try to kick it. I also didn’t do a good job with defense because my opponents kept stealing the ball from me.

When practice got over, I felt relieved. Mrs. Cleaville had us gather around her so she can talk to us about our game we have tomorrow in another small town that is on the Columbia River. It’s just outside of Vancouver. Not BC you stupid. Vancouver, Washington, don’t you know the difference between Vancouver and Vancouver BC. Lot of people also don’t know the difference between Washington and Washington DC so there is the words, “Washington State.” Can you believe it? When I was little people knew the difference between those two, now they don’t anymore because the state was called Washington not Washington state. I wonder what happened?

Then Mrs. Cleaville excused us from practice. The boys were also getting done with tennis too.
I put my ball in my locker in the locker room. I gave myself a sponge bath using a wet paper towel. I didn’t want to shower. I got out a new diaper and changed into it in the stall. I don’t like changing them where girls can see me because it’s embarrassing in this school. After I was done getting changed, I threw my used diaper away. I buried it under a bunch of paper towels so no one would see it. I always bury my diapers under things in the trash when I throw them away except for at home.
I left the locker room and gym. I went to my locker which was all the way on the other side of the building. Our school isn’t very big compare to the high schools in cities. We don’t even have our own swimming pool, so we have to use the community one. I wanted to do that sport but because of my diapers, I decided not to. So I tried out for soccer instead and I made the team luckily. But not many girls tried out. Most of them wanted to do swimming, and volley ball and very few are doing cross country.
I went in a classroom that wasn’t locked. I called my Mom again and Matthew answered the phone.
“Hi is Mom home?” I asked.
I heard him put the receiver down. I heard it fall off the counter top.
“Mom? Mom?” I heard him shouting.
Then I heard Kelly’s indistinct voice in the background.
I heard footsteps coming back to the receiver and someone picked it up. “She’s not here,” said Matthew.
“Okay, she must be on her way to get me then, bye,” and I hung up.
I went to my locker and got my backpack and binder and text books I needed for homework.
I closed my locker with my elbow and went to the front part of the school where Mom picks me up. It was raining. It better not be this way tomorrow for the game because I hate being in the rain.
It was also chilly out. I stood under the cover. Then a few of my team mates came out. They walked in the rain in the parking lot. I watch them get in a car and take off. I tapped my feet and bumped myself against the wall as I waited for Mom.
Few more of my team mates came out and got in their cars and some others waited to be picked up.
Then I saw my mother coming. She pulled into the parking lot and pulled up in front of the school.
I picked up and stuff and got in the car. I dumped my stuff between the seats and closed the door.

On the way home Mom told me she found more of Dad’s beer and she had dumped it out again and threw the empty bottles in the recycle bin and the boxes with the other cardboard and paper.
“Is he going to get mad again?” I asked.
“Probably,” Mom replied, “but I’m trying to save our marriage.”

In the evening after we had supper another fight had occurred when Dad came home. He was mad at Mom again for dumping his beer. He yelled at her and said he can drink if he wants because he is a grown up not a child. He had went out in the garage and then he came back in demanding what she did with his beer.
“Same as last time,” she said.
“Anita, I am a grown man, not a child so I can drink anytime I want. You have no right to discard products I buy.”
“But beer is bad for you, you drink too much,” she said. “Beer bad for you. Tastes bad.”
Then that’s when the fight started. That’s four.
“Stop talking like that, you sound like a robot,” Dad yelled.
“I do not,” said Mom.
“Yes you do. I do not want you laying your fingers on my beer.”
“Then will you quit drinking a lot because it has been effecting you. I will not have a Homer Simpson in my home.”
“Your home?” said Dad. “This is our home, not yours, ours. You didn’t buy this house, we did. We picked it out, agreed to it and bought it.”
I was in the family room watching TV. I watched them yell at each other. No I don’t mean the TV, my parents.
“I will not have a Homer Simpson in our home,” Mom yelled.
“Oh it has not been affecting me. It calms me down, it keeps me from being unhappy.”
“Then find something else to do to make you feel better but no drinking.”
“The reason why we’re fighting is because you have to turn everything into an argument. Jesus Anita I’m sick and tired of this crap.”
“So am I,” Mom yelled.
They fought some more. Yelling and screaming occurred again.
Dad said Mom was the one who was causing the marriage to be difficult and that nothing has changed. Then I saw her starting to hit Dad on his chest. He grabbed her arms. “Stop stop,” he said “Calm down.”
Mom started to kick him so Dad forced her on the floor and got on top of her.
Mom kicked and screamed and trying to get up but Dad was too strong for her.
“Not until you calm down,” he said.
Then I heard a spitting sound.
“Spit on me all you want,” said Dad. “I’m not getting up until you have calmed down.”
Then he turned around and told me, “Natalie, you better get out of here.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Just go!” he yelled.
“But I’m watching TV,” I protested.
“Now!”
I got up in a flash and hurried out of the room but Dad yelled at me to turn off the TV. I ran back and turned off the TV and ran out of the family room.
I wonder why Dad wanted me to leave the family room.
I haven’t seen Dad restrain Mom in a while. Last time it was back in April when I was still in middle school. It occurred in their bedroom and when I came in, Dad told me to leave. Mom was crying and screaming trying to get up but Dad just held her down. Dad says he does that when Mom gets violent with him so he has to restrain her or she will keep hurting him.
I went up to Mom and Dad’s room to continue watching TV but Matthew was in there watching The Lost World: Jurassic park.
I asked him if I could finish watching my show but he said no.
“But it’s a tape, you can always watch it later,” I told him.
“No,” he said again. “Watch it downstairs.”
“I can’t, Dad kicked me out of the family room.”
“So I had it first,” said Matthew.
I went up to the VCR and turned off the movie.
“Hey,” Matthew shouted as I turned to Nick.
“You can watch your movie later, it’s a tape but my show is not.”
Matthew got up and pushed me away but I pushed him back. He tried to turn the movie back on again but I kept shoving him away.
I used all my strength to pick him up. Matthew kicked my legs and pinched my skin. “Ow,” I yelled.
I dropped him and pinched him back and kicked him.
Then Kelly came in the room and saw us fighting.
She ran downstairs yelling Matthew and I were fighting. I heard Dad yell at her and Kelly raced back up the stairs. She grabbed me trying to stop me from fighting but I turned around and pushed her. “Mind your own business,” I yelled.
Matthew ran up to the VCR and pushed the movie back in again but I grabbed him and pushed him away. I turned the movie back off.
Matthew jumped on my back but I shoved him against the wall near the bedroom door.
I grabbed his hands and pushed him off.
Then Dad came up. “Hey hey hey,” he yelled. “What’s going on? I just got through restraining your mother and I don’t need to restrain you two.”
“I want to watch my show,” I said.
“I had the TV first, I was watching mine,” Matthew yelled.
“It’s a tape,” I shouted.
“I had it first,” Matthew yelled.
“Stop,” Dad yelled.
Matthew and I stopped yelling and shouting at once.
“Matthew, it’s a tape so listen to your sister. You can finish watching it another time, we own the movie so it’s not going anywhere and Natalie, you can finish watching your show downstairs, I think your mother has calmed down.”
I left the bedroom and went back down stairs. I turned the TV back on and finished watching my show.
Mom was sitting on the kitchen on the floor rocking. I wondered why?
She always does that and I don’t know why.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 4

The next day I got on the bus. I sat down in a seat and the bus drove off. I was happy Dad wasn’t home again when I got up. It was just Mom and me, Don’t want to forget Kelly and Matthew. They were still in bed when I woke up.
After the bus picked up everyone in our neighborhood, I heard the kids whispering and there were giggles. Then they all started to sing.
“I said a boom chicka boom,” said Travis Skogan.
“I said a boom chicka boom,” the other kids repeated.
I remembered that song when I was in fifth grade. All the fifth graders went to outdoor school for three days and we would sing camp songs and do out door activities and we would stay up until ten doing skits our groups came up with and we would watch the other groups perform theirs. It was a lot of fun but at first it was hard because I had to adjust to all the changes because my routine was different. Then I got used to it when I found out what the schedule was.
Then the next style the kids did was the valley girl style, then the underwear style.
“I said a loooom chicka loom,” said Travis.
“I said a loom chicka loom,” repeated the other kids.
I sang quietly to myself but the next style they did was Natalie style.
“I said a (making farting sounds) chicka (making farting sounds),” said Travis.
“I said a (farting sound, laughter) chicka (making farting sounds, laughing),” said the others.
They were laughing so hard they had problems singing the line. I knew the line was about me.
The kids kept laughing as they sang it.
I held my emotions in. I didn’t want to let them out and have the kids see them. Then they would know they had gotten to me.
Then the next style they did was Natalie’s mother style.
It went ‘I said a aiiiii chicka aiiiiiii.’
I didn’t get that style. What’s with the screaming part?
Then they did Natalie’s father style.
It was about him ordering us to put things away in its right spot.
Then the bus driver picked up her mouth piece and ordered them to stop it right now.
I was relieved. Thank you Sammie.
When we got to school the kids asked me how I liked their song.
I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say.
“Did you like it? Yes or no?” Bryan Alchuck asked.
“No?” I said.
He laughed and announced to the other boys that I didn’t like the song.
I went inside the school to my locker. When I opened my locker, someone shoved me against it as he ran by. I knew it was a boy that did it because I felt it was one. Girls and boys feel different for some reason.
Boys have stronger force than girls. I put my textbooks in my locker and my backpack. That’s where I carry my diapers in and my wipes.
As I walked to Mr. Humphy’s room, my English teacher, a few boys shoved me as they walked by. One of them would shove me into another boy and he would shove me back over to another boy. I was like a thing instead of a human being.
“Shit for brains,” said a boy named Kyle Stein who was the last one to push me.
When I made it to the door to Mr. Humphy’s room, three girls stopped me. Their names: Shayla and Charlene Dobson, and Bethany Wright. Shayla and Charlene are identical twins.
“Sorry no babies allowed,” said Shayla. “This is for young adults only, no babies.”
I didn’t say anything. In the past I have been called a baby because I wear diapers and whenever I told them I wasn’t one, they would tell me I was and I would say again I wasn’t.
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not.”
That’s how it went whenever I corrected I was not. The kids would just turn it into an argument. Then at age thirteen I finally figured out, don’t bother correcting.
“Hey lets see what the baby’s got in her thing,” said Charlene.
She reached for my binder but I pulled it away but the other two girls grabbed it too. I tried to pull it away from them. We were playing tug o’ war with my binder.
“Let go,” I said.
“Make us,” said Bethany.
I grabbed her arm and pinched it.
“Ow,” she said. She let go and tried pinching me back but I kept pushing her hands away.
Shayla and Charlene let go of my binder. It fell on the floor. I shoved them and kicked them and grabbed their shirts. I heard a ripping sound.
“Let go of us you little piece of…shit,” said Bethany and she pushed me.
I lost my balance and fell back. I fell into a few kids behind me and they all got mad at me. One of them pushed me back.
“Hey watch it,” she yelled.
The next kid who was a boy pushed me back and then the two others. Then I was grabbed and taken to someone’s open locker. I got shoved into it but I didn’t quite fit because the locker was too small and I was too tall to get in but they kept trying to shove me in there anyway. The locker who belonged to someone named Ian, also helped them shove me in there. I tried to get out but them all working together were too strong for me. They continued shoving me as my head was already in the locker. Then I felt my legs being lifted off the ground and into the locker. They kept trying to shove me in there and then I heard a teacher yelling out there.
“Hey,” he shouted. “You five, detention. That is no way to treats other students. That is disrespectful.”
The kids let go of me and I got out.
“Thanks a lot,” Joe told me who was one of the kids who helped trying to shove me in the locker.
I found it weird when Bethany called me’ little piece of shit.’ I’m not little, I’m taller than her and I’m no piece of shit. I’m a human. Maybe she is dumber than me if she can’t tell the difference between a shit and a human and she probably can’t even tell the difference between big and little either. But how can someone be that dumb? Even a dumb person would know what a piece if shit looks like and they would know I’m another human if they saw me. I don’t know why Bethany called me ‘little piece of shit.’
Then the bell rang. Everyone headed to their classes. Shayla, Charlene, and Bethany headed to theirs. They were two grades ahead of me. I knew them back in elementary school. They teased me back when I was in the third grade because we happened to share the same recess with the fifth graders. They would follow me around on the playground saying, “big baby, smelly and stupid.”
Big baby was for the diapers and smelly was for the dirty diapers and stupid was stupid. They all thought I was stupid so they found the right names for me. I tried defending myself a few times by throwing bark dust at them, spitting at them, kicking them, pulling their hair, but they still made fun of me. Then I took my mother’s advice by walking away from them but they would follow me and then the duty ladies put a stop to it after they found out what was going on. I remember I didn’t want to go outside for recess because of the mean girls. When my teacher told me to go out and play, I refused so my teacher asked me why so I told her. She let me stay inside and then a few days later the duty ladies came in and had me go out in the hall with me and they told me they had settled it with the girls and if they bug me again, come and tell them and they will handle it. After that, they never bothered me again. Just ignored me minding their own business.
I picked up my binder. It was in another location on the floor because kids had kicked it as they walked by. My binder had shoe marks on it from being stepped on and it had dirt on it from the floor. I took it to the bathroom and wiped the dirt off my binder using a damp paper towel. Then the bell rang. I went to class and sat down. I knew it was my first strike for being late because at the beginning of the school year, Mr. Humphy told us if we’re late five times, he writes us up for detention and I had never been late before, only times I had been late were for excused tardies and the tardy I just had was inexcusable. I had no note saying why I was late.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 5

I was dismissed from school right after lunch because we all had to get ready for our game. I went to my locker and got out my uniform and cleats and brought them to the locker room. The other girls were in there getting ready also. I grabbed a new diaper out of my locker and went in a stall to get changed. I took off all my clothes and got changed into a clean diaper. I didn’t really need to be changed but I did it anyway because I wanted to be in a fresh diaper so I wouldn’t have to deal with changing it when I’m gone, I hope. I wouldn’t have to take off my leotard just to change a diaper. No, the leotard isn’t part of my uniform, I just brought it along to keep me warm because it was cold out. It was cloudy again and wet and the game didn’t even get cancelled. I put on my sport bra and then my leotard. I put on my uniform and left the stall. I sat down on the bench and put on the socks. I took out my soccer ball and cleats stuffed my clothes and shoes in the locker and slammed it shut.
I sat down again and put on my cleats. After I was done, I picked up my backpack, er diaper bag if that’s what you want to call it. I left the locker room and went to the front of the school. The school bus hadn’t arrived yet. My school takes school buses to get to sport games while the other schools in the county have charter buses or fancy ones with their mascot and school colors on it and we have these crappy school buses. I wish we had a special bus too for going to games.
I sat and played my Game Boy. I was trying to get to Wario so I can beat him. The rest of the game was easy but the last level was not. I kept dying and I would turn the game off and back on so I wouldn’t run out of lives and have to start all over with the levels. I got ‘game over’ one time and boy I had to do the levels over and I did not like it so I found a new way of having unlimited lives. Restarting it.
I heard more of my team mates come out talking.
“Gosh you and your Game Boy again,” I heard one of them say.
I died again and turned the game off and back on again. I went back to my file and selected it and went back to the level again.
Soon the bus arrived. I paused the game and stood up. I picked up my backpack, and soccer ball. The girls started getting on. I got in line and got on. I sat down in an empty seat and resumed my game.
I heard more girls getting on and then our coach.
“Okay I want everyone to…”
I didn’t remember the rest she said 'cause the words floated from my brain.
“There’s Casey and Jeffery…um also I…okay….everyone off the bus and….warm up, no dilly dallying.”
Mrs. Cleaville was talking alright but I know she said more than that but that is all the words my mind processed so that is the only words I heard while the rest sounded bla bla bla. I wonder if the car wreck did that to my brain?
I get so sick and tired of teachers and subs telling me ‘pay attention’ when I really am. Just because I can’t remember what word is being said doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening.
Then something hard poked my shoulder.
I screamed and jumped. I found myself clawing at Jessi who was sitting behind me with Audrey.
I stopped immediately.
Jessi leaned against Audrey saying “Whoa. Get her away.”
I felt embarrassed. I didn’t mean to attack her, I just automatically did it. I had no control over it. It was like there was a person inside of me controlling all my body movements and it had controlled my hand to come out and get Jessi.
“It’s okay,” I heard Mrs. Cleaville saying. “You just scared her. Natalie’s here.”
I heard her calling other kid’s names. I saw she was doing roll call.
I wonder why Jessi poked my shoulder real hard? It felt like something hard stabbed me in the shoulder by someone and it really scared me.
I felt really bad for clawing at her. I didn’t know why, I just did. But at least I stopped myself right when I saw myself doing it.
I wondered if I was going to get punished for it.
“Okay we’re ready to roll,” I heard Mrs. Cleaville tell the bus driver.
We started to take off. We left the school parking lot. I got tired of trying to beat the game so I turned it off and put my Game Boy in my back pack in the back part.
I sat back. Then I felt myself wetting. I squeezed my legs trying to stop the flow. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop it but I decided to anyway just to be dumb. Then I was done going. I hugged my soccer ball on my lap and sighed.
I wonder why she told the bus driver we were ready to roll. I know she didn’t mean that we were going to roll ourselves to the game, that’d be silly so I know she didn’t mean it. Wait a minute, I think I finally figured out what she meant by ‘we’re ready to roll.’ Wheels roll right because they’re round and round things roll when they move so that’s why she said ‘we’re ready to roll.’ She meant the bus, not the kids and her.
Man, how I figured it out right away after she said it. Maybe I’m not dumb after all.

When we arrived at our game, Mrs. Cleaville told us when we get off the bus, she wants us to warm up. She told us all the warm up drills she wanted us to do.
I decided to leave my back pack on the bus because I didn’t want it to get wet. I was afraid of my diapers getting wet and my Game Boy and the games.
Everyone grabbed their soccer balls, wattle bottles and some grabbed some soccer equipment. Two of the girls picked up the water jug and brought it off the bus. One of the other girls carried the cups off too. I just carried my ball. It wasn’t raining out thank god but the ground was wet.
I heard Jessi telling the other girls about me scratching her. “I tap her on the shoulder…she scratched me…Mrs. Cleaville didn’t do a thing…” was all I heard from her.
Some of the girls were carrying the polls and Nikki was carrying the blue tarp. Mrs. Cleaville mentioned we were going to set up a canopy to keep dry from the rain.
I wonder what a Canopy is. I would find out later.
We walked by the tennis courts to the soccer field. It was very close to the school. It was actually right next to it. I wondered where their football field was and baseball and softball.
There were no stands but there were bleachers. My team mates started to set up the canopy. Then I realized I had seen those things before while camping. It’s a cover thing that keeps you out of the sun. It’s like a tent except it has no sides and I saw them at Saturday Market last month. Dad took Mom, Kelly, Matthew and I down there which was in Portland, only across the river from us even though I couldn’t see the city where we are. All the building and houses and trees were in the way. Dad took us there, his way of spending time with us and Matthew threw a fit most of the time and Mom had a breakdown at the market because it was so crowded. Mom cannot take crowds so she doesn’t go to places that will involve them. If she can’t take it, she leaves. I even have memories of her making Brian, Kelly, Matthew and I leaving places because they were too loud, too busy, crowded and this was when Dad wasn’t with us cause he be at work or away on a trip. With Dad with us, it’s different so she has that breakdown at the market in the crowd and bam, Dad makes us leave the area and I didn’t like it.
After my team was done setting up the canopy, they put the tarp down on the ground. Everyone picked up their bags and water bottles and balls and put them on the tarp. I could have brought my bag along, why didn’t I think of that before? Doh, I was stupid again. That’s what Homer always says when he does something dumb in The Simpsons.
I remember back in elementary school, Mom and Dad would have us all sit together in the family room and watch the show every Sunday. I remember I hated the show but the only way to escape homework was if I watched The Simpsons. Then I have learned how to like it. I loved those prank calls Bart does to Moe’s Tavern and the owner always falls for them. Why doesn’t he just hang up every time he hears a funny name?
Mike Rotch (my crotch)
Homer Sexual (homosexual)
Al Caholic (alcoholic)
Amanda Huginkiss (a man and hug and kiss)
Hugh Jazz (huge ass)
Oliver Closeoff (all of her clothes off)
IP Freely (I pee freely)

One time I tried it by calling some restaurant but the person hung up right after I asked if someone was there but I forget what name I said. Then I tried some random number I think it was someone’s house number and that person yelled at me so I hung up and then the phone rang again and my mother answered it and then she yelled at me telling me the person I had called had just called back and what on earth was I doing. I told her I was just trying to be like Bart and she said it was just a TV show and it’s not real. I never tried the funny name prank call again. But I have tried others I heard like is your toilet running, is your refrigerator running but I got yelled at for that also. Then one day Dad told me I can go to Juvenile hall for it if I kept prank calling because it’s against the law and I didn’t even know it was so I had to stop now that I knew.

All my team mates ran in the field to warm up. I followed after them. We all got in four rows. I was in the last row at the very end. The seniors were in the front row. They’re always are and they are the ringleaders and the rest of us juniors and sophomores do what they do.
“Ready go,” they said.
Everyone started doing jumping jacks counting to ten. I hate warming up. It’s so boring so I just stood there.
Then the next warm up was knee bents. You bend your knee down and have it touch the ground and stand up and you do it to your other knee. The grass was wet. No way I’m getting my uniform all dirty from the wet ground. It has mud in it.
“One two three four one two three four,” everyone was counting as they were doing the warm up.
“Natalie, warm up,” Mrs. Cleaville shouted from the bleachers.
I warmed up doing it very slowly. I’m not so good at it. I can’t do it fast as everyone else. If I try going faster, I lose my balance. Why does it have to be so hard?
Then the next step was doing stretches. I could nearly touch my toes without bending my knees.
Everyone counted to ten and then we spread our legs and stretched to our left toe. Then we stretched to our right. Then we had to stand on one leg holding our right foot behind us. I cannot stand on one leg but I can for a few seconds but not long as everyone else. I lift up my right leg and grabbed my foot but I couldn’t stand on my left leg. I had to keep letting go of my right foot so I can catch my balance and try again. As everyone was counting, I grabbed my right foot again and this time I stayed on my left leg but I was jumping around trying to keep my balance. Then I almost collapsed but I kept my balance. I headed toward Chris and I head butted into her and we both fell down on the wet ground.
“Natalie,” she shrieked.
“Sorry,” I said. "I couldn’t keep my balance.
“God you got my uniform all wet,” she said as I got up.
The girls were still counting and they switched to holding their left foot and standing on their right legs.
Chris saw some mud marks on her uniforms. “You got my uniform all muddy,” she said.
“Sorry,” I said. “It was an accident.”
“Natalie the warm up disaster,” said Nichole. “Ha get it, Natalie the warm up disaster?”
A few other girls laughed.
I had some wet spots on me from the ground but I didn’t see any mud. I guess I was lucky I didn’t get dirty but I will anyway during the game if I fall down.
I didn’t try standing on my right leg. Then we moved onto the next warm up push ups. I could never do push ups but I could when using the wall but doing it on the ground I can’t. I can’t even keep my body up. Everyone was on the ground doing push ups counting. I hate touching the grass with my bare hands and legs. It itches real bad and it hurts and it gives me rashes. I wonder how the girls can stand the pain. Feels like prickly stuff.
Then we had to be on the ground, ugh. Everyone sat down and did their stretches on the ground. I just stood there. I do not like sitting in the grass and I do not like sitting on the wet ground.

After we did all the warm ups, it was time to run. We ran across the field and back. Then we did high knees, another thing I can’t do well as the other kids on my team. I couldn’t bring my knees up to my chest as I ran. I could only bring them up to my tummy.
“Bring them up to your tits and stop being lazy,” Anitra said as she ran by me.
Next warm up we did was bounding. We had to jump as we ran. I couldn’t do that either as well as others.
“Do it right and stop being lazy,” Nikki said as she bounded by me.
Next we did was windmills. You run as you swing your arms. I can’t swing my arms and run at the same time but I did my best anyway.
“Man I can’t believe the couch let you on this team and you refuse to participate,” said Beverly.
“I am participating,” I finally yelled.
“Yeah right, you aren’t doing any of the warm ups right.”
“I’m trying but it’s all hard,” I said back.
I wonder if the car wreck is also responsible for all this.
Next we did was backwards run. I can’t do that either but I can do it by running slow.
The others ran faster than me. I kept being criticized for my warm ups.
Then we did long jumps. We had to do long jumps across to the other side of the field. I was last one to make it back.
Then we did skipping. At least I could do that. Then we did hopping on one leg and on the other on the way back. I didn’t do it. I can’t hop on one leg or else I fall.
“Mrs. Cleaville, Natalie isn’t participating,” Katie tattled.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said as she went back to looking at her clipboard.

After all the warm ups were finished, I was really angry at my team mates for putting me down. I told the coach that.
“Don’t worry about them,” she said.
Mrs. Cleaville told us what to work on. She had us work on passing the ball.
Everyone took turns passing the ball to another person. Anitra was up next in line and she kicked her ball to Jessi. She stopped the ball with her foot and ran back to the back of the line. Anitra stood where Jessi was standing. Kristen was up, then Beverly.
Soon my turn was up. I kicked the ball over to Michelle. She stopped it and ran to the back of the line with the ball. It was my turn to stand. Jessica was up and she kicked the ball over to me hard. It was in the air. It went by me.
“You’re supposed to catch it,” said Jessica.
“You kicked it wrong,” I said. “You’re supposed to pass it over to me, not kick it hard.”
“Whatever.”
I headed to the back of the line but the girls told me, “Go get the ball you missed.”
I had to run over and get the ball. I went back to the line but no one wouldn’t let me back where I was. They all told me I had to get in the back. I went to the back of the line. I was now behind Chelsie.
For the rest of my turns, the girls kept kicking the balls hard to me while they kicked the ball softly to others. I knew they were deliberately kicking it hard to me.
“Why is everyone kicking the balls hard at me?” I asked.
“You’re supposed to kick it hard,” said Natasha.
“No you’re not,” I said. “You’re supposed to kick it to me like you’re doing to everyone else. You’re not even kicking the ball hard to them but only to me. I want to be treated the same as you guys.”
“Your whining is giving me a headache,” said Natasha.
“I’m not whining,” I said.
“Yes you are,” said Jessica. “You’re always complaining about stuff and you think we’re treating you differently.”
“But you guys are sure kicking the ball hard to me but you aren’t to everyone else.”
“Natalie, I’ll give you two words,” said Michelle. “Shut up!” she yelled.
I jumped. Yelling scares me.
They were denying they were treating me differently.
I fought back my tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of my team mates. I knew they would make fun of me for that.
When my turn came again for the sixth time, the ball was kicked hard to me again. I tried stopping it with my body but it bounced off my shoulder. It hurt bad.
“Ow,” the words came out of my mouth.
The girls laughed.
I ran to get the ball and after a few more girls had a turn, Mrs. Cleaville blew her whistle.
She told us the next warm up was we were going to line up in front and dribble the ball up to the box and kick it in the goal.
I got in line with the rest of the girls. Jessi was first. She dribbled the ball up to the goal box and kicked it in the goal. She got her ball as Cheri dribbled hers up to the goal box. She kicked it in the goal as Jessi got back in line.
Then Beverly told me to not stand so close to her.
“But I’m in line, we all stand close,” I pointed out.
“Not like this,” she said her snotty voice. “Back up now.”
“I can’t, there’s people behind me,” I said.
“Back up now,” she yelled in my face.
It made me jump again and the sound pounded against my ear drums.
I backed up into the girls behind me.
“Ow, Natalie!” Nichole yelled.
“She told me to back up?” I said.
“Everyone back up,” Beverly ordered everyone behind me.
Everyone backed up and so did I. But Beverly still told me to back up.
I backed up and she told me “keep going keep going” then, “that’s good.”
I was like twenty feet away from her and the girls behind me were standing right behind each other.
Man this was ridiculous. I did not need to stand that far behind Beverly but she did it because she doesn’t like me.
Then Kristy was up to kick the ball in the goal. We all scooted up in line. Not too long later, I was standing closer to Beverly but I wasn’t directly behind her.
Then I was a few feet behind her. She told me I was standing close to her again. I backed up when she told me to.
When my turn came, I dribbled my ball up to the goal box and kicked it in the goal. When I grabbed my ball, Nichole kicked the ball before I was out of her way.
I wondered where the other team was. I guess their coach decided not to have his team warm up before the game. Lucky them.

Mrs. Cleaville blew her whistle about twenty minutes later. This time it didn’t hurt my ears because we were outside.
We all ran up to her. My team mates were mean to me the whole way through the drills.
This was going to be my worse game ever.
Mrs. Cleaville told us the junior varsity was going to play first. I’m on the Junior varsity team only because I’m a sophomore and sophomores aren’t on the varsity team.
We usually play the JV (junior varsity) after the varsity one, and sometimes we don’t play both of the games.
Mrs. Cleaville told us who was playing in the game and what positions we were going to be in.
I was going to be in the JV game as left fielder.
Some girls told me to stand still when they saw me walking around them back and forth. I stopped and starting up again without thinking.
“Natalie,” Anitra whispered loudly. “Stop walking around.”
I stopped walking.
Mrs. Cleaville was still talking but I didn’t know what she was saying.
Then I felt my hair being pulled.
“Ow,” I screamed as I spung around and my hands lashed out at Nikki who pulled my hair.
“Nikki,” Mrs. Cleaville yelled.
“All I told her is to stop moving around,” she said
“No you pulled my hair,” I yelled.
“You tried scratching me,” she said.
“I did not,” I yelled.
“All of you, leave Natalie alone,” Mrs. Cleaville said.
“Why do you always have to stand up for her?” Jessica asked. “You treat her like you’re her favorite and the rest of us aren’t.”
“She is not my favorite, I don’t do favorites.”
“You do to her,” Nikki said.
“No I don’t. This is completely different. Now let me finish what I’m saying and not one word from any of you until I’m done speaking.” And she continued talking.
“Nikki, Megan, and Jessi ,you will all play defender, Audrey you will be the goalie…”
I forgot the rest she was saying.
I found myself walking around again in circles.
Then Mrs. Cleaville told me to stand near the bleachers because I was distracting my team mates.
I went near the bleachers. I stood behind them and tapped my finger on the back of them. Then I put my tongue on it and licked it. I liked the feeling so I kept doing it.
“What is she doing?” I thought I heard.
I kicked my foot against the bleachers as I wet my diaper again for the third time, I wet it the second time during the warm ups.
Then I noticed my team mates running out in the field. I saw the other team arriving with their coach and soccer gear.
I saw Mrs. Cleaville coming towards me. I watched her.
“Okay Natalie,” she said when she got to me. “You will play left field and you will be in the whole entire game. Natalie, are you listening?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Look at me.”
I looked at her and away.
I wonder why people want me to look at them.
"What did I say?’
“Look at me,” I repeated.
“Before that.”
“You will play left field and you will be in there the whole time,” I repeated.
“Close enough. To your position.”
I ran out in the field to my position.
“Natalie, too far, you’re over here,” I heard Mrs. Cleaville shout behind me.
I turned around and saw where she was standing.
“Right here,” she said.
I ran up to her and she told me where to stand. I sometimes get left and right mixed up.
I saw parents had arrived already. They were on the other side of the field. I wondered where my mother was. There were even some in the bleachers where I stood before. The other team mates were already in their positions. I saw the referees.
Everything had happened so quick. Where did they all come from? It was like they just appeared out of nowhere like I would see in a videogame such as GoldenEye007. The enemies appearing out of nowhere.
Then I noticed there were cars in the parking lock next to the tennis courts.
Why didn’t I hear them pulling in and why didn’t I hear people arriving?
“Natalie,” Mrs. Cleaville shouted.
“What?” I shouted.
I noticed my team mates and the other team were already playing. One of them had the soccer ball.
Just when did we already start? I don’t remember hearing the whistle being blown by a referee.

During first inning, very few girls were mean to me. Chelsie wouldn’t pass the ball to me when I was open, Anitra pushed me aside using her body and I fell down. I got up and kept playing. I watched the ball being dribbled by the other team. Then it was passed onto another team mate. The other team was heading towards the goal on our side of the field but Nikki kicked the ball back to the other side of the field. I ran after it.
“No Natalie no,” I heard some of my team mates shouting.
Yes yes yes, I thought
I got the ball and dribbled it but Anitra stole the ball from me.
“Hey,” I said.
“We told you no,” she said as she dribbled the ball away from me.
I stomped my foot.
This continued throughout the game but I still ran after the ball. I was not going to give up. But as I was trying to get the ball from my opponent, I messed in my diaper. A few of her team mates smelled it cause one of them said “Ew what’s that smell?”
I noticed three other girls held their noses. One of them made a remark about someone farting and it smelled like shit.
This was so embarrassing. Why couldn’t this wait until I got home? I usually poop every other day but the problem is it varies so I don’t poop at the same time every other day. I wish I would so I would know when it will happen so I can head onto the bathroom and take my diaper off and sit on the toilet and wait.
I ran out of the field. I couldn’t take the embarrassment.
“Natalie Natalie are you okay?” Mrs. Cleaville asked.
I flapped my hand angrily as tears came out of my eyes. I walked around in circles.
I felt everyone starring at me. I didn’t even look up because I didn’t want to see that I was right and be even more embarrassed.
“Time!” Mrs. Cleaville shouted.
I heard a whistle blow behind me.
“Natalie what’s wrong? What’s the matter?” I heard Mrs. Cleaville asking. I knew she was coming towards me. I can tell by the sound waves.
I was too embarrassed to say.
I kept flapping my hand hearing a little clapping sound. My right hand makes that clapping sound when I flap it.
“Natalie?” Mrs. Cleaville said again.
I wish Mom were here cause then I would tell her about my messy accident. I wanted to tell Mrs. Cleaville that but the words wouldn’t come out because I was so embarrassed. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
You have something to say but you can’t get them out.
“Are you hurt?” Mrs. Cleaville asked.
I shook my head.
“Are the girls being mean to you?”
I nodded.
“Is that why you ran out of the field?”
I shook my head.
“Natalie, look at me.”
I looked at her and turned away.
“Then what happened?”
Bah, couldn’t she tell I messed in my diaper? Couldn’t she smell the odor?
Then I came up with something I can do, I pointed at my diaper.
“Oh you need a change?”
I nodded.
“Would you like to sit out then for a little while?”
“Sure,” I finally said. Then I added, “My backpack on the bus.”
“Then go and get it, the bus is open and the bathrooms are in the building.”
I ran to the bus as Mrs. Cleaville called “Cheri, left field.”
I guess she was going to take my place.
I ran to our bus and the doors really were open cause they were open a crack.
I pulled them open and found the bus driver sleeping in one of the front seats.
He had a paperback book on his chest. He must have been reading.
He opened his eyes as I got on. I went to my seat and grabbed my back pack.
I got off and went in the school. I looked for the bathrooms. When I saw them, I went in the girl’s bathroom.
I went in an empty stall that was a handicap one. I took off my cleats, shorts, shirt and my leotard. They were on the floor in a pile. I opened my bag and took out the baby wipes and a clean diaper. I took off my used one. I had done a big load in it. I wiped myself clean as I sat on the toilet. I do that just in case I pee.
I have peed on my pants before while cleaning myself up and boy did I hate it. Now I take them off completely, not just have them pulled down. After I was done cleaning up, I stood against the wall putting on my new diaper. After I was done putting it on, I put my leotards and uniform back on, then my cleats.
I put my wipes back in my bag and zipped it. I threw my used diaper and wipes in the trash near the sinks. I buried it under a bunch of used paper towels. I washed my hands and headed outside back to the field. I felt a lot better to be in a fresh diaper.
I walked under the cover and dropped my back pack on the ground and sat down on the tarp.
I fiddled with the zippers on my backpack.
“Natalie, you’re back,” said Mrs. Cleaville when she saw me. “Are you ready to be back in the game?”
I wondered how the other team was going to treat me when I go back out there and my team too? I don’t think I could face the dilemma so I shook my head.
“No? Okay. When you’re ready, just let me know.”
Luckily I was the only person who was sitting under the canopy. The seniors and some of the Juniors (who aren’t playing in the JV game) were sitting on the bleachers cheering our team on.
I kept playing with the zippers on my backpack.
I heard people cheering for the other team and ours too.
I found myself rocking back and forth and unzipping my backpack open and closed.

Soon halftime came. My team gathered around and had a snack. I didn’t join. I looked up and saw them sitting at the bleachers eating as Mrs. Cleaville was talking to them. I looked across the field and saw the other team in a circle. I knew they were doing the same thing.
I looked back at my team and saw Mrs. Cleaville coming towards me. She walked under the canopy.
“Natalie aren’t you going to have some fruit with your team?”
I shook my head. I did not feel like eating. I didn’t even want to be near my team.
“Are you still upset about the incident earlier?”
I assumed she meant my messy accident.
“Yes,” I said looking at my backpack.
“It’s okay, you took care of it didn’t you, now you feel better.”
“I’m afraid of my team mates making fun of me,” I said, “and the other team too. They smelled it when I did it and they said ‘ew who farted’ and they mentioned it smelled like shit.”
“They probably didn’t even know it was you. They still probably think someone farted so I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Then one of the referees blew their whistle.
The teams ran back in the field but this time they switched sides.
“I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go back in the game and see how it goes and if it doesn’t go well, you can come back out,” Mrs. Cleaville said. “Does that sound like a good deal to you?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Yeah, lets do it then.”
I got up leaving my backpack on the ground, er tarp I should say.
Mrs. Cleaville put me back in the game and had Cheri come out.
I got in my position and waited for the game to start again.
The referee blew his whistle.

During the game, not one other team said a word to me about the incident. I guess Mrs. Cleaville was right. They really did think someone farted but my team mates still wouldn’t let me have the ball because they kept stealing it from me and they wouldn’t pass it to me. I still was not going to give up. I kept trying to play good. I stole the ball from one of my team mates to try to show I was good as them but the other team stole the ball from me.
Katie was sure mad at me for taking the ball away from her.
“Gee Natalie what did you do that for?” she said angrily.
“No one isn’t passing the ball to me and everyone is taking the ball away from me so I’m taking action,” I said.
“I haven’t even done those things to you,” she said. “Next time get the facts straight before you get back at everyone, instead of doing it to people who have never done mean things to you.”
I still kept trying to take the ball from my team mates then Mrs. Cleaville blew her whistle. “Time,” she yelled.
“Natalie, come here,” she said.
I ran up to her.
“Natalie you’re supposed to be stealing the ball from your opponents, not from your own team mates.”
“But they’re doing it to me,” I said. “So don’t pick on me.”
“I’m not trying to pick on you. I’m just telling you how the game is played. You only steal the ball from the other team, not from your own team mates.”
“But they’re stealing the ball from me and not even passing it to me so why can’t I do the same to them?” I complained.
“I will talk to them about it. Do you understand how the game is played?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good, you can go back to playing now.”
I ran back to where I was before.
The game started again but Mrs. Cleaville never did talk to the team. She had lied to me. I was mad at her. I don’t like liars. Lying is bad.
My team still refused to pass the ball to me whenever I was open and they wouldn’t even let me have the ball.
I was getting angrier and angrier. I squeezed my hands. They became fists. The inside of me was burning up with anger. In my mind, I felt there was fire in my eyes just like I would see on a cartoon.
I got the ball but Anitra stole it from me again. My eyes turned from flames into red. Then I found my self running after her and grabbing her.
I screamed as I pulled her to the ground. “You bitch, that was my ball, quit treating me like I’m on the other team!” I screamed.
“Get off of me,” Anitra shouted.
The referee blew his whistle.
I grabbed her shirt and hit her and pulled her hair. Anitra pulled mine and pinched me in the arm.
Our team and the other team gathered around us. Our coach and the referees ran over to us.
“Hey hey hey,” one of the referees yelled.
“Girls girls,” Mrs Cleaville shouted. “Natalie.”
The referee and Mrs. Cleaville pulled us apart. My knees were wet from the ground but I didn’t care.
“Get here out of here,” the referee said.
Mrs. Cleaville grabbed me by the arm and by the top of my shirt. “Natalie you will now sit out for the rest of the game,” she said angrily.
“You lied to me, you said you will talk to the girls,” I said.
“I did not lie to you,” she said back.
I did not like her strong grip on me. I walked along with her to reduce the pain. She didn’t let go of me until we got off the field.
“But you said you would talk to them and you never did.”
“I said I would but I didn’t mean now.”
Gee why didn’t she say the word ‘later’ then? I will talk to them later, it should have been.
“God what got into her?” I heard one of my team mates asking from the bleachers.
“Kristen, you’re in,” Mrs. Cleaville said.
Kristen got off the bleachers. She took off her coat and her sweats and ran out in the field.
I sat back under the canopy. I grabbed a bunch of blankets that belonged to the other girls on my team.
Half of my team brought blankets along. Why didn’t I think of that?
I gathered up everyone’s bags too. I put them all together and I put some blankets on the tarp to make the ground soft. I rolled a blanket up in a ball to us as a pillow. I sat down and put the rest of the blankets on top of me. My whole entire body was under them. I felt safe under them. I felt separated from the real world under these blankets. People were still cheering the teams on and I heard Mrs. Cleaville cheering for our team too.
“C’mon Jessi, shake it off,” she said.
I thought about James Bond. Fifteen days of 007 USA has been doing. I love James Bond. His moves and he is so cute. I remember seeing the James Bond movies last year when the USA channel did fifteen days of it but I didn’t watch all of them. Mom and Dad did let me stay up late so I could watch them but they told me I can watch them if I can get out of bed the next morning and not be too tired. I didn’t even know the channel was doing them again this year until last night. I like Peirce Brosnan the best as James Bond. GoldenEye is my favorite James Bond movie because of the game. Kelly, Matthew, and I used to play it all the time when we had the Nintendo 64. Brian owned the game. Even the little kids that would come over to our house to play with me would play the game also. We also played Mario Kart and other games we rented. I remember Matthew renting that Kirby game that came out this summer and we all played the mini games that were on it.
But I do not remember how the songs go in the game because I had only played it once. But I do remember the songs from GoldenEye Mario Kart and Super Mario 64 because I played them a lot.
I played the James Bond theme in my head and I hummed it. I felt the urge to listen to the tape when I get home. I closed my eyes and rested them.
It seemed like I had zoned out because I had not heard anything. No cheering, no screaming, nothing. I don’t remember hearing a thing.
I wiggled my bottom enjoying the feeling of my diaper. It felt soft and cozy and it helped keep me warm. I wonder what it would have felt like if I didn’t have a diaper on and only underwear. Maybe bare down there and no soft feeling. I don’t even remember what its like to wear underwear on my bare bottom. It had been eight years since I last did. I have foggy memories of me knowing when I had to go before I started wearing diapers again. I have forgotten what the feeling’s like when you have to go to the bathroom. I don’t even remember what your bladder feels like when you have to go. I feel nothing then all of a sudden I feel myself going. I can tell by the warmth and the feel of it but for some reason I don’t always know when I’m going until I feel the warmth because I move around.
I stuck my left hand in my shorts and felt the outside of my diaper. I like touching my diaper sometimes but I do it in private and I was in private because I was under the blankets.
Time seemed to go by slowly because it felt like the game was going on forever. I kept my eyes close enjoying the designs I was seeing in my head. I saw people and places I’ve been to or seen, objects such as a star or a moon. I even saw my room.

                          *                *                 *

The blankets were lift off of me. Luckily I still didn’t have my hand in my shorts. That’d be embarrassing.
My team mates saw me curled up in a ball when they lifted the blankets off of me.
“Cute,” I saw Audrey saying. I wonder if she was saying that about me. What was so cute?
My team mates were surrounded around me. Mrs. Cleaville was talking to them telling the varsity players what positions they’ll be playing.
“Beverly, you will be goalie, Nikki, Megan, and Kristy, you’re all playing defense…”
I stayed on the tarp above the blankets. The backpacks were moved and then I was told to get up. I got up and Beverly grabbed her blanket I was lying on.
I paced around again. I saw some of my team mates leaving. I wish Mom were here, then I would be leaving too. I would be stuck here during the varsity game. I wonder why she didn’t come.
Then I felt the warmth in my diaper when I sat in the bleachers. I had wet my diaper again for the first time.
I saw my team mates warming up in the field. The other team was warming up too. I dug my cleat in the grass making a little hole. I felt bored.

During the game, it began to rain. I went under the canopy. I sat down and curled under the blankets again but I couldn’t put everything back the way it was because the other sophomores were in the way.
I rocked back and forth.
“What are you doing Natalie?” Katie asked.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Then why are you rocking?”
“I don’t know.”
I didn’t know why I was rocking. It was something automatic, like a habit.
“Natalie why do you do this?” Jessi asked.
I looked up and saw her flapping her hand.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Why do you do this?” Katie asked as she moved her lips sideways.
“I don’t know.”
“Hey Natalie, why do you always twirl your hair?” Nichole asked as she twirled one of her bangs.
“I don’t know,” I kept saying.
“What the matter with you? Do you not know why you do those weird things?” Katie asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Why do you keep saying ‘I don’t know.’”
“I don’t know,” I said again.
“God you’re weird,” said Jessi.

I took out my Game Boy and played Super Mario Land 2 again. I tried to get to Wario again.
I found myself rocking again as I was playing.
“Why do you always have your Game Boy with you?” Audrey asked.
“I like playing it.” I said as I was going by all the obstacles. Big moving metal black balls, statues spitting out fire balls, lava below me, moving platforms, this was the hardest boss level ever in this game.
“Don’t you ever get tired of it?”
“Mmm…. no,” I said.
“Don’t you do anything else?”
“Computer, TV, videogames,” I said.
“That’s it?”
“Pretty much.”
I was talking and playing my game at the same time never looking up.
“You’re boring.”
“So are you and everyone else,” I said. “I’d rather watch James Bond, play on the computer, watch TV and play videogames and I like to chat on the internet.”
Everyone at this age is boring. None of their interests interest me. I don’t have anything in common with them. I’d rather play with younger kids and to talk to people who like to talk about the same things as me.

When it stopped raining, I put my game away and walked around. The ground was very wet from the rain. I walked by the tennis courts and the small building. I didn’t know what it was. Maybe a building with some classrooms in it for classes they couldn’t fit in the high school. We have some classrooms at our school that are separate. As I was walking between the tennis courts and the building, I thought I heard Mrs. Cleaville calling my name but I figured I was imagining it because it wasn’t very loud. It got louder and louder as I kept walking.
“Natalie, Natalie!”
I turned around trying to see where the words were coming from and there was Mrs. Cleaville walking.
“Natalie,” she said. “You need to stay at the field,” she said.
“Okay,” I said as I walked back. Then I asked, “How come?”
“Because I don’t want to wandering off.”
“How come?”
“Because you’re supposed to stay with the team.”
“How come?”
“Because I don’t want you to get lost.”
Was Mrs. Cleaville crazy? Why would she think I would get lost? I’m fifteen years old for pete’s sake and I can find my way back by remembering what route I took.
“I wouldn’t get lost, I know where the field is,” I said.
“Natalie, we’re all supposed to stay together, not wander off. If something bad happened to you, we can get in trouble for it. Perhaps get sued by your parents.”
What could possible go wrong? Get kidnapped? Yeah right. I’m a size of an adult, it be hard for someone to take me because I can fight back. Not very many big people get kidnapped by someone but it’s more common when you’re little and I bet it’s more common for an old person too cause they are too weak to fight back.
“Now why would something bad happen to me?”
“You’ll never know. It’s a rule we have for all students,” Mrs. Cleaville said. “We don’t even allow them to drive themselves to games and back because if they got in a car wreck, it be our responsibility and we can get in trouble for it.”
Suing is so out of control, schools have to make dumb rules to protect themselves. There ought to be a law about it. My parents got sued once just because some idiot got hurt in front of our house he wasn’t watching where he was riding so he crashed his bike up against the sidewalk and he flew in the air and landed in the thorn bush that was in our flower garden. But at the time I didn’t even know they got sued until I was thirteen. Mom told me because we were on the topic about people being sued for no reason. But I do remember one night in the fall time when I was in seventh grade, Brian had me, Kelly and Matthew get together and we went to the people’s house that sued us and we vandalized it. We toilet papered their tree and bushes, I threw my Mom’s bloody tampons and pads all over the flower bed, Brian and Kelly did the silly string. They sprayed it on the house and Matthew spat spitballs on the car garage door. Boy was it a mess. Everyone was talking about it and I had left the words, “Don’t mess with the Evans.” I had sprayed paint that on their front door so everyone knew it was us that did it. Mom and Dad were mad at us all which didn’t make any sense because they were stupid people for blaming their son’s incident on us just because he wasn’t watching where he was riding and why was it our fault that he was riding on our block and not looking in front of him? They got what they deserved so they should have been proud of us for getting back at them. Grown ups don’t make any sense. Now kids at this age are starting to not make any sense either. I wonder why that starts happening to us when we reach a certain age. I wonder when I’m going to start not making any sense myself? It must have to do with our brains shrinking because they grow until you’re twelve and then they start to shrink when you’re in your twenties. I read that in a magazine when I was in junior high. Maybe that’s why grownups act stupid because their minds shrink.

I walked back to the field and hung out there instead. I did walk around. I even looked through the windows of the high school. No one bothered me for wandering off.

Soon the game ended. I was so relieved. Now I can go home and do my things. Listen to James Bond music and watch the movies USA will play tonight. I hope Mom and Dad will let me stay up late again this year for it. I bet I will get my way again because last year I threw a temper tantrum and slammed doors and stomped my feet acting all depressed, so they made a negotiation with me. They knew how much I loved James Bond and I wanted to see the older movies I have never seen before.
To get my way, I have to do things like, throw a tantrum, have anxiety, get depressed, bang my head, scratch myself, bite myself, those kinds of things and they work. I have never tried it at other places like at other peoples’ houses and at school because I’m afraid of getting into trouble and I’m also afraid of not being welcome in peoples’ homes again. Perhaps I should try that with getting a Nintendo 64 for me and my brother and sister and they might give in.

I watched my team clap hands to the other team saying ‘good game’ as they walked by each other in the middle of the field.
After they were done, my team ran back and gathered up their things. I grabbed my backpack and my soccer ball. My diaper felt okay so far. It didn’t feel too wet. I peed in it a few more times but I think it would hold more. Plus I didn’t want to take a changing break. I’d rather wait until I get home.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 6

Everyone got on the bus. I sat down in my seat again. I felt the wetness at the back of my diaper. It was cold but I didn’t feel too soaked. I felt dry as a matter of fact.
Mrs. Cleaville did roll call. I saw her pointing her pen at me and then at someone else. I knew she was counting because I heard “nine ten eleven twelve” as she walked past me.
“Okay we have everybody,” she said. “We’re ready to roll.”
It started to rain again just as the bus driver pulled out of the parking lot.
I’d have to say this was the worst game I ever had because I messed in my diaper while I was playing, none of my team mates would pass the ball to me, they kept stealing the ball from me and Mrs. Cleaville got mad at me when I attacked Anitra because I had enough of their crap so she took me out for the rest of the game. Plus, my mother never showed up. I knew there must have been a reason. Mom doesn’t come based on weather, or Kelly had a soccer game, or she had car problems.
After all, Mom can’t go to two games at once so she has to pick. Maybe the weather kept her home. Mom doesn’t like rainy weather either.
It rained harder as we left the town. We rode out in the countryside and the suburbs and back to our hometown. I just stared at the window as we were coming back to the high school. Luckily, my team mates left me alone. They just talked and minded their own business.

As we were almost back to our home town, Mrs. Cleaville announced she had to talk to all of us when we get back to school. Everyone except me. I did not like that. Why was she excluding me? I hate it when I get treated differently. I was so mad. I squeezed my hands into fists. I wanted to get up and run up to her and jump on her and attack her but I knew I would get in deeper trouble if I did, so I didn’t do anything. I just sat and let the anger thoughts flow through my head. I would just stay and listen to her talk. I would eavesdrop on her, that way she won’t know I was there and I wouldn’t be excluded from the talk after all. That was a plan I had in my head. I would pretend to be James Bond by trying to be sneaky and eavesdrop without being scene. Pretend that is one of my missions from M. It would look like this:

Mission I
Saltwater High School
Saltwater, WA USA

Objectives:

 a.  Overhear Mrs. Cleaville's conversation and get out of there quick. 

When we got back, Mrs. Cleaville reminded everyone (except me) that she needs to talk to them first so wait in the locker room.
Then a hand was put on my shoulder. I looked up. It was Mrs. Cleaville. I noticed all my team mates were off the bus. Just when did they get off?
“You coming, everyone is already off,” she said.
“How come I’m excluded from your speech?” I asked.
I heard her smile. “I love it when you use big words. I wish lot of girls your age did but sadly they don’t. You must read a lot. I have to talk to the girls about how they all treated you at the game.”
“So you didn’t lie,” I said.
“Of course not, I said I’d do it.”
“So how come you don’t want me there when you talk to them?”
“Because there is no reason for you to be. I need to talk to them, not you. They were real mean today and they violated one of the rules in our rule book. Treating others with respect. If you want to be there, you can but I didn’t think you needed to be but that’s your choice.”
I felt better. I got up and got off the bus. I decided to abort my mission. I will just tell M it was just a misunderstanding so I didn’t need to eavesdrop after all. After all James doesn’t always obey her orders. In The World is Not Enough, he was supposed to stay with Elektra and not leave her alone, but he did anyway which turned out to be a good thing because he found out Elektra was a bad woman.
I wonder if James is allowed to have sex with women. That’s what I’ve been told. That he has sex with them. Ewwwww. You’re supposed to do it when you’re married.

I went in the school to the locker room. My team mates were putting stuff away. I went in my locker and grabbed my clothes and put my soccer ball in there and cleats. I put on my shoes.
“Gee Natalie you’re so lucky you get to leave earlier than us,” said Michelle.
She did not sound happy.
“Yeah you’re her favorite,” Nikki added as she dried herself off with a towel.
“But I got in trouble today,” I pointed out. “I was kicked out of the game.”
“So, but you’re still her favorite and we don’t like favorites.”
“If that were us who got kicked out of the game, I bet we be suspended from the team for the rest of the season,” said Nikki. “But with you, nooooo.”
I wonder if that was why they treated me like shit today.
“Is that why you guys treated me like an opponent instead of your team mate?” I asked.
But nobody answered so I asked it again but still no answer. So I shouted it out.
“Shut up,” Michelle yelled.
“Yeah,” said a few other girls.
“You ask too many questions,” said Anitra.
I got out of the locker room quick like a coward. I hate being yelled at. It’s so frightening.
I was no James Bond. James would not race out of the locker room in a jiffy from being yelled at.
But why did I do it? Easy, I’m helpless. I’m a perfect target for getting mistreated. I wish I were strong. Every time I am, I always get into trouble. Look what happened to me at the game today. Can’t I do any problem solving? If only people would let me.
I ran by Mrs. Cleaville.
“Slow down Natalie, no running,” she said.
I slowed down. We are not allowed to run in school.
I went outside and looked for Mom. The school bus was already gone but I could not find my mother anywhere. Maybe she didn’t know I came back so I’d have to call her to let her know.
I went back in the school to the classroom where I always go to call. The door is always open because the teacher in there never locks it. I picked up the phone and dialed my home number.
“Hello?” said Mom.
“Mom,” I said. “I’m back. Will you come and get me.”
“I’ll be right there,” she said. Then the line went dead.
She hangs up sometimes without saying ‘bye.’
I picked up my clothes and left the classroom.
I decided to stop by the gym again. I went there and went to the locker room but I didn’t go in. I opened the door a little. I heard Mrs. Cleaville yelling in there.
“-and I know a few of you have dyslexia. Do you girls tease your team members about that? Do you?…I had to let her join the team, what choice do I have? Discrimination is not allowed. Would you like me to cut you from this team for your disorder?”
Goodness, I didn’t know some of my team mates had that condition. I know my sister Kelly has it because it’s been said in my family many times. She even went to special ed. everyday a week at school when she was in elementary school so she can learn how to read. Now she loves doing her school work and she loves homework. I wish I were that smart. My Dad also has some. He said he used to spell a few letters backwards and spell a few words wrong because that’s how he saw them like he used to spell ‘the’ T-E-H.
Some of his teachers even put him down for spelling some words wrong and his parents did the same. He said they didn’t understand, now they know better cause they know now. He told them after Kelly was diagnosed.
“I want you to treat her the same way you treat each other,” I heard Mrs. Cleaville say.
I left the locker room and went back to the front of the school. I wanted to hear more but I was afraid of my mother getting another anxiety attack because I’m not there. If I caused it, Dad would get mad at me. Dad always gets mad at us when we cause our mother to have an anxiety episode and he punishes us. I caused her to have that episode at the Saturday market because I stopped at a stand to look at something and it caused my mother to get separated from Dad, Kelly and Matthew so when she couldn’t find them, she had that break down and I was very lucky I didn’t get punished. Mom must have not told him that I got separated from them because I stopped to look at something and then she couldn’t find them. So I guess it was my fault we had to leave because I caused her to have that breakdown even though I told Kelly I was stopping to look at something and I expected her to tell our parents and she didn’t. I shouldn’t have stopped to look at something. Me and my stupid curiosity. It was my fault that Dad decided we should leave.

Mission I
Saltwater High School
Saltwater, WA USA

Objectives:

a.   Overhear Mrs. Cleaville's conversation and get out of there quick. complete

I had completed my mission after all because I did eavesdrop on Mrs. Cleaville talking to the team and I left quick because I wanted to be out here when Mom arrives.
Then I saw her pull into the parking lot. She pulled up in front of the school. She opened the door for me as I walked up to the car. I put my clothes between the front seats as I got in. Matthew was also in the car sitting behind Mom playing Brian’s old Game Boy.
“Hey why did he come?” I asked.
“Because he had to because Kelly went to her soccer game,” Mom replied.
I closed the car door.
“Why didn’t you come to my game?” I asked.
“It was raining out. I’m surprised Kelly’s game didn’t get cancelled,” said Mom as she drove off.
So she did have a game.
“It wasn’t even raining when we got to our game and it didn’t even start until the varsity game.”
“It was raining over here, so I assumed the same where you were playing.”
“Ever heard the word, umbrella?” I said. “I had to suffer through all the meanness from my team mates thanks to you.”
I was mad at her for not coming.
“Well gee I’m sorry,” said Mom.
“You could have brought an umbrella along,” I said.
“I said I was sorry,” Mom said again. “I don’t like being in the rain and you know that.”
“That’s what umbrellas are for. I messed in my diaper during the game and you weren’t there to help me.”
“Natalie, you are fifteen years old, you should be changing them on your own, not expecting me to do it for you every time. You know how to do it.”
“No I messed in them and I couldn’t even tell the couch that because I had my backpack on the bus so I had to suffer with the embarrassment.”
“You should have taken it off the bus with you.”
“I didn’t want it to get wet from the rain,” I said.
“You chose to do soccer so expect messy accidents. You should already be used to that a long time ago. It’s been eight years.”
Man, Mom wasn’t even getting what I was trying to say. My point was if she was there I would have told her about it instead of me having that embarrassment attack and I would have left the game after the JV one got over.
“No because you weren’t there I had to try telling the coach myself.”
“Oh god you wanted her to do the changing for you?” Mom said disgustingly.
“No,” I yelled. “I had to point to my butt to tell her I had an accident so she will know what happened so I was able to get on the bus and get my backpack and change in the bathroom. Then after my game got over, I had to be stuck there for the varsity game and be bored and be out in the rain under the canopy.”
“Stop, you guys are hurting my ears,” Matthew yelled.
“And my team mates wouldn’t even pass the ball to me and they kept stealing it from me also,” I yelled ignoring Matthew. “So I finally jumped on one of my tea mates and attacked her and I got in trouble for it.”
“You learned passive assertive aggrieve in fifth grade. Use that skill,” Mom yelled back. “Did you get yourself kicked off the team?”
“No I got kicked out of the game.”
“You’re very lucky you didn’t get yourself kicked off the team.”
I heard Matthew kicking Mom’s seat.
“Stop that,” Mom shouted.
“You’re hurting my ears,” Matthew yelled as he had his ears covered.
“I’m done talking,” Mom said to me.
Not one word was said on the rest of the way home.
We left the town out to the countryside where our neighborhood is.
When we got home, I grabbed my clothes and slammed the car door shut with my foot. I opened the door to the laundry room. I took off my shoes and stomped my feet up the stairs. I was still mad at Mom and I wasn’t going to talk to her.
I dumped my clothes on the floor in my room once I came in.
I went in Matthew’s pigsty room and took the Fisher Price tape player out of his room to use. I took it back to my room and went in one of my drawers and dug for the James Bond tape. I don’t know how long we’ve had it. I found it with a bunch of other tapes when I was in sixth grade. Back then, I had never heard of the character. When Mom told me what the tape was, I thought James Bond was a name of the music group until I found out it was a bunch of movies with the character in it. I heard GoldenEye was a James Bond movie and there were others like it. Then last year, USA did a fifteen days of 007 by showing two of the movies every night so I watched them so see what they were like.
I found the tape and put it in the tape player and turned it on. The James Bond theme started. I crawled under my bed. I pushed the container of old Archie comics out of the way and my other backpack I keep my TY Beanies in. It was also dusty under here because the vacuum can’t even fit under here. I reached for the tape player and pulled it under the bed with me. I could tell the batteries were a little low because the song sounded funny. It sounded like the tape was being eaten.
I wet my diaper again and it felt really wet this time. I felt the pee go to the back of my diaper and in the front. I rolled around to get the pee absorbed in the diaper. Then I stuck my hand in my shorts and felt a wet spot on my butt. Oh well. For some reason I didn’t care if my diaper had leaked.
After the theme song ended, the next song came on.
The batteries got lower and lower as it played. The song started to sound so awful I had to turn it off. I pushed the tape player out from under the bed.
I stayed under here doing nothing. All I did was pound my feet up against my bed frame my mattress sat on and I tugged at the end of the rubber sheet that’s on my mattress. My mom keeps one on there for when my diapers leak so I won’t wreck the mattress. She has them on all of our beds as a matter of fact. Her way of me not feeling alone with having to have a rubber sheet on my bed. I complained about having to be the only one so Mom decided, fine then everyone will have them on their beds, feel any better. This was when Matthew stopped wetting the bed which was when he was seven.

I don’t know how long I have been under this bed. It felt like I had been under here for hours so I finally crawled out from under there and went downstairs. I wet again. I felt pee coming out from the right side. I still didn’t care for some reason.
I saw Mom had made nothing for dinner. I looked at the time, it was only six.
Kelly was sitting at the table working on her school work. She was still in her soccer uniform. I wonder when she came home.
I went in the family room and turned on the TV. I channel surfed and found The Simpsons.
The Simpsons’ kitchen garbage was piled up with trash and their kitchen was a pigsty. Worse than Matthew’s room. I found the episode quite interesting so I watched it.
Then I saw Mom come in the kitchen.
“What’s for dinner?” I asked.
“Leftovers,” she said.
I was starving so I got up.
I went in the kitchen and went in the fridge. As I was getting out the containers of leftovers, Mom yelled at me from the family room.
“Natalia, why is there a wet spot on my couch?”
I knew she was very mad because she always uses my real name when she is. She uses my full name when she is really really mad.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Oh don’t lie to me, you do to know.”
If she knew I knew, then why did she ask me?
As I was scooping some mashed potatoes on my plate, Mom yelled at me some more when she came in the kitchen.
“Your back of your shorts are wet too. Damn it Natalie.”
“So,” I said. I didn’t care if they were wet. They can always be washed. That’s what washers are for.
“Go get changed now,” Mom ordered.
“I will,” I said.
“Now!” Mom yelled.
“Then you do it,” I said. I didn’t feel like getting changed. If Mom wanted me to change out of my uniform and diaper, she can do it herself.
“No I will not, you are fifteen years old, you should be doing this yourself.”
“And I said I will,” I yelled back, “but if you want me to do it now, you do it.”
Mom backed off because she didn’t say anything after that. She just walked away.
I finished scooping the mash potatoes on my plate. I didn’t scoop it all out, only some.
I scooped out some cream corn and took out a few pieces of cut up meat. I remembered to put the leftover food away and put the silverware in the dishwasher. I had to check first to see if it was unloaded and it was. Mom does not like dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is unloaded. She expects us to check.
I heated up my food in the microwave. Mom was in the family room wiping up the wet spot on the couch I left.
After it was done, I took it out and was about to sit down at the table.
“Don’t sit down,” Mom yelled from the family room. “Go get changed before you do.”
Mom and Dad do not want me sitting on any of their furniture when I have wet pants.
So I ate standing as I watched The Simpsons.
When I finished my food, I put my plate and fork in the dishwasher and got out some ice cream.
I got out a clean bowl and a ice cream scooper. I scooped some in the bowl and put the ice cream away and the ice cream scooper in the dish washer.
I stood as I ate my ice cream. This was very awkward eating while standing but it was worth it. No way I was going to change myself when I didn’t feel like it.
On The Simpsons, Homer was getting rid of trash from Springfield by having it all shoved in an old mine. I wonder how he got that position.
Later in the show, all the garbage exploded out of the ground. It sprayed out of sewers, and it even sprayed out of the golf hole while Homer was golfing.
Then at the end of the episode, they moved the whole entire town of Springfield to another location because the other was full of trash. I saw Homer jumping out the front door of his home into Moe’s Tavern where Bart does those prank calls. Then it was the end of the episode.
I put my empty bowl in the dishwasher.
I went back in the living room and checked the TV guide on TV. I went to the USA channel to check when James Bond was going to be on. Eight o’ clock. Plenty of time for me to shower and get changed in my pajamas.
I put the controller down and went upstairs. I went in my room and picked up my pajamas and got out a clean diaper. I headed to the bathroom and closed the door and locked it.
I took off my soccer uniform. My whole butt was wet from the leaky diaper. I stuffed my uniform in the hamper (except for my coat that belongs to the uniform) with the other dirty clothes. I took off my leotards and sport bra. I put them in the hamper too and took off my soaked diaper. It was in very bad shape. It sagged badly and it was real uncomfortable. I took it off and rolled it in a ball. The whole entire inside was all yellow and the stuff inside of it was all out of place. It was a mess. I hadn’t changed since the soccer game. I dropped it in the waste basket next to the toilet. I turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm up. After it warmed up, I got in and showered. I shaved and washed my hair and after I was done, I turned off the water and got out. I dried myself off and put on my clean diaper and pajamas.
I wrapped a towel on my head and left the bathroom. I went in Mom and Dad’s room. Luckily Matthew wasn’t in there this time watching one of his favorite movies again. I turned on the TV and turned to the USA channel. Time for James Bond but the movies hadn’t even started yet so I would mine as well watch my favorite James Bond movie I have. I went downstairs and grabbed GoldenEye from the bookshelves we keep the VHS tapes on. Matthew was in the family room watching Jurassic Park.
“Someday Matthew you will ware out that movie,” Mom said. Then she said to me, “Natalie you will ware out that tape too if you keep watching it all the time.”
Mom was exaggerating. I have no time to watch this movie a lot because of school, computer, videogames and shows that I have to watch on TV. Plus then there’s the homework I have to do. I only get to watch this on weekends when there’s no school.
I went upstairs back to Mom and Dad’s room. I put in the tape and started it. I would have to keep an eye on the clock so I wouldn’t miss the beginning of Diamonds Are Forever.
That was the name of the movie the channel was going to show at eight.
I fastened forward through the videogame preview on Tomorrow Never Dies. Then I pressed play when I came to the movie. I watched the beginning of it.
When the theme song came, I fastened forward through that too because I didn’t feel like listening to the song. I hit play when it ended.
I said lines along with James Bond and the psychologist as he was doing the car chase down the road with Xenia. Then white lines came down the screen as the psychologist yelled at James to stop his car.
That was where the tape got eaten one time by the tape player and I was able to get it out. I kept rewinding the part so I can hear the lines again and again and then the tape got stuck in the player and it wouldn’t come out so I kept pressing the eject button, stop and play and the tape finally came out after a few minutes.
I paused the movie and went in my room. I got my James Bond trivia cards I got for my last birthday. It’s actually a trivia game but I like looking at them. I read the questions and the answers.
I went back in Mom and Dad’s room and unpaused the movie. As I was looking at the trivia cards, I heard someone come in the room.
“Keep your dirty diapers out of the bathroom, ew,” said Kelly as she dumped my dirty diaper out of the waste basket and onto the floor. She did not sound happy. She was wrapped up in a towel from taking a shower. All the dirty toilet paper fell on the floor too but Kelly just left it all there when she left.
I looked at the time again, still ten more minutes.
I spread my trivia cards on the bed. I read through them as I listened to the movie.
I looked at the time again and it was a few minutes till eight so I turned off the movie and turned to the channel.
Then Mom came in the room. She stopped walking when she saw the mess on the floor Kelly left.
“What is this?”
Another dumb question she was asking.
“What do you think?” I asked. “You’re not blind.”
Mom took something off the dresser and threw it at me. She missed completely and it hit the shelf behind me above the bed.
“Don’t you dare be disrespectful,” she yelled. “Pick this up now,” pointing at the mess.
“I didn’t do it,” I shouted. “It was Kelly. She dumped it out on the floor and left it.”
Mom left the room yelling. “Kelly?…Did you dump the garbage on the floor in my bedroom.”
I heard Kelly’s indistinct response.
“Clean it up now,” I heard Mom yell.
Kelly came in the room with the waste basket. She picked up the toilet paper but left the diaper.
“Natalie, pick up your diaper,” said Mom when she came back in the master bedroom.
“Why?” I said.
“Because it’s yours.”
“But I didn’t put it there, Kelly did.”
“And I’m saying pick it up, it won’t kill you.”
“Then you do it if it bothers you so much,” I said.
“Now!” Mom yelled.
I ignored her.
“Natalie?”
I didn’t answer.
“Natalie?” “Natalie?” “Natalie?”
I kept ignoring her. Her voice was getting louder and louder every time she said my name.
“Natalia Elizabeth Jean Evans!” she yelled.
I jumped. I wasn’t expecting her to get that angry. But I still didn’t move.
Then I saw Mom walking over to the TV. She turned it off.
“Hey,” I yelled.
“Pick it up now or there will be no more James Bond until you do.”
Mom had won the battle.
I got off the bed and picked up the diaper. I took it to the master bathroom.
“Don’t throw it away in there, throw it away with the rest of your dirty diapers,” Mom shouted.
I turned around and left the bathroom and the master bedroom. I went in my room and threw the diaper away in the trash can where I throw my dirty diapers away. Mom bought me a single thirteen gallon trash can a long time ago for my dirty diapers to go.
Mom turned the TV back on when I came back.
The theme song was playing.
Damn it, I had missed some of it thanks to Kelly and Mom.
I hate my sister, I hate my mom, I hate myself and I hate my life. I wish I were dead.
I wonder what James would have done to avoid the incident.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 7

The next morning, Mom opened my bedroom door. “Time to get up for school,” she said.
She turned on the bedroom light.
I pulled the blankets over my head to get the light out of my eyes. It was so bright. Under here it smelled like urine from my wet diaper but it didn’t bother me. My diaper felt thick from all the pee. I could feel some in the front and in the back.
Mom pulled the covers off of me.
“Oh pee ew,” she said. “What a stinky girl I have.”
I pulled the blankets back up.
“Someone’s not going to stay up late again tonight and watch James Bond if she doesn’t get out of bed,” Mom said playfully.
That forced me out of bed. She had won again.
I lift the covers off of me and sat up. Mom went in the closet and asked what I wanted to wear.
“I don’t know,” I yawned
“Okay, I’ll decide.”
As Mom looked around in my closet, I lied back down.
I was so tired I did not feel like getting out of bed but I had to or else I wouldn’t be able to watch more James Bond.
I heard Mom looking through my closet.
Then I felt a wet spot on the side of my pajamas. I felt around my bottom. My diaper had leaked. The top of my pants were wet on the right side and so was my butt. I felt my bed. It was also wet but I didn’t care. I usually do care because it bothers me that I get pee on my sheets so I strip it, but today I didn’t care. I didn’t care if my pajamas were wet too. My diaper felt nice and warm. At least it was help keeping me warm. The bedroom was chilly.
Then I heard Mom toss something on the floor.
“Okay, here are your clothes, do you need a bra or no?”
Another stupid question Mom had asked. All girls with boobs have to wear them or theirs will get stretched out if they don’t.
I didn’t answer.
“Natalie?” Mom said.
“What do you think?” I asked.
Mom walked over to me and lifted up my shirt.
She went to my dresser and opened my drawer and took out one of my clean pair of bras. She picked up the clothes she picked out for me and put them on my bed along with a clean diaper.
“Okay here is everything, bra, diaper, shirt, pants, see you downstairs.”
Mom left the room leaving me in bed. She didn’t even bother to take my jamese off and dress me like she usually does and she didn’t even notice my diaper leaked but she did notice the smell.
I rested a few more minutes and then I decided to get out of bed. I took off my pajamas. Even the bottom of my shirt was wet in the back and on the side. I wonder if Mom noticed it.
I sniffed it. It smelled like pee too. I tossed it on the floor. I took off my wet diaper. It was wet inside everywhere. Even the sides were wet. I put it in the trash and put on my clean diaper. I didn’t even bother to wipe my bottom, only my back and sides near my buttocks where it was wet. I put on my bra and clothes.
The pants my mom had picked out for me were black pants with snaps on the side and it had a thick red line running down the side of the pants where the snaps were. The shirt she had picked out was white with thick black letters that spelled AVIA in the thick red rectangle square. I’ve had the shirt since I was nine. I used to wear it as a nightshirt because it was so long on me, now it goes down just above my buttocks since I’ve grown.
Mom had never picked out any socks for me to wear so I had to do it myself.
“Turn the light off, it’s hurting my eyes,” Kelly said tiredly from her bed.
“I will,” I said.
“Now,”
“Then you do it,” I said.
I opened my sock drawer and took out a pair of socks that were black. I put them on and brushed my hair. I even remembered to put on some deodorant. I hate it when I forget because then my arm pits stink.
I grabbed one of my hair ties and remembered to turn off the light as I left our room.
I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth. I wasn’t going to eat any breakfast because I didn’t feel hungry at all for some reason.
After I brushed my teeth, I went in my room and put a few extra diapers in my backpack for me to put in my locker in the locker room since I was running low on them again.
I put on a pair of earrings and went in Mom and Dad’s room to watch some more of my favorite James Bond movie.
I looked at the time. I still had a half hour to go before I had to catch the bus. I turned the movie on and sat down on the bed. It was at the part where Xenia and General Ourumov steal the helicopter. James ran after them but the two guys grabbed him and pushed him against the wall of the boat.
Then a bunch of wolves (or were they Huskies?) appeared on screen howling pulling a sled. I counted them by twos. There were six of them.
When Natalya appeared, I gagged. I think she’s ugly. Her voice, the color of her hair, the mole on her cheek.
I used to think it was a freckle but my mother said it was a mole.
No I don’t dislike the character because there is no reason for me to, she is not a villain. It be shallow of me to dislike her because of her looks.
I like her better in the game because she isn’t as ugly and you don’t hear her voice, you see the words. Words appear on screen when characters talk. Some of her lines are even funny too like ‘Oh James can you keep it down, I can’t hear myself think.’ She says it on the Control Center level while she is disabling the satellite and I am shooting bad guys to keep them away from her. Also it looks like she has a diaper on because of the way the graphics are. I like calling her ‘diaper butt’ in that level. It would have been so cool if she really had one on. I wish there were movies with people wearing diapers instead of babies. There have been movies about retarded people, autism, wheelchair people, and crazy people. I wonder what else and I wish there would be a movie with someone wearing diapers. Maybe it will happen someday.
Then I heard someone come upstairs. I saw Mom walking by. She turned and looked at me.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
Another dumb question.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” I said.
“Aren’t you going to eat breakfast?” Mom asked.
“Not hungry,” I said.
“You gotta eat something, it’s not healthy to go on an empty stomach.”
“I said not hungry,” I said again.
“Okay. By the way your cat is hungry, I want you to go downstairs and feed it.”
“Okay,” I said.
Mom left me alone and went back downstairs.
When six forty came, I turned the movie off and the TV. I grabbed my backpack and my James Bond trivia cards from my room.
I almost forgot to feed my cat as I was heading to the laundry room.
“Don’t forget to feed your cat,” Mom said from the family room.
God why couldn’t she do it herself if my cat was hungry?
I went in the pantry and got out the cat food and put the bag on the floor. I didn’t feel like feeding my cat so she can stick her head in the bag to eat.
I put my shoes on and went out the laundry room door. That’s where I left my shoes yesterday. It was cold outside and it wasn’t even light out yet but it was getting there. But it was light enough for me to read my James Bond trivia cards.
I looked at them as I walked down the street. At the bus stop were only two boys who go to my high school. Not many of us take the bus to school so the bus is always full of empty seats.
Scott and Jason were spitting on the sewer lid. I have no clue what they are called so that’s why I called it that.
“Hey what you got there?” I heard Scott ask.
I looked up to see who he was talking to and he was looking at me.
“James Bond trivia cards,” I said.
“Oh can I see?” said Jason.
I held some of them up so he can see but he took them right out of my hand.
I didn’t trust him so I had to watch him.
I heard Jason read the questions to himself.
Hey let me see too," said Scott. He took some from Jason and looked at them.
“Bond beauties,” I heard Scott say.
“Hey can you guess this one? In GoldenEye, does Trevelyn live aboard a boat or a train?” Jason asked Scott looking at the trivia card.
“Say that again,” said Scott.
“Where does he live?” Jason asked after he turned the card over.
“Beats me.”
“On a train. An old Soviet missile train. God you’re such a retard. That was an easy one.”
“How am I supposed to know, I only play the game, retard,” Scott said back.
“I thought you’ve said you seen the movie?”
“Hey that was only one time and it sucked, the game rocks.”
I wonder why Jason and Scott called each other retarded. They aren’t retarded. They’re normal.
Then I saw the bus coming.
The boys gave back my trivia cards.
The bus came up to us and stopped.
Jason and Scott got on, then I did.
I sat down in an empty seat that was isolated from all the other kids who were already on.
I looked at my trivia cards some more.
The bus stopped at a few more stops in the neighborhood, then we headed to another neighborhood.
Then Scott sat down beside me asking if he and the other kids can look at my trivia cards.
I shook my head. I didn’t trust anyone on here.
“Please?” he begged.
“No,” I said. I hugged my cards to my chest.
“C’mon, you let me at the bus stop.”
I kept hugging my cards. I wanted him to go away.
“C’mon Scott, what’s taking you?” one of the boys asked from the back of the bus.
“Why won’t you let us look at them?” Scott asked.
I wanted to tell him why but I couldn’t get anything out of my mouth. I stayed quiet.
I wiggled my fingers and rocked.
“Can we see them pretty please, we’ll give them back. I promise,” Scott said again.
My arms loosened. I let the cards drop on my lap. I picked them up and held them out to him.
“Thank you,” he said. He grabbed them and raced to the back of the bus.
I was mad at myself. How could I have let this happen? I bet James Bond wouldn’t have given in.
Would James Bond give his enemies something of his own to shoo them away? I think not.
Damn it Natalie, you need to work on not letting people control you, I told myself. Stupid stupid.
I turned around and I saw the boys looking at my cards and talking.
More kids got on the bus when we stopped at the bus stops in the other neighbor hood which is on the way to town.
We live out in the suburbs.
“You’re such a retard,” I heard again. "He’s a retard.
I wonder why they were calling someone that? They aren’t retarded. That should be me who is being called it, not them. They’re smarter than me because they can do the school work on their own and I can’t.
I probably am retarded. Retarded kids can’t do school work at their grade level and neither can I so I must be one then but everyone in my family says I’m not. If I’m not retarded, then why can’t I do school work anymore?
Mom and Dad say I have a learning disability and that it runs in our family. Mom’s youngest sister had it and so did her youngest brother and she probably did too because she struggled in school also because the work was too hard. Kelly has it too but hers is dyslexia and so is Dad’s.
I wonder what the difference is between a learning disability and retarded.
I couldn’t keep my eyes off the kids at the back of the bus. I wanted to make sure they weren’t hurting my cards. I couldn’t even relax. I needed those cards back.
I saw them passing the cards to each other back and forth.
I couldn’t understand what they were saying because they were all talking at once.
Then we pulled into the high school parking lot. My teeth clinched when I saw one of the boys stick one of my cards at the window and I thought he was going to do something to it but instead he had it pressed against the foggy window.
When were they going to give them back to me? Can this go any faster?
Then I saw Scott gathering all the cards from the kids.
Good I think they were finally done.
My hand flapped.
After Scott was done gathering all the cards, he got out of his seat and walked up to me.
He gave them to me. “You were so nice when you let us looked at them,” he said. “Thanks a lot.”
Right away I started looking at them to see if I had all of them. I was worried I didn’t get all of them back. I looked under the seats to see if there was anything on the floor. I couldn’t see anything. Only feet and backpacks. I would have to go back there and look myself after they get off.
Then the bus driver opened the doors and let us off but I stayed. The kids walked by me and after they did, I got up and went to the back where they were all sitting. I looked in the seats and on the floors. I didn’t find any James Bond Trivia cards so I must have had all the them, but wait, what if some of them didn’t give back all my cards, what if they kept some themselves?
“You lost something?” Sammie asked.
“No,” I said. “Just looking to see if I got my cards back.”
I had to get off. I was worried about getting yelled at. I had that feeling I was going to if I didn’t get off.
I got off the bus and went in the school.
I went to my locker. The halls were packed with students. This time no one was bugging me, no pushing and not being called names.
When I got to my locker, I saw someone had done a little graffiti on it. It said in thick red marker.

                          diapergirls locker

Whoever wrote it forgot the apostrophe. It was supposed to go between the ‘l’ and the ‘s’ because I’m one girl, not girls. How many of me are there? One. He or she had also forgot to capitalize and put the period at the end and ‘diaper girl’s’ is two words, not one. At Least I’m smarter than that person when it comes to writing.
I licked my finger and rubbed the ink but it wouldn’t come off. I even tried to scrape it with my finger nails but that didn’t work either. I put in my combination and opened my locker. Nothing had changed in it thank god. After my locker was broken in to last month, I had to get a new combination for it.
I put my bag in the locker. I took out my coat and my binder. I took my Game Boy and games out of my back pack and stuck them in the pocket of my coat.
I headed to English.
I saw the three girls again, Shayla, Bethany, and Charlene.
This time I didn’t get near them. I stayed back. I remembered what happened last time. They wouldn’t let me through, they tried grabbing my binder, and I was late to class.
I stood against the wall waiting. I put my binder down between my feet and took out my Game Boy. I would try to get to Wario again and defeat him.
As I was trying to get through the level, the bell rang. I jumped. I grabbed my binder in a jiffy and raced to the classroom. The girls were gone. I got in and sat down in my seat.
I put my Game Boy away and looked at my trivia cards.
More kids came in.
“Great no Game Boy this time, wahoo,” one of the girls cheered.
I looked up to see who it was. It was Veronica, my old best friend.
She had came in with her crutches wearing her backpack. She went to her seat and sat down.
“I’m so relieved,” she said. “Now I won’t have to hear that sounds from her ol’ Game Boy.”
I figured she was talking about me. I’m the only one here who brings my Game Boy to school.
I went back to looking at my trivia cards.
“Hey what does she have this time?” I heard Veronica asking again.
I felt someone looking over my head down at my desk. I looked up to see who it was. Jessica Smith.
“She’s looking at those cards,” she said.
“What are they?”
Jessica looked down at them again and said they were James Bond.
“Oh James Bond the Bond, that gay secret agent. So stupid,” Veronica sang.
“He isn’t gay and he is not stupid,” I said. “You’re the one who is.”
“No, you are,” Veronica said back. “Don’t you understand anything? That was a figure of speech.”
I wonder what she was talking about. If James were gay, he wouldn’t be making out with other women and he be doing it to men only and if he were stupid, he wouldn’t be a secret agent because he be too dumb to do missions and he wouldn’t be able to find his way out of traps he falls in by his enemies. James has almost headed for death a few times but he managed to find his way out of them.
I can remember in one of the old 007 movies, he was strapped onto a table and the laser was turned on. The laser was coming towards him between his legs near his crotch. To get the enemies to turn the laser off, he had to talk. I don’t remember what he said and I don’t remember what movie that was in.
“Do you like James Bond?” Jessica asked.
“I love him,” I said. “Oh James,” I said dreamily.
Then the tardy bell rang.
“Okay, everyone in their seats,” said Mr. Humphy.
I kept looking at my cards.
Then the teacher started to do roll call. I heard him saying who was here and who wasn’t.
“…Natalie’s here, Jessica’s here, Liz is here…”
Then he got out of his seat and walked in front of the room after he was done.
“Okay, today we are starting a book project. Each person is going to go to the library and pick out a book they want to read. It can be a thriller, adventure, mystery, any kind of book.”
I didn’t like the sound of this. Book project. I’ve always hated them. You read a book and you get in a group and you talk and make things and write. Groups have always been hard for me. I’m just sitting saying nothing, don’t know what’s going on, I’m bored, I just write by copying other peoples work.
Mr. Humphy kept on talking. “…you will write a page every chapter you read. You will write about what is going on and you will write down who the characters are.”
He went over to his desk and picked something up. It was some papers stapled together. There was words on them and they were printed off of a computer.
“This was done by a student last year and he left it here so I’m going to use this as an example.”
He held it up and pointed his finger on it at the top corner.
“On the right top corner you put your name and below it, you put down the today’s date and then you put down your teacher’s name and class.”
Then he pointed his finger down a little to the center of the front paper. “Here you will put the title of the book you’re reading. Then you will hit enter three times and you will write down the names of the characters and who they are. Then you will write a summary of what happened in the chapter.”
This was getting very difficult for me. Too much information. How will I do it all at once? How will I read the book and write about what is going on if I don’t know what’s going on. The books I’ve had to read in school, I couldn’t follow really well because I had no clue what was going on in them.
In elementary school it was easier because the books were easier to read. I remember having to read a book and write about it. I remember reading Number the Stars by Lois Lowry when I was in fifth grade and I enjoyed it. It was about a ten year old girl living during World War II and her friend is Jewish and all the Jews are being taken away from home so the girl’s family help protect her friend by pretending she is the member of their family. I even remember the part when the girl’s mother shows a photo of her oldest daughter who was deceased pretending it was the girl’s friend and one of the Germans rip the picture into pieces because they were outsmarted. The assignment required no groups so it made the book project easy. All you had to do what write what the book was about you read and you had to write what happened in it and how it ended but you didn’t have to say how it ended if you wanted it to be a surprise so others can read it and see for themselves if they wanted to know so bad. I remember I told the ending of the book but sadly I don’t remember the book very well. It had been five years since I last read it or maybe four years. Yeah four years it was because it was in the spring time when I did it. But at least I could remember some of the characters names and where they lived but I forget where they fled off to what country to live with the girl’s grandmother if I remember right. I had done the whole thing by myself with no help. I remember mine was a few pages long because I had so much to say about what happened in the book my hand got sore from all the writing. Most kids were about two pages long. Mine was five or seven pages long, I can’t remember exactly how many pages it was. I can remember lot of kids being shocked about it when they saw me take my report out of my backpack to turn it in the day it was due. They even made comments like “whoa,” “holy smokes, a lot of writing you did.” That sure showed them. Can a retarded person write a page that long? I bet I showed them a retarded person can write more pages than them normal kids.
I fiddled with the Bond cards in my hands as Mr. Humphy kept explaining the new book assignment.
Man why does high school have to be so hard? Why can’t I be smart like the other kids?
“Yes,” Mr. Humphy called on someone.
I heard the student asking something but I forgot what he said right away. Too bad there is no rewind button.
“Oh this won’t be until next week,” Mr Humphy replied.
What, this book project won’t be until next week? He just said we were starting it today. I was now confused.
Mr. Humphy kept on talking. Then I saw him telling the first row, “This row can get up and get a book.”
Ariel Crawford, Kyle Moderay, Scott Taven, and Jessica Louzu all got out of their seats. They went over to the book case and picked up the English textbooks. They went back to their seats and sat down.
“This row can get up and get a book,” said the teacher to my row.
I got out of my seat along with Erik Thompson, Michelle Mathis, Robert Jackson, and Rosanna Clark. I got a book and went back to my seat.
Then Mr. Humphy called the next row. They got out of their seats and got their books and sat back down.
After the teacher called four rows, he called Veronica’s row.
“Caroline, can you get a book for me?” Veronica called from her seat.
Veronica was sitting with her broken leg in the aisle. Her crutches were lying against the heater.
Caroline came back with two textbooks. She gave one to her and sat down in her seat.
“Okay, I want you all to turn to page two eleven,” said Mr. Humphy.
Everyone opened the books and turned to the page. I did the same too.
“What page is it again?” Jessica Louzu asked.
“Two eleven,” some boys replied.
“Okay after you read this short story, I want you to write a page on it. You will write five paragraphs. In the first paragraph you will write an introduction and what the characters are.”
Mr. Humphy did more talking. I couldn’t keep up what he was saying. I flipped pages in my text book. I looked at all the short stories the book had. It also had a couple plays in them. Romeo and Juliet, and some other story I didn’t recognize.
“Okay you may now read the story and write it out on paper. After you are done, you will type it out and turn it in by tomorrow,” said Mr. Humphy.
I looked at the short story. This wasn’t even in chapters. The teacher said we were going to write a page about every chapter we read and there were no chapters in this story. This was even more confusing.
He even mentioned we will write an introduction in the first paragraph but that’s not what he said at first. He said we had to write down the characters and say who they are. He even said we would go to the library and why was he having us read this story instead? I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing. First he says we’re going to do this, and then he changes it. I wish people would stick to what they’re saying we’re going to do and not change it. It’s too confusing. Now I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.
I looked around the classroom. I saw other kids reading the story and some were talking.
Great, first he says we’re going to be reading this story, now kids are talking. Can this get anymore confusing?
Oh yeah I was being sarcastic of course. Why would I want this to get more confusing?
I raised my hand. I had to ask him a bunch of stuff.
Mr. Humphy didn’t call on me right away so I kept it up. He was talking to two girls whom I don’t know their names.
My arm got sore so I put it down and raised my other hand. Mr. Humphy still didn’t call on me after he was done talking to the two girls. Instead he went on to Tyler Luke and started talking to him.
I pounded my fist on my desk.
I’ll just wait until he is done with him. I looked at my James Bond cards some more to pass time. I looked up every few minutes to see if Mr. Humphy was done yet.
“You’re supposed to be reading, not looking at those cards,” Liz said.
I looked up and she was looking at me.
“I’m waiting for the teacher,” I said.
When I looked at our teacher again, he was talking to Veronica this time.
“Mr. Humphy?” I called.
He didn’t respond because he was too busy talking to Veronica.
“Mr. Humphy?” I called again.
He turned around and looked at me. “Just a minute Natalie, I’m busy explaining this assignment, I’ll get to you in a minute.”
Good, only a minute. That wouldn’t be long. I can just look at the cards some more until the minute goes by. I read some more of the trivia questions and the answers to them.
I knew a minute had gone by because the hand was on the other minute and Mr. Humphy still hadn’t come. I looked up and this time, he was talking to Ashley Thompson. Why? He said he told me ‘just a minute’ and he goes to another person instead of me. He must have forgotten about me.
“Mr. Humphy, you forgot me,” I said.
“God be patient will you, that is so rude,” said Robert Jackson who sits in front of me.
“But he said he’d get to me and he forgot about me,” I informed.
“So wait your turn.”
“He said’ just a minute’ and he forgot about me because he went to another person instead of me,” I said.
“Maybe if you’ll stop being so damn annoying, teachers will say what they mean.”
“How am I annoying?” I asked.
“You’re weird, you talk funny, you talk too much, you think you’re better than everyone else.”
“I do not,” I said.
“Then why are you always by yourself then?”
“Because nobody wants me around.”
“Maybe if you stop being selfish and care about others, you have friends.”
“I’m not selfish,” I said firmly, “and I do to care about others.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do.”
“No you don’t.”
I hate arguing so I asked how I’m selfish.
“You don’t care how others feel, you ignore everybody, you act like you don’t notice people around you, you show off. Those kind of things.”
“I don’t show off and I do to care how others feel and I know there are people here all the time. I can see them right now,” I said.
“Duh, but you still act like they aren’t even here.”
“How?”
“Man that is what gets on everyone’s nerves. Don’t you understand anything? Open your eyes.”
“They are open,” I pointed out. “Do they look closed to you?”
“Gah you are such a smarty pants. No wonder people say you’re annoying”
Now that didn’t make any sense. First he tells me I’m stupid, now he is telling me I’m smart?
“You just told me a few minutes ago that I was stupid and now you’re saying I’m smart?” I asked.
“Shut up, you’re giving me a headache.”
I put my head down to hide my tears. First the teacher lies to me or he forgot about me, and now I’m being accused of being selfish and not caring about others. What more did Robert want?
I played the memories in my head I remembered, the things I’ve done in the past that showed I cared about others.
Last month when Kelly and I were at Brian’s apartment playing his Nintendo 64 with my sister. Kelly was getting mad because she was losing and I was winning and she said the level was too hard. So I quit the cup and Kelly asked me what I did that for and I told her she said it was too hard so I was caring about her and she told me not to. Then we were playing GoldeneEye and we were doing multiplayer and I put in a code that made me invisible. I knew it wasn’t fair for me to do that because Kelly didn’t have the code memorized and I did. I kept killing her and she was getting real frustrated but I didn’t care because she had told me not to care about her. Then she told me she was being sarcastic after she got mad at me for killing her many times. Gee how am I supposed to know when people are being sarcastic? I wonder who on earth invented it? Maybe someone stupid did and others were stupid too because they picked it up and started doing it themselves. I’m almost never sarcastic. I only do sarcasm everyone knows. Others seem to make their own up. How can they do that if others can’t tell? Stupidity my parents say.
I tried to picture other nice things but all I saw was me doing mean things when I was little like locking Veronica under the house, throwing things at her and laughing because she is crying and I was enjoying it. Hitting Kelly and always hurting her when I was seven right after I came home from the hospital after the car accident. I don’t even know why I did those things to her. I remember me minding my own business and all of a sudden I decide to hurt Kelly and Mom yells at me and so does Brian and Dad and I get sent to my room. I also remember hitting Matthew and I would get yelled at. I can remember Brian picking me up and carrying upstairs and throwing me on my bed and closing the door and holding it closed while I’m screaming and pulling on the doorknob. Then he let go and I fell back banging my head and it hurt very bad and Brian laughed at me and ran. Back then Kelly and I had our own rooms because Matthew slept in Mom and Dad’s room until he was two. Then I had to move into Kelly’s room so Matthew can get his own bedroom. It was an outrage at first because both of us didn’t like it and we both complained and cried and Mom and Dad told us too bad and I remember asking how come Matthew can’t move into Brian’s room and I can remember Mom saying there is no way he is sharing a room with a two year old and Kelly and I were very close to our age. Yeah only three years apart at the time. I was eight, Kelly was five, and Brian was fifteen. But Kelly and I are two years apart for only two months because I’m two years and eleven months older than her. Well almost. I was born on the twenty-second and she was born on the nineteenth so close enough. But we did eventually get used to sharing a room even though we fought for awhile of which space was who’s and I got annoyed when Kelly didn’t put her toys away when she was done with them so I did it for her and then she get upset, then I remember we got bunk beds so we have more space in our room and Kelly slept on the bottom and I slept on the top until we switched places when I was twelve. We both decided on it because we wanted it. I was tired of climbing down every time to change my diaper and Kelly was tired of me waking her up by me climbing down. Anyways we did fight for awhile because of us having to share a room and then it got all settled by our parents. They had made a new rule, we were to keep our room picked up, or there would be a consequence. I could see why that rule didn’t apply to Brian, he always kept his room clean and Matthew was too young to keep his toys put away. Now it’s a pigsty and they never gave him a rule to keep his room picked up and the rule has seemed to fade away from Kelly and I as well now that she keeps her stuff put away. All we have in our room is books, computer, radio and CDs and tapes, board games, videogames, stuff animals, and that’s about it. We don’t have toys in our room anymore. We moved them down to the den and some got packed away because I couldn’t bare to get rid of my Polly Pockets, Barbies, dolls, -hey wait a minute, how did I end up on this bedroom topic? Back to me of trying to picture myself doing nice things.
I saw other things I did to other kids and they didn’t like it. They were telling me to ‘stop’ but I didn’t. I just kept on doing it. Things I did were also inconsiderate but thank god I wasn’t that kind of person anymore. I was nice now. I know now not to do things to other kids you don’t like when it’s done to you. I also know that other people have feelings too. I also know you can’t do everything you want to do and boss everyone around you by making them do something you want to do. Now I ask, “What do you want to do?”
Also I know if I don’t like how a game is being played, quit. Don’t play at all. I’m also honest and I don’t lie anymore. I don’t do something and try to get away with it. I now say I did it.
Then I started to see the nice things I’ve done. Taking off my shoes when I go in peoples’ houses, cleaning up the mess Matthew made when he threw up so I covered it up with a towel and left it there because I didn’t know how to clean it up. Then Brain came home and he cleaned up the rest since he knew what to do. I can remember telling Matthew nicely that always go to the nearest toilet when you throw up.
I always apologize if I accidentally upset someone or offend them.
I can also remember trying to be nice so I would copy what nice people do and I still do that. I even watch what other kids my age do so I know right from wrong but whenever I do something other kids do, I get in trouble and they don’t. Boy do I hate being treated differently.
Then something touched my shoulder. I looked up to see who it was. I looked behind me at Erik Thompson.
“What?” she said.
“Did you touch my shoulder?” I asked.
“No,” he said.
“Oooh Natalie the cry baby,” said Robert.
I felt someone tapping my shoulder again but I ignored it. I was busy with someone else. The Robert-man
I turned around and hissed at him as I held up my fists. His eyes went wide. My fists went near him. He got out of his seat. I got out of mine. Then he ran away from. I ran after him. I chased him down the aisle and around the classroom. Robert was saying “Ah get away from me, leave me alone.”
This was so fun. Scaring someone who insulted me.
I ran into Sarah but said ‘Sorry’ and kept on chasing after Robert.
“Hey hey hey,” Mr. Humphy shouted.
“He was making fun of me,” I cried as I pointed at Robert.
“Robert, go sit down,” Mr Humphy told him. “Natalie, come with me.”
I followed him out the door. Mr. Humphy closed the door.
“Now what’s going on?”
“I was waiting for you to call on me and you said you would get to me next but you never did because you moved on to the next person so I started calling you to remind you about me and then Robert…”
I told him what happened between Robert and I.
“I wouldn’t worry about what people think of you,” he said. “Just ignore him. I’m sorry I didn’t get to you when I said I would. There were other students who needed me and didn’t understand what they were supposed to do after they’re done reading or they forgot what page they were supposed to turn to or they didn’t know what was going on in the story. What you’re supposed to do it read the short story and write five paragraphs.”
“But you said we were going to pick out a book to read and write down what the characters are-”
“That’s for next week,” Mr. Humphy interrupted.
“But you said today,” I pointed out.
“No, I said’ today starting next week,’ you must have misheard. You don’t need to worry about that until next week. That is for next quarter.”
Oh so that’s why he told the other student this wasn’t until next week.
“So what are we going to do next week with that assignment?” I asked.
“You don’t need to worry about it, right now focus on reading page two eleven and writing five paragraphs on the story. Forget what I said about the book project. Pretend I didn’t mention that part. Pretend all I talked about was reading page two eleven and writing a page on it. Next week I will explain the whole thing to you again when second quarter begins. I will do that with everyone else too like I always do.”
“How come you repeat the same things again?” I asked.
“Just to remind students because sometimes they forget about the assignment so when I explain it again, it all comes back to them.”
“If they forget, then why do you bother to tell what the assignments are going to be if you’re going to have to repeat it again?”
“So I won’t alarm any of my students because I brought up something new they weren’t expecting and then 'fore I know it, lot of students are panicking and there’s pandemonium.”
“What’s that?”
“What’s what?”
“That word you just used.”
“Pandemonium? It just means lot of chaos such as noise, lot of movement. It can also be used on messy rooms, hallways, auditoriums. An example would be everyone is cleaning out their lockers at the end of the school year and you see junk on the floor in front of the lockers and it’s a big mess so someone might say “Wow it’s a pandemonium,” because it’s a mess and it looks like a bunch of people came and left the huge mess. It mostly means chaos. When you see a huge mess, its chaos so that’s when the word comes in.”
“Like when people have parties and the house is a mess after everyone leaves?” I asked.
“Right.”
“I get it now. It’s a funny word. Panda-moan-nee-em. An easy way or remembering it.”
“You’re very smart about remembering words that way,” said Mr. Humphy. “So are you ready to go back in and do your work?”
“Yeah but I forget what five paragraphs I’m supposed to do. I know it’s about the story but I forget what I’m supposed to do in each of them,” I said.
“Don’t worry about it. Just read the story and I’ll write down the directions for you. Would that help?”
“Yes,” I said. Then we went back in the classroom. Kids were talking and I didn’t see all of them doing their assignment.
“Pandemonium,” I said. “That’s what this class is right now.”
“A what?” Kyle asked.
I heard Mr. Humphy chuckled. “Another word she just learned out there.”
“Great now we’re going to be hearing another new word from her,” I heard someone else say.
“I don’t get it. She seems to know more words than us but is retarded?” Veronica asked.
“And how can she be so good at math but can’t do our grade level.”
I ignored the questions kids were asking about me.
I sat down in my seat. Luckily no one touched my Bond cards while I was out in the hall.
I read the story but didn’t start on writing the page. Mr. Humphy was back to helping kids again so I had to wait. I wonder when he was going to write down the instructions for me.
I looked at my James Bond cards again. A few kids bugged me but I kept telling them I was waiting for the teacher to write down the instructions for me. Then Mr. Humphy finally told them to leave me be. I tried playing the scene back in my head again of when he was explaining the writing page on the story. Then I remember him saying in the first paragraph, we would have to write an introduction but what one? How are we supposed to introduce a story? Hi this is the short story called (name) and it was very short, only two and a half pages long. Like that?
Then the bell rang. Everyone rushed out of their seats.
Pandemonium.
Books banged on the shelf when they were put back, desks making noise as kids got out of them, kids talking at once, feet walking on the floor, lockers opening out in the hall, more kids talking out there, footsteps out there, etc.
After the class was empty, I asked Mr. Humphy when he was going to write down the instructions.
“I will do it during lunch period so drop by during that time.”
I told him, “okay,” and got out of my chair.
I picked up my stuff and left the room.
I fiddled with the zipper on my binder as I made my way to my locker. Between classes is always an obstacle course for me because kids are in my way so I have to walk around them and I accidentally bump into them. To get through the pandemonium, I pretend I’m in a videogame and the object is going to my locker or to my next class or lunch whatever I’m doing, without bumping into anyone. My record is five. That’s how many times I’ve bumped into others this year.
In junior high I never kept a record. I just stressed out and waited until everyone was in class and I would go to my next class and I be late. I was in detention a lot for being tardy until my parents settled the problem at school. I would come to classes late until the hallways were calmed down because most kids were in their next class waiting for class to start. I was allowed to come to my classes a few minutes late. If I took any longer, then I would get in trouble but it was never a problem for me since there were no obstacles in the way.
“One,” I counted to myself after I bumped into someone.
I bumped into a few others kids and counted the bumps. I bumped into seven total when I made it to my locker. I did not beat my record. I would have to wait until my next class gets over to start again.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 8

In second period, I started to feel hungry. I guess I really should have eaten something. Now I’m going to have to wait until lunch. My diaper already felt wet. I probably needed a change but I didn’t feel like it.
We were all correcting papers from yesterday. We had to turn our work in and the teacher passed them out again to us but we didn’t get our own back, we got someone else’s. That’s how we correct papers and then we return it to the right owner.
“Number fifteen, Stockholm is in what longitude and latitude,” Mrs. Sippy read.
Every one else was correcting papers but me. I had troubles keeping up so Shane offered to correct the paper for me. I hate it when teachers go so fast during correcting. I can’t even keep up for some reason. I wonder how others do it? They sure can keep up. I had to keep on asking “What was the answer again?” and “Whoa slow down, you’re going to fast,” and kids were getting mad at me. They were telling me to “listen,” “pay attention.” Jee if I wasn’t paying attention, I wouldn’t be asking anything. Now that I wasn’t correcting, I wasn’t paying attention anymore. I just looked at my James Bond trivia cards.
After the papers were done being corrected, the kids handed them back to the right owners. Mine wasn’t handed to me because I didn’t turn mine in today. I wasn’t finished. I have a tutor that comes over to my house to work with me from Monday to Thursday from four to seven but she wasn’t at my house yesterday because of my soccer game. I wasn’t sure when I was coming home so Mom cancelled her for the day.
Then Mrs. Sippy told everyone to be quiet so she can talk. She told us about our upcoming test this Friday because it was the last week of our first quarter so we have to study by viewing our worksheets we did in the past ten weeks.
I hate studying and I hate tests. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be studying so it makes it hard for me to study. With tests I’m not so good with them. I don’t know what to expect on them that’s why. In elementary school they were a lot easier because you knew what to expect. They were just like regular school work and sometimes they were open book tests which means you were allowed to use your text book for answers. Back in sixth grade, we had to learn about Canada and then in October we got a open book test on it and at the very end of the test the last question was what kind of cabbages do they grow and as a joke, I wrote down they grew Cabbage Patch Kids and that’s where they come from. I did it to see what response I get from the teacher and do you know what she did? She held my test up to at the front of the class and read the question and read the answer I had put down. I can remember her saying the reason why she is asking the question and reading the answer is because she knows one of us was probably joking because sixth graders are old enough to know that dolls do not grow out of the ground and the person would have to do the answer over during recess. Then I stood up and said I did it. I wanted to see what the other kids would say. The boys said I was stupid for thinking Cabbage Patch Kids grow from the ground instead of being made in the factory. Even a few girls said the same and the story was repeated to other kids in my grade who weren’t in our class. Then the ones who rode my bus, told the younger kids and I got teased because they thought I really did think cabbage Patch Kids grow from the ground. But of course I never admitted I already knew that and I just did it to see what the teacher would say. I just smiled the whole time and felt proud for being noticed and getting attention but sadly it only lasted that one day. The next day, everyone had moved on because they weren’t teasing me about it. I did indeed stay in during recess and looking through the text book for the answer and the teacher pointing the answer out to me since I couldn’t find it. That was why I did the joke in the first place. So I wrote down the answer and handed my test back to the teacher and she marked OK on the sheet below my answer. Then I remember showing it to my parents when I got my test back and they laughed and said ‘Oh Natalie’. Even Brian thought it was funny. Hey said “Way to go Nat.”
I remember Mom laughed so hard, she wet herself and she went rushing out of the kitchen upstairs to her room. At the time I didn’t know why she rushed out of the room so quick until she came back down in a different pair of pants and told me I had made her wet her pants because she was laughing so hard.

I wonder where my work sheets went? I know some are in my locker still because I never took them home and I don’t know where mom and Dad put them when I brought a few home. That’s another reason why I hate tests. They come unexpectedly because they don’t tell you be doing a test at the end of the quarter.
Damn. Why didn’t I think of this?

During lunch period, I dug through my locker looking for my Geography work. I took out all my previous work assignments. I went through them organizing them. I had the English pile, the Geography pile, the biology pile, the choir pile, the math pile, and the child development pile. After I was done sorting out my work, I put all the work back in my locker except for the Geography stuff. I closed the locker door and sat down in front of it. I went through the questions and the answers.
The hallway started to get loud as lunch period went on. A pandemonium was starting.
I must have been concentrating so hard because when someone bumped into me, it startled me and the boy didn’t even bother to say ‘sorry.’ He was goofing off with his friends by pushing and shoving them. They were all doing it to each other.
“Woooooooh!”
I jumped at that sound some other boy made.
I looked up to see who did it. It was some older kid I never knew well. I have seen him since I was in junior high. He has never poked fun at me or bullied me.
I went back to studying.
“Whoooooh!” the boy went again.
I covered my ears.
Man I wished he wouldn’t do it.
Soon the bell rang. I got up and headed to choir. One thing I like about after lunch is I only have two classes left and then school is out for the day.
When I got to class, I sat down and studied more.
When the bell rang again, Mrs. Hanson told us we would have a test on Friday about music notes we have learned through the whole quarter.
Just what I needed was another test. Yeah right.
Then Mrs. Hanson had us review the name of the notes. I’m horrible with remembering music notes. I memorize songs by knowing how the tune goes. I don’t read music.
I’ve even tried making music on Mario Paint from my music book I have but it was so difficult to do even though it looked easy. I didn’t know how long to pause before I start up again with the song.
We reviewed the notes and practiced reading them and then it was time to warm up.
We got out of our chairs and went to the risers. We started to warm up.
After we were done, we went through our music and then we had to sing the same part over and over in one of our songs. When the sopranos weren’t working on their part, we got to sit down while the altos had to stay standing. Then it was our turn to get up and the altos got to sit down. We practiced our part of the songs. This whole thing was boring. I’d rather do a run through.

                   *                *                 *

School got out for the day finally. The day seemed to go slow instead of fast for some reason.
When I got to the locker room, a few of my team mates pulled me aside. They grabbed me and had me stand in front of their lockers.
“Okay Natalie, Mrs. Cleaville yelled at us yesterday while you got to leave early,” said Katie.
“And she told all of us we have to be nice to you, even during school hours or we’ll be expelled from the team,” said Audrey.
“Oh,” I said.
“To let you know, we were not mean to you yesterday at the game. The Juniors and the seniors were,” said Nichole. “Not us.”
Then they pulled me away. I went to my locker and took out my PE clothes, cleats, and soccer ball. I opened my backpack and put my clean diapers in the locker. Then I took one out and went in one of the stalls to change. I didn’t bother to wipe my bottom again. I skipped to putting on the clean diaper. Then I got dressed in my PE clothes and left the stall. I threw my wet diaper away and got out my cleats. I put them on and put my tennis shoes in my locker and closed it.
I left the locker room using the back door that goes outside. I went out to the field and dropped my ball. I walked around waiting for the rest of my team to come out.

When everyone was outside, Mrs. Cleaville came out carrying her clipboard.
“Okay, this is going to be a short practice today because there is supposed to be a storm coming in,” she said.
“A storm?” I said. “What kind?”
“First you guys will stretch out, there won’t be any group warm ups; no running, hopping, skipping, those kind of things, we will just skip to the drills and then you will head home. Get stretching.”
“Mrs. Cleaville, what kind of storm are we going t have?” I asked.
“Rain and wind and the gym is being used by volleyball and cross country so there won’t be room for us.”
Wow, I bet the rain is going to be really strong and so would the wind. We’ve gotten bad wind storms before. Typical Washington weather. We are one-hundred miles from the coast so that’s probably why we get some strong wind and wind storms.
After we were done stretching out, our first drill was kicking our soccer balls to each other. We had to form a circle and keep kicking the balls to every person.
After we were done, we had to get a partner and kick the ball to each other.
Because all my team mates were here (Veronica doesn’t count because she had to quit the team) there were even partners so one of them was forced to be my partner.
After everyone picked partners. Audrey and I were the only ones left without a partner.
“Ooo Audrey,” said Michelle.
“Ha ha as Neslon would say,” said Beverly.
Audrey kicked some grass at them as I walked to the end of the row of my team mates.
I waited for her to come but she never did so Mrs. Cleaville had to yell at her to kick with me.
“Audrey, get over there and kick the ball,” she pointed with her pen.
Audrey walked over to me and told me where to stand.
“Go down there,” she pointed.
I did as she said. I didn’t care what side I was on just as long as I had a partner I was fine.
When Audrey got in her position I kicked the ball to her but I realized she wasn’t quite ready because she turned her head. Then the ball hit her in the feet.
“Sorry,” I said. “I thought you were ready.”
Audrey got the ball and kicked it back to me.
The drill went well and then Mrs. Cleaville blew her whistle and told us the next drill.
We had to run and dribble our ball at the same time.
After five drills, Mrs. Cleaville said we could go.
We grabbed our stuff and went back to the locker room.
I changed back into my regular clothes. I put my soccer ball and PE clothes in my locker and closed it. I out my shoes back on and left the locker room. I went in the same classroom again and called home.
The phone rang and Mom answered it.
“Hello?” Mom said.
“Mom, practice ended,” I said.
“Oh god,” I heard her say.
“There is a storm coming in so my coach decided to have a short practice because of it,” I said firmly.
“Okay, I will be there,” and she hung up.
Gee I wish Mom wouldn’t be so grouchy on these kinds of things. It’s not my fault the coach decided to have a short practice and I didn’t know it was going to be short. Mom does not like changes. She knows at a certain time to pick me up and when things change, she gets mad like her having to leave her house early to pick me up. Mom does not like changes in her routine.
I went to my locker and got my text books, Geography papers, and binder.
I went to the font of the school and waited outside. I studied for the geography test.
I saw some of my team mates come out and walk out in the parking lot to their cars.
I kept studying until my mom came. She pulled up in front of the school. I got off the ground and picked up my backpack and got in the car. Right after I closed the passenger door, Mom drove off right away.
She seemed to be going fast in the parking lot than normal. Mom looked both ways before pulling onto the road. She seemed to drive faster than normal all the way home. Luckily there were no police cars or she would have gotten pulled over.

When we got home, Mom rushed out of the car and went in the house quick. I went my normal pace. Getting out of the car and closing the door and going in through the laundry room. I took off my shoes and went upstairs. Mom was in the family room watching something on TV. I studied more in my room and then I decided it was time for a break. I went in Mom and Dad’s room and watched more of GoldenEye until Amy came.

Re: Natalie Versus Her Parents

Chapter 9

Dad came home around nine. I was in Mom and Dad’s room watching You Only Live Twice. He came upstairs and saw me in their room on the bed.
“Hey Natalie, I sure missed you kids. How was your day?” he said after he walked in.
I told him my day and how I got treated. ‘Diaper girl’ being written on my locker, not knowing I was going to have a geography test this Friday so I didn’t keep all of the school work I did, Mr. Humphy not coming to me when he said he would and Robert calling me annoying and selfish."
“Oh don’t worry what others say about you,” said Dad. “They don’t understand.”
“And I learned a new word too,” I said. “Pandemonium.”
Dad laughed a little or I should say chuckle. I don’t know the difference. “You are just like your mother,” he said. “She would learn new words and use them a lot until she learned another new word. It was like she did word of the week or word of the day. That’s one of the things I liked about her. Honesty, straightforward, smart, special, gifted, walking encyclopedia just like you and Matthew. She also liked things neat and organized and she didn’t like parties either and wasn’t interested in being with lot of people and having lot of friends so I knew we were right for each other.”
“What’s straight forward?” I asked.
“Not being afraid to say something, saying something that is on your mind. You ask her a question and she would be honest and not lie like other people do. If you asked her if she likes your new dress, she would say what she really thinks of it, not just say “Oh I love it” even though she didn’t.”
“People lie when you ask them what they think?” I asked.
“Yes they do so that’s why I don’t bother to ask for opinions because I know people are going to lie about it. I wish they wouldn’t but they do and that is one of the things I liked about your mother. I could always count on her for her opinions so every time I wanted her to think of my new designs or my new outfit, new hat, stuff like that, I could always count on her when I asked her those things.”
“So why do you guys fight now?” I asked.
“Everyone fights,” he said. “All marriages fight.”
“But not everyday,” I said.
“We don’t fight everyday,” said Dad.
“But you do when you’re home,” I pointed out.
“Natalie I’m just going through a tough time okay and I don’t have time for your mother. Back when Brian was still living with us, I sometimes felt like I was raising five kids instead of four.”
“Five kids?”
“Your mum,” said Dad.
“Why?”
“Because she has emotional problems. Her anxiety, way she handles things. She sometimes acts like a two year old instead of an adult when it comes to things not going her way. Sometimes she throws tantrums, slamming things, stomping her feet, hitting herself. She’s embarrassing sometimes when we’re in public.”
“How?”
“Saying things she isn’t supposed to say and she sometimes gets mad at me when I tell her what she shouldn’t have said or I tell her to be quiet because she is saying inappropriate things and she gets real defensive because she doesn’t think she is saying anything wrong. And when she has anxiety, she starts to make funny sounds, or she crouches down and curls up in a ball and has her breakdown so when we’re in public and there are lot of people, I always have to watch her and hold onto her so she won’t get separated and when she does want to go on her own, I always get tense inside of me because I’m worried she is going to have a breakdown and she won’t move anywhere so I’m out looking for her or I’m calling security to help me find a lady who is my wife and it’s embarrassing. I don’t want people finding her like that thinking ‘what’s wrong with that lady,’ ‘oh she must be crazy,’ ‘she must be retarded.’ But she has gotten better since we have first met. Anything else happened today besides what you told me?”
“We’ll,” I said, “we did have a short practice because there was a windstorm coming in and Mom got mad at me because she said ‘oh god’ and when she came and got me, she drove off really fast and went home fast.”
“Oh god,” he said. Then he left the room.
As I was watching the rest of the movie, I heard Mom and Dad fighting again.
“You need to stop throwing fits every time something changes,” I heard Dad say. “It’s not like she planned this to happen.”
I heard Mom yell something to him but I couldn’t understand what she was saying.
Then Dad said something back but I only heard part of it. “…she……wind storm….just to piss you off.”
“I know that Glen,” Mom yelled.
I wonder if James Bond’s parent ever fought. Wait, they died in a climbing accident but I still wondered if James was ever in a place like this.
I heard wind outside. It was blowing strongly but not strong as the tornado kinds and hurricanes but it still puts out the power sometimes and leaves minor damage like the time it ripped some shingles off a neighbor’s house in our neighborhood. I hope the power doesn’t go out. I can remember the time we had a real bad one, it put the power out in our school so we had to do work with no lights on but we couldn’t use any electronic devises like the over head, computers, or watch any videos. This was back in fifth grade. Then I remember we stopped working and played fun games instead like heads up seven up, hang man, and we also played board games.
Then I heard Dad say sharply, “Hey don’t you dare try to walk away from me young lady. Not when I’m talking to you.”
“I can walk away whenever I want,” Mom yelled.
Then I heard her scream.
“Ow, god damn it,” Dad yelled.
I heard more screams from Mom.
“Ow stop it.”
Then I heard a loud thump and it felt like the whole house shook.
Then I heard Dad cussing. “Jesus Christ, what the bloody hell did you do that for?”
I heard someone running up the stairs. It was Mom. She ran in the bedroom and locked herself in the bathroom. Her pants were wet from her crotch down to her knees. She must have wet herself. She does it sometimes.
Then Dad came up. I heard one of the bedroom doors open. “What’s going on out here?” I heard Kelly say.
“Stay in there, mind your business,” Dad yelled.
“I can’t sleep,” said Matthew.
“I’ll give you some Benadryl,” said Dad in his normal tone. “Come with me.”
I saw Matthew walked by and went downstairs with Dad.
I kept watching the movie. Then Matthew came back up with a cup of water in his hand.
Dad came up and asked me if I knew where Mom went.
I pointed to the bathroom door.
Dad held up his fingers and left the room. I figured he meant ‘okay.’
Mom stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the movie. When the movie got over, I went downstairs and took my pills. Dad’s on pills, Mom’s on pills, Brian’s on pills, I’m on pills, lot of people are on pills. But Kelly and Matthew aren’t lucky them.
I went back upstairs and the next Bond movie came on. I lied down and watched it.
Dad came up with a key and unlocked the bathroom door. He opened it and then he came back out.
“Keep that television down,” Dad said quietly when he closed the door behind him. “Your mother’s a sleep.”
“In there?” I asked.
“Sssh, yes. On the floor.”
I wonder why she was sleeping on the floor. Isn’t it uncomfortable?
During the movie, my diaper felt wet but I didn’t bother to change. I figured it could hold more.
Then Dad came in the room. He told me he wanted me to go to my own bed because he wanted to sleep.
“I’m dead tired,” he said.
“But I’m watching James Bond,” I said.
"You have school tomorrow. "
“But Mom says I can watch it as long as I can get out of bed in the morning and do my school work.”
“So, too bad she isn’t up. I want you in bed now.”
“But I’m watching James Bond,” I protested.
“Natalie, to bed, now.”
I started to feel tense inside of me. I didn’t want to miss my movie.
“Natalia, now,” Dad said sharply. He was whispering.
I ignored him.
“Now,” he said quietly. I knew he was getting mad just by the tone of his voice.
Then he turned the TV off.
“Hey,” I said.
“Sssh quiet,” he shrieked in a whisper tone. “I don’t want you waking your mother.”
I got out of bed and tried to turn on the TV but Dad wouldn’t let me. He blocked it.
I tried to get around him by pushing him aside but he was too strong. He kept holding me back.
“I want to finish watching Moonraker,” I cried. I jumped up and down and stomping my feet.
“Stop that.” Dad shouted in his whisper tone.
“I want to watch my movie,” I kept saying. Then I started to cry.
“Oh god, turn off the water works.”
But I kept crying. I stomped my feet and grabbed hold of my hands.
“You bloody better not wake your mother,” Dad said a little louder.
“Fine, then I’ll watch it downstairs,” I said.
“No you will not,” and he raced out of the master bedroom and blocked my way down the stairs.
I tried to go through him but Dad kept pushing me back. Then I ran back in the master bedroom and turned on the TV.
“You wouldn’t dare,” said Dad when he ran in the master bedroom. I blocked the buttons on the TV to keep Dad from turning it off.
Then I started to talk loud hoping Mom would wake up and then I would get to watch my movie.
“I want to watch Moonraker,” I shouted.
“You’re going to wake your mum up,” said Dad.
“Good, I want her to wake up so I can finish watching this,” I yelled.
“If you do that, then you will be in big trouble young lady.”
Then he grabbed me.
“No no no,” I yelled.
Then I heard Kelly and Matthew coming out of their rooms.
“What are you guys fighting?” Kelly asked.
Then Dad let go of me and he picked up the remote control and used it to turn it off but I turned it back on.
“Natalie you are acting like your mother you know that,” said Dad. “You two are lot alike.”
Then Mom came out of the bathroom.
“What is going on out here?” she said.
“Dad won’t let me finish watching James Bond,” I said.
“Glen, she worked hard today,” said Mom. “She did her school work so she earned it.”
“But it’s eleven at night,” said Dad.
“So if she fails to wake up in the morning, she won’t have James Bond tomorrow night,” said Mom.
“So she can watch the earlier movies but not the late ones,” he said. “It wouldn’t kill her.”
And then Mom gave in.
“Okay Natalie, your father is right. You need to get to bed. You can stay up late on Friday night for it but not on a school night. Your father says so.”
“But you said I can stay up late for James Bond,” I said.
“But Dad wants you in bed,” said Mom. “Besides there will be other James Bond movies. I’m sure this one will come on again.”
Why was Mom siding with Dad? I hated her. She said I could stay up to watch James Bond if I can get out of bed in the morning and do my school work and not be too tired during the day and now she is telling me to go to bed. She lied to me.
“You’re a liar,” I said. “You said I could stay up late to watch James Bond if I wasn’t too tired during the day and I got out of bed this morning.”
“Natalie, please,” said Mom.
I started to cry again.
“See what happens when you act like this around our kids,” Dad said to Mom.
“Hey, I don’t need this now,” Mom said back to him.
I turned the TV back on but Mom and Dad rushed for it. Mom grabbed me as Dad turned the TV off.
I ran out of the room and down the stairs.
I heard Mom and Dad coming after me.
I tripped when I ran on the hard wood floor. I got up and ran in the family room. I jumped in the room and turned on the TV. Mom and Dad were close behind me.
Dad grabbed me and pinned me to the floor as Mom turned the TV off.
I kept crying and trying to get him off me but he was too strong.
“Natalie, if you don’t stop this, there will be no James Bond tomorrow night,” said Mom.
“You heard your mother,” Dad said. “Go to bed and you will get James Bond.”
So I gave up. They had won the battle.
I stopped struggling.
“Does this mean you are done pulling up your socks?” Dad asked.
Huh? I’m not even wearing socks. Even if I was, I wouldn’t be pulling them up because how can I if Dad is on top of me.
“She’s not wearing any,” Mom said.
“Figure of speech,” said Dad…
I still didn’t know what he was talking about.
“You done yet?” Dad asked.
I waited for him to get off of me. I just lied there.
I noticed Mom wasn’t in the room anymore.
“I’m assuming you are then,” said Dad. “Promise you are done fighting when I get up?”
“Yes,” I said.
“What?”
“Yes,” I said again.
“Can’t hear you,” said Dad.
“Yes,” I shouted.
“Okay,” then he got off of me.
I got up.
“Oh shit,” Dad said.
I turned around and saw him looking at his pants.
“Go change that bloody nappy of yours,” he yelled.
Nappy is another word for diaper but I never hear anyone calling them that except for Dad and his family.
I sure heard that word a lot when we were in England almost four years back. Then I learned that’s what people call them over there. How could I have not figured it out before? I have also realized in the past I was using British words instead of American words because that’s what my dad calls stuff. One of them was ‘loo’ and kids didn’t know what a ‘loo’ was and then I’m on the internet and I see British terms and that’s how I found out that’s what they call bathrooms over there so I stopped using it.
“You were damn lucky you didn’t cause a fight between mother and I after you woke her up,” Dad told me as I headed up the stairs. I stomped my feet as I walked.
I heard Mom talking to Matthew in his room.
“Yes she is going to bed or she can’t stay up again tomorrow night,” I heard her saying.
I heard Matthew saying something back but couldn’t really make out the words.
I went in my room and slammed the door as hard as I could.
I heard our things rattle on bookcases, dressers, computer table, and the closet doors.
“Jees Natalie,” said Kelly from her bed.
I pulled down my pajama bottoms and took off my wet diaper. I tossed it in the trash and took out a clean one. I put it on without wiping my bottom. When I was putting my pants back on, I realized the back of them were wet. I put them in the hamper and took off my top and put on my other clean pair of pajamas but this time it was Betty Boop nightshirt.
I crawled into bed and cried. I kept the covers over my head and held onto Po, my Teletubby.
I heard Mom and Dad talking in their room. At least they weren’t fighting.
“Oh shit,” I heard Dad say again.
“What’s the matter?” Mom asked.
I heard Dad saying something.
“So change it,” I heard Mom say.
I heard their bedroom door open and one of them walked out. I heard the hall closet door open, Dad calls it a cupboard, and then close.
I heard their bedroom door close again.
I grabbed my baby blanket and held it in my arms. I felt myself wetting. It was a nice feeling.
Then I heard their bedroom door open again and footsteps going down the stairs. I never heard the footsteps come back up. I guess they weren’t going to sleep together again.
I didn’t know what to do with the feelings inside of me. I felt like screaming and beating up Mom and Dad. Mom for lying and Dad for making me miss my movie. I curled my hands into fists. I pounded one of them against the wall.
“Quit it,” Kelly yelled.
I shook myself trying to hold in the feelings.
“Natalie,” Kelly yelled.
I got out of bed and walked around shaking my hand.
“Will you stop, I’m trying to sleep,” Kelly yelled.
I cried even harder.
“Shut up,” and then she threw one of her pillows at me.
I scratched my arms and Kelly kept yelling at me. Then she got out of bed.
Mom came rushing to our room.
“What’s going on?” she said as she turned on the light.
Mom was in her pajamas.
“Natalie won’t stop crying,” Kelly said as she left our room carrying her baby blanket, pillow and stuff animal. “I’m sleeping in Brian’s room.”
“Natalie stop,” said Mom.
I kept on crying walking around in circles.
Then Dad came up.
“Natalie stop acting like a big baby and go to bed,” he yelled.
Then Matthew came out of his room. “I can’t sleep,” he said.
“Glen, maybe we should let her finish the movie,” said Mom.
“No,” he said.
“But she’s real upset,” Mom said again. “If we let her, she’ll calm down.”
“No no no,” Dad yelled. “Not happening. We will not let her get her way. If we do, she will just keep on doing it.”
“But I promised her she can watch them if she can do her school work and get out of bed in the morning, and not be too tired during the day.”
“See what happens when you spoil our kids,” Dad yelled. “They act like this when they aren’t getting what they want when you said they can have it.”
“What is wrong with kids having rewards? This is special to her.”
“Well she is throwing a tantrum like a baby just because she isn’t getting what she wants.”
“She wouldn’t be doing it if you didn’t make her go to bed,” Mom yelled.
“You agreed to it.”
“Yeah because that’s what you wanted and I only did it to avoid fighting and here we are again.”
I started to leave the room but Dad grabbed me. “You stay in here!”
“Let go of her, she can leave if she wants,” Mom yelled as she grabbed me.
“No, she goes to bed.”
“No, she watches her movie,” Mom yelled.
They were both grabbing me like they were fighting over a doll.
I tried to get away from both of them so I can watch my movie.
Then Dad pushed me hard. I fell against the TV set.
I saw Mom pushing Dad back yelling at him for pushing me.
“Get your hands off of me,” he yelled as he grabbed her arms.
So that was why Mom lied to me. She was doing it so her and Dad wouldn’t have another fight.
This was their seventh fight they were having.
Mom and Dad kept yelling and screaming at each other about rather I shall watch my movie or not. Dad said I had to be in bed and Mom was saying I can watch my show and then I can go to bed.
Then Mom picked up my pillow and threw it at him.
“Oh you want to start throwing things, fine by me,” and Dad picked up one of my Nintendo games and threw it at Mom. She picked up my Teletubby and threw it at Dad. Dad picked up another Nintendo game and threw it at her. The game hit the railing of the bunk bed. I was afraid of him throwing more of them and them breaking apart when they hit something so I yelled at them to stop.
“Stop throwing things,” I cried. “Stop.”
Dad picked up another one of the Nintendo games and threw it at Mom but it hit me in the face.
I put my hand on it where it hit and started to cry but Mom and Dad both ignored me. They acted like I wasn’t in the room. They kept yelling at each other.
I picked up my videogames Dad threw and put them back.
“Stop throwing these,” I said.
Then Dad picked up my dirty clothes and threw them at Mom. She picked them up and threw them back at him.
“Fine she can watch her fucking show,” Dad screamed. “All you two ever care about is yourselves and you don’t think of others. Sometimes I don’t even know why I married you.”
Then he left the room. He went downstairs and I heard the laundry room door slam. The garage door opened and I heard Dad taking off in his Chrysler. He sped down the street tires screeching.
“Go watch your movie,” Mom said.
She left me alone in the room and went downstairs. I went in Mom and Dad’s room and turned on the TV.
The movie was still on even though I missed the parts to it.
I heard the garage door close and Mom came back up.
Kelly was out of Brian’s room and Matthew was standing in the hall.
“Way to go Natalie,” Kelly said in a snotty voice.
I knew she was being sarcastic.
“Hey,” Mom snapped.
“Where did Dad go?” Matthew asked.
“I don’t know,” said Mom.
“But if she would have gone to bed-” Kelly began.
“Enough,” said Mom.
“And she wouldn’t have,” Kelly kept going.
“I said enough,” Mom yelled.
“If she would have listened to Dad, you two wouldn’t have been fighting,” Kelly said.
“Shut up,” Mom yelled. “Stop blaming your sister on our fight.”
“You’re always sticking up for her,” Kelly yelled.
“No I don’t,” Mom said.
“Yes you do. You always have to stick up for her like she is…”
I couldn’t make out the rest she was saying because she was heading back to Brian’s room.
“Mom I can’t sleep,” said Matthew.
“Read a book then,” Mom said.
“But I don’t know what to read.”
“Read about dinosaurs or about weather. Read whatever you’re interested in,” Mom said. “Or do something quiet in your room.”
“Like what?” Matthew asked again.
“I don’t care if you play in your room. Just play quietly or read, have the TV turned down low if you’re playing a game but you better not be too tired to get out of bed when I wake you up tomorrow.”
Matthew went back to his room.
As Mom crawled into bed with me, I heard a crinkling sound like she had a diaper on.
I looked at her bottom but I couldn’t tell because of her long top. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her.
I didn’t really like being cuddled so I pulled away.
“Sorry,” said Mom.
Then she got out of bed again. I heard the crinkling sound again as she left the room and went downstairs.
I wanted to know bad what she had on that was making that sound. It sounded like as if she had a diaper on but no that’s silly. Why would she wear them? Bedwetting? But then I have read in school in Child Development in the book that kids outgrow bedwetting and I have also read it on the internet and in Parenting magazines about bedwetting and what causes it. But I remember Mom telling me that she wets the bed sometimes when she is depressed, having a bad dream, fails to get out of bed to go, things like that so that’s why she and Dad also have a rubber sheet on their bed. She changes the sheets when she wets at night and puts a on a clean one and its no big deal.
I noticed her bed had a different sheet on it because when Mom lifted up the covers, I saw the sheets were different.
Then there was a loud thump. I saw Mom go in Matthew’s room.
“What was that?” she asked.
I heard Matthew saying something.
“Okay,” I head Mom say.
Then she came back in the room. I looked at her bottom again but couldn’t tell because of her baggy pants.
I wanted to ask her what the sound was but I couldn’t get anything out of my mouth.
“What?” she asked when she caught me looking at her.
“What was the sound?” I asked instead.
“Matthew knocked down his bookshelf after something fell behind it,” she said.
“How did he knock it down?”
“Pulling at it and then it finally fell down but I helped him put it back up but not the books.”
I watched the rest of the movie and after it got over, I went to my own bed. Mom tucked me in and kissed me goodnight. Kelly was still in Brian’s room because her bed was empty. I guess she still didn’t want to sleep in here.
I still wondered about the crinkling sound from Mom’s bottom. It can’t be a diaper because if it was, I already would have known she wears them too but why would she? If she wore them to bed at night, I still would have known. No way Mom would keep that a secret from me if she did.

Link to chapter 10: http://abdlstoryforum.info/forums/index.php/topic,261.0.html