new story: vanessa's change

Vanessa’s change

Vanessa was sitting in the van ride on the way to her home. She was 5’4, weighed about 110 pounds and had long smooth black hair. She was looking down at her clothing she was wearing, a pair of blue jeans and a pink shirt that said, “Aren’t I the cutest thing you ever saw?”, and a pair of white tennis shoes. She had just graduated from the local college and she was ready to find a summer job. Vanessa only has three minor problems. One problem is that because of her height and size, she looks more like a 5 year old girl rather than the 23 year old that she is. Her second problem is that do to her size, her mother always had to dress her in little girl clothes because they were the only size that would fit her, her shoe size was a size 4T (a toddler’s shoe). Many people would look at her and think that she was still a baby rather than an adult. Her third problem is that she was very very stuck up and prissy, she thought the world belonged to her, she was always getting into trouble in high school and even at college and she was just glad to be done with school and enjoy the summer at home.
The van pulled up in front of her house and she grabbed her bags and got out, the driver said, “Welcome home miss,” and Vanessa replied, " Yea yeah, at least I don’t have your job," she walked away laughing. The driver said, “Man, I hope that girl gets what’s coming to her.” And he drove away. Unfortunately for her, Vanessa’s mom had heard the comment that she said to the driver and when she walked into the house, her mother said, “Vanessa, that was not a nice thing you said to that man,” the girl replied, “Oh mom, chill out, I was only funning, besides I graduated college and you only got as far as high school,” and she put her bags down in the living room. She pushed past her mom and went into the kitchen to find something to eat and drink. Her mom followed her and said, “I can’t believe you Vanessa, saying rude things to the man is one thing, but I am your mother, now apologize young lady this minute!” Vanessa replied, “Why mom, you know it’s true,” Vanessa just pushed past her mom and went up to her room to unpack and txt her friends that she was home. Her mom just sat down at the kitchen table and she called her friend jenny from down the street. While the phone was dialing, her mom sat there and reminisced when Vanessa was a little girl walking around in her diaper, she even giggled at the fact that she left Vanessa in her diapers until she got out of middle school.
Her friend jenny answered the phone.
"Hello?’
“Hi jenny, its penny, Vanessa’s mom”
“Oh penny, who are you doing?’
" Not too well, Vanessa’s home and I see that the time she spent at college did not teach her anything, she’s still the same way she has always been, snotty, stuck-up, mean to not only strangers, but to her won mother no less.”
Jenny said, “Well penny, she’s a rebel child, she’s always been that way.”
Penny replied, “Yeah, I know, I was just thinking back to when she was a little girl, I remember that I remember she wore her diapers till the end of middle school, she was so cute and adorable, I just want my little girl back, you know what I mean jenny?”
Jenny replied, “Yes penny, I know what you mean, I would go ahead and get your little girl back, it sound like she’s needs to grow up again anyway.”
Penny was puzzled, “What do you mean jenny?”
Jenny replied, “Treat Vanessa like the little girl she’s been acting like, baby her do what ever it takes to have her grow up again.”
Penny replied, “You know what jenny, your right, Vanessa’s going to grow up again whether she likes it or not, I got to go, I have a baby to take care of, thanks for your help.”
Jenny replied, “OK, bye penny, let me know how it goes.”
The phone then went dead.
Penny got up from the kitchen table and she went upstairs to her daughter’s room, as she got to the top of the stairs, Vanessa was walking out of her room with her purse.
Penny said, “Where do you think you are going young lady?”
Vanessa replied, “out with Cassie, don’t wait up mom, and don’t pull that curfew stuff either, I’m an adult not a little kid anymore!,” and she tried to get by her mother, her mother grabbed her hand and said, “no you are not little one, you are in big trouble for the things you said earlier and now you are going to pay for what you have done.” She pulled the girl into her bedroom and sat down on the bed. She pulled Vanessa’s pants down, exposing her bare butt and bent her over her lap. Vanessa was livid.
She yelled, “Mom, what are you doing, I’m an adult now, not a little girl, you can’t spank me!” her mother replied
:“Oh really, little girl, watch me.”
Her right hand came down quickly and smacked the girl’s backside and as her hand hit the girl’s butt, Vanessa could not contain herself.
"Mom, stop it, I did not mean those things I said! I’ll be good from now on, please stop please stop now!
Her mom said, “NO I will not stop, you acted like a baby and now you are going to be treated like one, you need to grow up again.”
After about 10 minutes of whacks to the bottom, her mother stopped and stood her now crying daughter up in front of her
Vanessa just stood in front of her mother thinking this could not get any worse

But…… she was very wrong. It would get much worse

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new story: vanessa’s change

There are plenty of problems with this story, but the one which particularly struck me was that 5’4" is a normal height for an adult woman- about average, in fact. She could not look 5 years old, or wear child’s clothing or shoes.

It would be much easier to read if you formatted it with blank lines between paragraphs; and in the dialogue when a new person starts speaking there should be a new paragraph each time.

The plot is I guess only what we could expect from your previous stories- it’s very obvious exactly what will happen, because it’s happened in hundreds of other abdl stories.

new story: vanessa’s change

I am 5’1" and could never fit into toddler clothes although i do buy kids clothes and shoes but at the largest of the sizes. You definately have to get your sizes more feezable, to make it plausible.

There are a few spelling mistakes that a spell check won’t pick up so do a good proof read.

"Oh penny, who are you doing?’
there are actually 2 mistakes here.

Her second problem is that do to her
another mistake I found. It should be… due not do.

There are a few more to but i’m not doing all your work. :stuck_out_tongue:

Vanessa was sitting in the van ride on the way to her home.

The first sentence doesn’t make sense needs to be fleshed out a bit and expanded. What kind of van was it? sitting in a van ride…now that doesn’t work. Prehaps riding in a van on her way home…makes a little more sense but the van still doesn’t add to the story it feels as though it should be a taxi or a bus.

Ok other then the mistakes the story wont win any awards for originality but people write and read the same kind of story over and over again because that is what they like to read. Work on it, space it out like Anise suggested and put something in it that makes it stand out as something special.
These days that can be hard….could be something as simple as a weird name of her comforter bear she had as child or the fact that it was an ugly looking or pretty purple ladybug instead of a bear… or prehaps her mother letting her eat icecream for breakfast as a reward ….umm these are bad examples but you get the idea.

Keep writting, you will get better with practice and criticisim form us. Take it on board and have fun.

LB

new story: vanessa’s change

maybe instead of 5’4 you meant 4’5? Oh, and trite doesn’t seem to begin to describe your beginning here.

new story: vanessa’s change

At 4’5" and 110 pounds, she’d be on the chubby side, although not grossly overweight.

littlebunny makes a good point about putting something in which makes the story more special- for a well used plot, it’s especially important to give your characters a good background and make them seem real. A wooden and one sided character (and both Vanessa and her mother have so far been very one dimensional) doesn’t give the story life and realism.

I suggest you read the comments people have written about this story- it is a cliched plot, but people said positive things about it because it went beyond the usual. Also, if you concentrated on writing one story and making it really good I think you’d have more chance of improving your writing.

new story: vanessa’s change

If you want to have realistic characters use a Height and weight chart for example a 4T is 39-42" tall weighs 35-41Lbs and has an average waist size of 21 1/4".

This was found at http://www.gymboree.com/shop/size_chart_generic.jsp

new story: vanessa’s change

It’s fine My Aunt is 4’8 now she 63 years,but story dosen’t have to so really. Did anyone see the movie Jack. It’s good story.

new story: vanessa’s change

How can a 5 ‘4’ person fit into toddler clothes? She be too tall.

new story: vanessa’s change

I echo what everyone else said. 5’4" is way too big for 4T clothes. Size 4 in Juniors maybe…but not toddler -_-

I’m not going to say much for the formatting, spelling and grammar errors, or anything else wrong with this story. It’s already been said.

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new story: vanessa’s change

For future reference here is a good sizing chart

0-3 Months 6-12 lbs. 20-24"
6-9 Months 13-18 lbs. 24-26.5"
12 Months 18-22 lbs. 27-28.5"
18 Months 22-26 lbs. 29-30.5"
24 Months 26-29 lbs. 31-33"
2T 26-29 lbs. 33-35"
3T 30-34 lbs. 35-37"
4T 34-38 lbs. 37-40"
4 35-39 lbs. 39"
5 37-41 lbs. 42"
6 40-45 lbs. 45"

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new story: vanessa’s change

I assume that that’s height rather than waist size!

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new story: vanessa’s change

lol my gf is about the same size as vanessa lol and she looks nothing like a toddler. sorry got that far laughed my arse off and i couldnt continue. lol if she read that shed be so pissed.

i enjoyed the story please write more when possible.

@admins is it ok to rewrite stories of this age to give them new life? I feel with some work, that I could use this concept to make a pretty good story.

A couple of things:

  1. Don’t @ the admins group, it literally does nothing but create a link to it. Regular users cannot trigger a notice by mentioning it (neither can the @moderators actually). These kinds of things you should tag the moderators group instead.

  2. These kinds of questions should be asked in #site-feedback with a link to the relevant topic(s) instead. That actually ensures that it will be seen.

  3. If you want to write a story based on the same concept, that’s fine. Simply rewriting and continuing an existing story? Nope, that’s not okay. While I seriously doubt any author would actually go so far as to take you to court, that would in fact be copyright infringement and very much illegal.

Thank you for the info