This story was very much an experiment with style - A story told purely within journal entries. I’m not sure if I’ll revisit the format again, but it was fun to try something new!
Illustration by SnowPowder
January 1st, 2021.
I’m going to be trying this out. No telling how long it’ll last, but I’ll be giving it a shot. Maybe it’ll fizzle out in a week and I’ll have another barely-used journal that gets thrown in the bin a few years from now, maybe now.
Should I explain what I’m talking about? It’s not like anyone else is going to read this. I’m writing for myself. Heck, I probably won’t read this - I know what happened, after all! Maybe this is dumb and I shouldn’t bother.
Eh, what the heck. I already have the journal.
So, I made a couple resolutions this year. First one, you might have guessed, I’m going to try and keep a diary. ‘Every day’ seemed like a tall order, so I’m going to be writing in here a couple times a week, maybe more if I get really into it.
My second resolution? I’m going to try going 24/7, for real.
Still not sure if I’ll stick to it completely. My gut tells me I’m going to chicken out and start using the bathroom to go #2, but we’ll see - maybe I’ll be able to really make a go of it!
To make sure I don’t bail out, I stocked up on diapers. I got like a million of them or something, stacked my closet full, still had more that I needed to put somewhere so they’re all just piled by my bed. I know they don’t expire and I could really just keep them around forever, but it’d feel like a waste not to get through them all, so that’s going to be my goal - I’ll do my best to use up these diapers by the end of the year.
I put my first one on at midnight, changed this morning, so that’s two so far. And a bunch to go!
Keeping it secret’s going to be the hard part, but I’ll do my best. I mostly have baggy pants, so it’s not like anyone’s going to see it. Besides, I’m probably way more paranoid than I have any reason to be - most people don’t randomly suspect that the person they’re next to might be wearing a diaper.
Wish me luck, whoever’s reading this. (Future me, how did it go?)
January 3rd, 2021
So far, so good. A few online friends teased me about it, but that’s pretty much par for the course - It’s what you get when you tell a bunch of AB/DLs that you’re wearing diapers full time. They were good natured about it, and it’s pretty much what I signed up for anyways.
I am gonna need to figure out what to do with all these diapers. The apartment dumpster is going to have a lot of them. I bought black, opaque trash bags to throw them out, but I think I need to get a proper diaper pail too so I don’t have to triple bag them in the house.
Anyways, I’m going to catch a movie with Skyler at the drive-through. Hopefully he won’t notice that I don’t need to take any bathroom breaks the whole time! Hah.
January 4th, 2021
Had my first real challenge today - I had to change in a public bathroom. Had not planned on it, but I was a lot soggier than I’d intended to be, and I was out getting groceries, and I would have had to either drive all the way home and then drive straight back to the store, or do it in the bathroom.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?
So, anyways, I totally screwed it up. I got nervous, didn’t do the tapes right, and didn’t realize I hadn’t done the tapes right… until I was in checkout, had to pee, and leaked right down the side of my leg.
It was just a little dribble before I cut it off, but I felt like everyone was staring at me the whole time. Realistically, I don’t think anyone saw the wet spot on my pants, but at the moment it was mortifying.
So, when I got home, I practiced putting on a diaper standing up like a dozen times until I was sure I could do it right. Crossing my fingers, I won’t leak in public ever again, because jeez.
January 8th, 2021.
Okay, I figured this would happen. A bunch of days passed, and I don’t have anything to write about. Work was kind of long today? Skyler and I hung out for a bit at his place after we were done working. I’m mostly just writing in here so it doesn’t feel like I’m already giving up!
January 10th, 2021
I did something kind of dumb.
The other day, while I was cleaning up the bathroom, I ended up setting stuff on the toilet seat to get it out of the way. It wasn’t anything major, just a couple towels, but I forgot to put it back.
I had Skyler over that evening, and he ended up going into the bathroom for some reason - I think just to wash his hands? But he didn’t actually use the toilet.
Well, today, he came over again and I still hadn’t put the stupid towels away. He noticed, and commented on how I had apparently not used the bathroom in three days. I called it a coincidence, said I must have just put the towels in a similar spot, laughed it off. I don’t think he really thought much of it, either, but I felt super worried he was going to sniff out what I was wearing.
I’m gonna have to be more careful going forward, or he’s going to figure it out.
January 13th, 2021
Messy diapers are getting kind of boring. I’m not sure if I mind, though! It’s just part of my routine - when I need to go, I’ll go, then I’ll find a stopping point in whatever I’m doing and I’ll go get changed. Most of the time I’ll shower, but I’ve gotten pretty good with wipes so I don’t always need to.
I’m a little worried I’ll get too used to it and mush when I shouldn’t, but I don’t expect that’ll actually happen. I still make sure my diapers are well hidden when I’m in public or around other people and stuff.
That’s about it for eventful stuff going on in my personal life. I’m still mostly stuck at home, anyways, so there’s not much to do.
January 16th, 2021
Yeah, I’m getting used to this! It’s just routine, but it’s a nice routine. Cozy, comforting, I like it.
An extra perk is that they tend to be nice and warm, even when they’re dry. I’m sure in the summer that might be a pain in the butt, but right now it’s a good way to keep out the winter chill.
So that’s nice!
January 18th, 2021
Gonna have an awkward couple of days. Skyler is apparently having some trouble at his apartment - there won’t be water for like a day and a half, so he asked if he could crash on my couch.
I don’t mind, obviously, but it’s going to be kind of tricky to keep the whole diaper thing a secret with him practically living her in all that time. I’ll have to be cautious with when I change, and make sure he doesn’t stumble on anything by accident.
It’ll be like my old college days, sneaking around my dorm when my roommate was out, so I could get in a couple hours of diaper time once every couple weeks. Jeez, I never thought I’d be back to doing that.
It’ll only be over the weekend. I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I could always bail on the resolution, but that feels like cheating. I’ll stick it out, it’ll be okay.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
This was so fucking stupid.
January 19th, 2021.
Okay, I should explain.
I’m a fucking idiot.
I was in my room, checking my work schedule on my laptop, like a dumbass. I had pants on, of course, I wasn’t just waltzing around with my diaper visible to everyone. Skyler was still over, watching something on the TV.
The internet was having trouble or the show wasn’t buffering or something. So he comes and knocks on the door, and I just say, ‘Yeah, come in’. I had pants on, after all.
I’m so fucking stupid, I wanted to hurl myself out a window. Having pants on doesn’t matter much when I’ve got like fifty packs of diapers stacked next to my bed.
It only took like a second to realize my mistake. I ran over and slammed the door before he could say anything, but Jesus Christ there’s no way I can explain this.
He’s still here. He asked a question through the door, if I wanted to talk. I’m just ignoring him. There’s no way I can face him, not after… y’know. That. What would I say?
I guess I’ll just hide in my room until he goes away.
January 19th, 2021.
Okay, my last plan was stupid. There’s no way I can just hide in here forever.
I’m gonna go talk to him.
If this is my last entry, it’s because I died of embarassment. Embarrasment? I can never remember how that’s spelled.
January 19th, 2021
I talked to him.
It went okay. Sklyer’s a really cool guy, it turns out. I guess I knew that.
He was confused, at first. He asked if I was incontinent. I thought about lying, but… there’s no way I could have kept that up forever. Besides, he deserved the truth. I told him I wore them for fun.
When he asked if I was wearing a diaper right then I regretted not taking it off, but what was I supposed to do? Lie?
I told him the truth with that, too.
I thought he was just going to call me a freak and leave, but he didn’t. He had questions, but he didn’t give me shit about it. I told him it was a comfort thing, and he just nodded. No teasing, no mean comments. He didn’t ask if I used them, but I think the writing was kind of on the wall for that one. I’m just glad he didn’t make me answer that sort of question.
When I got done explaining, he said he had to think about it, to really wrap his head around things. I wanted to run away, but I waited, and after a minute he said he was cool with it.
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. He’s my best friend for a reason.
He said if it made me happy, he wasn’t going to judge - and he’d keep my secret. He also recommended that I maybe find a better place to hide my diapers, if I didn’t want anyone else to see.
I thanked him for the profound advice, and we decided to watch a movie together.
So, rumors of my death-by-embarrassment (I looked it up - two Rs, two Ss) were greatly exaggerated.
I guess it’s all going to be okay after all.
A special thanks to all my supporters over on Patreon. If I didn’t have them backing me up, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to experiment and branch out, trying new things like this.
Also, if you subscribe today you’ll get to read my latest Patreon-exclusive short, ‘Date with a Demoness’. So there are perks in it for you!