I know, you may be annoyed with me making three parts. Every time I leave for a very long time, I find I have to start a new part because my writing develops a bit more with each new part. This isn’t a chapter however. This is technically a teaser, or a small prologue for the chapters to come. And don’t worry, for those of you who fear this will fall into the usual ABDL story.
Part 3: Tender Whimpers
Fallen Pieces(Opening to part 3)
Almost a whole month since and Saul hasn’t touched me once.
I don’t understand it at all. How could you sneak a kiss on someone and not try to be by them more? I can’t tell if he’s trying to make me over think things, or just honestly is trying to start over again.
In one way, I’m scared to death since nothing has happened. In another way, I’m happy I have my own space and my own body for the time being. I can’t tell if he hasn’t done anything because his parents came home, or the fact that he’s just trying to get to the day where I’m just not on watch then comes up behind me and snatches me.
It’s weird how in one minute you can go from so delighted to miserable. The kiss wasn’t that bad I guess. Soft but with a hint of temptation. I just wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t know he liked me in anyway. He was treating me like a baby; I don’t understand how you can like someone as a girlfriend but baby them. That’s two mixed things.
At school he sends me mixed messages. He wants me to sit at his table, but we don’t talk. I’ll catch his eyes trained on me with some sort of weird thought going through his mind. Some days I’ll skip lunch but he never says one thing to me about it. I thought I could figure guys out so damn easily. But Saul doesn’t even come close to that statement, not even one bit.
I just lay here, on my bed just thinking all these things about Saul. I sit up and look at my alarm. Great, 12 o’clock. God I wish I wasn’t such a sleep insomniac. Maybe warm milk might put me to sleep… Nope. But I do need to go to the restroom. I stumble a bit, but manage to turn on my light. I open my door and head to the restroom. I flick on the light and confusion spreads on my face.
Why do I find myself in the schools bathroom suddenly? The lights are flickering. I turn around and head back out of the door into the school hallway leading to the auditorium. The schools dimmed but I can still see. It’s dark outside. I go to the exit doors and try opening them. Absolutely no luck there.
I slowly look around. There’s some lights to hallways flickering, others not. I hear crowds screaming. A shot of fear goes through me and I realize that there are people in the auditorium. I walk over to the auditorium doors and try to open one. Nothings opening. I get frustrated and begin walking to the opposite way the bathrooms were. The noise coming from the auditorium starts to scare me as I go farther away from it.
I begin walking down a hallway. As I make my way down it, I see a dark figure walk past the hallway I’m in. I instantly stop. I try not to make any noise but for some reason a squeal comes out of me. I cover my mouth with both hands and slowly near the end of the hallway. I creep to a corner and look around. A sigh escapes my lips as I walk to the cafeteria. For some reason, I’m hungry and the smell of milk and cookies attracts me to it.
The doors are closed to the cafeteria, and I stop dead in my tracks, just wondering why I’m doing these things without further thinking things through. That’s when I say, “I’m dreaming? No… This isn’t a dream… [i]This is a…?” I couldn’t finish the sentence, because I feel some ones strong hand cupping my shoulder. I shiver, but the name doesn’t visualize until I look behind me. Salve.
I hear a deep chuckle and find myself being whisked away to the auditorium. I begin crying for no reason at all. Then to find out that I wet myself once again. Everything becomes a blur.[/i]
I wake up wailing, realizing nothing happened, besides the fact that my sheets are awfully wet. I pinch myself to make sure I’m really up. This is the first time in about a month I’ve wet my bed. Making this Thursday feel like it’s just going to be a horrible day.
The only good thing about today is that it’s the first day of October and of a four day weekend off of school. October’s my favorite month of the year. I love fall weather and October falls right into the season. I honestly never have celebrated Halloween though. Never went Trick-or-Treating. Never went to a Halloween Party. Never did anything for October 31st but watch a scary movie.
My alarm goes off just as I come back to my room from putting my sheets in the washer. I guess I’ll just take a shower with only a half an hour to spare. I take a quick shower and apply some mascara. Then I’m off to school after pinning my hair to the side.
By the time I get to the school parking lot, I look in the side view mirror to find a flushed, hollow girl staring back. Her face heart shaped and her eyes lost in a green forest. Light brown hair, wet but lightly curled in a mess around her head. The girl is alone in the world; obviously needing someone to help her before she flakes apart in the next moment. I can’t keep looking at her or else we’ll both break down together.
I get out of my car and look at the time on my new Iphone. Fifteen more minutes until the final morning bell. Why do I always come so early on the days that I don’t need to be? I lean against my car and sigh. I just need a little more sleep, of course without being interrupted by a nightmare.
I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do when I get inside, considering I don’t need to go to my locker, so I think I’ll just sit in my car and listen to music. Yeah. I like that idea. I open my car door and slide back in. I take out my headphones then pull the lever of my chair so the incline goes all the way back. Closing my eyes, I’m resting. Almost falling back to sleep and then I feel a cool air come into my car.
My eyes open wide to find Saul sitting there, just watching me, with that warming smile he likes to tease me with. I take the headphones out of my ears and realize how loud they were. I try sitting back up, to only find myself being pushed back down, “Rest, babygirl. You look like you need it.” He’s basically cooing me? Why?
“Buh-? Wah?” I was trying to get out something and then tears began rolling down my cheeks.
I found myself in Saul’s arms quicker than I thought possible. My face buried deep into his chest, trying to hide myself. But from what? My shame? My sadness? My need for someone besides my own self?
“I know. I know. Shh, shh. Shhh.” Saul cooing me calmed me down a lot.
“How about we go inside and you go to the bathroom, splash some water on your face and I’ll see you in third hour, okay?” He tilted my chin up to his face, wiping a tear away from my eye with his finger. He kissed my forehead and opened the car door. We both get out of my car and walk, hand-in-hand, inside of the school to the girls bathroom.
I didn’t realize how the need for releasing my bladder built up so badly. I went pee and then splashed cool water on my face. I checked my phone to see I only had about five more minutes left. I walked back to my class alone since Saul’s first hour was on the other side of the school.
My whole first hour was basically me wondering, “What the hell just happened?” I don’t understand it. We’re constantly becoming adult and baby, and then in the next second girlfriend and boyfriend. Not really the second one too much, but there’s something in his eyes I catch. I don’t know why in the moment I’ll curl up in his lap and cry, yet afterwards I never get what gave me the right to do that. I should hate him for giving me a nightmare, not show him my vulnerable state.
I can’t help but blame myself for it all though. I honestly don’t even know myself, so why should I be making any conclusions to what I should be doing? I’m so confused and it’s a never ending cycle. I thought I was unbreakable metal that couldn’t be touched, yet I show vulnerability in a break of a second? I thought I’d kill Salve if I ever met him in real life, yet I bury my deepest emotions into his shirt? I thought I’d never like a guy, yet…? No. I’m not beginning to like Saul. That can’t be right. I’m just thinking too much. Forget it.
The bell made a shiver go down my spine, but at least Drawing was next hour. Then comes Health with Saul in third hour. I haven’t decided if I’m excited or not to see him yet.
Drawing goes by in a seconds worth of time and I’ve spaced out so badly today that I find myself walking to my locker to put an unfinished art project away that I’ll have to finish later tonight. Just my luck, I pass Saul and have to once again walk to my locker with him. He instantly locks eyes with me and slowly creeps beside me like I’m his prey.
“Here, I’ll hold that for you.” Saul holds out his hand to my rolled up art project. I just give it to him, since I’m so drained to not even try to say I can hold it.
Of course he unrolls it, which I knew he would do. When we get to my locker, he’s still staring at it. It’s just a realistic self portrait. I don’t know why, but every school I’ve gone too, in every 2D or Drawing class we always have to do self portraits. I’d say this one it the best I’ve done.
“Damn. Heather, I don’t mean to offend you, but I didn’t know you could draw. This looks almost exactly like you, no more like exactly like you…” He glances at me with that serious glimmer in his eyes then back to the drawing, “This is the first of your drawings I’ve ever seen, besides a little coloring…” He chuckles a little while shaking his head, “Are you taking it home to finish it?” Saul gives me a demanding look.
“Yea, it’s due when we get back on Tuesday. I just have to finish shading some parts. But thanks, I guess.” I look into my locker like I need a book. When in actuality I just don’t want to stare up into his eyes.
“You guess?” He begins rolling it back up. “Well it’s quite beautiful, you probably hear this about yourself a lot but you have some real talent in art. If the teacher acknowledges your art, you can be moved to the 4th hour Advanced Drawing class which is what I’m taking right now. It’s a college credit class too. I know you draw better than half of the kids in Advanced, that’s for sure. But you can finish it when we hang out tonight.” Saul places the project in my locker and closes it before I can even move.
I just drop my jaw, wondering what that means. The way he ended the sentence just left me with a sudden chill. Saul looked down at me and then decided to take my hand firmly and guide me to class past all of the teens staring at us. I think Saul liked the attention of looking like we were dating because when I glanced up at him, he had a crooked grin lightly placed on his face.
After that, the day basically was a blur of me spacing out thinking of one thing to the next and by the time 7th hour rolled around I just wanted to cuddle in a blanket and sleep. I just don’t know anything anymore. I wonder if Saul knew I’d over think everything by him just saying one sentence. I wonder everyday if he just does one little thing so he can make me over think what he just said or did. Does he know that when I space out I’m really just thinking too hard or does he think I’m just too tired? Or does he think that I’m just having my own little toddler moments? And why do I even care what he thinks? God I’ve been in a different world lately.
When I walked into 7th hour I found everyone sitting in different seats. I guess there’s a new seating chart. I look at the front board and try to find where I’m sitting. Then I feel someone taking my hand and guiding me to my seat. Who would’ve guessed I’d see Saul sit right next to me.
I just let a small cheerless sigh out and looked up at the board to make sure this was my true seat. Unfortunately, Saul was right, like usual. I find it awesome how the desks are now partnered up so you can easily elbow the person sitting next to you. Great, closer and closer I get to Saul each day.
I fixed my eyes on the desk and spaced out on the board almost the whole class. When Saul caught me spacing, he’d tickle my side. It happened about 4 times and I squealed on one the last time. It was a small squeal but the people in front of us turned around. I just blushed and looked down. Saul just looked out the window like nothing happened. I hope the seats get switched sometime soon, or else my sides are going to hurt by the end of the semester.
The bell finally rang and off we went to my locker. I couldn’t help but feel Saul lightly caress the back of my hand with his thumb. It soothed me in a way, even though I was panicking inside. I didn’t know what Saul had in store for me later. I know he wasn’t ever going to hurt me, but I didn’t want to be spanked or publicly humiliated. That was the line he hasn’t crossed yet.
“So, how about you drive your little self home, get some overnight things packed, and I’ll pick you up in a half an hour.” Saul said it a gentle voice. I just nodded my head and grabbed my art project. Saul took the project out of my hand and said, “I’ll just take this to my house since we’re going to end up there anyway. I’ll see you in a half an hour, baby girl.” Saul winked at me then left with my project. Now I can’t even escape from going to his house tonight. That’s just awesome. He even managed to belittle me in the process.
I did what he said and made it home. I was thinking of what to bring for pajamas, and just decided on my fuzzy pink hello kitty pajama pants. It’s cold at his house at night. And how can he make me sleep without pants when my pajamas have already met his cute standards?
It kind of just hits me that I find myself attempting to meet Saul’s standards he sets for me. How far will I lose my mind by tomorrow? Jesus Christ, where is my mind going lately. Do I really want to be dependent on someone else? Do I really look like I’m that much of a mess? Do I really like being babied? As I’m getting my clothes and my makeup packed, I stumble in the bathroom for deodorant. I stop dead in my tracks and have to look at the girl I saw earlier.
She looks better. I mean, she looks confused, but better. She looks so hollow. So cold. So drained. So needy. Yet there’s some fire in her eyes that constantly wants to say no. When, you can obviously see she just wants, no needs, someone’s love. The unconditional love she only had for a few years. The unconditional love she can’t remember. A tear breaks over her tear duct and more tears follow.
This girl is me. I’m messed up. I’m broken. I need someone. But does Saul know what he’s getting into by taking care of me? Does he know just how much I could fall into one severely dependent being? Have I already fallen into those deep, horribly deep, depths?