playing baby chapter three

Chapter three.

Sarah lay on her bed feeling things she had felt deep down come bubbling to the service. The first thing she felt was the sensation of being diapered. She was in real diapers for the first time since she was potty trained at the age of two. The diapers felt wonderful. She felt like her body was incased in love. She moved around just to hear them crinkle. Sucking on the pacifer was the second thing she felt. Her mother had given it to her right after putting her in diapers. slowly she moved it in her tounge. True she had sucked pacifers before but this one felt different. lt was speical cause her mother gave it to her. Sarah smiled her biggest smile. A few tears of joy fell down her face. She grabed her stuff bear off her bed and gave it a big hug. The main thing she felt was happy. She was a baby again. Sarah slowly let the full reality seep in. School was out for the summer and Sarah had no plans. Now she was a baby again and looking forward to every part of the next three months.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Sandy was busy working. Dinner had to be made and she had work to do. First she made a bottle of formula. Then she realized what she forgot to buy at the market: no baby food. Grabbing the bottle of formula Sandy headed back upstairs to " feed the baby " Sandy got up to her daughter’s room and stood in the doorway for a moment. What she saw melted her heart. There on her bed was Sarah, clutching her teddy bear and smiling. Sandy knew the that she was doing the right thing. She let out a quick sigh and entered the room. Sarah opened her eyes and looked at her mother. Sandy sat on the bed and before Sarah could say a word, removed the pacifer and replaced it with the bottle. Whatever Sarah was gonna say did not leave her lips. Instead she sucked on the bottle and closed her eyes. The sucking of the bottle and the beating of her heart caused Sarah to get very tired. Soon she drifted off to sleep. The last thing she remember was her mother checking her diaper.Sarah did not care at that moment cause She was fast asleep.

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Re: playing baby chapter three

I would like to preface this by acknowledging that I have no right to criticize anyone else’s writing and be heeded. That said, I shall do my best.

A couple things: first, and this is not so much of a rule, your chapters are extremely short by the standard of most stories. You seem to have a decent idea of how to give details, you’re not saying “Then she was in diapers in diapers so she cried so then she got a spanking and was locked in her crib again and she wet her diapers without noticing that night the end,” or anything so quick, so you get points for that but it’s hard to get interested in a chapter that’s only two paragraphs long. It could be argued that your details work to your detriment when your chapters are so short because then it means next to nothing happens, you know? If you have to write to the forum as a post because this is a shared computer and you don’t want to save the stories to your hard drive, then I have no good advice. : (

Second, you could benefit from some Strunk & White action going on here; I know I’m not the best with punctuation myself but there are some pretty distracting oddities her - like the spacing between the quotations when you write " feed the baby " is a little baffling. You misspelled a few words, which I can only suggest you solve by running a spellcheck, and you use “cause” where “because” would be better. A lot of people say “cause” where they ought to say “because” out loud, but it’s not really worth carrying over to formal narration without good reason, like using a noticeably casual narrative voice.

There’s a lot of good here, just try spending a little bit longer on what you write.

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