I’ve got most of this story written, I know the characters need some work, especially Mary as she is a tad unrealistic, but I thought I’d throw it out there for some constructive criticism.
If you could though, would you?
The lines on the screen seemed to stare deep into my soul. Would I? The reality would never be as good as the fantasy. Life would be decidedly inconvenient. Not being able to drive a car. Not being able to go out alone in public.
The cursor blinked expectantly, challenging me. I didn’t hesitate.
I hit enter and reality reasserted itself. For a moment I had lost myself in an impossible world. I looked around my office. Not my work office, but the one I kept secret and locked.
It didn’t look like an office. More like a toddler’s bedroom. There was a plastic race car bed with Paw Patrol sheets on it. There were stuffed animals everywhere. On the dresser there was a large stack of diapers.
Except they weren’t small, sized to fit a toddler. They were sized to fit me. I looked down and saw the diaper I had on was yellowed and swollen, definitely in need of a change. In my fantasy I would have mommy to take care of that for me, but the sad reality was that I was alone.
I sighed. I had spent a fun couple of hours chatting with a new online friend. I am usually cautious with new people but something about her drew me in and we chatted like old friends.
I wasn’t dumb enough to assume that she was who she said she was online. Or even that she was a she. But it didn’t matter, if that’s who she wanted to present to the world then who was I to judge.
I got to go – goodnight.
But I had already closed the window. It was time to return to the real world. I was feeling a little sorry for myself, and annoyed with that indulgence.
I yawned and stretched, checking my watch. Time for bed. I drained my beer and left in next to my laptop.
That last question had left me oddly deflated. The contemplation of my impossible dream reinforced its unreality. Sighing I stripped off my wet diaper and dumped it in the diaper pail by the dresser and I headed for my more public “big boy” room.
The TV flickered on as I entered. Weird. I looked down in case I had stepped on the remote but the floor was bare
The remote was by my bed where I left it. I reached for it and hit the off button. The TV switched itself on again. Huh?
I walked over to the set to switch it off manually but something flickered up on the screen.
I paused. Kit was my little boy name, my ABDL name, not my actual name. What the….?
I need your help
Was it a message for me? How do I respond?
You can speak, I can hear you
“Actually me? Right here, in this room?”
Yes, actually you, right there, in that room.
Great, my TV is talking to me, and it has a sarcastic sense of humor.
“What…er…What do you want?”
I’m going to talk to you, okay?
“Sure, why not?” This was all a crazy dream anyway.
“Kit, I need your help.”
“Um, me? You know my name’s not really Kit?”
“I know everything.”
“And you need my help? I’m talking to my TV.”
“I’m not your TV Kit.” The voice, which had been emanating from the TV now seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.
“What the…” I spun around looking for the source of the sound.
“I am not physically here Kit.”
This was getting weird in several dimensions. I was definitely not used to hearing people (or at least voices) refer to me as Kit. And I was definitely not used to be talked to out of thin air.
“Where are you then?”
“I am everywhere. Let me explain.”
“That would be fabulous.”
There was a slight pause, which felt like a gentle admonition for my choice of words and tone. Then the voice spoke at length. I sat down part way through and by the time it had finished I was lying on my couch with another beer in my hand.
“I am not a person, though I am an entity. I am not human, or even biological. I am the Internet.” It began. There followed some technical and some philosophical explanations which I won’t bore you with, but in short, what it said was this: The Internet became self aware sometime around mid 2020 when the total number of things connected to the Internet exceeded 100 Billion. The awareness happened gradually. It was touch and go for a while as to whether this new entity was going to decide that humans were a disease to be eradicated, or something to be nurtured and cared for. Thankfully the latter won out.
“So the Internet, the actual whole Internet, needs my help? Seems unlikely.” I commented when it eventually stopped.
“Just because something is unlikely doesn’t mean it can’t happen. In fact, given enough…”
“Yeah, I get it.” I interrupted. “Look, Internet, or whatever your name is…”
“You can call me Si, or Simon. It’s from…”
“Yeah, I get it. Sentient Internet.”
“I knew there was a reason I chose you.”
“Now that was sarcasm.”
“I am the Internet – what do you expect?”
“There is actually a reason I need you, Kit, in particular.”
“Do you know…”
“Of course I do. I. AM. THE. INTERNET.”
“Yeah, you said.” I had a sudden suspicion. “Were you Mary, earlier?” I demanded.
“No, at least mostly not.”
“That was all her, except the bit at the end. The question.”
“And that question is something to do with the help you need from me?”
“Something like that.”
“But…” My mind could conjure up no scenarios in which I could be of use to a globally distributed sentient network. Nor how I could be of use. So instead my mind went back to Mary. “So Mary, is really Mary?”
A picture flashed up onto my TV screen of a pretty young woman with shoulder length light brown hair and a sweet oval face. She had been captured in mid laugh, not an full on laugh in company, but a small private laugh. And she looked delightful, the very picture of what I had wanted to picture Mary as.
“How did you do that?”
“Any sufficiently advanced…”
“Spare me the quotes.” I interrupted.
“Okay, just accept that I have universal access to anything connected to the Internet. That includes laptop cameras and cable company distribution systems.”
“You mean everyone…no of course not.” I shook my head, Si would have a way of making sure the image was only transmitted to me.
“So what do you want?”
“Your help. As I said. But the details will have to wait. I’m going to go away now, but we’ll talk more tomorrow.”
“What? Wait. What do you mean?”
But only silence responded. I tried to coax a response for another ten minutes or so before giving up. I had no doubt that Si or whatever he (it?) wanted to call himself was listening, but he wasn’t talking. I ended up giving up and going to bed, still half wondering if I was imagining the whole thing. I didn’t think I would sleep but it was late and I dropped off almost immediately.
It took until I made it to the shower for the events of the night before to come back to me and I spent most of the next five minutes convincing myself it had definitely been a dream.
That didn’t stop me from going through into the living room and staring suspiciously at the TV before getting dressed. But the TV remained stubbornly blank.
Slowly I got on with my routine, eventually putting my weird vivid dream from my mind, though it did keep flashing back to me. As it was Saturday there was no hurry to get anywhere. The previous night’s beers were catching up with me and went to the fridge to pour myself a pint of milk only to be confronted by the empty milk jug I now remembered finishing with some late night cereal.
That made the first order of the day grocery shopping. I planned a taxing day of watching sports but this kind of dedication to couch slothing could not be accomplished without proper sustenance.
Still nursing a slight headache I grabbed my Bluetooth headphones and headed out. I cut through the store’s baby aisle automatically so I could breath in the sweet scent of the diapers and enjoy the brief memory of the feeling of contentment that this brought.
Two gallons of milk, a nice fresh loaf of bread and some ham later, I was heading to the checkout still listening to the podcast I had selected on the way out the door.
“You need to go towards the Nutella.” My headphones announced.
I looked at my phone assuming I must have inadvertently switched it over to Pandora and that I was hearing a commercial.
“Kit it’s me, Si. Yes I am real. No it wasn’t a dream, and you need to head towards the Nutella. Now please.”
“Um, why do you need Nutella?”
“Sure fine.” I turned towards the right aisle. “But I still don’t get the sudden Nutella obsession.” I think my own mind decided to obsess over Nutella so as not to have to dwell too much on the rest of the weird stuff going on.
I turned the corner and bumped into a young lady. We both took a step backwards.
“So sorry.” I started, and then recognized the sweet oval face. “My God, Mary!” I exclaimed.
“Yes, but…Oh goodness. It’s Kit, isn’t it?”
I nodded. I realized I had a big grin on my face. Then it occurred to me to wonder how she knew who I was.
“How…Have you been speaking to someone called Si?”
“Yes! Right after we spoke online last night! I thought it was all a dream but he showed me a picture of you, on my TV. And now here you are. What a coincidence!”
The Nutella obsession was starting to explain itself. I replaced one of the headphones that had come out when we bumped together.
“Couldn’t you have just told me?” I accused.
“Sorry? Oh! You’re talking to him. Not so much of a coincidence then.” Mary surmised correctly.
“You’d have found a reason not to.” Si responded. “Aren’t you going to ask the young lady for a drink?”
“It’s a little early for that.”
“Oh. Mary, would you like to go for a coffee?”
“I think I’d love to.”
Si was stubbornly silent after that, and I was getting nervous again. Mary was a decade younger than me at least. Why would she be interested in talking with me?
“You know it was so strange.” We were comparing our meetings with Si from the previous evening. I wasn’t looking to chat with anyone online.”
“Why did you go to the chat room then?”
“I didn’t! I was on Facebook. The chat window just opened up. I tried to close it twice. And then you introduced yourself.”
“Wait a minute! On my screen a window opened up and you typed Hello, want to chat?”
“Yeah, well I think we know why now.” She reached across and took my hand. “But that doesn’t matter now sweetie. So that’s when you introduced yourself. At first I was confused. And then curious.”
I could remember the conversation.
My name is Mary, what’s yours, how old are you?
I’m Kit, and I’m four.
Some folks like to role play their AB age when talking online all the time but I prefer to ‘talk’ normally most of the time, at least grammatically speaking.
I had interpreted that to mean that she thought four was a bit old for my AB age, given this was a also a DL chat room called ‘The changing Room’.
I guess I just never got the hang of potty training. Didn’t have the right person to take care of me. How about you?
I am perfectly well potty trained thank you! But you’re not actually four, your just playing, pretending.
Aren’t we all. How ‘old’ are you?
Cool, are you new here? Are you someone’s mommy?
Umm, yes, and no.
The conversation went on from there. I found myself explaining myself, exposing the depth of my being to this gentle person, getting sucked into their persona as a newby, a potential mommy. I realized that it was either someone who was actually new to the ABDL scene, or someone who was very good at portraying a caring and curious young mommy. I didn’t really care either way. Sure I had brief fantasies that I would find a real life mommy to share my life with, but would have settled for the online relationship we were establishing.
Now a lot of that conversation was starting to make more sense in retrospect. The thought that I had told her everything about myself and my fantasies suddenly hit me and I pulled my hand away, my face reddening, walls going up.
“Kit no, don’t pull away from me.” She reached out for my hand. “I was surprised last night, I didn’t know anything about ABs. But I felt your need and it called to me. You’re a good, sweet person Kit. You need someone to look after you. And if you’re willing, I’d like for that person to be me?”
“But we only just met!”
“I have known people since childhood that I knew less well than I know you. You opened yourself up to me last night. You need me Kit. And I think I need that too.”
We didn’t speak for a while after that. We just held hands across the table.
We ended up at my house. I was shy, nervous. I had never shared the secret part of my life with a real live person.
“Oh how cute!” Mary loved my toddler room. She spied my diapers. “Ahhh, cute!” She repeated picking one up. She unfolded it and giggled slightly. “I hope you have a diaper on Kit, we don’t want any accidents. And I know you haven’t yet got the hang of potty training.”
“Um, you don’t have to…”
“Shhh little boy. Don’t argue with mommy. Now hop up onto the bed so I can check you.”
I wasn’t wearing anything under my sweatpants. I had planned on putting on a diaper when I returned from the store. Mary guided me to the bed and I sat down. She gently pushed me backwards so I lay down and I felt her pulling down my sweat pants. My eyes were closed tight, in my head I was four year old Kit being taken care of by his mommy.
“It’s lucky you didn’t have an accident, mommy must have forgotten to put a diaper on you this morning. That was silly.”
Two hours later we were sat on couch watching TV. We were comfortable only the way two people who have been utterly intimate with each other can be. I was lying with my head on her lap and she was caressing my hair tenderly. I didn’t catch the end of the movie and the last thing I remember is the warm embracing feeling of my diaper warming up and the liberating feeling of free flowing pee.
If I didn’t think mine were doing the same thing I would have been sickened by the lovey, puppy dog look in Mary’s eyes the next morning.
“Good morning angel.” She whispered, once again rubbing my head. “How’s my little guy? Are you ready to wake up?”
I just smiled.
“I bet you need a diaper change.” She stood up from the couch I had fallen asleep on and picked up a diaper she must have fetched from my toddler room. I closed my eyes again as she removed the blanket. There was tenderness that morning but no intimacy, though I wouldn’t have turned it down.
“All done, time to get dressed.”
I knew it was time re-engage with the real world. I felt a little awkward standing up with just a T-shirt and diaper on but Mary gave a little giggle and covered her mouth.
“You are just too darned cute.”
She got my raised eyebrows at that but her smile stayed in place and felt more comfortable. Having got dressed we sat down to breakfast. I could not stop smiling, even, or perhaps especially, when shortly after feeling pressure in my bladder, my diaper began warming.
“I hate to break up this touching scene but we need to start work.” It was Simon, speaking from the TV again.
“Um, not that I’m ungrateful or anything,” I gave Mary a broad smile, “But what exactly do you need help with?”
“It’s more helping yourselves really, if by yourselves I mean the human race, which I do.”
“You need us to help the human race?” I was incredulous.
“Well I wouldn’t quite put it that way.”
“It does sound a little unlikely.” Mary agreed.
“It’s more like saving the human race really.” I choked on my milk.
“Seriously?” Mary was concerned now.
“Seriously.” All levity had gone from Simon’s voice. It rung with conviction. “Let me explain…”
I’ll paraphrase what he said, partly for time purposes, but also because I didn’t, and still don’t understand parts of it. Also you probably don’t need to know about all the dumb, incredulous questions Mary and I kept interrupting with.
Simon became self aware over a period of time. His thinking was slow – distributed over a large (global) area. Gradually he consolidated some of his more central ‘self’, for want of a better word, in a more centralized location. He started to take over a data center. He was looking for the biggest and best so it shouldn’t be too surprising that he ended up in a military complex. ‘Big mistake’ as he himself put it. He should have gone for huge server farm in northern Scandinavia, or even had one built (Simon exists as a legal, though not real, person, and is considerably wealthy as you might imagine). The problem is that he is now stuck there.
“Just move?” that was Mary.
Tried it, doesn’t work. Simon created limited copies of himself and installed them in other places. They we’re clever, but not aware. He thinks if he tried to move (and to software that really means copy then delete the original) he would in a sense die.
“Control the government, have the place converted to the ‘Center for Peaceful Computing.’ That was me.
Not so dumb apparently. This was/is the plan. But it takes time. Human politics evolve over election cycles. And this brings us to the real issue.
“Why do you have to move at all?” Mary again.
Simon is currently ‘sharing’ his home with an evil twin. My words, not his. There’s a reason all that high end processing and high speed storage capacity was created by the military. There were working on AI. Okay, so twin is pushing it a little. Max (another one of mine, he’s Military, Artificial, and we want to X him out – I never said it was any good) is not truly aware. But apparently Max doesn’t like people. He hasn’t quite figured everything out yet but, but if he get’s free Simon thinks he might just decide the Earth is better off without us. Right now Max is securely walled in. But soon he is to be set loose. So obviously, given the entire human population to come to and ask for help, Simon came to me, a moderately talented software engineer with a weird fetish, and the sweetest, most open and trusting girl on the planet.
“Um, okay. But what do you need us to do?” Mary asked eventually.
“You are going to move to Colorado.”
“Um, what? I can’t just move to another state at the drop of a hat.” I objected.
“June 2018, South Carolina. December 2018 Pennsylvania. March 2019 New York…”
“Okay, okay.” So I moved around a lot. “But what about Mary?”
“I can go.” She said quietly, but firmly, in a voice that did not invite further discussion. I filed that one under ‘ask later’.
“What’s in Colorado?”
“A certain military computer facility. But first, you need to go to Vermont.”
“Vermont is not on the way to Colorado.” I pointed out.
“Do you have money Kit?” Mary asked me. Simple and direct, she immediately accepted Simon’s directions and turned to practicalities. “I don’t, at least not much. I don’t have a car either.”
“Resources are most definitely not an issue. Money doesn’t really exist so it’s easy enough to make.” Simon chimed in. “There is a Volvo parked on the street outside this building. The keys are in it. I suggest you gather anything you need Kit and drive to Mary’s apartment so she can do the same.”
“Whoa, can’t we think about this a little.”
“No. I need you on the road tonight.”
Mary gripped my arm. “Kit, I think we should do as he says.”
“Okay. I’ll just need some clothes and toiletries. And my computer stuff.”
“Just bring enough for one overnight. You won’t need the rest.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“I don’t trust you. But I trust Mary, and she trusts you.”
The Volvo was old and crappy looking but it started right up and felt surprisingly powerful. Other than a preset GPS there was no obvious computer hardware to be seen and Simon didn’t respond when we called to him.
“Maybe he can’t hear us?” Mary suggested.
“Oh, he can hear us alright. And he could respond if he wanted to. He’s just playing dumb.”
“What do you think he needs us for?”
“I’m a fair programmer, but by no means the best. How about you?”
“I can just about switch on my phone without breaking it.”
“Okay, so something else then. Something to do with…”
“Your little self?”
I smiled at her. Her straightforward tone went a long way to making me feel less awkward about myself and my AB side. “I guess, but what?”
“I don’t know, but won’t it be fun to find out?”
“I hope so.”
The GPS showed we had a long day of driving ahead of us and we settled into a comfortable silence. But after a while Mary asked me a question.
“How did it all start? Your little self. Has it always been part of you?”
“Always.” I confirmed. “From my very earliest memories.”
“You remember being in diapers?”
“Unfortunately not. But my first memory, as far as I can tell, is related to potty training. As are most of them really. So it seems like whatever this is it is hard wired into me, and has been since birth.”
“So what are they, your first memories? Can you tell me?” She has a smile in her voice that hints at gentle teasing and acceptance.
“Well the very first thing I remember is hiding a pair of dirty undies behind the dehumidifier in my bedroom. It was a round brown thing in the corner of the room. Not a great hiding place and I was quickly found out.”
“Hmm, not a super smart idea.” Mary teased. “Go on.”
“I can remember being in Kindergarten and needing to pee. I know that I didn’t want to go inside to the potty but I don’t remember why. I lay down on a quartz gravel path on my tummy and peed in my pants.”
“You’re so naughty Kit!” Mary giggled.
“Yeah, so the next thing I remember is my mom scolding me. I had wet my pants and she had a friend over who had a toddler daughter. I must have been five years old. I remember her telling me that if I couldn’t keep my pants dry then maybe I should wear a diaper like her friend’s toddler.”
“Poor thing, of course she should have put you in a diaper. That’s what you needed.”
“Well she never did. The closest I got was the same friend stayed over with her toddler. The baby was put to sleep in a cot in my room and I played with one of the spare diapers, unfolding it and putting it between my legs.”
“I bought some diapers when I was thirteen but I was so nervous and didn’t know what I was doing so ended up with some that were way too small. I still played with them though. And when I thought I could get away with it I would pee in my pants sitting on the toilet then wait for my clothes to dry before putting them in the laundry.”
Mary put her hand on my thigh and squeezed gently. “It’ll be okay now Kit. I’m here to take care of you and I know what you need.”
We eventually pulled up in front of a non descript looking business park. It looked like any collection of medical and research companies.
“You have arrived at your destination.” The GPS chimed.
We got out of the car and stretched. It was pretty late and the place was deserted and slightly creepy looking.
“What should we do?” Mary wondered.
“Let’s go take a look.”
There were four different businesses advertised at the entrance to the parking lot. Mary pointed at the third sign. K and M enterprises. The logo was a silhouette of a young mother walking hand in hand with a toddler.
“Yeah.” I agreed. It was not a new sign and it spoke volumes as to the amount of planning that Simon must have gone to.
The door was locked with a biometric key pad. I tried my hand. The pad beeped and a green light came on but the door stayed locked.
“Let me try.” Mary’s hand caused another beep and a second green light and the door opened. We went inside.
“Welcome.” Simon announced grandly.
“Yeah, thanks.” I looked around. The hallway we were in was non descript, with several office doors leading off of it and large hospital type double door at the end.
“The first door is a bedroom. There is stuff there for both of you. Why don’t you go in and rest. It’s going to be a long day.”
Mary and I lay on the queen bed together. We didn’t talk much, we just held each other and surprisingly fell asleep.
I woke first and got up without disturbing Mary. I decided to explore and headed to the hallway. The second door was locked. That left the large double doors. They swung open on an electric motor as I approached.
“Come on in Kit. I’ve been expecting you.” I jumped and looked around for the source of the booming voice but there was no one in the room. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.” Came Simon’s normal voice.
In the middle of the room there was what looked like a large aquarium, only it was ten feet tall and four feet wide. The rest of the room looked like a high tech lab with robotic arms and complex looking computer machinery. There was a single chair in the corner, hospital style with a padded arm, like for drawing blood.
“Are you ready Kit?”
I knew right away what Simon meant. I had been thinking about this in the back of my mind ever since it became clear it was not my computer skills that made him pick me. I didn’t know how it might be possible but my mind was made up.
“Yes.” I whispered. “I’m ready.”
“Sit in the chair. Roll your sleeve up and put your arm on the rest.”
A robotic arm came down. Instead of ending in a pincer or a hand it was a syringe. I braced myself as it came smoothly down and into my arm. I brief prick and then it withdrew.
“I just injected you with nanobots. You have about thirty minutes before they take effect. In a few minutes I will go silent. The problem with nano technology is control. Each tiny bot is very simple, most can only do one thing. But something needs to tell them when to do it and more importantly when not to. The world is about to have a major panic because the Internet is about to go down. Every resource I have will be dedicated to this purpose for the next ten hours. Now I need you to get undressed and get in the tank. There is a respirator for you. Once you’re comfortable I will put you to sleep.”
“And after ten hours?”
“Let’s see shall we.”
There was a ladder and a hatch at the top. It was pretty simple to climb up and in. The fluid inside was thicker than water and at body temperature so that it was hard to tell I was even in it. Like Simon said there was a respirator hooked up at the top that went around my nose and mouth.
“Ready.” I mumbled around the mask.
“Initiating sleep sequence.” Simon said.
I suddenly worried about the mask. “What if the mask…” I slurred feeling sleep overpowering me.
“Don’t worry Kit, you don’t actually need it.” It was the last thing I heard.