I thought I’d give more than a few days to space out Part 1 and Part 2 of the Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl. The series of stories are officially going to be titled The Awkward Teenage Girl so look out for future postings under that title if we continue to more stories.
This chapter is the chapter where you will be filled in on what happened. The second story has been a blast writing so far, new situations, new characters which bring a new light on the story that I think some will like. I plan on posting the first few chapters as soon as I can and then I’ll be slowing it down to about one or two posts a week.
Here’s the awaited Part 2, feel free to drop comments, feedback, and criticism. I look forward to it
If you haven’t read the first story yet, catch up on the story here:
The Awkward Teenage Girl: College Days
Part 2 of the Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl
I thought the story ended too, didn’t you? Not to break the third wall of the story, but, hey, I know someone has to be reading this at some point. I thought my story was done, the most exciting, enticing adventures of my life were gone in a blink of an eye. Within two days, my world was rocked. The boy I fell in love with, gone. I was lost after all the chaos. I was back to square one, still trying to figure out who I was, where I was going. I’m still in the process of finding out who the fuck I am. I can’t really give much to what you’re going to be told and I still can’t give you an introduction to supply your need of who I am. Moderately, I will just be telling you another journey, and you can take whatever you can get from me and make it into your own viewpoint.
I grinned to myself as I drove on the expressway, with my loud music polluting my car. It was a beautiful summer day in the beginning of September, yet I was stuck in my car, still on my way to Arizona State University. I was only a few hours away from arriving at my new school. I had come from Columbus, Indiana and it had been a long trip from one place to the other. I took a plane to Arizona and had my new dark grey Honda Accord Sedan, 2015 edition to be specific, or who I named Sasha, transported a few days before my plane ride so I could drive it the few hours I had left to reach my destination. The car didn’t have many miles on it anyway, and I hadn’t had much of a chance to drive it since I bought it.
Three years ago, I would never have guessed that the amount of money I would have turned over to me when I turned 18 was almost infinite, well not infinite, but a large sum that could buy me a house, a car, my own fucking phone, and a whole lot more. Sure, I couldn’t live a lifetime off of it, but it would help get me by for the next ten or fifteen years.
The end of my summer of 2014, when I turned 18 on September 13th, I had a meeting within a bank to collect my parents checking’s and savings accounts. Little did I know that my dad had bought stock in a fund called Yahoo! the year before I was born; I couldn’t tell you how much, but let’s just say he bought a whole lot of stock from Yahoo!. After my father died, in his will he signed off his stocks to my Aunt Bethany to keep up his stocks in his will. My aunt Bethany ended up selling it as the stock reached it’s all-time high within four or five years of buying into it. My uncle never knew anything about the stock or he would have probably adopted me for financial security by now. Thank god that never happened, and thank god for my Aunt Bethany.
To say the least, my aunt signed me as a beneficiary for the account that she kept but I could not receive it until I turned 18. I was in pure awe when they explained to me all of this. I asked them to repeat what they said three times because I still didn’t comprehend the insanity coming from their mouths. I thought I was on some show or something. I thought that it was a cruel joke. It took a few months to sink in until I found it to be impossibly true. I checked my bank account repeatedly to make sure it was real, because it seemed too ridiculous to ever be right.
I was always very smart with my money, I still am. I didn’t tap into any of it until the summer after I graduated. After my large sum of money was collected in my name, I graduated from Ridgeway Creek, having the fourth highest GPA of my senior class. My ACT and SAT scores were impressive, to say the least. I worked extremely hard for my grades after my sophomore year of high school. Too much happened after that one fateful year and I had turned to my academics to save myself from my issues. It was the only way I could get out of my downward spiral.
Many things changed after my sophomore year of Ridgeway Creek. I never turned to drugs ever again after the paraphernalia scandal at the school. I brought myself to higher standards from the influence of others. However, those other people weren’t even with me in Ridgeway Creek for the following two years. Thinking back now, I remember I began working hard because I knew that that’s what my old boyfriend, Colt Williams, wanted for me. Colt sacrificed his education at Ridgeway Creek for me. I thought I owed him for that; hence why I worked my butt off to get the best grades possible in order to repay that debt.
It’s impossible to think back to when I was only a sophomore in high school. It was so long ago and I felt like I changed so much since the last time I had talked to Steve, Colt, and Sebastian. That whole group was bad business and by splitting us up, I feel like we were all saved somehow. As much as it hurt at the time, things had worked out.
I still sometimes wonder what happened to Colt after the scandal. I had a crippling curiosity to wonder if he still thought of me. I wondered where he was right now even; how he looked, if he had a new girlfriend and if he forgot about me. The way we ended the relationship was quick and painful. It took a long while for me to get over it. I was obviously well over it by now, but it was a type of relationship that was hard to forget. What we did felt so right. I can still remember everything with crisp clarity. It wasn’t a normal relationship we had, that’s for sure. It was embarrassing but refreshing. There was a new experience we shared with each other every day. There was another type of love intertwined between us than just the normal boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. It was an addictive love. Something that I would probably not find again in a lifetime.
Sometimes, I wonder if we would still be together to this day, if he wasn’t expelled. That’s the thought that stings still. It was so long ago that we talked, we could be two different people. People change, and I was scared, to say the least, if I ever met him again. I was scared to what I would find out about a new Colt, one that I used to know so well.
I regret to say that I’ve tried getting into dating again, but all of my attempts have failed miserably. Every guy I have been attracted to has had minor qualities of Colt; his dominance, his physical attributes, his tender side. I’ve had short-lived relationships with guys because I soon realized that none of them were Colt. This ‘thing’, if you could call it, that we shared was too special to imitate in any other relationship. I’ve found it’s a ridiculous feat to even find an ounce of that relationship anywhere else.
Out of all the schools I could choose around the United States, I chose one in Arizona. My first choice of school was definitely Arizona State University. Not to mention that I got offered a full ride scholarship there so it was almost impossible to turn it down. The state I was raised in, Indiana, didn’t feel like home to me. I felt like an alien every time I went back to Indiana for my summer breaks. I couldn’t deny my attraction to Arizona, and maybe it was my experiences at Ridgeway Creek that I couldn’t leave or maybe it was the warmer weather. I actually had friends in Arizona which I had met from Ridgway Creek. Old and new friends I got along with that I could never meet in a thousand years. There was talent within every little corner. There were passionate people here. Heck, there were even guys who liked girls in diaper here. Where else could I find that?
As much as I hate, I mean hate, to admit it, I had a little trace of hope that one day I might cross paths with Colt. That by the slightest chance, Colt would show up. I had many other reasons for moving to Arizona, but in the back of my mind, I knew that I truly wanted to be closer to where Colt lived without going out of my comfort zone of college choices. I honestly didn’t care if he found a new girlfriend, or he was transformed into a person I couldn’t recognize, I just wanted to know that he was alright, that he was happy. I wanted to see how he was doing, it had been so long, and my curiosity has never faded.
About two years ago I tried finding him on Facebook, Twitter, and any other social media site. He was absolutely nowhere to be found. I remember asking Silver if she had Colt’s number and she said he got a new one. There was absolutely no trace of him left behind. I couldn’t even Google him, it was as if he never existed.
You’d think that I had gotten over the relationship by now, and I had, for the most part. Yet, I still felt an overwhelming desire for closeness, for someone to depend on. All that I wanted in a relationship, Colt had. The way our relationship ended was left open. It wasn’t really ‘ended’ because we hated each other. It was left in the dark from other issues falling into play. It was as if we quietly walked away from each other even though the chemistry, the attraction, was always pulling us together whether we could deny it or not.
I don’t know if that goes away after a few years. That the first love of yours just goes ‘poof’ and you forget about it. I guess I will never known if it really does go away, but every plane ride I have ever taken back to Arizona, I have always been anxiously thinking that I might, just might, brush across Colt. After all, anything was possible, right? Luck was like lightning, striking me when I least expected it, maybe it might strike me again?
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts as I drove silently, realizing that the song playing over the radio was what began my clustered thought string about Colt. Oh, Paramore’s Still Into You always hit a string with me. It stung to hear the song be over-abused on the radio because it always brought Colt back into my head, which never helped in the slightest.
I arrived at Arizona State University earlier than I thought I would. Stretches of green grass and sidewalks lined the gigantous campus. Large tan and rust colored buildings with large glass walls were set on the campus. I would for sure get lost on the way to class for my first few days. The buildings were ridiculously huge, with a maze of halls within them. The beautiful, yet terrifyingly large campus was something I had to get used to.
The perk of having a little more money than usual was that I could finally afford a room of my own on campus. Even though I was a freshman, I had first pick for housing as I signed up so early. Also, not to mention that I got into a special dorm for health and nursing majors, which was a perk that made a difference. The building that I’d be living in was renovated about 2 years ago and it was one of the most beautiful, inside and out, on campus.
I was looking for the Hayden House, where I would stay for the year, and most likely for the next 4 years, before I went to the parking garage so I wouldn’t be so lost on this damn school campus. I slowly drove down the street where most of the dorms were, which was a walking distance from the school, as parents and students parked their cars and moved their items into their dorms. There looked to be hundreds of people already moving into the dorms already.
I watched as parents parked outside of the freshman dorm buildings and helped bring in their kid’s furniture and duffel bags. I was happy that I wasn’t living in the freshman dorms because the buildings were the oldest in the area and they were known for having bug issues. At least the Hayden House was full of variety of freshman, sophomore, juniors and seniors. I guess many freshmen didn’t get in, but I was one of the lucky few. Not to mention that the Hayden House was known to host parties every once in a while, which is most likely the reason it’s an upper classmen based house.
A few dorm buildings down I saw the bronze HAYDEN HOUSE sign as I inched passed it. A few guys who looked to have carpooled to school got out of their black Trailblazer and opened the back of it. They all helped haul their mini-fridge and futon into the entrance of the Hayden House. The three story copper and rust colored brick building stood out among the other houses and dorms around. My eyes followed three guys as they hefted their items into the house. I caught a glimpse of the entryway as the door was propped open. I saw the warm light enter into the Hayden House with darker wooden stretches of flooring. There were couches inside what I could see on the far side of the commons area. It looked to be beautiful from just one look.
“If I’m right, parking should be right over here.” I said to myself quietly as I my eyes caught the welcome center sign right before I found the parking garage entrance which was located in the center of the school grounds, being that part of the school was connected to the parking garage.
I pulled into a parking garage, slowly inching forward as others got out of their cars and kept walking in front of mine. The parking garage was large, with about 5 or 6 levels of parking. I finally found a spot at the fourth level for visitors; I wondered what level I’d be on when I got my parking permit. The parking garage was probably not as packed as it would be in a day. After all, I was probably earlier than most students.
After receiving my parking permit I found that my parking spot was thankfully on the third level. I received a map of the campus and welcome papers about clubs and other activities. I got back into my car and headed back to the Hayden House to move in.
I slammed the door of my car and popped open my trunk. I began throwing duffel bags over my back as I heard someone behind me, “Need help with that?” I turned around to find a tall guy, with wavy blonde hair and blue eyes walk up to me with a friendly smile. He outstretched his hand to one of my duffel bags. He was muscular, with a no sleeve white t-shirt and Kaki shorts on, I’d guess a junior or senior, and he seemed a little bit like your average jock, but, hey, if he wanted to help, I don’t see why I should struggle.
It took a moment until I realized that I should respond, “Oh, yeah, thanks.” I gave him one of my duffel bags and he seemed to decide that he could carry more. He went into the trunk of my car and took the mini-fridge I had with my purple duffel bag strung over one of his arms.
“I’m Cody, by the way, nice to meet you.” He gave a quick smile as I could see he was trying to drop the mini-fridge as we walked down the cement path leading to the house.
I gave a grin back, “Hi, I’m Jasper, nice to meet you, too.”
“You a freshmen or sophomore? I don’t believe we’ve met.” He said as he looked at me with his crystal blue gaze.
“I’m a freshman. How about yourself?” I asked as I looked at the piece of paper that said my room number, trying to figure out where the hell I was going.
“I’m a junior. 3 years strong.” He smiled again with a small laugh. I gave a friendly laugh in return. He was quite charismatic the way he talked; he just was a friendly type of guy, “What room are we going to by the way? This duffel bag is the heaviest thing I have ever carried and I don’t want to lose my arm in the next few minutes. What do you have in here, hundreds of books shoved into one bag or something?” He said with a hint of exaggeration.
I laughed in response, “Room 208. I think it’s on the second floor.” As we walked into the commons, I saw the walls were painted mocha brown with patterned rugs over the floors. There were different rooms among the commons. The ones I could see had couches and even televisions. I looked down the long hallway and caught a glimpse of a pool table. The Hayden House was suprisingly loud, with people laughing in the rooms and voices around every corner.
“Yeah, it’s on the second floor. I know where it is actually. Here, I’ll lead the way.” Cody went in front of me as he went up the steps. We moved to the right of the staircase as others walked down.
I rummaged in my satchel, looking for my room key. My hand found the key tip. Cody led up straight down the hallway as we made it up the staircase. There were dorm rooms wide open as we walked past them with others talking to their friends inside. There was a huge window at the end of the hallway that let light illuminate the big hallway. There was an intersection of multiple hallways halfway down the main hallway that we passed. Cody made a right at the end of the main hallway and I followed.
“Here it is, 208.” He stopped quarter of the way down the hallway at my room’s door.
I got my key and shoved it into the door knob. The door opened and I walked in and threw my bags on my new bed. The room smelled fresh, like clean cotton. I looked around as the bright light from my window invaded the room. There was a single bed, stripped of any personality, sitting at the far right of the room, a wooden desk to the left of the room in one corner and a dresser placed a few feet away from it. There was a dark wood accent to the dresser, desk and bed frame that fell into place with the shiny mahogany floor. I could definitely get used to this nice room. Cody brought the mini-fridge in and crouched down, setting the mini-fridge in between the dresser and the desk.
All the walls in the bathroom and my room were a plain white. I walked towards the tiny bathroom to the left of the room’s entrance. I remembered when I was choosing my room; it was either your own bathroom or air conditioning. I jumped on getting my own bathroom because I wasn’t a fan of using community restrooms. I nodded, liking the small bathroom that was furnished with one dark wood sink counter with a cabinet attached, a walk-in shower and a porcelain toilet. The mahogany floor followed into the bathroom. It was literally one of the smallest bathrooms I had ever seen, but I couldn’t complain, it was my own.
“You don’t like sharing?” Cody asked as he looked over to me.
I took a moment to answer, a bit thrown off by the question, “Well, I, uh, never really had a room of my own before. I thought it’d be good for a change of pace.” I said as I crossed my arms awkwardly.
“Really? What, did you always have to share a room with your sister or something?” Cody was confused.
I didn’t want to tell anyone my life story in one day, so I nodded, “Yeah, something like that.” I smiled, I was pretty good at being vague. No one ever questioned it really, well, besides Colt, but that was long time ago.
“So where are you from?” Cody asked as we went down the main staircase back to my car.
“Columbus, Indiana. You?” I asked politely. I wasn’t much of a fan of talking about myself anymore, but to be courteous and somehow meet new friends, I guess I had to make some sacrifices.
“Woah, that’s far away. Well, I’m from Glendale, only about an hour away from here.” I nodded as I got some blankets and my comforter out of my car.
“I can get the rest, I think.” I said as I met his crystal blue eyes.
He flashed a smile, “Are you sure? You look like you’re struggling still.”
I laughed, “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”
He took my blankets from my hands, “You are one of the tiniest things I have ever seen. You’re going to fall with all of that. I’ll take these.”
I blushed as I grabbed my last bag from my car and my bottle of water, “Well, fine, I guess.”
“I think I have everything now. Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it.” I said as we placed the rest of my stuff on my bed once we were back upstairs.
“Hey, actually, let me give you my number. If you need anything else, or if you want a tour of the campus, feel free to text me, alright?” He said with a charming smile, his eyes awaiting my response.
I nodded as I took out my phone, “Okay, what’s your number?” I texted him a ‘hey’ just so he had mine too.
“Well, I’ll see you around. It was nice meeting you, Jasper.” I nodded with a smile in response. I think he was flirting with me, which was a ridiculous thing because it was only the first day of school. I wasn’t really into him, yet I hadn’t really talked with him much so far, but he was nice at the least. He was handsome, just not my type of handsome.
I went to the bathroom before I had to take my car back to the parking garage. I looked in the mirror. I wondered why I was attracting weird attention in the past year. I was awkward as shit after all. I don’t know what guy was attracted to someone with little confidence. I could always tell when guys were flirting or checking me out. I was pretty good at figuring out what guys wanted at this point, but it always surprised me when more than a few guys began talking to me. It was happening more often than usual and I was gaining unwanted attention. I guess it was flattering and all, but I wanted a relationship, not just a fling.
I looked at my face, studying it carefully; it was naturally contoured, what others would call ‘heart-shaped’, with an indent in the middle of my chin when I smiled, and high cheekbones. My nose was small, straight, with a little bump, barely visible, in the middle. I poked at my skin, it had cleared up within the past few years. I found I was one of the lucky ones being that my acne went away and my cheekbones became more apparent within the last three years. My eyebrows were dark, and a bit more full which framed my face. My bottom lip had a natural pout to it and people always asked if I were wearing lip gloss or lipstick because my lips were always a lighter pink color.
My face had lost some fat but it wasn’t like it looked like I was starving or anything. My skin wasn’t pale anymore, I had actually been outdoors more often than usual, with the sun touching my skin and turning it into a healthier tone. I looked, well, healthy and there was color to my face for once. I didn’t really dab much into makeup until this year. I began putting some eyeliner and mascara on but I could still pull off the no-makeup look when I felt lazy. The contrast of my green eyes to my tanned skin made my eyes look brighter than usual. My natural brown, with flecks of gold, hair was always messily falling in waves down my back. I tucked my long strands of hair behind my ears. My hair was always bothersome, falling out of place whenever the wind touched it.
An hour later, I texted Cody, asking where the cafeteria was. I could have found it on my own, but it was time for me to find some new friends, even if it were with Cody. Cody texted back, telling me to meet him in the common in the blue room. I walked down the stairs, brushing by some people talking about a professor, and walked through the first hallway that led from the entrance. I was scanning the rooms as I passed them, until I found a light blue room that Cody and a few other people were in. I waved to him as I entered.
“Hey, Jasper.” He waved to me as he interrupted whatever the group was talking about. There were two other guys and two girls within the small group. They all looked at me for a moment as Cody introduced me, “Guys, this is Jasper.” He motioned to me as he said my name, “Jasper these are my friends. Valerie, Aaron, Paul, and Gerald.” I awkwardly waved to them with the best smile I could give. I felt like I was in an interview and these were the first impressions. They were all, for sure, not freshmen. I’d guess at the youngest they’d be sophomores. On first glance, the two girls seemed like they had a wall drawn up as I entered the room, but after I was introduced, they both opened up. The girl named Aaron, she had light blonde hair and incredibly light blue eyes. She was a skinny girl with an athletic build and tanned skin. The other girl, Valerie, had dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and was also skinnier but much taller than me and Aaron. Paul had square framed glasses and short hair. He had a hipster-like feel to him as he stood them in skinny Kakis and a flannel on. Gerald was an interesting character. He had messy short cropped hair. He had hazel eyes with a darker skin tone; I wanted to say he was a mix of Mexican and Caucasian blood, which made his eyes pop out. He had a more punk-like attitude about him the way he stood there in dark blue jeans and a band t-shirt with his more athletic build.
By looking at his friends, I guess my first impression of Cody was wrong. He didn’t seem like your average jock at all. Maybe I was being way too judgmental. I sat by them for lunch in the main dining hall at the North Wing of the campus. There were a few dining halls within the campus but the closest one to us was the North Wing one. The dining hall had glass panels as the walls of the room which let a beautiful string of light linger into the room. They had lights on, but the dining hall was already illuminated by the sun. Right outside of the dining hall you could see that green grass mapped out the whole campus with luscious trees that lined the sidewalks. I could definitely get used to the incredible sights around here.
When I got back to my dorm room after lunch, I got to unpacking my bags and setting everything down. I kept my door open as I got settled just in case Cody or someone I sat with at lunch walked by. I was planning on trying to get to know as much people as I could in one day to get comfortable here as soon as I could. It was hard going out of my comfort zone but it’s not like Indiana was that comfortable anyways. I made my bed, with a light purple blanket on top and three fluffy pillows lying on top. I stuffed my clothes in my dresser as I tucked a few stray strands of hair behind my ear. I sighed, cradling my arms, thinking of what else to do after I was done packing.
I heard a voice outside of my door as I stood there. It caught me off guard as my breathing stopped. I concentrated on the familiar voice as I inched towards my door frame.
“Me and Sarah were probably just going to go to the store in a few hours here. If you’re bored tonight, you could always tag along.” No, no that couldn’t be. I had to be hallucinating. Two things hit me in one moment: was it who I thought it was? And, if so, who was Sarah?
“Eh, I’m bored but I’m not bored enough to go to the grocery store with you two.” I heard someone else respond. You two. Please don’t tell me he found someone else.
I heard a chuckle that made my insides warm from the familiar sound. I gasped lightly. His voice was so close. Could it really be him?
“We’re not just going to the grocery store but, alright, fine, have it your way. I hope you have fun doing nothing tonight.” I was positive at this point. His voice was becoming closer. Almost right in front of my door. I backed up quietly, slowly, considering closing my door so he didn’t see me, not yet, I wasn’t ready.
“Whatever man. But, hey, you better be at that party tomorrow night!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He said with a laugh. I gasped when I saw him as I lost my balance while I was walking backwards.
I fell down, sprawling on the ground with a quiet yelp. My mouth was gaping as I met his eyes.
Colt’s eyes studied me, “Are you alright-” His head cocked to the side as his eyes flashed in recognition, “Jasper?”