Malory didn’t know what to do anymore. She was loosing her friend, and she had no idea what to do. It was his eyes. Within his hazel eyes she saw the dam holding back all that pain, however, unbeknownst to the owner, that dam had broken long ago and that pain was spilling froward, attempting to drown its host.
“How was work?” Malory knew full well that Levi’s work day had been shit, even before she had asked, but the words were out of her mouth before she could help it. COVID conditions had caused most of Levi’s co-workers to leave, and as he was one of the most senior staff. Levi’s higher ups kept putting more an more responsibility on him, and the cracks were beginning to show.
“Three call outs,” he said dully, as he slumped into the couch beside her, still wearing his work clothes. “How was your day? Did your presentation land with your boss?”
In reality, her day had been fantastic. The presentation in question had been been the culmination of months of work, and her boss had loved it so much, he had given Malory and pretty sizable raise. However, she knew this information would be salt in the wound. Levi had been shouldering most of the slack at work, but his bosses kept passing over him when it came to handing out promotions. Malory had the sneaking suspicion they didn’t want to promote him because he was so useful where he was at, that promoting him would leave a difficult gap for them to fill. So instead, Levi’s bosses continued to tell him what a good worker he was and how valuable he was to the company, while at the same time giving him nothing to show for pouring his lifeblood into the company.
“It went okay,” she said, deciding in that moment to keep her success to herself and focus on trying to cheer him up. “Good news though. We both have tomorrow off. Maybe we can go adventure somewhere fun.” When he didn’t respond, she jabbed her fingers into his side and began to tickle him. “Come on grumpy butt, let’s not focus on work.” He struggled to push her off as he giggled against his will. Eventually he had her subdued with his arms, but Malory was soon free, as the shock her her licking his face had caused Levi to loosen his grip on her.
No longer laughing, Levi returned to his sullen state. “I guess we could, I don’t really have any plans.” To be fair, he rarely had plans anymore…
Levi was alone. All he wanted was someone to share his life with; a person for him to love and that would love him in return. The dating world didn’t make since to him anymore though. At 29, it seemed like the dating market had all but dried up, and all that was left were the numerous dating apps that only seemed to benefit women and the few men that were sly enough to convince said women they were worth chatting with. Even before COVID restrictions drove everyone inside, no one hung out in public anymore. There was nowhere that Levi could go to meet anyone new. Levi’s parents kept telling him that he would meet the right girl eventually, but they didn’t seem to understand that he couldn’t meet “the right girl” if he couldn’t meet anyone at all. To him, he had passed the age of relevancy 6 years ago, and along with that relevancy, his dating prospects had dried up as well
“I guess we could…” The words left his mouth but he didn’t really know what he was saying. He wanted to cry. He didn’t want to have to be the strong one anymore. …”I don’t really have any plans.” Levi didn’t want any plans, didn’t want to think or make decisions. He didn’t want to go on anymore; keep telling people that he was okay when he was long past his breaking point. Levi knew what would make his life better, but life didn’t want to oblige and give him what he sought. Levi knew Malory meant well, but he honestly he didn’t have it in him to pretend to be human for her right now. “I’m going to to take a shower…”
“I’m going to go take a shower.” Before Malory could say anything, Levi had vacated the couch and disappeared into the bathroom. She sighed and wiped the lone tear from her eye.
The two had been friends for years and Malory wished she could give Levi what he wanted, but the romantic connection wasn’t there. They had tried dating in the past, but they had both agreed they were better as friends. However, over the years the relationship had become deeper to the point where they were more like family than anything else. So, when the time came that Levi had needed a roommate, Malory had been the first and only option. Malory knew everything about Levi, and she would bet a year’s rent that he knew everything about her as well.
Malory looked at the single tear on her finger and contemplated her options. Levi needed her, but her going to pieces in the face of the fathomless black hole of his depression, wouldn’t do him any good. He needed a strong rock to hold on to; something to tie him to the shore so he didn’t drift off into the aether. The idea hit her and she was moving before her thoughts had completely formed. She felt the steam coming from the shower as she passed the bathroom door, passed her own bedroom door, and proceeded to push through into his empty room.
Part of her told Malory this was a bad idea, but she ignored this inner voice. The gambit was worth the risk. Levi needed something or he was going to drown in his own sorrow without ever reaching out a hand. Malory pushed back his closet door and opened the lone bin that resided there. She was instantly greeted by the smell of baby powder and she quickly delved inside, looking for a particular prize.
“I am an ABDL.” Malory stared at him blankly, clearly having no idea what he was talking about. He sighed and continued with the words he now new he had to. “It means I like to wear diapers and act like a baby.”
The memory was still fresh in her mind. It had taken everything inside of him to reveal this secret about himself. Malory knew, in that instant, that telling her this had been a cry for help that had gone unanswered all his life. She had been understanding and had asked a lot of questions. Even though Malory occasionally caught a whiff of urine and baby powder, Levi never broached the subject again and Malory, knowing it was not her place, never mentioned it either. Levi’s fetish didn’t make her think any differently about him, but at the same time, she didn’t think it was her place to go into that world with him; that was until now.
It was clear as day. In his life he had to be the strong one; everyone depended on him, and he was not allowed to show weakness or vulnerability. She shifted aside some pink diapers, adorned with patterns of unicorns, in search of something she knew had to be there. Malory don’t feel totally comfortable with diapering her friend, but she was going to do her part, as she saw it. Finding what she was looking for, she closed the bin and then the closet.
Five minutes in, Levi had given up on washing himself, and he now sat beneath the falling water, wishing he had decided on a bath instead. When the water began to cool, Levi took that as the queue to get up and shut the water off. After drying himself, he wrapped the towel around his waist and pushed out of the bathroom. Glancing over he saw that Malory was still sitting there on the couch, now watching something or other. Without a word, Levi entered his room, shut his door, let his towel drop to the floor, and fell, still naked, onto his bed face first.
Malory sat there, object in hand, as she waited for Levi to exit his room, but he didn’t. She had been worried about this. Levi had been going to bed earlier and earlier, and she was sure that he had no intent on exiting his room now.
“Well, that’s too damn bad,” she said, standing up and walking over this his closed door. “Get out here you lazy bum! You are going to at least watch one show with me before going to bed at…” she looked up at the clock and sighed, “9 o clock. You have five minutes to get out here or I’m going to poor cold water all over you.” Walking back to the couch, she hoped he wasn’t too far gone to rise to her threat. Her fears were put to rest when his door opened and Levi exited, wearing pjs and a t-shirt.
“You are very needy,” he said, sitting down next to her. There was a slight grin on his face, but she didn’t fail to noticed none of that grin touched his eyes.
“Yes I am very needy, thank you very much. Now,” she patted her lap, “ your needy friend needs you to lay down in her lap and ask no questions.”
“Why do you…”
Malory put her finger to his lips, effectively shushing him. “No questions,” she said again, more sharply this time. “Head down.” Cautiously he obeyed and she then rested a hand on his head and began stroking his head. “I don’t want anymore words from you tonight. You had had a hard week and I want you to just relax and let this happen.”
“Let…” he began, but at this sight of her flared nostrils, and wide eyes, Levi went silent and nodded.
“Now close your eyes and open your mouth.”
Levi wanted to question her again, but he knew when she got like this, arguing was pointless. So,he just did what he was told; closing his eyes and opening his mouth. The silicone nipple entered his mouth and he was sucking out warm milk before he could even process what was happening. Instantly he open his hazel eyes and was greeted by Malory’s sunset ones. In those eyes he saw love, pure love… and he started to cry.
When the crying began Malory started humming a tune from her childhood. She felt Levi’s muscles un-tense and she smiled. Mission accomplished. Malory continued to hum and stroke Levi’s head, and Levi’s tears eventually stopped. Though-out the whole ordeal, Malory could feel his continuous nursing as more and more of the warm milk disappeared. His eyes had closed long ago, and it seemed to Malory his nursing was becoming slower and less consistent. Is he… Malory removed the, now, empty bottle from his lips but his mouth continued to suckle at empty space. Malory almost teared back up right there, but she resisted the urge and slowly, but carefully shimmied out from under Levi’s head.
Ashlie looked down at him and smiled. “Who’s mommy’s little baby?” Levi wanted to respond but the nipple in his mouth caused it to come out as a mumble. “That’s right you were.” Levi snuggled in closer but the warmth was no longer there. “I was there for you like no one will ever be again.” His vision turned red and he could no longer move his limbs. “Do you still trust me?” A fist came out of nowhere and the red world turned pitch black. He couldn’t see the fist but he could feel it falling on his head over and over again. “I never loved you, and why would I, you freak?” Levi whimpered but his body was locked in place. The world was shrinking more with every echo of the word. “Freak,” his legs started to cramp up, “freak,” his head was pounding, “freak,” the tears had returned.
“Freak!” Malory dropped the pacifier she had been holding. The blue and green pacifier, adorned with an elephant, bounced as it hit the ground. The shout couldn’t have belonged to anyone else. It was only her and Levi in the house. Malory quickly picked up the pacifier, pocketed it, and rushed back into the living room. The sight made her want to die. Levi was pulled into the fetal position and rocking back and forth. Tears and snot streamed onto his shirt as the single word continued to tumble from his mouth.
“Freak, freak, freak….” There was no change as Malory entered his peripheral vision, and she had the sneaking suspicion he wasn’t aware she was even there. She resisted the urge to start crying herself and she hurriedly wrapped her arms around the shaking man. There was a sudden intake of breath and Levi’s eyes went wide.
The light of the tv was blinding as the world popped back into place around him. Levi didn’t know where he was and the arms around him didn’t feel like hers. The next second Levi knew where he was and the shame nearly drowned him.
“I’m sorry.” Despite wanting to melt into the couch cushions, he instead sunk into Malory’s embrace. “I’m sorry…” He wanted to say more but something was pushed into his open mouth, and he began sucking without even thinking.
Malory was the one that wanted to apologize. She had triggered this by trying to go into a world she didn’t understand. She wanted to apologize for doing what she did, but she knew what that would do. Resisting her instincts, she began speaking.
“Don’t. I know what you are going to say, and just don’t. Wait right here,” she stood up and headed toward the bathroom. Before she reached the bathroom, she turned around and added, “leave your pacifier in.” When she came back, she begin to wipe down his face with a warm washcloth. Levi whimpered and tried to pull away, but all this did was cause Malory to grab his head with her other hand. As he could no longer pull away, Levi’s face was soon snot free , and Malory was satisfied
“Now,” Malory looked into Levi’s eyes and put a finger on his pacifier to be sure he knew to keep it in, “you are not a freak.” She could tell he wanted to say something but thankfully the pacifier was doing it’s job. “I did this because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.” This was partially a lie, but that information would do nothing but harm Levi’s fragile state right now. “You need to learn to relax.” She kissed him on the cheek then stood and pulled him to his feet. “I was going to let you sleep here but I think you had better sleep with me tonight.” Once again she was grateful for the pacifier. It wasn’t until she was opening her bedroom door that she realized how her words may have been misinterpreted. Malory looked back and saw Levi was still standing in the same position, right next to the couch. “I didn’t mean like that,” she said rolling her eyes.
Exasperated, she walked back to the couch, grabbed Levi’s hand, and pulled him into her room. The room in question looked like a holistic medicine shop: numerous crystals hung from the ceasing, half burnt incense sticks littered her bedside table, replicas of the sky’s constellations danced across her ceiling.
She took him by the shoulders and made him face her. “I want to look after you tonight okay? Will you let me do that?” His eyes stared back into hers, and after a moment of silence, he ever so slightly, nodded his head. Malory responded by pulling him into a hug.
“I’m just wrapping my head around making you my baby.”
Levi couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you sure you really mean that?”
She giggled, “it sounds like someone really likes that idea.” She picked up one of the diapers and examined it. “I think your bottom belongs in this.”
- “You’re jealous of a two year old? What the fuck is wrong with you?”*
*She was right. What was wrong with him? *
“Stop acting like a baby.”
His eyes shot open but the world was covered in a fuzzy filter. It took him a minute to realize he was crying again and he pushed the liquid out of his eyes. It was then that he saw the arms wrapped around him, and he felt the warmth of Malory laying behind him. The pacifier had fallen out of him mouth and a pool of drool had formed beneath his head. Blushing, he picked up the pacifier and put it on the bedside table before closing his eyes and drifting back off to sleep.
“You are going to make a great mother.”
She knew it was true. How couldn’t it not be? That’s what they taught in church and if she had faith, she knew she could be a mother and nothing else. Nothing else… nothing…
The morning sun peeked though the blinds and she stretched, or she would have if something wasn’t laying on her right arm. Malory looked down and saw Levi playing little spoon to her big spoon. She smiled rubbed his back, causing him to shift and open his eyes as well.
“Good morning,” she said yawning. It was then that she noticed the pacifier, not in his mouth, but sitting on the bedside table. Had she pushed things too far with that one?
“Morning Malory,” he said with a yawn to match.
The two lay in bed for the next half hour, not saying much, but Levi finally took it on himself to get up and jump in the shower. Malory knew he couldn’t start the day without a shower and she took it upon herself to make breakfast. However, before she left her room, she did not fail to notice that Levi had left his pacifier in her room. Malory almost left it there, but thought better of it, at the last minute, and pocketed it.