It was probably the hardest thing I had ever done, and quite possibly the stupidest. You wouldn’t have thought it, really. I mean, she was my sister, after all - I should be able to trust her, right?
Yeah, I know, it -was- pretty dumb of me to assume that. Like I just said, she -is- my sister, after all. Maybe there are some things I trust her with, but nothing like this. At least, I shouldn’t have. But noooo, I just had to go and involve her in my little scheme, tell her things that nobody who talked to my mother every day should know.
I sit down on my bed, heart still pounding from sheer terror, a tentative smile forming on my face, through all the fear. Emily was a nice person, even for an older sister. As far as I knew, she had never told mom about the website she had caught me on, that story board about people who wore diapers. She hadn’t really said much to me about it either, and I was fine with that; I wasn’t about to offer to talk to her about it either.
Until now, of course.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to involve her in the plan after all. I mean, sure, the fact that she has her driver’s license is useful, since there’s no place within walking distance that sold diapers, and she’s a fairly good liar, so I’m sure she would have more of a chance of coming up with a reasonable excuse for buying something like that. But she also thinks that the three and a half year difference in our age means that she’s my babysitter or something, and she should tell mom everything I do, so I don’t do anything “dangerous” and hurt myself. It can get really annoying, trust me. I mean, come on, it was only one little cigarette… Mom didn’t need to know about that! And I most certainly didn’t need to be grounded for two months for it, just because Emily is nosy, and can’t keep her big mouth shut. No wonder she doesn’t have a boyfriend.
Then again, I don’t have a boyfriend either, and I -don’t- have a big mouth. So maybe it runs in the family. Or maybe it’s because there isn’t really anyone at school that’s interested in me. I usually just get ignored by guys… I asked one of them about it once, one of the ones that is actually nice, and he said it was because most of the other boys have little sisters my age, and so it’s weird for them to think about dating me.
Yeah, right. They just don’t want to date anybody without big boobs. Jerks. God, I hate high school. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn’t started it a year and a half early. And if I actually looked at least thirteen, like I’m supposed to, or maybe a little older. But the way things are now, I’m really starting to doubt that I’m going to get a date with anybody before I graduate. Especially with Emily “looking out” for me all the time. I bet a bunch of guys have wanted to go out with me already, but she scared them off, so that I wouldn’t get a boyfriend before she did.
She wouldn’t tell mom about this, though, would she? This is something completely different from smoking. Cigarettes are one thing, and diapers are something else entirely. If I really think about it, I might be able to come up with some excuse for why I wanted to have them - maybe I started wetting the bed, and I didn’t want to trouble her with laundry, so I just washed my sheets myself, and now I’m getting tired of it. She’d probably fall for that.
The sound of a door opening comes from my computer speakers, and I get up, my heart having calmed down by now anyway. It turned out to just be some girl from school that I talked to about twice a year, and had on my buddy list just so I could block her and keep her from knowing if I was online or not, but I decided to check the board anyway, to see if there were any new chapters of anything good yet.
There was only one new message, and it didn’t look especially story-ish. I’m a curious little bugger, though, so I opened it anyway, followed the link inside, and added a whole new layer to my scheme. The Internet is such a wonderful thing…
Tuesday, May 20
“You’re a strange little freak, Kelly, dear,” Emily says, giving me a strange look. “You don’t actually think that hypnosis stuff is going to work on you, do you?” She smiled, shaking her head and reaching out her hand to ruffle my hair. I ducked out of the way, glaring daggers. I hate it when people touch my hair, and she damn well knows it.
“It’s worth a try…” I reply lamely, shrugging. “It’s not like it can hurt…”
“What if you can’t turn it off? I think -that- might be a problem, unless you really want to be wetting your pants at school, too.”
“If it doesn’t work at all, why should I care if I can turn it off?” I ask, sticking my tongue out. She rolls her eyes. She’s somewhat of an expert eye roller, my big sister. She has a whole arsenal of them, and they all mean different things. This one roughly meant “Little kids can be so annoying.” She has this bad tendency to think of me as a little kid still. I don’t suppose this diapers thing is helping her think of me as the grown up that I am very much.
“Hey, whatever you want, munchkin.” She scoots the chair away from the computer. “Show me the site, and I’ll see what I can do.” I smile gratefully at her, and type in the address, show her the triggered bladder-incontinence file that I want. She nods, clicks on the link to start downloading, then starts glaring at me for no reason, the weirdo. I look back at her for a few seconds, until she rolls her eyes again (this time she’s saying “You are so dense sometimes, Kelly”). “Don’t you have anything better to do than stand there and look at me?”
“Nope!” I exclaim gleefully, happy in my knowledge that my doing so will piss her off greatly. It’s one of the rare joys of my sad little life to give my sister reasons to yell at me. Sadly, this time she just points at her door. “Fine, fine, I can take a hint,” I say as I head back to my own room. I really -do- have better things to do, but not funner. Thirty pages of history about World War II is certainly not my idea of a good time.
I glance up at my clock as I set the book down on my desk, caring just as little, maybe even less, now about that stupid war as when I had started reading. I stretch and yawn, wondering if maybe I could have gotten my reading done a little quicker if I hadn’t fallen asleep in the middle of it, then decide that I don’t really care. I hate my history teacher anyway, and he hates me. He doesn’t call on me, or expect me to know the answers to anything, though, so at least he’s better than some of my other teachers, the ones that think that just because I skipped a couple of grades I’m actually smart, and so I should know the answers to all their questions. Those teachers don’t like me much now, either, come to think of it.
A twinge in my stomach beckons me to head to the kitchen and see if dinner is ready, but as I get out of my chair, I notice a CD case on the floor in front of my door. She had done it! I grab the CD, stick it in the CD drive of my computer, slip the headphones on over my ears, and let the CD slowly lure me into a trance, snapping out of it almost half an hour later, eager for the chance to see if this hypnosis stuff really works or not. I can’t wait till I get the diapers so I can test it out…
“Kelly!” Mom yells, just as my stomach growls, and I remember that it was dinner time about fifteen minutes ago. I hurry to the dining room, almost bouncing with happiness. This weekend was going to be awesome!
Thursday, May 22
“Kelly, come -on-,” Emily insists as she grabs my arm, pulling me into the store with her. “These are your stupid diapers, this is your stupid plan, so you’re coming in here with me!”
I resist, not really wanting to be seen anywhere near the diaper aisle, or whichever aisle it is that they keep diapers on if there isn’t a whole aisle for them. I really doubt anyone I know would be in this store, but just the thought that they could be is enough to make me want to stay far away from it.
Unfortunately, my sister outweighs me by at least 100 pounds, and is probably a foot or so taller than me, so trying to keep her from doing -anything- is not exactly a likely scenario. Okay, maybe she isn’t quite that much bigger than me, but it’s close enough, you know?
I give in, not wanting her to pull my arm out of its socket, and sullenly walk into the store, keeping my eyes firmly on the floor in front of my feet. If there’s anybody I know here, I’d just as soon not know about it. I can’t see them, so they can’t see me - that sort of thing. Yeah, not logical to anyone older than five or so, but I’m buying diapers for God’s sake, I have the right to act, and think, a little childishly.
The floor is actually a much more interesting place than you would think. There are all these patterns in the tiles, and then the tiles all make a pattern, and… Yeah, okay, I’m lying again. It’s not interesting at all, so I look up, glance around nervously, as if now that I’m seeing who’s around, everybody I know from school is going to pop up and ask me what I’m doing here. It didn’t happen. In fact, the entire store looks deserted, as far as I can tell. There’s a bored looking cashier standing at the front of the store, reading some fashion magazine, or at least one that has a picture of some pretty, thin girl in a nice dress, but other than that, me and Emily are the only ones here.
Emily still has her hand around mine, squeezing like she’s trying to crush it or something. Probably afraid that I’m going to try to run off or something. I might have, too, if there had been anyone here. But now, I don’t really care. “C’mon!” I exclaim loudly, earning a glance from the girl with the magazine, before she looks back down. I pull Emily’s hand, like I’m trying to drag her through the store.
I bet Emily’s rolling her eyes, but I’m not looking at her. I’m looking ahead now, searching the shelves for the prize, what I came in here for. We’re almost at the very back of the store by the time I spot them. With a new burst of energy, I tug on Emily’s arm another time, and she finally lets go, so I skip over to the diapers, start looking at them.
Someone from the board told me that size six Pampers should fit me pretty well, so I grab the first package of them I see, hold them out to Emily, who’s just now coming up behind me. “How 'bout these?” I ask in my best “innocent lil girl” voice.
Emily shrugs. “I’m not going to be wearing them.”
I stick my tongue out at her, she rolls her eyes (“You are -so- immature, Kelly”). I hug the package of Pampers to my chest, look around the aisle a little longer, then start skipping again, snatching up a bottle of baby powder, baby oil, and some baby wipes, closely followed by my completely not-amused big sister.
“Are you finished yet?”
I turn, consider sticking my tongue out again, just nod instead.
“You got enough money for that?”
I nod again, head for the cash register. The girl there doesn’t notice me, probably since I’m not making nearly as much noise as I had been when I -had- gotten her attention the first time. I dump all my stuff on the counter, look down so that she doesn’t see me giggling at her when she jumps a little in surprise.
She takes a good look at the stuff I’m buying as she scans it, stuffing it into bags, and then at me. I could see questions welling up behind her eyes, but she made herself not ask them. Too bad. This is probably the only time I’ll ever be in the right mood to actually honestly answer any question she might ask me.
I give her the money, she gives me the bags; ah, commerce.
I start to head for the door, only to hear Emily calling for me to wait. I do, swinging my bags back and forth boredly, letting them bump against my legs and bounce back off. Maybe I should have gotten a paper bag, in case there’s somebody I know coming into the store as I go out… I hear the cashier’s voice, and Emily’s, but I don’t really listen.
“All right, let’s go,” Emily says as she comes up behind me, putting her arm around my shoulder. I try to shrug it off, but do a crappy job of it.
“Did I go too fast for you, old woman?” I ask, giggling. She really hates it when I call her old, which is why I do it. That, and I just don’t understand why she dislikes it so much. I mean, she treats me like a little kid, why can’t I treat her like an old lady?
I expect a swat to the back of my head, or maybe some kind of verbal assault. Instead, I see her reach into her coat pocket, pull something out, and then shove it into my mouth. A pacifier. I reach up with the hand that has the bad with the powder, oil, and wipes in it, pull it out, glare at Emily. “Very funny.”
Emily’s sure getting a kick out of it, anyway. Weirdo.
Friday, May 23
“Be good, and listen to your sister,” Mom says, hugging me so tightly that I’m starting to wonder if she’s secretly trying to kill me. She lets go, turns to Emily without waiting for me to come up with some witty retort that I should have had ready anyway, since that’s what she always tells me, every single time she has to go on one of these business trips.
“Don’t be too hard on her,” Mom commands Emily, not that she’s listening. “Let her stay up at least half an hour longer than I would let her.” Mom winks at me over Emily’s shoulder. She does this every time she goes on a trip, too, her way of apologizing to me for being gone so often. Not that I really care, of course. Not that Emily ever listens to her, of course. “Don’t forget, the Andersons are right next door if either of you need anything.”
Mom finally lets go of Emily, gives us both a final wave, picks up her suitcase, and walks out the door. A few seconds later, the taxi drives off, the sound of its engine gradually fading away. Emily glances out the window, checking to make sure that the taxi really is gone, then turns back to me with an almost scarily eager look on her face. Nervousness churns in my stomach, as my old fears that letting her in on my plan may not have been such a good idea after all.
But what could go wrong? I mean, Mom’s gone now, Emily can’t very well tell on me now; even Emily isn’t cruel enough to humiliate me in front of my friends, and her friends wouldn’t really care one way or the other if I wanted to wear diapers or not. I’m not sure that most of them even know I exist. What else could go wrong? I suppose Emily could take pictures of me in diapers and show those to Mom, but that’s about all. And I know how to destroy pictures.
Other than that, there’s nothing Emily can do to me to ruin this weekend. Even if I decide I don’t really like wearing diapers, well, it just takes three words, and I’ll no longer need to wear them. That is, assuming that the hypnosis files even work in the first place. If they don’t, all I have to do if I don’t want to wear diapers anymore is just take them off. Sure, Emily could try to trigger my incontinence again, make me wet my pants or something, but she knows that if she did, I would make her clean it up, so it’s not like it would do her that much good.
I feel the pacifier being forced into my mouth, look up at Emily. Would it be worth it to spit it back in her face? Nah… Emily would most likely kill me, or badly damage some part of my body, every one of which I’m rather attached to. There’s no one around to see me anyway, and it’s kind of nice, really. Comforting, sort of.
“Come on, then,” Emily exclaims, rushing at me suddenly. I try to duck out of the way, but she manages to catch me. The world seems to blur for a few moments as she swings me up into her arms. Times like these make me regret that I don’t take more opportunities to do mean things to her. She knows I hate being picked up! Bitch.
I hate being carried even more - it messes with my mind. The world moves kinda like it does when I’m walking, but my body isn’t really moving. Except I do move forward… And… well, it’s weird. Take my word for it.
Luckily my room isn’t all that far from the front door, so almost as soon as I formulate a plan to get my sister to put me down and never carry me anywhere else ever again unless I want her to, I’m being laid down on my bed. Without asking, Emily goes over to my closet, pulls out the two bags of supplies. The package of Pampers had a hole in the top from where I’d cut it open last night, to be sure that they would fit me. Emily pulls one out of the hole, smiles craftily at me. “Now, lets get that big girl underwear off of you,” she says, reaching over and unbuttoning my jeans before I have a chance to do so myself.
I can forgive that, I suppose, since I should have seen it coming, but that line… My God, does that have to be used every time some teenage girl gets put into a diaper?! I try to protest, but, lo and behold, I’ve got a pacifier in my mouth. It would take too much effort to take it out just to rebuke my sister’s cliché-ness, so I don’t bother.
Emily gently pulls my jeans off, then starts folding them up. She is such a neat freak… I have no idea how I can stand to live with her. She’s crazy! I swear, everything in her room is folded up and put into a drawer somewhere! I’m usually afraid to stay in there too long, in case she decides to do that with me some day, too. It isn’t natural…
She turns back to me, presumably to take my underwear off, but I’ve already beat her to that. Having my jeans taken off by my big sister, not so much of a big deal. Getting diapered by her - maybe a little strange, but not all that bad. Having her take off my -underwear-? That’s just creepy…
As expected, I get a look from her. I return it as well as I can. She gives in first, shrugs, picks the diaper back up from the edge of the bed, where she had set it a few moments ago. She unfolds it slowly, giving me enough time to start to feel nervous about this whole thing again. I’m about to be put into diapers again… And I was the one who planned it! Maybe I’m going crazy. I’m not sure.
I snap back to reality as I feel Emily’s hands, a little bit cold, tapping on my bare feet, which are much colder. I really should have socks on. I give Emily another look, until I realize that she’s waiting for me to do something, most likely something she had just instructed me to do, but I ignored, since my mind automatically ignores about half of everything she says.
She’s holding the now unfolded diaper in her other hand. Hmm… I take a wild stab at it, lifting my bottom up a few inches off the bed. Bingo! She slips the diaper underneath me, and I let myself sink back down, hearing a slight crinkling sound. At least, I think I hear it, but it’s probably just paranoia. The diaper feels nice and soft, even more so than the one I had sort of tried on last night had somehow. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad…
The sweet smell of baby powder greets my nose. I look up, see Emily setting the bottle of it back down beside me. She reaches for the diaper again, pulling it up between my legs. I feel the cover of it brush against my legs for a brief second, and then I feel Emily tugging on the diaper slightly, pulling the top half of the diaper further up before bringing it back down on my lower stomach. The wonderful softness that my butt had been experiencing covers my crotch completely, and any doubts about this weekend evaporate. Emily keeps one hand on the front of the diaper, obscuring the picture of Big Bird, as she reaches around to the side, grabs one of the flaps. She pulls it tight, too, bringing it up and taping it to the little strip across the front, luckily not blocking Big Bird. Big Bird is one cool dude…
Emily fastens the other tab, finishing the first real diapering I’d had since I was 2, or something… I’m not really sure. She looks down at me, giggles. I look down at myself, too, find nothing really all that funny. Maybe she really is the one who’s going crazy. I’m not certain anymore.
Emily takes my hand, lifts me to my feet, looks me over. My T-shirt falls over the top part of my diaper, partially obscuring Big Bird with all his Big Birdly coolness. I can tell Emily wants to say something, but she’s not sure if she should. She’s probably afraid I’ll get mad at her for it or something.
She can’t keep herself silent for long, as usual. “You are so adorable!” she coos, coming ever so dangerously close to having me kick her in the shin. Except… Well… Maybe she had a point. I mean, anything that has Big Bird on it automatically makes the person wearing it just that much cuter. And I’m cute anyway. Damn cute. I’m like a freakin’ black hole of cuteness. <-- Yes, I’m being sarcastic. I’m not really very cute at all, and if I am, I don’t like being reminded so by my big sister. If a guy told me that, it might be a different story… I’d much rather have him call me beautiful, of course, but if cute is the best I can do, I’ll settle for that.
“Well?” Emily asks, sounding a little impatient. I take the pacifier out of my mouth, my left hand idly playing with it as I talk.
“What?” I ask, not really sure what she’s expecting me to do. Dance for her? Turn into a butterfly? Thank her for diapering me because I have no idea how to diaper myself and would probably end up doing a terrible job and leaking all over everything?
She rolls her eyes. This is a new one, though… I’m not really sure what she’s trying to say with it. “Do I have to do -everything-?” Okay, probably that.
“I don’t really know…” I answer. “I guess that would depend on just what you’re waiting for…”
Eye roll number 74 - You are so stupid, Kelly.
I give her a clueless look, shrugging. What is she expecting? Only one (realistic) thing comes to mind. Does she really think that I’m going to test out the incontinence hypnosis thingie in front of her, so she can say ‘I told you so’ when they don’t work, or watch me helplessly wet myself if it does? What is she, some kind of pervert?
“I guess I do…” she says with a sigh.
“Hey!” I start to protest, holding my hands up, as if they could really shield me against what’s to come. Earplugs would have been a much better precaution, really, if I had really wanted my first experience using a diaper to be private.
“Kelly, dear - Incontinence time for you, baby-doll!” She sounds a little too happy as she says this, but it could just be a figment of my imagination. It’s hard to tell, since it’s sort of hard to concentrate on your sister’s tone of voice when it feels as if all your control over your bladder has just ceased to exist.
My mouth drops open as I feel the stream of liquid flowing from my body into the padding of my diaper. The warmth quickly spreads, covering nearly my whole crotch in its embrace. I try to stop myself, but it’s as if the muscles I used to keep just this sort of thing from happening had stopped functioning entirely.
Along with the muscles that kept something else from happening. Something I hadn’t quite thought about, and, quite frankly, shouldn’t have needed to. Even though my bladder is still emptying itself, my attention turns to this other… problem.
I look back up at Emily’s smiling, almost laughing face as any control I thought I had over my bowels turns out to be non-existent. A soft, warm mess floods out into my diaper, flowing into the crotch and up the back of the diaper, coating me with its ickiness.
“Y-You tricked me…” I manage to say as finally my body stops, leaving me in a sagging, yellow stained, smelly diaper.
“Now, now… Trick is such a harsh word, sweetie. I think of this as more of a… misinterpretation of your wishes. After all,” her smile widens, and she shrugs her shoulders, “the full incontinence file was right underneath the plain bladder incontinence one. It’s a simple mistake. I mean, why would you want me to do something halfway? I don’t work that way, sis. I either do a good job, or I don’t do it at all.”
I was wrong, after all. This really could turn out to be an awful weekend. All it would take is another second in this messy diaper.
Oh. There we go. This is officially an awful weekend now. This was certainly not what I had in mind.
I glare at Emily, wonder if this might be her way of trying to teach me some sort of lesson, like ‘Grow Up’, or ‘Don’t Wear Diapers’. It doesn’t really matter. Lesson time is over.
“Rever…” I begin to say, ready to turn my control of my bladder and bowels back over to myself, to protect myself from any more messy diapers, and from whatever evil plans Emily may have in store for me.
“Tsk, tsk…” Emily shakes her head. “Kelly dear, what has Mom always told you?” She smiles. I remember that I really should be finishing the phrase that will restore my continence, but Emily’s odd ranting distracted me for a second.
“Speak no evil.”
I open my mouth to revert myself back, but nothing comes out. Panicked, I look back up at Emily, tears welling in my eyes. Gently, she takes the pacifier from my left hand, sticks it back into my mouth.
“That, Kelly,” she says, her smile widening as she pats me on the head, “is a trick.”