Hello WBDaddy :you_did_it:
I can remember that I started reading this story about 2 years ago.
I stopped it because I wondered, what the hell is he up to …
Now I have read everything you have left.
Did I understand correctly that you have edited the story again?
It seems to me in some places as if you have defused the story tremendously.
It is so anything, but not dark or has a sharp tone.
I quote …
Her face darkens, and then she grips her teeth, but then she takes a breath, lets go of her free leg, and says, "Then you can just lay there and kick until you decide you’re ready to get dressed. " She turns and leaves the room, leaving you there to thrash away.
Obviously, some actions are missing.
Your flashbacks are good, but I would have liked to see you had been more consistent.
You even completely stop the flashbacks from this moment …
I quote …
“They’re here!” Miranda joyfully says, breaking your concentration on the insanity in front of you. Almost too joyfully, from your perspective. Miranda reveals at the door, she sinks into the jumper seat, wishing for the door to the door.
I have the feeling that you have censored a lot between these two paragraphs.
If you should have an uncensored version … I would be very interested!
At the moment it looks like a cliffhanger … what’s next?
Where is your dark tone or way?
So, again only hinted?
Well written is your story!
Likewise the attempt to help the littels!
Which, honestly, does not make sense to me!
You want to end the apartheid in this world?
Why do you first create such a world if you do not like it?
This has nothing to do with you, but applies generally to the Amazon world.
A other story “The littel Hunters” … started to get really good and really dark in the first three chapters.
But then the author leaves the path.
He make it to fast and too simple.
After 24 hrs. is a prisoner woman a slave.
1 week later she is a rebell!
You know my comment on the whole!
What bothers me the most (not only in your story)!
The Amazon consider the small people as slaves / children / pets.
They are diden´t unable to navigate their world.
So it is their natural right to rule over the little ones.
Slavery existed among us humans for more than 10,000 years.
The last official state was South Africa until about 1990.
Dogs are even toned the ears today, the tail cut off and what else do I know.
Who likes the littel’s teeth come out … please, then it is!
But nobody thinks, is the teeth are out, falls within 2 years the face together.
Then the littel looks like an old woman, even if she is only 20 …
Ask a dentist … or if you do not believe me so Google it!
Artis should have made you more of an animal lawyer, that would have been far more credible.
Artis the Advocate of home pets!
Just interested in the fact that the littel are not overly badly mistreated.
But in principle he also agree that the littels are maximum a children is, who are held back to underpin their status in the Amazon world.
You have created a great foundation for explaining the Amazon world, where you have a courtroom and news.
But you let the opportunities that result completely pass.
In my opinion, it was the opportunity to explain and justify the Amazons and their world.
But all you’re left is evil Amazon and a lawyer who’s more human than a human self ( i say only “her father”).
No Sir, the Artis is far too liberal for me, his rethinking goes much too fast.
What every Amazon can see and understand is Pauletta, aka Rosie, who actually only thinks a stubborn child.
At no time does she understand the seriousness of her situation!
That is what she must forcibly take her into an education center!
Just like in Germany!
If a dog attacks its owner and kills it (has only happened last year!), The dog is not forcibly euthanized immediately, if you can prove that he was treated completely wrong.
Keyword “not species-appropriate!”
The Pauletta aka Rosie first after Amazon’s right has to go in a animal shelter or in a boarder school to be resocialized" is therefore a logical consequence and not a dark or mean action.
She can talk about what a dog can not do, but an animal is just a “pet”
You can not beat a dog because you do not understand one (this applies to all animals).
A littel has the chance to understand and learn to avoid punishment and extra beating.
Ritual chastisement, on the other hand, is deeply rooted in the Amazonian world, and I do not see the slightest reason for wanting to change it.
Why did you create the Amazon, if you do not want the women / girls and men / boys not to be strictly educated?
Then your whole Amazon world makes no sense.
The basic idea was surely that you then live out your BDSM world, without involving children in it.
I support that completely.
What I do not like is that some “Spartacus” want to reinvent …
My story is that the females and a few males end up as children / pets, where it gets really dark.
While 90% of all captured men disappear in the mines of the Amazon to mine gold, which is of no value to the Amazons, but there can bought littels, with this gold, in the world of littels.
I will write about a plantation whose owner will even breed littels!
Well, it’s just fantasy … Just like the world “GOR or Panem.”
Maybe I’ve given an idea to anyone. then I can only say, go it on.
I hope you understand my modest English and what I mean by that.
If not, just ask, I’ll try to explain it differently, what you did not understand.
Wish you all a nice weekend