The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Prologue

Amanda wearily looked on as her student council meeting drew to a close. “Ok councillors, you are dismissed. Those who are involved in the upcoming college day proceedings, please stay back”, said the president finally. Amanda heaved a sigh of relief as she was not involved, and made her way out.

As she walked out of the council room, she felt an all too familiar sensation in the bottom of her stomach. Amanda hastened to the handicap toilet, where she knew she would not be discovered. She locked the door and pulled a pink rectangular pouch out of her school bag. Quickly she unscrambled the lock code and she drew out a diaper.

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Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Interested to see where it goes. :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Chapter 1

With the urge getting stronger, Amanda fastened on the diaper. "Aah, that huggie feeling, she thought to herself. Wanting to be protected in case she ‘let go’ prematurely, she chose to wear her diaper home. She listened at the door, making absolute sure that no one was listening outside before she proceeded.

Amanda is your regular junior college student, balancing her studies and her social life. But she was different from her peers in an interesting way for unlike them, she never got toilet trained for pooping. Her parents assumed that she would grow out of it but they were wrong. At 18 years she still wore diapers just to poop. Denying her diapers saw her hold it for days till she pooped in her sleep. Her parents gave up trying to train her after she reached 8 years of age. They simply equipped her with the knowledge that pooping in diapers were not what everyone did and taught her how to keep her secret a secret.

As she sat on the bus numbed by the need to poop, Amanda realised that it might have been her choice of thin, non crinkly diapers that prevented her friends from finding out her secret. Even the nosiest of her friends never came close to finding out her secret, and, given her track record, she was sure that none would.


It was 4pm when Amanda reached home. The half hour journey had strengthened her urge. Her mother opened the gate for her, letting her into the house. She beamed at the first sight of the day of her only daughter.

“I’ve prepared your favourite potato salad sweetie”, mentioned Mrs Tan.

“Thanks mom!”, quipped a delighted Amanda as she took off her shoes and kept them.

Mrs Tan stood at the door, smiling contentedly at her daughter. Time flies! It seemed only a while ago when she was still walking around clad in just a diaper. But her baby was now a fine young woman.

“How was your day Sweetie?”, she asked.

“Well, it’s the same old story mum”, sighed Amanda. “5 tutorials and 3 lectures, and a council meeting after that.”

“Well nevermind, this week’s over now! You can get some rest before continuing to study. Now come, let’s eat dinner first, I’ll call Dad…”

“Erm Mum, I want to have a shower first, because I want to… to… erm…”. Amanda felt embarrassed.

“Oh okay then. Run along now”, said Mrs Tan, getting the hint. Amanda shifted uncomfortably and a small crinkle escaped from underneath her school skirt. Mrs Tan frowned.

Amanda walked quickly to her room. She walked quickly because she knew that her parents hated her wearing diapers outside of her room, even more when she wore them at school. According to them, it was a secret waiting to be exposed to her friends. But Amanda was very careful about it.

Amanda went into her room and closed the door behind her, locking it. Taking off her uniform, Amanda stared into her mirror. A skinny Chinese teenager, clad in a singlet and FBT shorts with her diaper just showing, stared back. Usually, she would see more of her stomach, but today, she saw her diaper. As she stood there pondering, there was a searing pain in her ass. Realising she had been controlling for too long, she went over to her pooping zone.

The pooping zone was an imaginary 2 by 1m rectangle adjacent to Amanda’s bed. She took off her shorts and squatted, facing her bed. Slowly, she started pooping. She grunted and pushed and a long poop came out with the classic feeling and sound. Amanda felt a wave of relief wash over her.

When she was done, she felt the squishy poop she produced in her diaper. It was as soft as ever. She waited around for a while, to be sure there wasn’t any more. There wasn’t. Sighing, she went over to the bathroom to wash up, her stomach groaning for the potato salad that her mother had prepared. Coming out of her room on the way to the bathroom, Amanda nearly bumped into her father.

“Oh hi Dad”, she greeted her father.

“Hello Amanda”, he said. It took a second for the smell to hit him.

“Did my daughter just do her business in her diaper?”, he asked.

Amanda nodded her head a little shyly.

“Just change and come to eat dinner”, her dad replied simply, shaking his head.

Amanda scurried to the bathroom door. Pausing, she could hear him muttering when was he ever going to see her abandon diapers.

Amanda was not scared of her father but she had respect for the disciplinarian of the house. In fact she loved him a lot. He, and Mrs Tan, were very supportive of all her activities, and they were the best parents that any girl could ask for.

As she undid the tapes of her diaper she wondered why her dad, or even mum for that matter, did not push her to complete toilet training. While her dad rarely changed her diapers when she was younger, a task he usually left for his wife, he seemed nonchalant about her diapering, yet still he complained that she remained diapered.

That night, this issue unusually bugged Amanda, as she went prepared to turn in. She often wondered how different her life would have been if she had indeed succumbed to toilet training and pooped into the toilet instead of a diaper. Perhaps this night was the first in a very long time that her dad had seen her in just a singlet and diaper. But usually he didn’t say anything, so, not too worried, Amanda quickly fell asleep.

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Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

I wonder what’s next? :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

While i’m not that in to messing, i’ve always liked this story, and found it quite interesting.
So i’m glad to see you branch out to other forums, please continue and thank you for sharing. :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

More please. This has both the potential to go really well. Or end up being really cliché

The Girl Who Wondered If Only

I like the idea behind this story and you should continue it when you get the chance.

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Thank you for reading! Really appreciate your support!

Chapter 2

“I must do it today, no matter what happens”, she said to herself.

Walking towards the toilet with apprehension, she opened the door and let herself in and closed it. The toilet was there, glistening as it did always. But today, it would be taking in her poop. Amanda gingerly lowered her pants and sat on the toilet.

“Today is an unusually warm day”

“But I need to poop nonetheless”

“And mum and dad are not home today”

“But there’s no excuse”

“So everything will be just fine”

“Oh, I’m very sure it would be”

Just then, Amanda heard the sound of her parents’ bedroom door opening. Seconds later, the toilet door opened, and she found herself staring into her dad’s awkward face.

Rrrinngggg – rang her alarm clock. Amanda jolted awake, hands still covering herself. She realised thankfully that it had only been a dream and she did not have to do what she had been about to do.

Getting showered and dressed, she joined her family for morning breakfast. It was a Saturday morning and her parents were going off to work. After her breakfast of pancakes, her father took a banana, peeled it open, broke it into two and gave one half to Amanda. ‘Eat it’, he ordered. Amanda hesitated. ‘If you don’t want constipation then eat the banana, it contains fibre’, pressed her father. Amanda recalled the occasion 2 years ago when she had a severe bout of constipation and the resulting emotional torture of not being able to poop. She quietly accepted the banana half and ate it.


That day, Amanda’s some of Amanda’s council mates came over to her flat to discuss the upcoming Sports carnival, which the student council was jointly organising. Being in the logistics committee, there were lots of things to discuss. As her parents were off to work, the 5 of them had plenty of room to themselves to discuss their ideas. They spent the morning pouring over their plans, wrapped up their discussions and the 2 girls in the group whipped up a light meal for their lunch.

After lunch, the other girl, Alicia stayed back to study with Amanda. Alicia and Amanda were close friends, also being in the same class together. They often did their assignments and studied together, and this was just another day where Alicia came over to study at Amanda’s flat.

“Amanda, how do you find the angle theta?” asked Alicia.

Amanda looked over and replied “Simple, use the TOA-CAH-SOH method! Time to start staying awake in lectures Al”!

“Is it really that simple”?

“It is rather long-winded though.”

“You know what, let’s take a break, we’ve been at it for hours” Alicia said.

“Fair enough, let me finish this question first”, replies Amanda.

Alicia stood up and stretched. She walked over to the window and looked out. The window overlooked the car park, facing another block of flats 25 meters away. The sound of mynahs chirping, cars rumbling into the carpark and children playing at the void deck was audible.

Turning around, Alicia noticed that she smelled slightly. She wondered if she had brought her deodorant along and rummaged through her bag.

“What are you looking for, cockroaches?” Amanda joked, without looking up from her work.

“Not really, there’s one sitting right in front of me”

“Hey!”

“I’m just looking for deodorant. I should get Adidas Blue Challenge next time, like the one you have. Hey could I try yours?”

Without thinking, Amanda agreed. “Sure, it’s in my closet”, she said cheerfully.

“Okay thanks”.

Just as Alicia was about to open the door, Amanda realized to her horror what she had gotten herself into. “Em Em Alicia” she uttered as she stood up in an attempt to stop her, but too late, Alicia opened the closet.

Alicia turned around. “Yeah”?

Amanda was completely dumbfounded. She stood there gaping, her mouth opening and closing twice. Amused, Alicia turned around and glanced into the closet. And the first thing she noticed were the diapers.

Staring for a moment, Alicia remarked “Amanda, I didn’t know you wore diapers”!
And she turned around, just in time to see a dazed-looking Amanda collapse into her seat.

Realising the puddle she had gotten the two of them into, Alicia cautiously approached Amanda.

“Amanda, I’m sorry, I should not have said that”. She sat beside her.

Amanda stared at the floor. Now her friend knew, chances were that her other friends would find out. Her reputation as a school councillor would be in tatters. Then there were her parents. What would they say if they found out? Would this mean the end of her diapers? Unable to bear these thoughts, Amanda leaned forward and started tearing. She silently sobbed, while Alicia looked on, speechless.

In other circumstances, Alicia would have done all that she could have done to comfort her friend. ‘But of all the things out there, why did it have to be diapers’, Alicia wondered to herself. She wanted to console her friend, and she knew the one way to do it.

“Amanda, I’ve got something to tell you. You are not alone. I wear diapers too”

Surprised by this sudden turn of events, Amanda looked up.

Alicia plunged into her story.

“I often wet the bed. Ever since young, there was hardly a day that I was dry in the morning. My parents tried all the methods you could think of, but the doctors said that only time and patience would put a stop to my bedwetting. My brother wet the bed too, so we had no choice but to use pull-ups. Eventually I stopped wetting the bed at night when I reached 13”.

“My brother still does wet the bed though”, she added.

Amanda was listening intently, the tears on her eyes glistening.

“But I missed the comfort of the pull-ups greatly. I tried wetting the bed twice or thrice, hoping my parents would put me back into pullups. But they simply punished me. So one day, I took one of my brother’s pull-ups and tried it on. It felt so comfy that I started wearing them regularly. And ever since he had to buy his own pullups, I could get the girl ones for myself. He knows about them but, it is our little secret.”

Alicia ended her story and glanced at Amanda.

Amanda was dumbfounded. Sitting here, right in front of her was the first person to know about her diaperedness, and that person was another diaper-wearer!

“So you wear diapers too? Alicia”

“Yes I do Amanda. Now it’s your turn. Tell me why you wear diapers”

Amanda sat there for a while, digesting the request, before continuing her story.


“So you wear diapers because you were never trained to use the toilet for pooping? That is quite amazing!”

“Not really Al, there are problems with pooping in diapers too”

Alicia looked surprised. “Really? But you are allowed to change yourself, so you have the freedom.”

“Well, I can’t poop my diaper just about anywhere. The smell would give things away. I have to find a quiet corner to change myself. Toilets don’t count as they are always crowded. So far there is only one reliable place to do so without the risk of being caught, and that is my home. And if the poop is runny, that’s another messy issue.”

Alicia sat there thinking, never having considered it this way.

The girls sat in their chairs, silently thinking about what they had discussed. Amanda however was wondering whether she should ask Alicia a long-standing question present in her mind. She decided to do it.

“Alicia”

“Yes Amanda?”

“What is it like to poop in a toilet? I’ve always wanted to try pooping in a proper toilet, without a diaper on. But I’m scared.”

“I could help you Am!”, remarked Alicia. “Pooping in the toilet is as easy as pie”

“Really?” Amanda exclaimed.

“Sure. But really Amanda, it is own-time-own-target. Only when you are ready for it, you should try. I don’t want to force you to do something that you are apprehensive about,” Alicia replied.

Amanda was silent. Here was a chance for her to give the ordinarily ubiquitous a try. It was definitely going to affect her diaperedness, for better or for worse.

“I’ll let you think about it Amanda, you better take some time to think through it,” Alicia added, seeing the petrified look on her face.


The girls solemnly swore not to tell anyone, not even their parents or brothers about that evening’s revelations, and decided to let the matter rest for now. They cast their studies aside and watched some TV till about 6’ o clock, when it was time for Alicia to leave.

Amanda stood sentinel as Alicia put on her shoes.

“Alicia”

"Yeah?’

“I’ll do it. Could you please help me?”

Surprised, Alicia looked up.

“Are you sure Amanda?”, she asked.

“Yes. Is tomorrow morning alright?”,

Alicia was taken aback at the soonness of her request. “Are you sure you want to try tomorrow? We could try it this coming Friday, after the council meeting.”

Amanda stood there, unsure of what to say. Not wanting to dissuade her, Alicia said, “If you are okay with waking up early, then yeah. I suggest we go to a secluded public toilet to try it out first. How about the one at Sunplaza Park? There’s one I know of!”

“Well you’re the expert. I believe you will help me.”

“Okay then. Be prepared, and see you tomorrow. I’ll text you where to meet”, said Alicia.

“Bye Alicia”

“Bye”

“Erm Alicia”

Alicia turned around to look at her friend.

“Thank you so much”

“Haha ok, no biggie”, said Alicia smiling, and turned away.

Amanda closed the door and fell onto the sofa, still wondering if she was rushing it. But she had told her friend, and she had just confirmed that she was going to use the toilet.
Her legs turned to jelly and her stomach churned at the very thought of having to use the toilet. What in the world was she thinking? She had just told someone that she uses diapers, and she was asking that very person to help her use the toilet! What if it went horribly wrong? Worse of all, what would her parents do if they found out about this?

Amanda sat on the sofa, pondering these thoughts. She then heard the sound of her parents car arriving home.

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Thanks for the update :slight_smile: Enjoyed it :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Yah, I still like to wear diapers for 1 and 2.

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Been very much enjoying the re-read, thank you for sharing. :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

You gotta write more! This story is just getting interesting, and it stops at chapter TWO! Rats!

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Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Chapter 3

That night, Amanda’s parent brought her out for dinner to the East Coast Seafood Centre. Her father was leaving for a 5 day business trip to China that night, and they wanted to have some family time. Amanda ate to her stomach’s fill, momentarily forgetting about her diet. They returned home early so that Mr. Tan could finish packing for his 3am flight.

As her dad packed a small backpack and a briefcase, Amanda stood close, helping her father along the way.

“I’ll miss you daddy”

A surprised Mr Tan looked up from his efforts to zipper up his backpack.

“Why Amanda, I’ll be gone for just a few days!”, he said.

“But you’ve never been away for this long!”, burst out Amanda.

“Sweetie, it’s only five days. I’ll be back in no time and I’ll call you and mum every day. Now don’t you worry!”, her father told her gently.

“Yes dad”, said Amanda a little dejectedly.

Amanda insisted on carrying her dad’s backpack to the car, to much of his amusement. Her mother was driving him to the airport, but Amanda was to stay at home as it was getting rather late.

“I love you daddy”, said Amanda, and gave her father a hug.

“Love you too Amanda”, he said, ruffling his hand through his daughter’s hair.

She stood there at the carpark, watching as their car drove off.


As she put on her pyjamas, Amanda felt yet another urge to poop. She then remembered that she was to poop in a toilet the next day. She opened her closet and peered at her stack of diapers. There were about six of them. She knew that she should not let down her friend. But nature was calling. “Wouldn’t it be nice if the number was five?”, she thought to herself.

She saw the books on her study desk and spied the mathematics book that she was referring to when she was confronted. Her bowels, not helping things along, gave another jolt. Not wanting to let Alicia down, and not wanting to be in a defecation delirium, she decided to don on a diaper for the night. After all, it was what she often did when feeling emotional. Or when she was going through ‘that time of the month’.

Fastening on the diaper and replacing her pyjama pants, she curled up in her bed and she let fly some gas. She recalled the times when her dad could deduce that she needed to poop, from when she was about 4, and even up till now, just by detecting if she had farted. It was a gaseous guessing game, as he called it.

Often through the years, especially the times when her parents tried in vain to train her, she would wait for periods of time for a diaper before she could poop. She liked the sensation when she finally pooped, releasing her bowels to a wave of relief. Sometimes she would have to control her poop for two to three days, usually during school camps. That was when she looked forward to pooping, not just because it was simply a need, but because it provided relief. There was this unexplainable thing, an umph when she pooped after holding it in for a short while, Amanda thought as she lay in bed.

The cleaning up was almost always easy. As she almost always did it at home, she could go into the bathroom to change her diaper quickly, and have a small shower. So the times she had to poop outside the house often stood out. Like the time when she was 7 and the adults brought the kids out to the theme park, and she had to go, dragging her mum. Or that time when she was 9 and had food poisoning and had to poop so badly when they were out. Luckily her dad had a spare pull-up in the car. And the many times during the dozens of her school camps when she needed to poop. The recceing of potential changing places, the sneaking out of her dorm after hours, and the lost sleep were but characteristic of these episodes.

But through the years, that same question kept springing at her. She knew her experiences had inadvertently shaped her into who she was today. But would she have been through all of these, if only she had been fully toilet-trained? Would she have fallen into a terrible mess, if only she had been a potty-pooper? And would her parents have been happier, if only she had been fully toilet-trained? If only…

As she reminisced on all that it was about her being diapered, she slowly drifted to sleep.


A loud bell rang, shattering the late evening silence. The ringing of the doorbell interrupted 5 year old Amanda from her storybook. Her dad answered the door. It was a postman delivering some registered mail. He closed the door and returned with his letter to sit beside Amanda on the sofa.

At that point, little Amanda felt a familiar pressing need at her bottom.

“Daddy, I need to poo-poo! I want a Pampers!”, exclaimed little Amanda in a whiny tone.

“Little cupcake, you are already wearing pampers”, her dad replied, bemused.

Amanda pulled down her shorts and saw that she was indeed wearing one. She saw the moon and stars that she had drawn onto her diaper just a while ago with a red marker. She stood up and pulled down her long pants. Her dad looked over his letter.

“Tsk tsk, my little vanilla cupcake is wearing pampers!”, Mr. Tan said softly.

“Hee hee daddy, I will always be your cupcake”, giggled Amanda, and she hugged her dad. At that point, she passed a little gas.

"Hmm, looks like someone needs to poop. Quick, go!, her dad said.

Smiling sweetly at her dad, Amanda turned around and ran to a corner of her room and hid behind a curtain, and she squatted.


“Rrrring”. This time an alarm clock rang for real, awakening the teenaged Amanda. Slamming the snooze button, she groggily sat up and stretched, wondering what her just-concluded dream was trying to mean. As she sat there, she felt the all too familiar sensation at her bottom. Her hand reached down into her pants and verified that she was indeed wearing a diaper. Instinctively, she slid off her bed and started pooping.

It was only when she felt the wave of relief wash over her that she jolted awake. Realising what had just happened, she was open-mouthed. But she decided that nothing could be done about it now, that she’d better text Alicia to call off the morning’s meeting, and get some rest. ‘Alicia is going to be mad at me’, she thought to herself. As she clumsily climbed back into bed at 7.04am, poopy diaper and all, she just wished she could extend the duration of the 5-minute snooze function.


“Chickened out at the last minute Amanda Tan?”, sniggered Alicia.

“Really Al, it came out, just like that,” whined Amanda.

“But you should not have even worn a diaper to bed in the first place,” Alicia pointed out.

The girls launched into their mini debate as they ate their lunch that Monday afternoon. The monday morning blues had caught hold of Alicia that morning and she was nearly late for school, and now they were catching up. Despite the incident, Amanda mentioned to Alicia that she was willing to try again. The two girls decided to stay back after their council meeting that Friday to do it, this time in school as meetings always ended late and most people would have left the school.

Lessons were progressing at a very fast pace. The various subject teachers were rushing to complete teaching the syllabus in time for the upcoming Mid-year examinations, which were to be held before the June school holidays. As a result, Amanda and her peers were loaded with heaps of assignments and racing to complete them saw many of them stay long hours in the college. Co-curricular activities were becoming an increasingly-sought after outlet, which was a reason why Amanda had volunteered to help out with committees such as the Sports Day Logistics Committee. That thursday, the logistics committee met to finalise the plans for the actual day. It lengthened out the shortest day on Amanda’s timetable, but she endured.

Eventually, she reached her home at 8pm. Waiting patiently for her was her father, back from his China tour.

“Daddy”, proclaimed Amanda, and she embraced him as her mother watched on. At that point, her stomach growled.

“Come sweetie, lets eat dinner together. We’ve been waiting for you”, said Mr. Tan.

“Thank you dad”, said Amanda. She helped her mother set up the table, and they ate.

After dinner, the family sat down in the living room and Mr. Tan shared some of his experiences in China, such as the very salty Hong Kong food, the ever bustling capital city of Beijing, and the minimal levels of English being spoken in Hong Kong despite it having been a former British colony. But Amanda slowly had to detach herself from the conversation as she had to shower after a long and sticky day. She went to her room to gather her things and she decided that she needed to poop.

She opened her drawer and noticed that there were just two diapers left. Sighing, she took one out of the packet, took off her school skirt and her FBTs and kickers, and taped on the diaper, smoothening it out. She went over her to her cupboard to close it, and she saw the lone diaper in it’s empty packet. Sighing, she decided to ask her mother to help her get some more when she went grocery shopping the next day. She replaced her skirt, and she slowly approached her parents in the living room, her diaper crinkling a little as she walked.


Amanda’s parents were still on the couch, still talking. On hearing the crinkling sound of Amanda’s diapers, her parents turned to look at her.
“Mum, I’m running short of diapers. Could you please get me some more when you go to Cold Storage supermarket tomorrow?” Amanda asked.

Her mother looked up and frowned. “Amanda, if you want to wear diapers, you are supposed to buy them yourself. And you will have to find the time to buy them yourself”, she said.

“Please mum, I end school late tomorrow and I may not have time to buy them. And you are going to Cold Storage tomorrow, so if you could help me…”, Amanda beseeched her mother.

Mrs. Tan considered it for a moment. “Okay then dear, just this once,” her mother said. “Remember next time”.

“Thank you mum!” said Amanda. “I will remember to buy them on time, so you won’t know that I use them,” she said. Mrs. Tan laughed.

But that line seemed to irk her father, who then chipped in.

“Amanda, you should try to use the toilet to poop, at least slowly,” said her dad. Amanda looked at him and noticed his twitching eyebrows.

“Sit down on the couch girl”.

Realising that she had committed a mistake by bringing up this issue in front of her dad, and in a diapered state at that, Amanda slowly sat down, fearful. Whenever his eyebrows twitched, it meant that she had gotten herself into trouble.

“You must learn to poop in the toilet,” started Mr. Tan.

“But dad…”, began Amanda.

“No ‘buts’, everybody uses the toilet.”

Amanda sat silently, knowing that she had to be careful. Her dad often got snappish whenever the sticky issue of her diapers was brought up and one wrong move might spell the end of them.

“You are lucky in that we have given you everything you want. But some things you must not be stubborn”, he said.

Amanda nodded, and glanced at her mother, who was no longer smiling.

“When I went to China, the kids were fully toilet-trained by 1-and-a-half. You are eighteen, a young woman. And you are still not fully trained. What a shame!”

Amanda looked down, not feeling as ashamed as petrified of what he might say next.

"And in Beijing, they don’t even have disposables. My host’s one year-old daughter wears cloth, and is already poop-trained. She needs them at night only. And what about you, my eighteen year-old daughter? ".

Amanda’s mouth went dry.

“There’s no two ways about it Amanda”, her mother added. “Just get it over and done with. No need to put on the diaper, in your room, go hide behind the curtain and poop, and having to untape and wash up,” she said, in reference to Amanda’s childhood habit of hiding behind the curtains whenever she had to go.

Noticing Amanda going pale, Mr. Tan took pity on his daughter. “Amanda, we are not going to force you now. Mum will buy you your diapers tomorrow, and you can use them. We will let your A level exams come to an end first, and then we shall see. But there’s no two ways about it”

“It is for your own good. You won’t know its benefit’s unless you try.”, Mrs. Tan added.

“Like what?” croaked Amanda, cautiously.

“When you sit on the toilet, you will have the freedom of pooping directly into the toilet bowl. It won’t stick to your bottom, and you do not have to…”, explained Mrs. Tan.

“Okay, nevermind, Esther, let her go take her shower. We will talk about this another time”, said Mr. Tan, interrupting his wife. “Go take your shower girl, and do your homework”, he said to Amanda.

She stood up, counting her blessings on this very close call. Slowly, she turned to leave.

“Amanda”, called out her dad.

She turned to look at him.

“We love you no matter what, and we only want what is good for you.”

Amanda felt the strong emotion well up within her. “Yes Daddy and Mummy. Love you too.”

Her parents smiled at her, and she went back to her room, silently crinkling as she walked.

Back in her room, Amanda sat down on her bed for a moment. She was still pale from the close encounter, but was glad that she still allowed diapers, for now. She was rather bold have dared to talk to her parents while wearing a diaper, but the risk was certainly not worth the consequence she had just narrowly avoided.

She decided to think through it later. Right then, she needed to shower. But before that, she stood up from her bed and proceeded to unload her pressing need. She felt the wave of relief wash over her. Satisfied, she went to the bathroom, took off her diaper and removed it’s sticky contents, and showered.


Later that night, Amanda stood by her table, packing her school bag for school the next day. She ran her finger down her timetable, and noted the lessons the lessons that she was to have the next day. Fridays were usually the shortest day in the school week - Amanda’s lessons ended at 12.30pm - for the afternoons were reserved for co-curricular activities. “Will the council meet end on time tomorrow?” Amanda thought out aloud.

Amanda’s schoolbag was a simple light-blue haversack, proudly sporting the ‘Jansport’ label. It nicely held her general file, her council file, her notes and notepad, and her pencil-box. She did not have to contend with her books as she usually left them in her locker in school. Her macbook fit in nicely when she needed it, and there was plenty of space left. There was a simple compartment at the back, into which she usually stuffed a plastic bag containing her Physical Education (PE) attire and shower things.

Sitting in that compartment, shielded by the plastic bag, was a dull pink pouch. Slightly smaller in size than a folded bath towel, about an inch thick, its’ contents were closely guarded by a small, silver combination lock. It’s glint subsequently caught Amanda’s eye. She reached in and pulled it out of her bag.

She unscrambled the lock code and unzippered the pouch. Inside were a pack of wipes, and a tube of unused Johnson’s Baby diaper rash cream, just in case. Then there was the most important thing: a No Frills diaper, waiting for use. She usually kept 2, just in case. She had needed a diaper in school the day before, and now had to replenish her pouch.

So Amanda went to her cupboard, pulled open her diaper drawer, and took out the second-last diaper. She hesitated, but she placed it in the pouch. She took a pack of wipes and placed it in as well. “Mum won’t forget to buy some more diapers tomorrow”, she thought to herself.

As she scrambled her padlock shut, she remembered that she was to try to poop in the toilet the next day, right after the council meet. A shiver went down her back the more she thought about it. But it was confirmed, and unless Alicia miraculously forgot about it, it would certainly go on.

Amanda finished packing her bag, changed into her pyjamas and settled in for the night. She then considered for a moment, on putting on the last diaper for the night, but she decided otherwise. She switched off her room light and jumped onto her bed, rolling under the covers.

She reached out for her alarm clock. It showed the time as 11.03pm, past her 10.30 bedtime. She set her alarm for the next day, a miserable hour at 5.30am, and rolled over in her bed.

Amanda felt a little uncomfortable at the thought what was going to happen at the end of tomorrow. Pooping, she thought to herself, should only occur within the comfort zone of the person who is doing the pooping. After all, it is they who are cleaning up their own sh*t, not society, she thought.

“Hope Alicia won’t mind if I ask for some privacy tomorrow. It is kinda awkward if she stood inside the handicap toilet while I …”, Amanda said to herself as she yawned.

“And hopefully I don’t fall into the bowl pushing it out.”

The very thought was chilling to Amanda. Her mother had told her dozens of times about how she had fallen into the toilet during her potty years, and that she was a big girl now and she couldn’t fall in now! “Yeah right,” Amanda thought to herself as she drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Thanks for the update :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Chapter 4

Amanda stood in line for morning assembly, looking out for Alicia. It seemed that she would be late again for school, as the call-to-assembly music was about to end. If students were not in line by the time the music ended, they would be considered late, and would face disciplinary action. As the last verses of the music blared, Alicia appeared, sprinting. She ran into line and stood panting, behind Amanda.

Morning assembly is a routine in every school, with its roots rather ironically in the Japanese occupation of the 1940s. All students have to sing the National Anthem and recite the National Pledge, as a mark of nation-building. It is also a convenient platform for schools to disseminate information as the whole school is gathered in one place.

After morning assembly, the classes started to move line-by-line to their respective first-lesson venues. In those precious few minutes, everyone would be trying to catch up with their friends, and our two friends were no different, chatting as they walked with their classmates.

“Overslept again Alicia”, asked Amanda coyly.

“Yeah. It’s tough getting up these days. I really wonder how do you do it.”, Alicia remarked.

“I don’t. My mum wakes me up these days”, said Amanda with a smile.

“Ah, no wonder.”

As the loose grouping reached their classroom, Alicia pulled Amanda to one side.

“Amanda, do you remember what we are supposed to do today after the council meet”

“Um, yeah”, she replied, with a quizzical look. “Why? Do you need to rush off”

“Oh, no. Just saying in case you forgot”, said Alicia. “Let’s go in”.


The group of 40-odd members of the 22nd Student Council sat in their twice-weekly meeting venue – the small Lecture Theatre 2. As the president, vice president and teacher IC walked in through the theatre’s front doors, all chatter ceased and eyes were facing the front. The latter two took their seat.

Nelson took hold of the teacher’s chair and sat down, facing the rest of the council.

“Before we continue with our preparations for the sports Carnival, there is something that we all need to address, and it is the miserable state of our punctuality”, said Nelson.

A few eyebrows were raised as several people gave each other uneasy looks.

“We promised each other that if some of us kept on being late for school, then we all would have to take the drastic measure of making everyone report half an hour earlier, didn’t we?”

Some muttering went on in the room, discussing the penalty being placed in front of them. Alicia looked down at her shoes, guilty for being one of the several people that were late. At this point, the Teacher IC, having to answer a phone call, left the room.

“But the numbers of councilors late has gone down, Nelson. I helped out with the duty this week”, one boy blurted out.

“I just checked with Mrs Tay, the numbers have actually gone up to 9 incidences this week.”, replied Nelson matter of factly.

“It is embarrassing when the councillor on duty has to take down the particulars of his fellow, while scolding the rest for coming late. People would think of us as hypocrites,” blurted out Mary, the vice-president, from her seat.

The chatter around the room ceased at this comment. Amanda knew that whatever the others were going to say, that this was true.

“So now we know why you are adamant on this punctuality issue”, came a voice from the center of the room. Everyone turned to look at the speaker.

“You want to act big and scold people right?”, remarked Debby. “Everyone is talking about how you are the only councilor who scolds the latecomers. Even Mr Hoh, the discipline master, does not scold them there.”

Debby and Mary often clashed with each other during meetings, but perhaps it was due to the teacher’s absence that this time, she seemed much more emboldened.

Mary stood up, her face flushed. “I don’t know what you are talking about, let’s get back to the topic…”, she began

“Oh, you definitely know what you are talking about, you were bragging about it to Adrian Loh…”, added on Atikah, another girl in Debby’s clique.

“SHUT UP! I have nothing to do with that sarcastic monster…”, screamed Mary, starting to tear. She was humiliated by him a week ago for not concentrating in her work. Unable to take it, she collapsed into her seat.

“Well, at least I am not crying and screaming like a baby. Maybe we could get some diapers for our dear vice president, her butt looks like it could use some fattening.”, said Debby loudly, with a smirk on her face.

Amanda’s heart gave a jolt. A few people laughed at that comment, mainly those who yearned to see the once-preening Mary shattered like this.

“Ok enough”, came Nelson’s voice. Perhaps it came too late, for the damage was already done.

But despite this scene turning out to be a more entertaining-than-usual debate, many people started feeling uneasy at this turn of events. People started comforting Mary and chiding the other two, with Alicia joining in with the scolding party while Amanda went down to comfort Mary.


The council meet dragged on and on, ending way much later than it should have as the Teacher ICs came in and talked for quite a while about the carnage. Only then could they get down to the real work that needed to be done that day, in preparation for the upcoming Sports Carnival. But it eventually drew to an end, at about 7.30pm.

As everyone trudged out of the Lecture Theatre, eager to get home after their long day looking forward to the weekend, Alicia caught up with Amanda and dragged her to one side. Caught by surprise, Amanda asked her why.

“You have a date with the bathroom tonight, remember”, whispered Alicia.

“Huh? Oh yeah, the toilet”, said Amanda, rather unenthusiastically. She allowed herself to be led by Alicia right to the back of the school, to the First Love café, adjacent to which the handicap toilet was located.


Amanda slowly entered the toilet with Alicia following closely behind. Amanda paused while Alicia closed and bolted the toilet door. The handicap toilet was quite big for a single person, with just one toilet bowl and a few handrails facing the door. There was a good deal of space in front, presumably to park a wheelchair with extra space. Amanda usually came in here just to change into diapers and occasionally poop in them, but never did she fathom that she was about to poop in that very toilet now standing in front of her.

“Well, get going Am”, remarked Alicia. “Just remember what I said”.

She then turned and faced the other direction. Rather reluctantly, Amanda took off her skirt and underwear. She looked at the toilet bowl. It suddenly seemed much bigger that she had remembered it to be.

“Then again, it’s probably because it is a handicap toilet”, Amanda thought to herself. Holding onto her skirt, Amanda slowly lowered herself on the toilet.

“Could you do it faster?” came Alicia’s sudden remark. Amanda looked up in surprise and dropped her skirt, onto the wet and dirty floor.

“Now look at what you’ve done Al”, Amanda retorted. Alicia turned around and noticed the floored skirt.

Realising Amanda did not fancy going home in a wet and grey skirt, Alicia said “you can wear my extra PE uniform home. I have not worn it”. Amanda looked a little more relieved. At that point, she passed gas. It came quite naturally and caught her off guard. She turned red with embarrassment as she saw Alicia giggle at her.

“Looks like someone needs to poop! Quickly now!”, said Alicia giggling, as she turned away.

Thinking to herself, Amanda reasoned to herself that she was already on the toilet and might just as well try it out. And so, it started. Amanda pushed and grunted. 18 years of pooping in diapers and now in the toilet for the first time since her incomplete potty years. But wait! Try as she might, Amanda simply could not push it out! She tried again. But it was not coming out. Then she realized that years of pooping while squatting might be preventing her.

She glanced at Alicia, who was stoning as she faced the door. She glanced at her un-diapered butt. With some resolve, Amanda stood up and climbed onto the toilet. Hearing footsteps, Alicia turned around just in time to see Amanda wobble while standing on the seat.

“What in the world are you doing? With shoes some more!” remarked Alicia and she took a step towards her.

It happened quickly. As Amanda squatted, she lost her footing. But Alicia quickly reached out and caught her upper frame before it hit the ground. A visibly shaken Amanda stood up. “I don’t think I want to go on the toilet today”, she said in a weak voice.

Alicia looked at her. “Am, you came here today to poop and I am not letting you go without pooping”!

“Fine then, I’ll poop” said Amanda quietly.

“But let me do it in a diaper”, she added.

Alicia glared at her. “What are you talking about, no way! I meant poop in the toilet, and you are going to poop in the toilet.”

Amanda was close to tears by now. She totally did not feel like trying the toilet again given what just happened, but the squatting action made her want to poop. She looked at Alicia.

Alicia noticed her friend looking beseechingly at her. Inside, she died a little. She had never thought that her friend, her strong-willed, well respected friend, would be reduced to this state. She took a breath.

“Alright then, no toilet, and you may poop the diaper – on one condition”, she said finally.

“Anything”!

“The diaper must be lying open on the floor and you must squat over it and poop on top of it”

“But Allie, that’s…”

“No Ammy, you have to go on the toilet today.”

Amanda stood there staring at her shoes, silently struggling inside. Alicia, though cringing inside, showed no emotion and stood firm too.

“You asked me to help you Am. You are going to hate me for saying this, but the reality is that you cannot go in your diapers forever.”

Amanda took a deep breath and continued to stare at her shoes, listening.

“Maybe not today Am. But I don’t want you to waste this chance. First step, don’t wear the diaper. Let it be on the floor, opened up”, Alicia said.

She looked firmly at her friend. Amanda looked up.

“It was the first thing my mum did to toilet-train me”, she added. “Try it, for me?”, she asked.

With little choice, Amanda sullenly replied ‘ok’.

Alicia laid some newspaper she found at the side onto the floor. Amanda took out a diaper and handed it to Alicia. Gingerly, she opened it and spread it open on top of the newspaper.

With the urge getting very strong, Amanda walked over to the wide-open diaper and squatted over it. Alicia looked away. Amanda, while holding up her school blouse, then proceeded to grunt and push. The smell inadvertently filled the room. There was no wave of relief. Squatting there, Amanda thought to herself how extremely weird it felt that her poop was not directly under her bottom, and that she had ‘pooped a diaper’ without feeling its huggie feeling. She felt she had violated some sort of natural order, but it was over, at last.

A few minutes later, Amanda announced she was done. She cleaned herself up while noticing her poop was unnaturally cylindrical, that there was no butt-depression in the diaper. While she cleaned herself up, Alicia helped clean off the shoe-marks on the toilet seat. She handed a dazed-looking Amanda her PE uniform to wear home.

Alicia held Amanda’s hand. “Hey girl, you did well today. Cheer up!”

Amanda nodded in reply. “I just don’t feel good”, she said sadly.

Alicia thought for a moment and suggested to Amanda to wear a diaper home, just to comfort and cheer her up a little.

Amanda looked at her and thanked her for the idea. She warmed up a little as she put a fresh diaper on and donned on her clothes. Noticing her friend smiling a little, Alicia saw that everything was in order. They checked if the coast was clear, and the two left.


Wearily, Amanda trudged home. She did not say greet her mother as she usually did and went straight to her room without a word. Feeling terrible inside, she closed the door and fell onto the floor behind it, and cowered her face. For about 10 minutes she sat there, thinking about the incident, feeling lowly about herself, and fully conscious about the diaper she was wearing. She eventually got up and went to get a shower, for she did not want her parents to suspect anything.

She reluctantly took off her now damp diaper and showered. Then she proceeded to do her chores. As she put her clothes in the washer, she was reminded of the attempt again, and cringed. She then helped to set the table for dinner, and ate silently.

Having observed their usually cheery daughter being emotionless all evening, Amanda’s parents were naturally concerned and kept asking her a few times what the matter was. But Amanda shrugged off her parents’ questions of ‘what’s wrong’, ‘is everything okay’, ‘are you feeling unwell’, and maintained her silence. To take her mind off, she retired to her room and she tried watching some Youtube videos, then she tried reading a book, then she tried to do some homework. But whatever she did, she could not forget her earlier pooping event.

Amanda did not want her parents to know that she had tried to be ‘a big girl’ and tried to use the toilet for her No. 2. She was scared that it might backfire and that it would exacerbate her parents’ attempts to get her to do it full time. Already, their occasional statements made her feel uncomfortable.

Some time later, Mrs. Tan knocked on Amanda’s door and let herself in. Amanda looked up from her work to face her. She was holding a large and bulging plastic bag.

“Ah Girl, are you okay? You seem very upset. Is anything wrong?”, Mrs. Tan asked.

“Oh nothing mum”, lied Amanda.

“Nothing? You usually aren’t like this sweetheart”, said Mrs Tan, looking concerned.

“Oh, I just had a long day in school”, said Amanda. “Just very tired”

“Then you’d better rest well tonight then. I bought you some diapers, 2 bags of Tena Value. They should last you a while”, she said, and placed the bag beside her cupboard.

“Thanks mum”, said Amanda. “Thanks lots”

“You’re welcome”, said Mrs. Tan. She then paused for a moment.

“Are you upset because of what dad said yesterday”, she quizzed.

Amanda looked up, then she nodded. Come to think of it, she was upset about it.

“Oh honey, it’s okay”, said Mrs Tan gently, and walked over and gave Amanda a hug.

“We won’t push you to do it like we did before, because you are a big girl and you know yourself best. But whatever you do, Daddy and Mummy will still love you”, she added.

“Now get some rest, and don’t worry”, she said, and left.

The small mother-daughter interaction had eroded the little concentration she had, so she decided to call it a day. She considered for a moment, then went over to the new packs of diapers, ripped one open and fastened a fresh diaper on. As she adjusted it, she felt it’s very comforting effects. Without bothering to put on any pants, she switched off her roomlight and climbed onto her bed and lay there, still thinking about the day’s events. But she soon drifted off into an uneasy sleep.


“Amanda, do you want to poo-poo?”, came her mother’s lilting voice.

Amanda looked up into her mother’s face and said “yes”.

Surprised at the unexpected answer, for she always denied it when she needed to go, Mrs. Tan pressed her further.

“Do you want to poo-poo in the toilet like a big girl?”, asked her mother.

Amanda violently shook her head.

“3-year olds do not poo-poo in their diapers. If you don’t poo-poo, Mummy won’t let you eat Ice-Cream.”

“But if you are a good girl, mummy will give you the most wonderful present!”

Her curiosity piqued, Amanda allowed herself to be led to the bathroom and placed onto the toilet. “Finally Am! That’s a good little girl.”

As Amanda sat there peeing first, her mother waited. Feeling the familiar sensation, Amanda leaned forward to push – and as she did, her tiny 3-year old frame slid through the toilet seat and the next moment, there was a commotion as Amanda wailed loudly for someone to pull her out. Her mother grabbed her and lifted her out, crying as she hugged her precious baby.


Amanda jerked awake from her dream; the sound of the couple next-door arguing filtered through the city night. She got up to close the windows and switched on the air-conditioner. As she did, she felt a wet spot in her diaper. Sighing, she went back to sleep.

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Thanks for the update :slight_smile: I enjoyed the plot furtherance :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Aww poor Amanda!, i wonder why that incident affected her so deeply?.
this is very interesting, please continue and thank you for sharing. :slight_smile:

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

That might be why she hasn’t been able to poop in the toilet; my older sister more/less had the same problem. MORE PLEASE!

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

Chapter 5

Days rolled past, three weeks rolled past. Both Amanda and Alicia raced on with their assignments and tests. Both didn’t bring up the attempt or mention anything about Amanda’s diapers, and they quickly lost count the number of days past since it happened. But eventually there came a day which both girls looked forward to, in fact the whole school looked forward to it to. It was the school’s Sports Carnival.


As Amanda stood in position at the starting line, waiting for the command, she cleared her thoughts, and set her mind on the final prize.

“Ker- karisan” (On your mark)

All the 100 meter girls got into their starting position. The Neutral Umpire walked up to check that all fingers were behind the starting line. Amanda was in the eighth lane - the closest to the spectators gallery. The constant hubbub cheers of encouragement for all the athletes slowly died down.

“Sedia” (Get set)

Amanda looked up, and allowed nothing but the finish line into her sight. Today was her day, and she was ready for it.

‘Bang’ sounded the gunshot.

And with all her might, Amanda pushed off. She sprinted all the way, with wide strides and hand movement. The audience was deafening as they cheered the runners on.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her closest rival, Jasmine, slowly creeping up on her. So, she made her final dash for the finishing line. And she made sure to smile for the school photographer as she crossed the finishing line. With that, the crowd went wild!

Coming to a stop, she paused for a moment to catch her breath. It was an exhilarating feeling, a burst of adrenaline that allowed her to achieve her very first win. But in the true spirit of sportsmanship, she turned around to face Jasmine, the runner up, and they both embraced each other. They congratulated each other, before being led away by the ushers amid the deafening roars from the crowd.

As she was led onto the winners podium, she felt a sense of achievement that was unrivaled by anything she had experienced before.

“In third position we have Divya Iyer from Orion House, in second we have Jasmine Tee from Pegasus House”, the emcee announced.

“And in first place we have Amanda Tan from Aquila house!”

There was a roar of applause from the crowd, coming mainly from the direction of her class. And as the principal decorated her with a gold medal, she felt happy, and thankful.

Once she had completed her cool-down stretching and had rested for a bit, Amanda took a quick shower and changed out of her PE shirt and FBTs to her council attire for the day- a white school polo tee and the school bermudas. For while she was allowed to take part in the athletics activities she still had to return to her role as a logistics manager.

But that was for after all the events of the day had ended. For now she hung out with Alicia and their classmates, watching, among other things, a soccer friendly between the soccer team and the teachers, the 30x200m house relay, amongst other things. Some student groups had set up food and game stalls to raise funds for the school building programme, selling the likes of root beer float, ice popsicles, some Selegie soya bean curd and even Subway cookies. And as the winner of the 100m girls race Amanda was well treated by her classmates, each getting her getting her something of each. In return, Amanda bought all of them an ice popsicle in return.

Eventually, the school day came to an end. There was a speech by the principal, followed by the college dance and cheer, and then the students were dismissed. It was an early day, with school ending at 12 noon, so most students went out for lunch. Sadly though, Amanda, Alicia and those in the logistics committee could not join their classmates. There were safety cones to be kept, posters to be torn down, rubbish to be thrown away, and the house flags to be kept.

When most of the work had been done, the group of five plus five helpers went to the nearby Heartland Mall for a bite at a Pizza Hut, which was packed with students. After which, most of the group headed their separate ways. But Amanda and and Alicia actually headed back to school, as Alicia had earlier gotten Amanda to promise to finish her homework with her. And what better place to study than in school?


Alicia sat in front of Amanda, spreading out her books. The benches outside of LT4 were unusually quiet and deserted, as most of the students had gone home. There were many dedicated study areas around the school, and the benches outside of the smaller LTs were one of these zones. This particular zone, as well as the one outside of the Good News Cafe, which was located directly above, was one of the most frequented. People were drawn to these two zones in particular because of a piano, located just beside the spot where the girls were studying. People liked to play the piano, and so did others like listening in.

“It’s a pity that I can’t play a piano… yet,” thought Alicia to herself.

Her stomach rumbled a little. Alicia took it as a cue. She looked up at Amanda, who was texting someone.

“Hey Am, I’m going to change my shirt”, Alicia announced.

“Mm, okay,” Amanda acknowledged, without looking up from her phone.

Seeing that Amanda was preoccupied, Alicia took out her blue Blue school Polo-tee from her bag. Next, ever so carefully, she took out a diaper from a side compartment. Gingerly, she wrapped her t-shirt around it, not making a single sound. And after making sure that no one was around, and that Amanda was not looking, Alicia walked away to the nearest toilet that was still open.

A two minute walk later, Alicia entered a toilet that was thankfully empty. She got into a cubicle, locked it. She hung her blue polo-tee on the hook, placed the diaper on top of the toilet seat, and heaved a sigh.

Without thinking much for actually peeing, she took off her Bermudas and panties. Gingerly, she opened up the diaper, a store-brand diaper, and took a good look at it. It had been some time since she tried to help Amanda with her toileting arrangements, but that incident had piqued her interest. And so, in that short period, she had gotten her very first pack pack of real adult diapers. She had been using some as per usual at home, but today she decided to wear one in school.

She observed the diaper carefully. It had two sets of tapes, and a very light turquoise wetness indicator running down it, in the shape of hearts. It had no frontal patch, and no leak guards, but importantly, it had a negligible crinkle. She fastened on the diaper, carefully applying the tapes, and she adjusted it while standing upright. And there she was, wearing her first diaper in a ‘public’ place.

‘Well, taped ones at least’, she thought to herself. She then quickly put on her Bermudas, pocketed her panties and changed into her blue polo-tee, and left the toilet.

Alicia thanked her lucky stars that she did not meet anyone that she knew on the walk back to their table. In fact she did not see anyone. Once back, she climbed back into her seat and sat down, causing the diaper to crinkle ever so slightly.

Amanda heard that crinkle and looked up.

“I’m back!”, declared Alicia.

“Haha, I realized,” Amanda replied.

“Hey, can I tell you something Am,” Alicia asked.

“Err, okay sure,” said Amanda, who could not help but think that she was going to find out if the crinkle really was.

“Erm you see, I’ve always wanted to do this,” started Alicia.

“Do what?”

Alicia leaned closer and whispered to her.

“Wear in public.”

Amanda paused for a moment, taken aback.

“W-what?”, stuttered Amanda. "Do you know what would happen if people saw or heard you, or found out?

“Don’t worry Am, there’s almost no one in school, and these berms muffle the sound quite well”, said Alicia.

“Besides, even you have worn them to school, why are you worried?”, she then asked.

“Well, I wear them only as I am about to leave school, and no one saw me. But not for an entire afternoon Al!”

“Don’t worry lah, there’s almost no one here,” Alicia pointed out. “It’s the best time possible to wear diapers in school.”

Amanda nodded, realizing that they were in no danger whatsoever of being caught. She even felt that she should wear one herself, but she decided to exercise some restraint.

“And this is why you wanted to study in school, right?”, Amanda asked.

“Yup,” smiled Alicia.


The girls continued with their studies, occasionally saying a few things to each other. At one point, Amanda stood up to go to the toilet. But Alicia smirked, as she was wearing a diaper, and could simply go, whenever she wanted to, and she did.

The girls sat at their bench doing their assignments. Piece after piece, the girls did their work. Each worked on a GP essay on Discrimination, a Chemistry Energetics assignment, and a Biology tutorial. It was past 5pm when Amanda noticed the time on her watch.

“Gosh, we have been at it for nearly three hours already,” she blurted out.

“Haha yeah, time flies, even when you are not having fun,” she said as she looked at her own watch.

The girls stood up and stretched. A quick look around ensured that they were still alone, and that Alicia was in no danger of being found out.

“Let’s take a short walk Al. We need a breather,” Amanda declared.

Alicia looked down at her crotch, then looked up at Amanda.

“Don’t worry, let’s walk here, behind the principals office,” she said, pointing to the leading corridor. “It’s always deserted, so no one would hear you,” she added after seeing her friend’s concerned face.

Alicia nodded in agreement. So the girls closed their books, stowed their papers, and set off. They walked quietly along the path. It was a green corridor, with a wall on one side that hid the teacher’s staff room, and a green wire fence on the other side, with tall bushes growing along its perimeter, which marked out the limits of the college compound.*

A sheltered walkway, it led, for some reason, to the teacher’s carpark. Being a cooling and secluded spot, this short 30meter stretch was a place where many a couple have done things which can’t be mentioned in this story.

“So this is the gate that Reuben uses to enter the school everyday,” mentioned Alicia as she pointed to a hole in the bush which partially-hid the gate.

“Must be,” said Amanda, who was distracted by the crinkling. “So how is your diaper holding?”

“It’s holding, holding a lot of pee. But it has room for more,” she said. The girls continued walking silently.

As she walked, listening to the silent crinkle of her diaper, Alicia was reminded again of why she wore a diaper to school that day. She had worn her pull-ups to school on a few occasions, even after confiding to Amanda, but she was feeling jittery nonetheless. The jolts her stomach gave weren’t helping either. And as the girls reached the end of the pathway and stood staring into the space, Alicia plucked up the courage to ask Amanda.

The teacher’s carpark was large, having just enough room for all the teachers who drove to school. Students were not allowed to drive into the school, and the handful of rich and lucky ones who did had to park their cars in the adjacent housing board carpark. Right now, there was not a single car parked in it, further accentuating the feeling of seclusion the girls were feeling.

“Sad life these teachers have. 7 to 7 job, and they still have to go home to set papers,” said Amanda.

“Indeed sad,” remarked Alicia. And as the girls turned around to walk back, Alicia asked her question.

“Amanda, what is it like to poop in diapers?”

Amanda turned to look at her, and smiled.

“Well, I guess it should be the same as pooping on the toilet, Alicia. Just let go. Nothing unusual really. Why the sudden question?” Said Amanda in a matter-of- fact tone.

“Just wondering. Cos I… I’ve never gone in my diaper, see,” said Alicia.

“Well, if you want to know, I can share. You know what it is like to pee in a diaper, but pooping is a little different.”

“Different?”, Alicia repeated. “Like how?”

“We’ll, for one you need to get into a position to poop, unlike peeing. You can pee anytime and anywhere.”

Alicia laughed at that.

Another thing is that you have to change out of your diaper almost immediately because of the smell, and hygiene. We don’t want to get UTIs.", she said.

“True that,” Alicia said.

“And also, it sticks to your bum, which is rather irritating. If you are outside of home you need a ton of wipes to be clean, which is why I do it at home where I can just take a shower afterward,” Amanda added.

Alicia was listening intently. She was curious to find out what it was like, after what Amanda had been telling her for the past month. While she never really considered messing her pull-ups before, her getting her first pack of the more spacious tape-on diapers, had changed that notion. And having read descriptions online, she was now keen to try it. And this was why she had brought a diaper to school today.

“You seem very keen to know more Alicia, is there any reason for this?” Amanda asked, interrupting Alicia’s thoughts.

“We’ll, not really. It suddenly dawned on me,” Alicia bluffed. The girls continued walking.

Wanting a little more time to think through it, and not wanting to invite any more awkward questions from her friend, Alicia changed the subject. With that the girls slowly walked back to their table. Alicia sat down first, but then Amanda asked her to follow her to the toilet.

“But Amanda, I’m wearing a diaper! I don’t need to go.”

“We’ll never mind, just follow me then,” said Amanda.


Alicia waited outside while Amanda went in. As Amanda washed her hands, she wondered why her friend was suddenly curious about pooping her diaper, for she had initially been very disgusted by the idea when she had shared her secret with her. She decided to ask her about it. Alicia meanwhile stood peeing outside the toilets. She felt again, the same feeling at her bottom, the same one she had felt when she changed into her diaper, but much stronger this time.

Alicia decided that she needed to poop now. But she suddenly did not feel comfortable at the idea of using her diaper in school, despite having planned this for days. But she would have needed to take off her diaper if she had pooped now, and she did not want to change back into her dirty kickers. So, as Amanda emerged, she decided to tank it and she followed her back to their table, albeit a little reluctantly.

Amanda had already taken her seat when she noticed that her friend was standing rooted to the ground, in front of her seat. Pale as a piece of paper, she seemed to be fighting an internal battle. Just as Amanda was about to ask her if she was okay, Alicia spoke.

“Amanda, I’m to going back to the toilet. I think I need to poop,” she burst forth.

“Oh ok, but didn’t we just come from there?” Amanda asked.

Shifting uncomfortably, Alicia nodded.

Feeling slightly let down that Alicia wasn’t going to go in her diaper after all, Amanda said,“Well okay never mind that, remember to take your underwear.”

Alicia nodded again. She reached into her backpack, and then zipped it. Then she motioned Amanda to follow her.

Concerned, Amanda followed her. ‘What has happened?’ She silently asked herself. ‘Did she accidentally leak a little poop?’

The girls walked along silently. But Alicia didn’t go to the toilets that were open. Instead, she walked to the other end of the school. In a minute, she was tugging at the door of the handicapped persons toilet. Amanda, surprised at the turn of events, eventually pointed out to her that it was locked.

“Have you changed your mind Al?”, she asked.

“Yeah, but how now? The toilet is closed.”

Amanda thought for a moment.

“I know another place. I’ve never tried it, because that’s where a lot of couples go to have sex. Maybe it’s free now,” she said.

Now Amanda led her to that place. It was a place which was used for access to the roofs of the lecture theaters, and not many students know its actual location despite it being embedded in college folklore. Climbing up the flight of stairs only served to strengthen Alicia’s urge to excrete.

When they finally reached the top, they were glad to see it was empty. Alicia wasted no time. She took off her berms and adjusted her now-saturated diaper.

“I am now going to take my very first dump in a diaper, right here,” declared Alicia, in a somewhat cliche tone. Amanda had intended to give her some privacy, but could not help but look as Alicia stood there. She had never seen a grown person go in their pants, even though she did so herself daily, and watched with interest. She thought Alicia looked cute, trying to undo her toilet training, first while standing, then while squatting.

It took a number of tries, but soon, Alicia felt the wave of relief wash over her as she pooped in her first diaper in over a decade. And she did not deny that she quite liked that feeling. She stood up and walked around a little, feeling the mass of the mess in between her legs, though very soon she started to feel uncomfortable. The smell too, was embarrassingly overpowering. So, this being her first time, Alicia decided not to overdo it. Amanda helped to keep a lookout while Alicia cleaned herself up using the wipes that Amanda had earlier given her. Once done so, she changed into her pair of panties, and donned on her berms.


As the girls started the long walk back to their bench, Amanda asked Alicia what was the sudden inspiration for her to get her first pack of proper adult diapers. For while Alicia had told Amanda that she had gotten her first adult diapers, she hadn’t told her the details.

Alicia explained that the evening after she had tried to help Amanda with her toileting arrangements, she had returned home to find that her mother telling her younger brother about a potty training story of her. She then started to retell it to Amanda.

She was six, and was almost fully toilet-trained except for her bedwetting, for which she wore Pampers diapers to sleep.


The Lims had gone on a short family vacation to the Genting Highlands resort in nearby Malaysia for a short 4-day stay. The kids enjoyed themselves greatly, but one grouse that the young Alicia had was that the hotel toilet was… different. So for two days, she had not pooped.

On the third day, the kids and their mother spent their afternoon in their room. Their father was trying his luck at the casino, and their mother had stayed in to take care of the kids. Sitting on a couch by the window, enjoying the view, Mrs Lim was reading a book. Alicia subsequently awoke from her afternoon nap to a very strong urge to poop.

“Mummy,” she called out sleepily.

“Yes sweetie,” Mrs Lim answered, looking over her book. “You woke up early, what’s the matter?”

“Mummy can I ask you something?”

“Yes dear, what is it”, she asked.

“Can I poo poo in my pampers?”, she asked.

Despite knowing that her daughter hadn’t pooped for 3 days, Mrs Lim was surprised by the request. It had been three years since she had last pooped her diaper, and she certainly wasn’t going to permit this.

So Mrs Lim said a firm ‘no’, and Alicia had her Pampers ripped off, for her to try to use the toilet. She was even carried to the bathroom and seated onto the toilet. Mrs Lim tried to shush her wailing to not wake up her 4 year old brother.

But when it seemed clear that she was not going to poop, Mrs Lim was forced to give up. She replaced Alicia’s Pampers, and put her to bed. Young Alicia then curled up in the bed that she was sharing with her little brother, trying her best to ignore the sensation.

Alicia however, simply could not. So, silently, she crawled out of her bed and squatted beside it, out of sight of her mother. And there, she pooped. There was a lot of poop for a six-year old, but the diaper had managed to hold it all. Alicia, her tummy feeling better now, then climbed back into bed, intending to tell her mother that she had pooped in her sleep.

She fell asleep almost immediately, but the smell of her poopy diaper quickly caught the attention of her mother. Guessing what had happened, she woke her. Alicia woke up, and sat up, onto her diaper. That squeezed some of the poop out of her diaper and into her favorite pyjama pants. Mrs Lim, though infuriated, decided teach Alicia a lesson - she made her clean up after herself.

To a young Alicia, opening up her own diaper herself - something which she had never done herself up till that point - and using wipes to clean her bums, folding away her diaper, and scooping up and throwing away her soiled pants just seemed too much work to be done in return for pooping in a diaper. Peeing in them seemed a much easier a thing to get away with.


“Shortly after, my parents decided to get me to wear ‘big-girl pull-ups’, to prevent a repeat of that incident. So that was the last time I pooped in a diaper, some 12 years ago”, Alicia said as she concluded her story.

“So what do you think about pooping in diapers now, Al?”, asked Amanda, curious as to what her friend’s opinion might be.

“We’ll, personally, I still think it’s a lot of work to clean up - I mean, I used up the whole pack of wipes! Not to mention a little disgusting! So I think it will be quite some time before I poop in them again, Am”, she replied.

“Oh,” said Amanda, looking down at the floor.

“But I’ve to admit, it was an odd, yet an interesting situation, to be pooping in diapers. It’s because in a diaper, you can let go without worrying about dirty toilets,” Alicia continued, noticing the change in expression.

“And when you get used to the comforting feel of the diapers, you realize they help you relax. And you may never want to poop in the toilet again,” said Amanda.

Alicia glanced at her. “Erm… Maybe not, cos remember, my parents don’t know I use diapers. They certainly did not toilet train me, just for me to regress,” she said, perhaps a little too harshly than she meant it.

Amanda opened her mouth, but closed it again without saying anything, knowing that she was right.

At that point, the girls had reached their table and they took their seats. Amanda was still quiet, but the discussion had piqued Alicia’s interest further.

“It beats me, Amanda, why didn’t your parents push you for your toilet training? There must be a perfectly logical reason that a healthy, attractive, athletic girl like you is still using diapers only when she needs to poop, right?”, she asked.

Amanda looked stunned at being asked this question. Realizing her mistake, Alicia started to backtrack.

“As in, it’s not your…”, she began.

“There is a reason why I use diapers, Alicia”, said Amanda quietly.

Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only

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