The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

this is a fantasy story and the first chapter is an introduction and there will be no diapers in it but they will appear in ch 2…enjoy

The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Ch 1 :

In the fairy realm where princess Tota lived with her Mommy the fairy queen and her daddy the captain of the fae army and her family of six older sisters and there mates and children, the order of the fae world was much more deferent than that of the human world.

In the fairy realm the life span of the fairies stretched to more than five thousand years. The fairy children do not reach puberty until a very long time at which they lose their wings. For the male children they reach puberty at the age of one hundred years old, and for the female children they reach puberty at the age of one hundred and sixty years old.

When the fairy Queen Nialla married her mate captain Jo’naz they decided that they want to have as many children as they could and after five hundred years of marriage they had six beautiful daughters whom they loved and treasured very much.

But the queen still wanted to have at least one more baby, but for some kind of a reason the queen kept having miscarriages; she couldn’t keep the baby for more than three months and then she lose it. But, despite all of that the queen kept trying and she never gave up because she felt that if she didn’t have this baby her life would always feel incomplete.

Until one time she almost died - now the fairies never die from illness and there is only two ways for them to die either by accident or old age – for the queen to almost die from one of her miscarriages it meant that her health was in real danger and that the fairy realm not to mention the queen’s family might actually lose her.

And so captain jo’naz forbad his wife from ever trying to have another baby ever again. And for one thousand years the royal family lived happily with queen ruling her people with a loving but firm hand with the support of her husband the captain of the fairy army.

After a few years from the dreadful incident in which the fairy realm almost lost his queen. The queen and her husband became the proud grandparents of more than nine grand children, and the queen was surrounded by babies and small children but she was still feeling the need to have one more baby of her own.

And one day without any planning, without even trying the queen found herself pregnant, and this time she was able to give birth to the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world, they named her Tota, their miracle fairy baby.

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Going to go out on a limb here, I like the concept but their needs to be some serious work.

First, we have no setting. We have characters in a (for all we know) blank, two dimensional void filled universe with no other description than the name “Fairy realm.” What does fairy realm entail? Is this a good thing, a bad thing? Do fairies follow the rules of peter pan and are a few inches tall, exert a dust that when leaked on to people allow them to fly while thinking happy thoughts? Is this a fairy in the fantasy stereotypes, a short creature with tons of magical abilities many with a specialty in certain areas? Are these evil fairies, such as say a tooth fairy from Hellboy 2 which had an unnatural thirst for calcium akin to vampires and blood?

I highly doubt it’s the last one and would never be, but the point is, you can’t assume we know exactly what you’re talking about. Hell, we don’t even know if they have the ability to fly.

Then of course, you stick real world dilemmas and problems into a fictional and obvious fantasy setting, i.e. the Miscarriage. First off, what is a miscarriage. What is a miscarriage to them, does it have the same rules as it does for humans or does it mean something else? Do fairies give birth as mammals do despite being fantasy creatures more closely related to birds or insects? And what about their potential death? “They can only die by accident or old age;” while you’ve defined what old age is to them, what is an accident? Can they kill themselves or physically hurt themselves? I’d imagine a fairy woman who would go through the same experience of a miscarriage as a human woman, multiple times no less would be extremely depressed. Does she at one point give up until convinced to try again or is she always happy and willing to give it another shot?

How does she have another baby if the captain, AKA her husband, forbade her? That seems to imply that they don’t have sex and they reproduce in an alternate fashion, maybe asexually or through eggs. I don’t know. If it’s either of those though, then how does a miscarriage come into play? Maybe it doesn’t imply anything, maybe they do have sex and have babies as mammals. That just brings up a whole slew of new problems, did they have sex and did the condom break? Or did she cheat on him with someone else?

I don’t know the answer to any of those. Most of them you probably wouldn’t -need- to answer either. But the point is, we really have nothing to go on here. Right now, not a single one of those questions is answered, we don’t even know what fairies look like, where they come from or anything. We don’t even know if this is on earth or an original world/planet. These are just things you really need to think about for a first time story writer, I would suggest redoing chapter 1 entirely before moving on to chapter 2.

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Ok jaks obviously you are a person who likes to know every little detail about every little thing.

Now you talked about a lot of good points in your post but it looks like you did not read the first line I wrote in my post which said that this is an

Introduction in which I simply wrote the story of how tota came to be and I didn’t give any physical description of the fairies except that they lose their

Wings at puberty and I also didn’t give any description of the fairy realm because I was intending to do so in the actual beginning of the story in ch 2

Because I wanted it to be in the middle of the story’s flow not something that comes out of nowhere and have no sense of reality in it. And sorry to

Disappoint you, but I am not a first time writer and I am not also an expert in the fairy mythology.

Other than that thank you for even pothering to read my story as this is my first time to post in this forum and I will try to give more details…As much

as I could any way; in the end I am really not trying to write a novel here just a fantasy story to entertain the reader

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Ok jaks obviously you are a person who likes to know every little detail about every little thing.

Don’t patronize me when I’m trying to help. I said point blank that you don’t need to answer all those questions. I only asked all of them to give you an idea of what a reader might think of and want to know. I’m not trying to be insulting with my critique, I just tell it bluntly as I don’t see any other way to say it and effectively and efficiently help you if you desire the help.

In any case-

Yeah, you’re right I misread the first part about the wings, and it would be rather pointless to ask “Just because they have wings, does that mean they have the ability to fly” even though there are animals with wings and no ability to fly. However, there’s so much that needs explaining, so much that needs fleshed out and slowed down that waiting till chapter 2 isn’t really an option. If this is a prelude or something, that’s fine but even a prelude…no, -especially- a prelude needs exposition and setting. Right now, this really doesn’t work at grabbing the attention of the reader. To put it another way, if the reader doesn’t like the quality of this chapter due to the poor grammar, lack of setting and exposition, and the somewhat rushed job, what would get him to go on to chapter two?

as I could any way; in the end I am really not trying to write a novel here just a fantasy story to entertain the reader

All the more reason you need to flesh this out. It is very hard to be entertained when we don’t really have anything to go on. I’m not saying you have to give an inordinate amount of detail to everything, but some detail to critical things like the setting is almost a must…and it’d only take a couple of paragraphs.

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

This was surprisingly good (the title had me cringing, so I was happily surprised). It could have benefited from a run through spell check, and as has already been stated, some more description would have been good, but all in all a nice first effort.

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

I am riveted by this story, I hope you continue it when you have the time, and I like the concept for a story.

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Yeah, the title needs work.

Aside from the horrible, horrible run on sentences there at the beginning, this introduction wasn’t too bad. I suggest you rename it from ‘Chapter 1’ to ‘Prologue’ though, so as not to confuse people.

No, this wasn’t written like a novel. It wasn’t fleshed out and the description was poor, but it was written very much like a fairy tale (tale with fairys?). That’s actually what I liked about it. Though that’s pretty much all I like, and to be honest I probably won’t read chapter 2 (1?). I don’t like fantasy unless it tries VERY hard to be believable, which this doesn’t.

PS: Either throw out your word processor or your web browser (or both?). There are some pretty easily fixable spelling errors here and there.

PPS: And guys, it clearly states that Tota’s mother didn’t even try to have another baby, but she just became pregnant. Hence the ‘miracle baby’ title given to Tota. (Unless this was an edit).

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

This was a first page, not a first chapter. You should have waited to post until you at least got into the story with the main character. You know the part where the main character reacts to the plot with dialogue and action and hears dialogue from the rest of the characters. (At least the characters that appear in the first scene.)

Nothing was terribly cringe-worthy, other than the spelling and grammar, but most of that could be fixed by running it through a good spell checker. Remember the words underlined with red squibbles are misspelled. I am not a fan of the concept, but that is not what we are grading you on here. We grade on story quality. :slight_smile: And yes, there will be a quiz next time you post. :slight_smile:

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Ok, you seem to have in mind a story but no ability to put it down in a decent way.

Next time, try to put down the idea (like you did in this “1st chapter”) and then, for each sentence, question yourself about what is missing to make it real. Sometimes is more description, somewhere a psycological background, maybe certain parts can be better developed with a dialogue…

Then leave it down for a couple of days, read it again and add more.

A re-post: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Okay guys, sorry for being so late to respond.

I realize that this story needs a lot of work and fleshing out as jaks said before in his post, who I would like to apologies to if he felt offended by my reply to his post.

I think you should know some important things about this story:

  1. Most of this story comes from my imagination and the rest of it, you could say is some known characteristics of the fairy that I was able to collect.

  2. I think I should have given you some kind of a small manual guide that maybe could help you to understand what I am talking about so here it is:

– gathered info:

a) The Fairy Realms: A world only accessible through magic mirrors, the Fairy Realms, are divided into seven realms: the Fairy Realm, the Goblin Realm, the Troll Realm, the Elf Realm, the Dwarf Realm, the shape-shifters realm and the realm of the mages.

b) The Otherworlds: Cut off from the rest of the realms, full of dark magic and is where the dark Fay and dark elves and other evil creatures live.

  • The focus is going to be on the fairy realm but the others are mentioned because they might come up later.

– Imagination:

C) the fairy realm: is a huge forest divided into villages in the middle of it is the biggest tree in the whole worlds which contains the royal palace and is where the whole royal family live, it has all the governmental facilities such as the fairy council and it also contains the army barracks and other army facilities. (Other things might be added later on)

d) the fairies in my imagination are completely different from what they are always said to be which is that they are little people, but in my imagination they are all over six feet tall, and the ones who when they grow up are shorter than five feet ten, are either never respected or are always treated like a child.

e) fairies reach there ultimate height which starts from five feet ten and beyond that, at puberty which is when they also lose there wings, so the ones who never reach there ultimate height never lose there wings.

f) Fairies are the most beautiful creatures and they are very powerful, they are known for there magnificent magical and physical powers and they are highly respected among the other magical creatures.

g) The light Fay (the good guys who live in the fairy realm) and the dark Fay (the bad guys who live in the otherworlds) are most of the time in war against each other because the dark Fay want to take over the throne.

h) The fairies never get sick, and they only die by either old age or accident, by accident I mean, a fairy for example can, while riding on a unicorn fall of and break his\her neck, a fairy can also be killed in a fight or one of the wars.

I) a female fairy can use a protection against getting pregnant, which is in the forum of an anti-pregnancy charm.

j) Fairies can fly until they lose there wings and then they start using unicorns to fly the ones who still have there wings can either use them or just ride a unicorn.

  • Well that is it for now if I forgot any thing please don’t hesitate to remind me and her is a re-post of what I posted before:

The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Prologue:

In the fairy realm where princess Tota lived with her Mommy the fairy queen, and her daddy the captain of the Fay army, and her family of six older sisters and there mates and children, the order of the Fay world was much more different than that of the human world.

In the fairy realm, the life span of the fairies stretched to more than five thousand years. The fairy children do not reach puberty until a very long time, at which they lose their wings. For the male children, they reach puberty at the age of one hundred years old, and for the female children, they reach puberty at the age of one hundred and sixty years old.

When the fairy queen, Queen Nialla, married her mate captain Jo’naz, they decided that they want to have as many children as they could, and after five hundred years of marriage, they had six beautiful daughters whom they loved and treasured very much.

But the queen still wanted to have at least one more baby, but for some kind of a reason the queen kept having miscarriages; she couldn’t keep the baby for more than three months, and then she lose it. But, despite all of that, the queen kept trying and she never gave up because she felt that if she didn’t have this baby her life would always feel incomplete.

Until one time she almost died - now the fairies never die from illness and there is only two ways for them to die either by accident or old age – for the queen to almost die from one of her miscarriages, it meant that her health was in real danger, and that the fairy realm, not to mention the queen’s family might actually lose her.

And so captain jo’naz forbade his wife from ever trying to have another baby ever again. And for one thousand years the royal family lived happily, with queen Nialla ruling her people with a loving but firm hand with the support of her husband the captain of the fairy army.

After a few years from the dreadful incident in which the fairy realm almost lost his queen. The queen and her husband became the proud grandparents of more than nine grand children, and the queen was surrounded by babies, and small children. But she was still feeling the need to have one more baby of her own.

And one day without any planning, without even trying the queen found herself pregnant, despite her wearing the anti-pregnancy charm. And this time she was able to give birth to the most beautiful baby girl in the whole worlds, they named her Tota, their miracle fairy baby.

The first ch will be posted soon…thanks for reading this story.–

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Don’t tell me a list of facts about your story and world. Incorporate these things into the story as they come up.

Show don’t tell.

You have characters in this story. Your keyboard probably has a quotation mark. Use them together to let the characters tell the story. I don’t really want to listen to an entire story that is narrated, because that is not interested.

Keep writing. The only way to write well is to right often.

An idea: Take a novel, any novel. Look inside and examine the ration of quotation to narration. Look at several novels. A good mix for each paragraph is pretty good. Write like that.

Re: The life of princess Tota the fairy baby

Just like WriteandLeft says - don’t list those facts about the fairy realm, but find a way to incorporate them into the story.

Your first sentence still barely makes any sense whatsoever, and then in the second, you chop and change tenses. You need to choose one. Don’t just try and splurge your mind onto the page as quickly and easily as you can; try and shape what we build in ours.