The Life of the Tiny Twins

Hi everybody this is going to be my first story and I shall be updating it 1 to 2 times a week
(this does have a PG-13 aspect to it)

This 1st Chapter was 5 pgs in Microsoft word

Backstory:

There they were, Two girls playing in the park like any kid likes to do. Their names are Olivia and Sophia. They are twins however, Olivia is the more loveable of the two. Why is that? That would be due to the fact that Sophia has “mental issues” and even though Olivia has issues of her own, hers are more controlled then her sisters.
They both are roughly 3’1 and weigh around 35lbs. They both have their mothers blue eyes but olivia has her dad’s red hair while Sophia has her mother’s blonde hair.
Olivia is Bipolar and is on medication for it. Sophia is Schizophrenic and has been in and out of psych wards 6 times within the last year and is on medicine for her issues.

The Story Begins:

Olivia and Sophia were both playing happily in the park when all of a sudden, both girls(who are very tiny for 4 yr olds) both had to go potty but they didn’t want to stop playing so they continued playing. Then all of a sudden their mother notices that their is a wet spot on both girl’s dresses. So she calls them over and both girls simultaniously
say “what’s up mom?”. Their mom says to them" I think you two had another accident".

The girls check each other and sure enough they both had accidents. Their mom says to them “I think I know what’s going on now”. “You two want attention now that I have your sister in my tummy” Olivia then Confesses that her mom was right and starts crying :frowning:
Sophia did the same as Olivia and confessed and started crying. Their mom told them to come sit with her and calm down. She then asks them an unusual question “Would you two like to be babies again if so I’m more then happy to allow it ?” The Girls cheer up in an instant when they hear this. The girls agree with their mother and decide to head home to work out the details.

When the three of them got home Olivia and Sophia both changed into new clothes and went downstairs to talk to their mother. Their mother sits them down next to her on the couch and then the fun begins. Their mom says to them “I figured this would happen and I prepared for it ahead of time” Olivia had a confused look on her face when she heard that statement. Olivia then asks her mom “How did you find out mommy?” Her mom then says “Mother’s know when their kids want their attention” Sophia is still Happy about this situation while Olivia is starting to second guess her decision. Her mom notices it and says to Olivia “You don’t have to do this if you dont want to Olivia, It’s your choice” Then Sophia says to her sister “Come on sis don’t act like you don’t want this I know you do because you’ve been telling me this for what seems like forever” Olivia then hugs her sister and her mom says “There’s the Olivia I love”. She comes over to them holds their hands and walks them upstairs to the guest bedroom where their surprise awaits. Their Mom opens the door and both girls are in total disbelief as to what they just walked into. Both girls say in unison “Wow mommy you really went all out with this” Their mommy then says to them “I did it to make you two happy” The two girls ran over to their mother and hugged her tightly. The Girls then ask the magic question “Can we start now mommy?”. Their Mom says to them “We sure can, Who wants to be dressed first?” Olivia says she does and her mom lifts her up on the changing table takes all of Olivia’s clothes off and puts a size 5 Pampers on her. Olivia was giggling the whole time as she was being put in a diaper and then her mommy picks out a cute pink onesie and puts it on Olivia. Then her mom grabbed two pairs of Overalls, One with Rainbow Dash on it the other with Dora the Explorer on it she asked Olivia to choose which she wanted and Olivia Chose the Rainbow Dash ones. Her mom put the Overalls on Olivia then puts her down on the ground and grabs Sophia who was jumping with joy waiting for Olivia to be fully dressed. Sophia gets the same routine except instead of Rainbow Dash Overalls She gets Pinkie Pie ones. Their mom then says “All done,Now who’s Hungry”.

Both girls say they are and they go to the kitchen where two Highchairs were set up. Both girls were confused as to why the highchairs were there,until they saw their auntie Maria. They both Ran over to her and hugged her as hard as they could. Maria then says to her neices “My oh my,You two look adorable.” Both girls say thank you to their auntie. Olivia then says “Where’s Kaylee?” Auntie Maria then says “Come into the living room and i’ll show you.” Olivia walks into the living room to find a mirror image of her. Olivia then says “Wow Kaylee you look adorable” Kaylee says “Thank you Olivia, and you look adorable as well” Sophia runs over to Kaylee and hugs her very hard. Kaylee says “Hey Sophia I see you missed me a bunch by the way you are hugging me right now” Sophia then says “I did miss you I havent seen you since christmas” Auntie Marie then says who’s hungry. All three girls say yes and Auntie Marie then says “Then lets go for a ride” All three girls start jumping up and down in joy. They end up going to a pizza joint and all three girls make a big mess on their faces and their moms get a laugh out of it. Auntie Marie asks Olivia and Sophia “Would you two like to go to Gymnastic’s class with Kaylee tomorrow?” Both girls look at each other and are shocked by their auntie’s question then Kaylee says to Olivia and Sophia “Come on you two you know you can’t resist”. The twins end up agreeing with Kaylee and say yes to their Auntie. Auntie Marie then says “We can get your leotard’s today if you want to” Olivia and Sophia have a puzzled look on their faces when Auntie says Leotard’s. Olivia then asks “What’s a Leotard?” Kaylee answers “it’s what you wear when you do gymnastics” Olivia then goes " Ohhh Now I see". Both Olivia and Sophia are excited to get their leotards and as soon as they are done eating they head over to the place where Kaylee does Gymnastics and Olivia and Sophia are signed up for Kaylee’s class and get their Leotards. Olivia and Sophia both say “I cant wait to start gymnastics” their mom says “Well you won’t have to wait long because you start tomorrow” All three girls are very excited and Olivia and Sophia ask to stay with Auntie Maria for the night and their mom says yes and they pack their clothes and head over to Auntie Maria’s house for the night. Kaylee goes into her room with her mom following her. When they come out, Kaylee is in just a T-Shirt and a diaper. Olivia and Sophia see their cousin and are amazed that Kaylee is just like them and ask their auntie if they can change like Kaylee is and she says it’s fine but she wants to help. Olivia is the first one on the changing table and she is wet so Auntie changes her and puts a Pinkie Pie T-Shirt on her and sets her on the ground. Then comes Sophia who is also wet and gets a new diaper put on and gets a Dora shirt put on her. Then they all go downstairs by Kaylee who is watching My Little Pony. Kaylee sees her cousins and lets out a little giggle. The three of them watch My little Pony until dinner when their auntie grabs Olivia and Sophia and puts them in Highchairs with Kaylee following right behind them. The three girls are fed and given a bottle before being put in a crib together.

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Oh the responses to this are going to be fun.

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

I could go on listing all the things wrong or missing from this… uhh… “chapter” such as character development, plot, back story, the ages of the characters, the idea that just because they are twins their bathroom habits are perfectly synced, etc. But instead, I’m just going to say… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35XI37SVVYI

…nuff said.

1 Like

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

I’ve got a confession to make guys um I have never been good at character development and it shows in the story. The way the comments to this are going I don’t think I’m going to be updating this for reasons stated above. I think I’m just going to stick to replying to other people’s stories. There’s no point in me posting anymore of this I’m sorry for posting this monstrocity :frowning:

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Monstrosity is far to strong a word. You said it yourself that this was your first story; no one expects someone to pick up an instrument they’ve never used before, and be able to play it like a master. The same applies to writing.

The problem here is that while you clearly have an idea of what you want to happen, a mental image of the scenes as they happen, you don’t convey them to us the readers. You stated in the title the story was about twins, yet we don’t know what they look like; hair color, hair length, eye color, and size are a few details needed to help give the readers a mental image of the characters you’ve created.

The twins are 4 years old, that’s good to know; an age helps develop the mental image of the characters you write about outside of just a general description. The issue here is that you’ve stated they both have mental issues; what issues do they have?

Then there’s the length of the ‘chapter.’ It’s way to short, simple as that. It all fits on one page of a word document program, I checked. A good chapter would be anywhere between 5 to 10 pages worth of content. You can fill a lot of that with description; how a character looks, a character’s expression, the physical action a character performs (Putting an hand on a shoulder while comforting them, lifting the child up and setting them in their car seat, stuff like that,) each of those can add a decent amount of length to your story and can improve the quality of it if done right.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t give up after your first attempt. Writing is an art; it takes both skill and experience to get to the level of a published author. No one expects something like that to be posted on this site, not to say we wouldn’t enjoy it, but we don’t expect it and especially not from someone who admits it’s their first time writing.

When you fall off a bike, hopefully you get back on and try again. I hope you’re able to do that, but if not, that’s okay too. No pressure.

The Life of the Tiny Twins

That wasn’t the full chapter that was only 1/4 of what I had and the rest of it wouldn’t load right (the rest ended up being 6 pgs in word) If anybody would possibly like to mentor me or something to that extent I’d be all for it.

Edit: I got the rest to load now I just need to post it

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Being that this is your first story I don’t think judging harshly is the right way to go. I am new to writing myself so I know how hard it is. I would like to see how this story goes and what adventures await the twins. Keep up your work no matter what some harsh critics say because that’s the give and take of al art. Some will like it and others will tell you what’s wrong with it

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

I have updated the backstory to meet what you guys wanted so feel free to comment on it

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Good description. Can’t wait to read what happens next

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

I’ve updated the story in the OP

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

First Chapter is complete feel free to leave comments on what you think of the story so far

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

For those who wondered what happened to this story I’ve been swamped with homework for college and have had no time to do anything but I should be able to write more in a wk or 2

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

This chapter is supposed to be short as the next 3 will be massive so I hope you enjoy this

Edit: my computer messed up the spacing and now I have to fix it

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Please space, the lack of spacing and frequent run on sentences render this unreadable for me.

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

sorry bout that my computer messed that up I’ll fix that

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Nice story looking forward to more

The Life of the Tiny Twins

I updated the first Chapter a bit due to missing plot tie ins

Backstory:

There they were, Two girls playing in the park like any kid likes to do. Their names are Olivia and Sophia. They are twins; however, Olivia is the more loveable of the two. Why is that? That would be due to the fact that Sophia has “mental issues” and even though Olivia has issues of her own, hers are more controlled than her sisters.
They both are roughly 3’1 and weigh around 35 lbs. They both have their mother’s blue eyes but olivia has her dad’s red hair, while Sophia has her mother’s blonde hair.
Olivia is Bipolar and is on medication for it. Sophia is Schizophrenic and has been in and out of psych wards 6 times within the last year and is on medicine for her issues too.
Their cousin Kaylee who is 4 and their auntie Maria also get into the

The Story Begins:

Olivia and Sophia were both playing happily in the park when all of a sudden, both girls(who are very tiny for 4 yr olds) both had to go potty but they didn’t want to stop playing so they continued playing. Then all of a sudden their mother notices that there is a wet spot on both girl’s dresses. So she calls them over and both girls simultaneously say “what’s up mom?”.

Their mom says to them" I think you two had another accident".

The girls check each other and sure enough they both had accidents.

Their mom says to them “I think I know what’s going on now. You two want attention now that I have your sister in my tummy”

Olivia then Confesses that her mom was right and starts crying and says to her mother " I thought that I would be left out when little sis comes" Sophia did the same as Olivia and confessed by saying"I felt like I was going to be left out when lil sis comes" and started crying. Their mom told them to come sit with her and calm down.

She then asks them an unusual question “Would you two like to be babies again if so, I’m more than happy to allow it.” The Girls cheer up in an instant when they hear this. Both girls say “ok let’s go mommy”

When the three of them got home Olivia and Sophia both changed into new clothes and went downstairs to talk to their mother. Their mother sits them down next to her on the couch and then the fun begins.

Their mom says to them "I figured this would happen and I prepared for it ahead of time. "

Olivia had a confused look on her face when she heard that statement. Olivia then asks her mom “How did you find out mommy?”

Her mom then says “Mother’s know when their kids want their attention.”

Sophia is still Happy about this situation while Olivia is starting to second guess her decision. Her mom notices it and says to Olivia “You don’t have to do this if you dont want to Olivia, It’s your choice.”

Then Sophia says to her sister “Come on sis don’t act like you don’t want this I know you do because you’ve been telling me this for what seems like forever.”

Olivia then hugs her sister and her mom says “There’s the Olivia I love.”
She comes over to them holds their hands and walks them upstairs to the guest bedroom where their surprise awaits. Their Mom opens the door and both girls are in total disbelief as to what they just walked into.

Both girls say in unison “Wow mommy you really went all out with this.”

Their mommy then says to them “I did it to make you two happy.”

The two girls ran over to their mother and hugged her tightly. The Girls then ask the magic question “Can we start now mommy?”

Their Mom says to them “We sure can, Who wants to be dressed first?”

Olivia says" I do mommy " and her mom lifts her up on the changing table takes all of Olivia’s clothes off and puts a size 5 Pampers on her. Olivia was giggling the whole time as she was being put in a diaper and then her mommy picks out a cute pink onesie and puts it on Olivia. Then her mom grabbed two pairs of Overalls, One with Rainbow Dash on it the other with Dora the Explorer on it she asked Olivia to choose which she wanted and Olivia Chose the Rainbow Dash ones. Her mom put the Overalls on Olivia then puts her down on the ground and grabs Sophia who was jumping with joy waiting for Olivia to be fully dressed. Sophia gets the same routine except instead of Rainbow Dash Overalls She gets Pinkie Pie ones.

Their mom then says “All done,Now who’s Hungry.”

Both girls say " I am " and they go downstairs to the the kitchen where two High Chairs were set up. Both girls were confused as to why the high chairs were there,until they saw their auntie Maria. They both Ran over to her and hugged her as hard as they could.

Maria then says to her nieces “My oh my, you two look adorable.”

Both girls say thank you to their auntie. Olivia then says “Where’s Kaylee?”

Auntie Maria then says “Come into the living room and i’ll show you.”

Olivia walks into the living room to find a mirror image of her. Olivia then says “Wow Kaylee you look adorable”

Kaylee says “Thank you Olivia, and you look adorable as well”

Sophia then asks Kaylee"why are you dressed like this Kaylee?"

Kaylee then goes on to say" Our parents have been planning this for what seems like forever and my mommy thought I’d have fun with you guys while doing this."

Sophia runs over to Kaylee and hugs her very hard. Kaylee says “Hey Sophia I see you missed me a bunch by the way you are hugging me right now.”

Sophia then says “I did miss you I havent seen you since christmas.”

Auntie Marie then says who’s hungry. All three girls say yes and Auntie Marie then says “Then lets go for a ride.”

All three girls start jumping up and down in joy. They end up going to a pizza joint and all three girls make a big mess on their faces and their moms get a laugh out of it.

Auntie Marie asks Olivia and Sophia “Would you two like to go to Gymnastics class with Kaylee tomorrow?”

Both girls look at each other and are shocked by their auntie’s question then Kaylee says to Olivia and Sophia “Come on you two you know you can’t resist.”

The twins end up agreeing with Kaylee and say yes to their Auntie. Auntie Marie then says “We can get your leotards today if you want to.”

Olivia and Sophia have a puzzled look on their faces when Auntie says Leotards.

Olivia then asks “What’s a Leotard?”

Kaylee answers “it’s what you wear when you do gymnastics” Olivia then goes “Ohhh Now I see.”

Both Olivia and Sophia are excited to get their leotards and as soon as they are done eating they head over to the place where Kaylee does Gymnastics and Olivia and Sophia are signed up for Kaylee’s class and get their Leotards.

Olivia and Sophia both say “I cant wait to start gymnastics.”

Their mom says “Well you won’t have to wait long because you start tomorrow.”

All three girls are very excited and Olivia and Sophia ask to stay with Auntie Maria for the night and their mom says yes and they pack their clothes and head over to Auntie Maria’s house for the night. Kaylee goes into her room with her mom following her. When they come out, Kaylee is in just a T-Shirt and a diaper. Olivia and Sophia see their cousin and are amazed that Kaylee is just like them and ask their auntie if they can change like Kaylee is and she says it’s fine but she wants to help. Olivia is the first one on the changing table and she is wet so Auntie changes her and puts a Pinkie Pie T-Shirt on her and sets her on the ground. Then comes Sophia who is also wet and gets a new diaper put on and gets a Dora shirt put on her. Then they all go downstairs by Kaylee who is watching My Little Pony. Kaylee sees her cousins and lets out a little giggle. The three of them watch My little Pony until dinner when their auntie grabs Olivia and Sophia and puts them in Highchairs with Kaylee following right behind them. The three girls are fed and given a bottle before being put in a crib together.

Chapter 2:

The next day Olivia wakes up in one of her manic episodes and her Auntie comes in and notices and says to her “Come to Auntie Sweetie.”

Olivia gets scared and starts crying into her pillow. Auntie Maria then picks Olivia up and starts rocking her. Olivia calms down and is changed into her leotard then Auntie Maria wakes Kaylee and Sophia up and get them ready as well. Then the three girls eat and go off to Gymnastics class. The Three girls get to the Gymnastics center and go into the tumbling area.

Kaylee goes off by her friends and Sophia says to Olivia “I’m scared to do this.”

Olivia then puts her arm around her sister and says “Don’t worry sis it’ll be ok.”

Sophia reluctantly walks over to the teacher with Olivia and the teacher says to them “Hey you must be Kaylee’s cousins,My name is Mrs. Annabelle.”

Sophia says to Mrs. Annabelle shyly “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Annabelle.”

Olivia is not so quick to reply. She says to Mrs.Annabelle " It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Annabelle."
Mrs. Annabelle says to them “Don’t be shy we don’t bite and I have a surprise for you two and Kaylee.” She then says out of Nowhere “Come in Kayla and Ryan.”

Kaylee,Olivia,and Sophia were shocked to see their older cousins and ran over to them and hugged them as hard as possible. Ryan says to the three girls “Are you three ready to learn Gymnastics.”

All three girls say in Unison " Yes we do!!"

Ryan and Kayla say “Then let’s get to it!”

Ryan is in immaculate shape having a six-pack and Kayla has a 4-pack.

Kaylee then asks her older cousins " Why are you here?"

Ryan quickly answers “We thought we’d come help teach our three favorite cousins how to do gymnastics seeing how both of us were both State champs in gymnastics in High School and we both went on to College for Gymnastics.”

Mrs. Annabelle steps in and says “They are also former students of mine.”

Kaylee says “Let’s Get started then.” So then they began on the beams which was easy for Olivia seeing how she has immaculate balance for her age. Sophia got the hang of it after a few tries. Kaylee wasn’t so fortunate as she got on the beam she went to do a cartwheel and landed it, but she landed awkwardly and fell off the beam and was doubled over in pain. Ryan came over and checked her out (He is a paramedic). He moved her knee and thats when things got serious. Ryan said that Kaylee Dislocated her knee and needed to go to a hospital. Mrs. Annabelle said that everyone in the class could come and be with Kaylee in the Hospital. Olivia and Sophia both were crying and then Sophia went haywire and started having a Seizure and thats when it got bad.

Mrs. Anabelle called 911 and an ambulence was there in 5 minutes and they took both Sophia and Kaylee to the ER. They gave Sophia some Diazepam to control her seizures. Kaylee was not so lucky, She was sent to the OR to put her knee back into place. Meanwhile, Olivia is freaking out that her sister and cousin were both in the hospital and Ryan decided to take her to his house for a while to get her mind off the situation. Olivia’s mother gives ryan her house key to grab stuff for an overnight bag for Olivia. They arrive at Ryan’s house and his wife Tiffany and their three year old daughter Riley come out to greet both of them. Olivia is being shy and is hiding behind Ryan. Ryan picks up Olivia and brings her upstairs to Riley’s room where there is a pack n play set up. Ryan Changes Olivia’s diaper and she is put down for a nap while Riley napped in her own bed.

About an hour later as if on cue both Riley and Olivia wake up from their naps and start crying. Tiffany is soon in the room to get them. Olivia is holding her face and tiffany gets an Idea. She pulls out a teething ring from Riley’s dresser Drawer and gives it to Olivia. Olivia calms down almost instantaneously and is hoisted out of the pack n play. Tiffany, Riley, and Olivia go downstairs where Ryan is making dinner and it’s Olivia’s favorite Salisbury steak. There are two high chairs set up around the table. Riley is put into her’s no problem but Olivia gets scared when Tiffany tries to pick her up and runs behind the couch. Ryan says He’ll take care of Olivia if Tiffany watches the food. Ryan goes by Olivia and puts his fingers through her hair. Olivia is shaking with fear and Ryan tells her to come sit on his lap.

Ryan then says “Don’t be scared of Tiffany sweet pea she won’t hurt you, she is the nicest person in the world and wouldn’t ever hurt you.”

Olivia perks up and she comes out from behind the couch. Meanwhile back at the Hospital, Sophia is freaking out because Olivia is not there. Her mom said to her that Olivia is with Ryan because she was worried about you and Kaylee to the point that she was having a meltdown.

Sophia then says to her mom “Awe Me sissy was wowwied about me.” As soon as this conversation ended Kaylee was rolled into recovery and Sophia asks if she can go see her cousin. The doctor approves and rolls Sophia up to Kaylee’s room and Kaylee is still asleep from the anesthesia. Sophia is rolled up right next to her cousin and grabs her cousins hand tightly and starts saying “you’ll be ok Kaylee we’ll get through this together” Just then Kaylee wakes up from the anesthesia and is tearing up when she sees Sophia right next to her holding her hand.

Sophia says to her “You were there for me when I was in the hospital now it’s time to return the favor.” Kaylee cheers up and attempts to hug Sophia but cant turn enough to do so.

Back at Ryan’s house, Olivia is coming out of her shell and let’s tiffany put her into her Highchair. Tiffany gives her her food and Olivia eats it and then She smells something. Olivia says “What stinks in here?”

Ryan checks both girls diapers and it turns out both girls are stinky. Ryan takes them both upstairs and undresses them wipes them up and then it’s bath time. Riley and Olivia are put in the bath together and Riley Splashes some water at Olivia and Olivia does it back. Ryan washes both girls’ hair and bodies,then dries them both off. Then Ryan dresses both girls and sends them off to play.

Back at the Hospital Kaylee & Sophia are both getting discharged and Kaylee is able to walk again but can’t do gymnastics again for 2 wks. Sophia is happy to have her cousin back to how she was before her fall. Sophia and Kaylee stay at Kaylee’s House for the night and fall asleep watching My Little Pony.

Olivia is having fun when Ryan scoops both her and Riley up and brings them upstairs to get ready for bed. Ryan gets Riley and Olivia in their pajamas and reads them a bedtime story before the two girls go to bed. In the morning Riley is up at the crack of dawn and is whining. Tiffany comes in and picks up her little girl, changes her and brings her downstairs. About an hour later Olivia wakes up and starts crying. Tiffany comes and picks Olivia up changes her stinky butt and brings her downstairs.

Sophia wakes Kaylee up in the morning and then they go downstairs and lay on the floor and start coloring. Auntie Maria gets up 30 minutes later and goes downstairs and sees that Sophia and Kaylee are already awake.

Sorry for the 2 month long wait for this guys I’ve been dealing with major Manic episodes(I have Bipolar 1 disorder) and I was inpatient at a Psychiatric Hospital over Thanksgiving

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Glad to hear you’re out, hospitals are never fun to be stuck in.

As for this story, one issue I’ve noticed is either some characters don’t have an age listed, or they do and their actions/appearances don’t match appropriately to their age. For example, you have Olivia and Sophia as four years old, yet they both suffer from serious medical conditions and Sophia has been in a psych ward at age four; I’m no expert on either condition, doubt most readers would be, so while this could be possible it doesn’t seem plausible to me. Also, if they are the SIZE of four year olds and are older, you should specify that.

Another thing was how Kaylee and Ryan were introduced. You fixed the perception on Ryan, revealing he was married and thus much older, but like the above issue, we have no idea if they are adults, kids, or what.

Overall, content is okay; not the best I’ve read, nor the worst. Feel if you spent a bit more effort on description and imagery, as well as slow down the pace of the story, the quality of work would be leaps and bounds better.

Hope to see more from you in the future ^^

Re: The Life of the Tiny Twins

Shygirl93, you’ve got a good idea here. You also put in some massive improvement from that first post. I’m going to give you a lot of criticism here but it’s only because I think you can use it to make yourself much better, very quickly.

Alright, first section. You use “both” three times in the first sentence. It’s awkward. Either alternate the word with synonyms or reorganize the sentence entirely. “All of a sudden” doesn’t really work because the need to relieve oneself builds up over time. Now, perhaps they suddenly knew they needed to potty, just be more specific. Also, you use “playing” three times in the first sentence it’s awkward in the same way your use of “both” is awkward. Certain words are implied by other words; it’s okay to use implication as long as it’s clear.

Another point, you use the phrase “all of a sudden” in your first and second sentence. Phrases need to be used even more sparingly than same words. Third sentence, “both girls” again. The first sentence is in past tense: “were, had, continued.” The second and third sentence is in present tense: “notices, is, calls.” It’s important that tenses match throughout the whole story. Comma should be used to offset clauses. If you do not know what a clause is, look it up, it’s a good thing to know. The second sentence is also awkward in that there appears to be one wet spot across both girls dresses, you either need to add “each” to delineate there is one spot per dress or use “wet spots” which is not as correct but readers would get the idea from context. Also, when the possession of an item refers to multiple owners, the apostrophe goes after the s, “girls’” not “girl’s.”

It’s also generally a good idea to start a paragraph with dialogue rather than ending a paragraph with it. There is only one speaker so it is not exactly wrong but it is awkward. Also, people usually write “asked” instead of “said” when the speaker proposes a question.

TL;DR 1st section: don’t use same word or phrase a bunch, don’t change tenses, use commas for clauses, and apostrophes after the “s” is plural owners.

Here’s the practical application:

"Olivia and Sophia were playing happily in the park when they suddenly noticed they had to go potty but did not want to stop their play. Then, all of a sudden, their mother noticed that is a wet spot on each of the girls’ dresses, so she called them over.

‘What’s up mom?’ The girls asked simultaneously."

Next

First, second, and third sentences are present tense. Fourth sentence changes from present to past tense mid-sentence “Confesses” and “confessed.” Again, commas for clauses. There are also continuity issue. We just read four paragraphs or so ago that Olivia and Sophia wet their pants because they did not want to stop playing. Now, they are confessing that they did it for attention. Are they lying? You missed punctuation off the last sentence, too. Finally, the dialogue is too mature for 4-year-olds, they simply do not talk that way. The emotion they are expressing is deeper than a child of that age can articulate. At best, they would agree with their mom’s description. Also, if a child that age has no younger siblings they usually do not anticipate the lack of attention ahead of time - instead it is a rude awakening once the child is born. I mean, how would 4-year-olds have any understanding of what having a new baby in the house is like.

I would suggest writing in all past tense. It is much easier, imagine you’re telling a story to a friend - you’ll tell it all in past tense. Persons these days try to write in present because they think it feels like a movie but it’s almost impossible to maintain and, actually, it’s jarring to avid readers.

As I broke it down, it took longer than I thought. Let me know if the examples are useful to you, otherwise I’ll just note general grammar issues in future.

The Life of the Tiny Twins

I honestly was stuck between a rock and a hard place with the dialogue for Olivia and Sophia I honestly was having trouble figuring out how to express what I wanted in the dialogue while making it seem like it was said by a 4 yr old.

I dont think I mentioned this but Im not a Native English Speaker I actually speak French Natively so any grammar help I get will be much appreciated.

As for the repitition of words and phrases I’ll fix that in the next chapter I didn’t realize that I used some of those words as much as i did

I had some help with this and I’m glad it payed off to show that people actually like this story