The Secret Tree House 2 Brinley Meets Ben Chapter 1

A Day earlier than I expected, I just couldn’t stay away from my writing.

The Secret Tree House 2- Brinley meets Ben

Chapter 1 ( Benjamin Hamilton)

6 Weeks before Abbie’s Move

Ben Hamilton walked slowly up the stairs to his bedroom. He could hear his little sister Holly downstairs still crying. His world had just been shifted dramatically. His father had just recently found out that the town they were living in was making cuts to their police force. Unfortunately Ben’s dad was one of the police officers being cut because he did not have as much seniority as some of the other officers.

William Hamilton had such a fantastic resume though, he was being transferred to the city of Hudson where they were in need of an additional sheriff’s deputy. Ben understood the necessity of the move from a family stand point, his dad needed to work so he could support the family. Socially however, it was a nightmare, he was going to have to start completely over with friends right as he was entering high school.

Holly was a wreck as he heard her come up the stairs and slam the door to her room. She was two years younger than Ben, and she didn’t even consider the value of the move from a family stand point, she only knew she was going to be losing her friends. Ben tried to go and comfort his little sister. Normally they fought just about every day, but when one was hurting, the other was quick to come along side.

Holly lay down face first on the bed crying. She like Ben was very slender for her age, but unlike Ben she was tall compared to most of her classmates. Ben sat down on the bed next to his sister and pulled her head close to his side. She looked up at him, her brown eyes peering through stands of medium length brown hair that was currently all over the place. She sat up next to Ben just a fraction of an inch shorter than her 13 year old brother. He tried to think of something to say, but when he found he lacked wisdom in words, he was wiser still for just sitting next to his sister and holding her as she cried.

Not more than a week later Ben and Holly sat next to each other in the back seat of their parents car headed to Hudson to look at a house. Ben kicked his sister’s foot off of the middle of the floor board. “Keep your feet on your own side Holly.” He said glaring over.

“You know half of the middle of the car is mine Benjamin.” Holly said sticking her tongue out at him. She knew he hated it when people called him by his whole name.

“You would think there was four of you smashed together in a little tiny space, but then I remember, we only had two children, and they should be able to fit quite easily into the backseat of a car together.” Mrs. Hamilton said turning around giving Ben and Holly “THE LOOK”.

Both children retreated well onto their half of the car not wanting to create any more problems. Their father continued the lecture anyways. “We have a three hour drive to go see this house, you think you would be thankful we got you out of school early, now sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!” Their father said as he turned onto the highway.

Ben and Holly had a few more minor squabbles along the way, but as they started to get close to their new town they became very quiet as they took everything in. The town of Hudson was quite a bit bigger than the little country town they came from. Holly excitedly pointed out that it had its own mall, and Ben secretly noted that cute girls hung out at malls.

Both Parents and children were pretty much silent as the GPS gave them turn by turn directions into the Taylor’s drive way. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor who were desperate to sell their house so they could move came immediately out into the drive way once the Hamilton’s pulled in. Mr. Taylor and Mr. Hamilton shook hands as Mrs. Taylor offered the guests some fresh baked cookies. Holly was immediately excited as she zeroed in on the tray of cookies and grabbed a couple for herself.

Benjamin Hamilton on the other hand didn’t even see the cookies, as he peered up towards the front of the house and saw a beautiful girl who looked about his age standing in the door way. “Benjamin, Mrs. Taylor asked you if you would like a cookie!” His mother interrupted his gaze with a nudge.

“Umm no thank you Mrs. Taylor, I think I’m going to go check out the porch.” Ben said making his way past the adults and towards the beautiful girl.

“Benjamin Hamilton!!!” His mother said out of embarrassment and shock.

Mrs. Taylor just laughed though and said, “Don’t worry, we’ll take her with us when we leave.”

Mrs. Hamilton was still extremely embarrassed however, but Ben was already walking up the stairs. “So do you come with the house??? Cuz if so I’m ready to make an offer.” Ben said, mouth still gawking at the beautiful girl.

The girl was amused by his attempt at charm. “Hey, I’m Abbie.” She said smiling and holding out her hand.

Ben shook her hand and smiled. “I’m Ben” he said staring with his mouth hanging open.

“Would you like me to show you the house?” Abbie said smiling.

“That would be pretty awesome.” Ben said not even trying to hide his excitement.

“Right this way then, Benjamin Hamilton” she said laughing a little at how clever she was to have picked up on his entire name from his mom scolding him.

Ben cringed a little, but decided now wouldn’t be the best time for correcting his host.

Ben and Abbie sat on the lawn chairs talking on the back deck of the house for about an hour while the Taylor’s and Hamilton’s went through the house and then engaged in a time of questions and answers.

Abbie meanwhile had completely turned the tide of the conversation which Ben had initially tried to make all about her, into almost an interrogation about him.

“You ever smoke, or do drugs?” Abbie asked raising her eyebrows.

“Umm no.” Ben answered nervously wondering how the conversation had come to this.

“Good, would you ever judge someone because they wore glasses?” Abbie asked again.

Ben knew the answer had better be no by the way Abbie was glaring at him.

“No never!” Ben said frantically.

Abbie glared at him as if looking into his soul to see if he was telling the truth. “Ok, I suppose if your parents are interested I will tell mine that they have permission to sell this house to them, two more things though. There is a girl next door, you had better treat her nice or I will come back here and bust up that pretty face of yours so bad that girls will run the other way when they see it if I ever hear that you are not being nice.” Ben swallowed as Abbie paused.

“What’s the second thing?” Ben asked scared of what Abbie might say.

Abbie broke her death stare on him as she snapped back to reality. “Oh yeah, there is a tree house back in the woods, it isn’t yours, it is my neighbors, she will have paperwork showing that she owns it, you may not go into it unless she invites you herself.” Abbie said smiling pleasantly at Ben again.

Ben gulped hopeful this section of the tour was coming to a close.

“Questions?” Abbie asked still smiling.

“Umm nope….” Ben said now clearly glad the house would not include the crazy girl standing in front of him.

“Good, I suspect if your parents decide to buy that you will love it here, and get on quite nicely with your neighbor who is a really wonderful person which I suppose your getting along with her will actually hinge on your happiness lest I find out otherwise.” She said scowling at him again.

“Benjamin are you ready to leave yet???” his mother shouted from inside the house.

" Geez mom says we gotta go, really nice meeting you Abbie!" Ben said backing up half bowing and running into the slider before opening it and darting inside.

Abbie sat down in the chair Ben had just previously been grilled in. She took a sip of the lemonade that she had poured for him which he had not even thought to touch during her inquisition.
“I think that boy may not end up being too bad.” She thought to herself as she got up and walked over to Brinley’s to see if she needed any help with her homework.

Re: The Secret Tree House 2 Brinley Meets Ben Chapter 1

Excellent start, I can’t wait for more.

It wouldn’t be a new story without my minor observations/advice.

She like Ben was very slender for her age, but unlike Ben she was tall compared to most of her classmates.

Both “like Ben” and “unlike Ben” should have commas around them since they’re just added trivia to the sentence. If it can be removed without changing the sentence then they should be between commas. Also consider removing the comma after “age” since “but” implies the comma (as a comma would typically imply the “but” in a longer list). It’s best to keep commas limited when possible to avoid messes.

He said glaring over

There could be a comma after “said” for organization purposes.

Mrs. Hamilton said turning around giving Ben and Holly “THE LOOK”.

Again, there could be a comma after “said”. Also consider putting “THE LOOK” in ‘apostrophes’, if only to distinguish itself from spoken dialogue while carrying the same effect.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor who were desperate to sell their house so they could move came immediately out into the drive way once the Hamilton’s pulled in.

A longer one, there should be commas around “who were desperate to sell their house so they could move” because it’s not really related to the main sentence, it should have a way of separating itself from the rest of the sentence.

it is my neighbors

There should be an apostrophe in “neighbor’s” because it is singular and possessive.

suppose your getting along with her

It should be “you’re”, as in “you are”, “your” is possessive.

Sorry about the list, tis the way of the reader.

Keep it up.

Re: The Secret Tree House 2 Brinley Meets Ben Chapter 1

Yes!!! i knew it wasn’t dead!!!

Re: The Secret Tree House 2 Brinley Meets Ben Chapter 1

I had been so busy I missed this coming back. I was thrilled to realize it was back. This was a fantastic chapter. I loved the grilling Abbie gage Ben. I hope to see that it had a lasting effect on him. I will be looking forward to see just how that worked out.