[i]Hi Bear fans and not-yet-bear fans!
This is only the second or third story ive done so i need your advice/critisisms to help me improve.
Ok this story is set in the future in a city that doesnt exist yet. Its a SIFI piece. I have a really good idea where im going with this and have the next part already written it just needs some polish. I know this part is a little short but i thought id get a taster up to gauge reactions.
I would like any feedback you can give me!
It was a race on a scale that met no other. If he lost there’d be no second prize for him or the millions of others that where at this moment being evacuated from the city. The call had come in an hour ago telling them a device had been discovered, The Bomb squad had been called in and after wasting over half of the time remaining on the counter embedded into the phone box sized device they had concluded it was beyond their skills.
This was a device that had never before existed on this scale, The very first device of its type had destroyed the bunker it had been tested in leaving not even a trace, This device had been refined, enlarged and placed in a major population centre. This was no ordinary device it was a TNexus. A device capable of destroying time around itself. TNexus technology had been banned years ago after the first test had reformed a section of the testing grounds to an almost prehistoric state, even the extremist terrorist groups had issued statements saying they’d comply with the bans. No-one likes the idea of never having existed.
Very few people understood these devices and most of them never wanted to be near one but sometimes when a large city is at risk one man was always willing to step up. This man’s name is Ron. He didnt have a death wish like most people assumed, Rons parents had been unfortunately caught inside the test blast and Ron was the only one who knew they where gone. No one had ever heard of them, his grandparents didn’t even remember having children never mind grandchildren. It was tough for a 11 year old to cope with, having no-one know you but that was nearly 20 years ago now, nearly 20 years and 3 devices later.
Ron knew that he had about three minutes before nobody even knew he had existed either. There would probably be a service for the “dead” if he failed, but no-one would truly mourn. After all who could mourn someone who had never existed? It’d probably take them a few weeks to realise a temporal event had occurred and no one would be sure exactly when it had happened after all according to the reports The rain-jungle had always been a strange feature of the testing grounds and there had been no one inside the radius at the time the event was to occur… Only Temporally sensitive people knew something was wrong and even then convincing others what happened could take days even weeks.
The timer hit two minutes and Ron cursed he was getting close to the core of the nexus once there he should be able to disable it or at least dial down the power so that only a few minutes of history was rewritten, The device itself would vanish and the clean-up could start. The problem was this device was far cleverer then any other, Every time Ron tried to access the core he got locked out and the timer lost another minute. Ron was getting desperate he had one chance left and he was out of good ideas. This of course left just one option, which was stop trying to prevent the build up of the energy’s and prematurely release them. It was unorthodox but then again this device was unorthodox too.
“Well, Its a million to one shot, but it might just work” Ron muttered to no-one as he started to implement his plan.
Just over a mile away Sarah and everyone else who hadn’t quite managed to evacuate the zone witnessed a great flash of white light followed by extreme pain and nausea followed by a falling sensation and blackness. Sarah could hear things but she couldn’t see anything there was something heavy over her head. Sarah struggled to release her head from swathes of material and was shocked to see what surrounded her when she succeeded…
TO BE CONTINUED IN TNexus: Part 2