This is my first story let me know what you think!
Chapter 1:
I ran inside, fast. I was faster than most kids my age, but not the fastest. I needed to pee. Really bad. I ran up the stairs and saw my little sister, Clare on her little seat. She was in potty training. I started giggling at first, but then it turned into howling laughter. I was laughing so hard that my bladder just let loose. My sister started crying, hard. My mother came in and took one look at my wet pants, me laughing, and Clare crying and just lost it. âClare, go to your room and settle down.â She said in a soft tone. My mother looked over at me. âYou on the other hand, COME TO MY ROOM, NOW!!!â She screamed. I slowly walked to her room and she shut the door behind me. âWhat the heck were you thinking?!?â She asked me. âI-I donât knowâ I managed between sobs. âI just got her to start going potty on the seat!â My mother yelled. âYou know whatâs a suitable punishment for you?â She asked. "A spanking?â I answered quietly. âyes but what else?â she asked again. I shrugged. âWhat does she have on today?â She asked, grinning. âA pink skirt, a Dora shirt and a pull-upâ I answered. âGo grab me one of each.â
Itâs not a story. Itâs not even a chapter. Even worse, itâs a wall of text. Divide what you write into paragraphs. At the very least, make a new paragraph when a new person talks. If not for your overuse of dialogue tags, I wouldnât know who is talking. Also use a bit more description. A chapter should be longer. Iâm not sure how long, but longer than this.
I think the point being made here is that you are just jumping into the middle of the plot with no real background, no build, no character development. Why donât you try stepping back, thinking about who these people are, then build a story that leads up to this rather strange situation rather than just dive into it? I already know where youâre going with this, but the problem is you havenât made me careâŚ
Its also an unoriginal very derivative plot with no where to really go.
It does nothing to make me want more, quite the opposite.
You might want to think it through and come up with a more engaging
plot, because this is a rather boring, uninteresting way to get
the main character into diapers. I hope this helps you out, good luck
Donât be harsh, now. There are only so many ways to get a character into diapers. Yes, this is probably one of the more well-worn paths, but itâs his first try. We all started somewhere, usually on one of those more common tropes (my first one featured âmaking fun of the siblingsâ without the wetting accidentsâŚ)
let me know what you think!