A woman came out and smiled at Kelsey and proceeded to the sinks. Kelsey felt the tears edging the rims of her eyes. As one slowly tickled her face she sniffled and wiped her neck to rid the little annoyance. “Are you Kelsey?” The woman asked.
Kelsey nodded, “Yeah that’s me.” She choked.
“I am Diane, your primary counselor. Are you ok?” Diane asked when she saw her watery eyes.
Kelsey sobbed, “I don’t want to be here and I feel like shit and I am tired of not being able to get where I need to go fast enough.”
Diane walked over, noticing the wetness below the chair, “Hey, it’s ok. Things will start to work out. We just need to work at them. Nobody wants to be here at first, but I promise we will get you settled.”
Kelsey just kept crying, she tried to hold it back. She had not cried in years, she was the strong one and this was not like her.
“Do you have some clothes I can get you?” Diane asked sympathetically.
“Yes please, I don’t care what. They are in my suitcase.” Kelsey said as she turned her face away wiping the tears.
Diane left the washroom and Kelsey slowly turned the chair to get to the shower once again. She made it to the curtained area and waited for Diane.
Diane walked back in with nicely folded clothes, “Kelsey, here you go. Do you need anything else right now?”
Kelsey shook her head ashamed, “No, thank you.” She took the clothes from Diane’s hands and Diane pulled the curtain.
“Don’t worry about check-in. But we will need to meet when you are finished up here. Come find me in the office.” Diane said.
“Diane?” Kelsey quickly asked, hoping to catch her before she left the bathroom.
“Do you think maybe you could help me? It really hurts to push the wheelchair.” Kelsey asked.
“Help you with what?”
“Maybe help me when I am done? Come back and get me?” Kelsey asked timidly.
“Sure I will check back in about 10 or 15 minutes ok?” Diane replied and walked out.
Kelsey finished dressing and waited. Diane showed up a few minutes later. “Hey! Are you all finished?” She asked.
“Ok, are you up to talking a little?” Diane asked.
Kelsey shrugged, “Yeah I guess that is ok.”
“We have a little while, you don’t have resident council until eleven. Let’s go to my office.”
Diane pushed Kelsey out of the bathroom and down the hall to Diane’s office. Diane shut the door and sat down.
“Well as I told you, I am your primary counselor. Basically that means that I am in charge of your case management throughout the program here. You and I will sit down tomorrow and work out your treatment plan, your goals and such. Every week we will need to meet for case management. You can talk to me any time you need to though. Every thirty days we will meet with the on unit psychiatrist and discuss your progress. Any questions at all?”
Kelsey shook her head.
Diane smiled and nodded. She pulled some paper work from her desk, “These are a few simple ‘Getting To Know You’ forms I would like you to work on this week. Basically they are asking where you are with your mental health and chemical addictions. What goals you have or would like to make and a little bit of your past. Take your time, and don’t answer if you do not feel comfortable.” Diane handed her the small stack.
“Kelsey, I also have something else to address with you. On the weekends the staff fill out progress reports on each client for their primaries. Any target behaviors, odd behaviors and also concerns. One concern has been your, I hate to say it, ‘accidents.’ I was informed that there were a few incidents and I wanted to ask you about it. I also want to suggest that maybe you could wear some type of protection to prevent any more.”
Kelsey looked up in shock. “It was not my fault! I didn’t mean to! It’s just this stupid broken leg and this wheelchair and-”
“Kelsey, calm down. I am not attacking you about this. I just wouldn’t want this to become a nuisance for you, especially around the other residents. We have stuff that is very discreet and nobody will have to know. It’s also not a suggestion, it’s a recommendation. It is a sanitary issue as well.”
“I swear, it won’t happen again. I will try harder, I promise. Please don’t make me any more humiliated than I am Diane. Please…” Kelsey felt the tears well up once more. She buried her face in her hands.
“Kelsey, I will give you one more chance. I am only worried about you and the other residents. I know that you would not want this to happen around someone else. They might not be as understanding as staff can be. We are not judgmental, this is our job.” Diane said strictly.
Kelsey nodded and refused to look up. She could not believe this was happening.
“We can be done if you would like.” Diane suggested.
“Ok, thank you.” Kelsey sniffled.
Diane stood up and opened her door and pushed Kelsey into the living area. There was nobody out there. Oprah was on TV and Kelsey felt irritated with her talking.
Diane went into the main office and Kelsey could hear them talking and laughing and assumed it was about her. She painfully wheeled herself to the cupboard in search of something to quell the growling in her tummy. There wasn’t much to her interest of likings but a box of variety granola bars. She reached in for the peanut butter chocolate chip one.
Ashley walked in the door from outside and smiled at Kelsey. “Hey there!” She chirped as she wandered to the refrigerator. Kelsey picked at her granola bar, feeling less and less hungry by the second.
“It’s group time Kelsey.” Diane called.
Kelsey blinked and came from her zone. She nodded and began to wheel herself. Diane came over and pushed her the rest of the way.
Kyle was sitting there waiting for everyone to arrive. He was chairman this week, basically that meant he asked the questions and wrote the information down.
After group lunch was arriving. Kelsey wheeled herself down the hall, noticing the pain was becoming less and less, actually she was growing numb from the pain. She rolled up to the table and waited for Diane and the other man to serve each person.
“Hi Kelsey, I am Richard.”
Kelsey smiled back. She honestly could have cared less, she only pictured him laughing with the other staff in the office about her.
Kelsey picked at the slabs of ham in her tray. “Are you not hungry?” Diane asked.
Kelsey shrugged, “I don’t really like meat all that much.”
“We can request a vegetarian meal if you would prefer that.” Diane suggested.
“Ok, thank you.” Kelsey said, knowing that she probably wouldn’t even much of that. She struggled with Bulimia throughout high school and was getting better but had problems eating around others sometimes.
After lunch some of the other residents went outside to smoke. She wished she had a cigarette as well but remembering what Dawn said, she didn’t dare to ask. She made her way to the phone to call her parents.
“Hi honey.” Jackie said when Kelsey identified herself on the phone.
After she hung up, she felt better about knowing her personal belongings were home safe with her parents. They agreed to bring her some cigarettes tomorrow despite the fact they hated the habit. Kelsey decided it was time for a nap. She slowly made her way to the room and got into her bed. She laid there for a few minutes before she dozed off.
“Kelsey… Kelsey, it’s time for group. Kelsey?”
Kelsey awoke to a voice. She looked up to see Diane.
“Kelsey, it’s time for group and I am leaving for the day, Kelly and Jenny are on duty now. Do you need help getting to the group room?”
Kelsey nodded and sat up, realizing that her bottom felt unfamiliar. As Diane pulled the blanket down she noticed as well.
“Kelsey. Did this happen now?” Diane asked, looking at the large wet spot beneath Kelsey.
Kelsey was speechless. “I didn’t even know this would happen, I never do this. I don’t know what is going on!” Kelsey felt her face grow hot and she buried it into her hands.
“Kelsey I told you that if it happened again that something would have to be done.” Diane said as she lifted Kelsey’s face. “I am off now, but I will stay long enough to get you situated. Wait here please.”
Kelsey was horrified. She looked down at her wet bottoms and wet sheets. “How can this be happening? What is wrong with me?” She said quietly through her tears.
Diane came back with a bag. She set it down on Kelsey’s bed and opened it. There was 3 diapers in Diane’s hand. There was 2 that looked to be pull up quality and one that looked like an over sized baby diaper.
“Kelsey, I am sorry that I have to do this. I have two here that are pull ups, they can be worn during the day as they are like underwear. If you choose to take a nap, and at bedtime there are these; she held up the baby like diaper. This is a little more protective. I will leave you here alone to get changed. I am truly recommending you use these. I can’t make you, but I can tell you and hope you understand. I will see you tomorrow Kelsey.”
Diane left the room, there were three diapers laying in front of Kelsey. She looked at them and felt mortified. She was about to swipe them to the floor when there was a knock at the door.
“Kelsey? Can I come in?”
Kelsey shoved the diapers under the blanket and pulled it up to hide her accident. “Yeah” She called.
The door opened and there was a younger woman there, “I’m Kelly. I just wanted to make sure you were ok and to let you know that group is starting.”
Kelsey nodded, “Be right there.”
Kelly came in and closed the door, “Diane told me what was going on and I wanted to also let you know that we are here to help you. If you need to miss group right now it’s ok for this one time.”
Kelsey, embarrassed, nodded. “Thanks.”
Kelly nodded and left. Kelsey pulled the blanket down and started to strip down. She looked at the diapers once again and grunted. “I am not going to wear those… screw these people.”
Diane’s voice rang in Kelsey’s head as she changed into dry clothes and began to pull the sheets down as hard as she could. It was stuck in the far corner. After it snapped and flung at her she balled up the blanket and sheets. She wheeled herself to the bathroom. She threw her wet clothes and sheets into the washer.
She wheeled herself to the showers once again… “This is getting really old” She told herself.
At dinner, Jenny introduced herself and Kelly talked to the other residents. She seemed very nice. Kelsey just moved her food around her tray not really in tune to the rest of the group. After dinner Kelsey just sat there. She felt defeated and she didn’t know what to do with herself.
Kelly noticed and sat down next to her, “Hey, you ok?”
Kelsey nodded but was lying. She tried to smile, but Kelly saw right through it. “Feel like a game of cards?”