Why Me? [Chapter 1]

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Re: Why Me? [Chapter 1]

Heya, was wondering where you disappeared to!

Nice start, but IMO kinda short - maybe in future wait awhile, come up with some more material before posting it up? Anyway keep this up, would be nice to see where this is going to :).

Style-wise, I feel the first section is kinda choppy, i.e. its a series of statements that seem kind of disjointed. You can try hooking together short sentences into longer ones, I find that kinda ameliorates the problem a little.

Cheers!

Re: Why Me? [Chapter 1]

well maybe a bit more info on nick, like why he never came to visit and stuff, cause dawn gets alot and all u see of nick is a few lines. But other then that it could be a great story if u keep working on it :slight_smile:

Re: Why Me? [Chapter 1]

Are you continuing the story? ???