wife letting me back into diapers

Greetings all and Happy new year as well,

Last year I wrote that my wife basically told me that it was either diapers or her. So i made the choice to give up wearing diapers for my marriage. It has been a tough year to say the least. I have continued to talk with her and have felt that i was making little movement on this issue. That was until lat night. We were talking with a friend who is AB aware and she helped my wife see that it is not as bad as she thought it might be. My friend helped my wife get to the route of her issues and we talked about that for a while. Basically my wife thinks i become some what of creep when I am wearing diapers and she does not want to live with the creep. I told her I would not become a creep this time and she agreed to giving my a trial. Starting next week, when we have the money, I will be allowed to wear diapers to work. At the end of this two week trial we will talk with my friend again and see what happens. I am hopeful that I will get back into diapers full time be the end of next year.

Babychris

Re: wife letting me back into diapers

I’ll say what I said last time, grow a pair and do what you think is right for you, not for her. It’s selfish, yes, but it’s the lesser of two evils compared to the intolerance of your wife.

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To contrast Jaclyn’s rather blunt comment I will say congrats and hope that your wife and you can work this out and end with a situation thats right for the both of you.

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To be perfectly honest with you I have to agree with Jaclyn here, if your wife truly loves you she wouldn’t have vetoed your use of diapers but rather sat you down and discussed that she feels you are a creep when you wear them. Marry someone for love and for no other reason.

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You should and must make sacrifices/compromises for someone you love and wouldn’t if you didn’t think that loving them trumped whatever you were sacrificing.

I hope you play this right.

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Jaclyn, DB8 - don’t get married, okay? At least not until your attitudes change. And don’t give any marriage advice to others - you’d rather see a guy DIVORCE his wife and break up his family just so he can wear diapers? Get a clue!

I’d rather see compromise be brought into the picture. She gave him an ultimatum, not a compromise. You keep taking the marriage side of the argument and you forget that Marriage is a two way street and the wife is treating it as a one way, where she has all the power and he must obey or lose her.

Not to mention, I’m not the one who suggested divorce to begin with. The wife did. I want you to keep that in mind, the -wife,- the person who started this entire thing, gave Chris an ultimatum that was either divorce or giving up diapers. WE didn’t suggest it, WE didn’t come up with it, SHE did. This is an abusive relationship, you may have your values about how marriage goes above all else, but this is my opinion and I’m allowed to have it. This is a relationship that does not need to exist anymore.

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First of all, Chris, I’m glad that it seems like your wife may be coming around. I don’t know the whole situation, but if this ultimatum she presented with you earlier this years was an isolated incident, and that she simply didn’t understand it fully, I say it’s well worth a shot to try to get her to be okay with the diapers. You can always decide to divorce if she just can’t make it work for her.

Being selfless in a relationship only works if you truly enjoy being selfless for this person (in other words, being selfishly selfless). No good will come of you simply making yourself miserable for her sake. A measure of selfishness is a good thing in a relationship, you just have to be willing to also try to satisfy the other person’s selfishness as well as yours. You try to keep what’s important to you, and so does she. That’s called compromise, and if your spouse isn’t willing to at least TRY to accommodate you, then I wouldn’t recommend continuing the relationship.

That doesn’t mean she’s a bad person if she isn’t willing to compromise though, it just means that having a husband who doesn’t wear diapers is important enough to her that it’s just too much to ask her to accept (something Dan Savage, someone I highly recommend for love advice, calls “The Price of Admission”). In that situation, yes. Leave her. It will be the best decision for both of you.

Otherwise, if she seems to be coming around to your side, or if you find that you’re relatively happy giving something up to be with her, then I say go with it. Go with what you really think will make you and her the happiest.

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She’s saying - “Hey… I married a man. Not a baby in diapers. What am I supposed to do with this?”

Ok, I’ve gotta ask this considering your past history.

If this is really how you feel about marriage and people in conjunction with ABDL stuff, why are you here? Why have this forum at all? Why cater to us when everything about your religion as well as your own personal beliefs conflicts with that.

You believe that this statement supersedes all ABDL feelings and psychological values, and if that’s the case, this statement is more about you than it is about her.

So I ask, if this is what you truly believe, why are you here?

Re: wife letting me back into diapers

Wow this topic got rather heavy so I will lighten the mood with a joke. 50% of all marriages end in divorce, this is not nearly as bad when you think about how the other 50% end in death.

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Fair enough, you may believe that Marriage trumps ABDL feelings, but I don’t believe that, and many of the people here don’t either.

Yes, Marriage is a big step, whether it’s sacred or it’s holy or it’s just a commitment between two people that love each other, I do agree that it is something that needs to be taken seriously. That’s why I’ve been saying what I’ve said, as it seems the wife is the one not taking it seriously, and I find that disheartening and brutal.

To me, being an ABDL is something psychological. Whether it’s because you get off on it, or you just happen to like it, it’s a permanent thought, a lifestyle deeply embedded in your mind and will stay with you till the day you die. It’s not something that should be treated so lightly as an on/off switch.

Now, my views are slightly different at this point. A few moments ago, looking through all of BabyChris’s posts, I discovered he has children, and did not know that before; and to me this DOES change the story and I do think he should keep trying to salvage the marriage. Even so, if the wife continued to be stubborn and unshakable about the whole “Diapers or me” thing, I would still suggest he ditch her, and simply add for him to fight for his kids too.

@Chris, Imagine if you were left handed and people tried to teach you to be right handed instead. You know what would happen? You’d become ambisinister, you would suck at basic functions with both hands.

Well, someone trying to convince you for -whatever- reason that it is not okay for you to wear diapers and she is not okay with it, telling you to behave like everyone else or she will leave you, is just as damaging with the only difference being psychological damage as opposed to physical.

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It would seem, as Kita has so kindly hinted, that Chris does indeed have children. I was under the impression that they haven’t had children yet. In which case, it might be better to stay together for the children and at the very most divorce once they’re old enough to not be bothered by it.

Marriage is temporary? I never said it was, or that it should be. My opinion, if she really cannot accept him for who he is, is that the marriage shouldn’t have happened in the first place. It’s possible that he wasn’t honest with her about this part of his life, and that should have been addressed before they even thought of marriage. Too many people rush into marriage without looking at the decision carefully when it isn’t something you just jump right into.

I’m not sure I really care what your personal god has to do with this. If he believes that his god would never ever let him out of the vows he made then that’s his personal belief, but you really have no grounds to project yours onto him. That’s his decision, not yours.

“…marriage trumps ABDL feelings.”

For you? Yes. Once again, your values may not apply to others.

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And how exactly have I been intolerant of your views?

Re: wife letting me back into diapers

You’ll have to show me where I called you intolerant then, because I’m pretty sure it didn’t happen. You’ll also have to point me to where I told you explicitly that you were wrong. All I’ve ever told you is that you shouldn’t assume that his views on the subject are your own.

By the way, the fact that you’ve talked to him about this before-hand and confirmed that your views on god and marriage were the exact same would have been nice to know earlier on. Next time, perhaps you could avoid being a dick and say something like “Hey guys, I’ve talked to Chris privately, and he has his own reasons for staying in this relationship. Please respect that and drop the subject.” Heck, you don’t even have to say “please”, ANYTHING to that effect would be a whole lot better than trying to pick fights and then get mad at people for not having the same access to information that you do.

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Nor may yours. Stop trying to tell me to be tolerant when you are so intolerant of my views yourself.

Wait, no. No Kita, YOU were the one who told us not to give our opinions or advice. You stated that directly.

ALL through this thread we’ve been saying we have our opinions just like you have yours, this is your statement-

And don’t give any marriage advice to others - you’d rather see a guy DIVORCE his wife and break up his family just so he can wear diapers? Get a clue!

Whatever context it was in, you told us directly to not give our advice, as if our opinions don’t matter. THAT’S intolerance, just the same as it’s intolerant for a wife to make a husband choose diapers or marriage. There’s no way to look around that, reasoning isn’t in that kind of ultimatum, all it is is her saying she doesn’t support and wants him to suppress everything that makes him who and what he is.

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…This is too idiotic to bother with. First you say you aren’t intolerant and are open minded, then you say you never said you weren’t intolerant. Now your nitpicking over sentence structure.

Yes, I mistyped something now that I re-read it, I should think you’d be able to figure that out though and at least stay focused with what my point was.

Anyway, Chris, you’ve got my opinion, and a bunch of others. I still think you should do what’s right for you though. I’m out, not interested anymore in the argument.

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Funny, I do believe I just said I’m done arguing…

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Actually, I did read that before-hand I just didn’t make assumptions about it. Whether or not he believes in a god tells me nothing about his views on marriage and divorce in relation to his belief system. I know plenty of people who believe in a god and believe that he/she/it has no problem with divorce if it’s necessary.

You certainly made it sound like you did. Do you at least know his position on his faith and divorce? Because if not you’ve been essentially telling him how to practice his religion.

I ask you to be more open minded and you take that as license to start a fight?

It would, if I had said that you weren’t open minded. What I said was that you should be MORE open minded.

I’m sorry, but are you not a Ms? I was under the impression that you are female as it says in your profile, and since I did not know your marital status it seemed more polite to use Ms instead of Mrs. If there’s some other way you wish to be addressed, you could probably get away with asking me to call you something else. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

I think what she’s saying is that Chris’ AB side seems to be part of his identity. That it’s not just some hobby that he picked up in cub scouts, but a part of who he is. I think the fact that you’d compare that to him farting in bed, which is a bodily function that has no part in his psyche, is amusing. :slight_smile:

Re: wife letting me back into diapers

I’m not sure why you brought it up, then. There’s nothing to indicate that it’s directly relevant to the conversation.

True enough, but any opinion I’ve ever had on whether or not he should divorce was only ever based upon what would cause less pain for him and his wife (and as I learned later, the kids) in the long run.

What the bible says on anything is up to interpretation. Do certain books apply to all people at all times or do they apply only to the people of the time and/or place it was written? Which translation are we reading from? Are we taking just the standard canon, or are we taking from the books that didn’t make it into the standard bible?

Even if you have something like “I want to live exactly as the Bible says I should”, so little is known about the intent and identity of the authors of the book that it’s hard to have one catch-all interpretation that is always true no matter what.

You’re free to interpret my posts and respond however you please, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a dick.

No, intolerance is when one is unwilling to respect or tolerate any opinion that is contrary to their own. ( Intolerance Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com ) Closed mindedness is when you are unreceptive of new arguments and ideas ( http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/closed+minded )

Similar, yes, but not interchangeable. Besides, didn’t you earlier state that you ARE closed minded?

…this whole post ( link ) tells that I am not open-minded to divorce…

Sounds a lot like you agree with me here.

Kita it is.

There’s a bit of a difference between not being able to express a certain aspect of yourself as often as you like and not being able to express that aspect of you at all, ever. If it’s a big enough part of you, it’s going to do some damage, and staying like that for the rest of your life may do more harm than good.

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Ah, I see. The fun little, “I’ll make some absurd statements that can easily be proven wrong, then I’ll say I’m done arguing so I don’t have to defend them.” Face it, you’re done because you know you have no dog in this fight anymore.

In the past, you’ve hated my argumentative behavior, and now you’re goading me into one. I was trying to be nice about this and back off as opposed to dealing with more bullshit on a frigging holiday. So yes, lets goad the person who says she doesn’t wanna argue more and make her argue more, good policy.

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Everyone knows you can’t leave an argument by trying to have the closing say on the matter.

Furthermore - I completely agree that it is ludicrous to think that some ABDL tendencies trump whatever else you may have in your life. The fact that Chris chose his wife rather than to leave in the first place shows that this is not the case.