I wake from my sleep as I always do right now cold and wet and a little confused . It’s the middle of winter and morning temperatures feel artic cold. Now that’s the cold part want me to explain confused or wet next cause honestly they are both as difficult to explain. Well lets go with wet, yes I peed myself in my sleep I always have might always will. So because I always wet myself I have to wear diapers most of the time. I say most cause sometimes I don’t just for my fun with it. Some days and nights I will wear a diaper for protection but sometimes I will just wear normal underware because well I kind of like the feeling of wet pjs clinging to my skin and sometimes it’s just more satisfying to wet myself with no protection as it shows how truely helpless I am. Dispite the bullying it’s kind of fun to be that one sixteen year old that sits in the middle of English and wets themselves. Everyone at school knows I wear diapers and knows I don’t use them sometimes on purpose. Well thats the wet part now for the confused part.
Every morning I wake up wet then I look at myself and wonder who I am today. Yes who see at birth my name was John but now I no longer use that name I use two names Jack and Phoebe I was born male but I identify as genderfluid meaning it changes all the time so when I am a girl I call myself Phoebe when I am a boy and niether I call myself Jack it’s been like this for years so everyone at home and school knows to call me Phoebe if I am in a skirt and jack if my hair is shorter.
Last night I did not sleep wearing a diaper so as I look at myself tring to figure out todays who I am, I look at the wet spots on my plastic sheet. Yes I sleep with plastic bedding cause of how I don’t always use diapers. After looking at myself I get out and take of my wet clothing through them in the washbin then nakid, walk over to the wardrobe grab a diaper a nice long frilly dress light pink in colour with a hint of blue in the form of an abstract pattern. I through the dress on my chair then say to myself today I’m Phoebe.
I walk into the bathroom and step into the shower turning the water on and letting it run down my face and through my long blonde hair which also has blue highlights as if sixteen year old boy wearing a pink dress did not screem I hate my birth sex enough. After showering for a good twenty minutes I got out my razer and sharted to shave my face chest legs arms even my private arena I am kind of wierd I don’t like all the hair. I don’t mind eye lashes eye brows and head hair but anywhere else just felt wrong. After shaving off most of the hair that was growing back I walked out of the shower dried off and layed down on the changing mat I have two baby changing mats a pink one and a blue one today I pulled out the pink one and just left it on the floor of my bathroom. I unfold the diaper and start to put it on pulling it up over my crotch and taping it tightly to avoid leaks.
I get up leaving the changing mat there as I would be back later and went to clean my sheets plus pull on my dress. After wiping down the sheets and grabing my dress, I enter the hallway and walk down to the kitchen.
“Hi mom could you plat my hair please?” I asked up on entering. Yes I could plat my own hair but enjoyed it more when she does it as we get to talk.
“Morning phoebe sleep well?” She said gesturing to breakfast.
“Yes woke up very wet though glad I sleep on plastic otherwise I think the frame underneath could be soaked.”
“That bad?” She interjected
“Yeah, but atleast today I got a cool dress to ware.”
“In the middle of winter?”
“Don’t plan on going out today.” I said eating my food.
“Well what do you think phoebe?”
“Looks cute mom thanks have a good day at work.” Well yes it’s the middle of winter but it’s the weekend and I have no school so as mom works I can just watch MLP all day.
To be continued.